• Our booking engine at tickets.railforums.co.uk (powered by TrainSplit) helps support the running of the forum with every ticket purchase! Find out more and ask any questions/give us feedback in this thread!

Forum Jokes

Status
Not open for further replies.
Sponsor Post - registered members do not see these adverts; click here to register, or click here to log in
R

RailUK Forums

Wombat

Member
Joined
12 Jul 2013
Messages
299
My current favourite joke concerns a job applicant at an interview:

Interviewer: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

Applicant: "Hmm...well, it's probably that I'm extremely honest."

Interviewer: "Really? I'm not sure that I'd consider that to be a weakness."

Applicant: "Well I don't give a damn what you think."
 

A Challenge

Established Member
Joined
24 Sep 2016
Messages
2,823
My current favourite joke concerns a job applicant at an interview:

Interviewer: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

Applicant: "Hmm...well, it's probably that I'm extremely honest."

Interviewer: "Really? I'm not sure that I'd consider that to be a weakness."

Applicant: "Well I don't give a damn what you think."
A variation on that joke appeared on Just A Minute earlier this series!
 

3141

Established Member
Joined
1 Apr 2012
Messages
1,771
Location
Whitchurch, Hampshire
I'm not reading all 35 pages, so I hope this isn't here already.

A Red Indian chief had three squaws, or wives. One of them was his favourite and she knew it. Everybody in the tribe slept on a buffalo hide, but the no. 1 wife told the chief she wanted a hippopotamus hide. He thought so much of her that he managed to obtain one, so she happily slept on that every night.

A few months later it became clear that all three squaws were pregnant. The chief hoped he would get three sons [It was a male-dominated society. It wasn't very PC either, as you may have noticed.] Eventually, one evening one of the other two squaws gave birth....and it was a boy. Everyone was very pleased. The next day the other no.2 squaw gave birth, and it was twin boys. Huge celebrations. Everybody was waiting to see what the no. 1 squaw would provide.

And two days later, she produced...triplets. Three little boys. The chief was ecstatic.

Which proves that the squaw on the hippopotamus equals the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.
 

Strat-tastic

Established Member
Joined
27 Oct 2010
Messages
1,362
Location
Outrageous Grace
I'm not reading all 35 pages, so I hope this isn't here already.

A Red Indian chief had three squaws, or wives. One of them was his favourite and she knew it. Everybody in the tribe slept on a buffalo hide, but the no. 1 wife told the chief she wanted a hippopotamus hide. He thought so much of her that he managed to obtain one, so she happily slept on that every night.

A few months later it became clear that all three squaws were pregnant. The chief hoped he would get three sons [It was a male-dominated society. It wasn't very PC either, as you may have noticed.] Eventually, one evening one of the other two squaws gave birth....and it was a boy. Everyone was very pleased. The next day the other no.2 squaw gave birth, and it was twin boys. Huge celebrations. Everybody was waiting to see what the no. 1 squaw would provide.

And two days later, she produced...triplets. Three little boys. The chief was ecstatic.

Which proves that the squaw on the hippopotamus equals the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

Kindly leave the stage :lol: :D
 

341o2

Established Member
Joined
17 Oct 2011
Messages
1,899
I recently purchased a thesaurus from Amazon, when it arrived every page was blank

I have no words to express how angry I am
 

najaB

Veteran Member
Joined
28 Aug 2011
Messages
30,692
Location
Scotland
I recently purchased a thesaurus from Amazon, when it arrived every page was blank

I have no words to express how angry I am
Reminds me of the time someone nicked my valedictory address . I was left speechless.
 

341o2

Established Member
Joined
17 Oct 2011
Messages
1,899
I was asked to fix the mother in law's gas boiler

I hope she will be over the moon
 

AndrewE

Established Member
Joined
9 Nov 2015
Messages
5,067
I was asked to fix the mother in law's gas boiler I hope she will be over the moon
...which reminds me of the joke about the inventor of the Stannah stair lift:

He rigged up an arm chair on rails up their stairs. When his mother tried it out it malfunctioned...

she went through the roof!
 

341o2

Established Member
Joined
17 Oct 2011
Messages
1,899
Thieves broke into a mobile police unit and stole their Elsan
A spokesman said that they had nothing to go on
 

MotCO

Established Member
Joined
25 Aug 2014
Messages
4,085
Thieves broke into a mobile police unit and stole their Elsan
A spokesman said that they had nothing to go on
The same theives broke into the dog training school and stole all their harnesses. The Police said they had no leads.
 

Cowley

Forum Staff
Staff Member
Global Moderator
Joined
15 Apr 2016
Messages
15,686
Location
Devon
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals anymore.
IM LIVID!





(I really hope that’s right. o_O)
 

zuriblue

Member
Joined
12 Oct 2014
Messages
533
Location
Baden Switzerland
Scientists in 1999: Over the course of this decade we have started finding ways to treat HIV, cloned a sheep, launched a telescope into space, introduced the World Wide Web, and developed Viagra!

Scientists in 2019: Please, for the sake of your children get them vaccinated! AND NO, THE EARTH IS NOT FLAT!! I REPEAT, IT IS NOT FLAT!!!!
 

47403

Established Member
Joined
21 May 2012
Messages
2,060
Location
Geordie Republic of Gateshead
I got sent this off a friend yesterday

WARNING: If you get a link called 'free porn' dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends!
 

LOL The Irony

On Moderation
Joined
29 Jul 2017
Messages
5,335
Location
Chinatown, New York
I got sent this off a friend yesterday

WARNING: If you get a link called 'free porn' dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends!
That's clever
 

341o2

Established Member
Joined
17 Oct 2011
Messages
1,899
Do all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time?"
No, many begin with "If I am elected, I promise...."
 

Cowley

Forum Staff
Staff Member
Global Moderator
Joined
15 Apr 2016
Messages
15,686
Location
Devon
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know either, but their flag is a big plus.
 

Cowley

Forum Staff
Staff Member
Global Moderator
Joined
15 Apr 2016
Messages
15,686
Location
Devon
I mentioned to my wife that she’d drawn her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Top