Your quickest exit from a pub?

[Busaholic]

Not including getting chucked out or competing to see how many pubs you can visit in an evening, etc.

In other words, how long after you realised your presence could be a problem did you make an exit?

In my own case, it was mid 1970s, working for Camden Council in North London, and I had to make occasional home visits to tenants of privately rented flats. On this particular day I had to visit someone who lived on the edge of the borough very close to Kilburn High Road station on the Watford DC line from Euston, and, my office being on Euston Road, it seemed the easiest way of getting there. I realised when arriving at KHR I had about half an hour before my lunchtime appointment at an address less than five minutes walk away, so I called in a pub near the station, from which a buzz of conversation could be heard through the door. As soon as I entered, I realised my big mistake. Every person in the pub, and there were about thirty or forty, all men, ceased talking at once and turned to stare at me, an interloper carrying a Camden Council issue briefcase. To say the looks weren't friendly would be an understatement, the phrase 'looks could kill' came to mind, but fear propelled me to the bar and my response to the curt 'yes??' from the barmaid was 'half of Guinness please' as, in fact, every tap seemed to bear its logo. Not only have I never drunk a Guinness so quickly (no mean feat!) but anything at all. I must have been out of that pub 90 seconds after entering it,and as soon as the door closed behind me animated conversation continued.

Your own experiences?

 

[61653 HTAFC]

When I first moved to Batley in 2014 I wanted to find a pub which showed football. The only walkable one was The Wellington, which was not far from the Spoons and the Taps (neither of which have Sky). Decided to check it out one Saturday lunchtime as I walked back from the chippy...

Ridiculously they had a DJ on at 1230, who was spinning some sort of atrocious Euro-dance to an audience of two pensioners and a dog. The taps on the bar were Worthington's, Stella, Fosters and Guinness. Oh, and Stowell's white wine spritzer! I was stood in the doorway for all of five seconds before peeling my feet from the sticky carpet and beating a hasty retreat. It was like going back in time 20 years!

I've never been back (and with a far nicer pub nearer to home, why would I?) but the last time I passed it appeared to miraculously still be open despite the nearby competition!

 

[krus_aragon]

This story doesn't relate to a pub, as it dates from my time in school (Lower 6th Form)...

We'd gone on a geography field trip to the city of Manchester, and were walking through the Moss Side area. As we walked past a newsagents, a friend of mine decided to buy some gum. He popped inside, but froze in the doorway as the staff and customers (all of whom were of south-asian descent) turned to look at him. Rural Anglesey was anything but a multicultural place to grow up, and in this Manchester newsagents he felt he was definitely in the wrong place. He turned and left without a word (or purchase)!

 

[si404]

Walked into one pub at 12 (we'd been waiting for it to open) with some friends. It was a regularly-visited pub, so this was a surprise: there were about 6 cigar smokers who'd been allowed in a good hour before opening and had filled the pub with acrid smoke. Not all of our group of friends walked through the door as we turned round and walked out coughing and spluttering within 5 seconds. Had we managed to deal with the smog, the smokers were very much giving us the stink eye.

 

[PeterC]

Hitchhiking to Aberystwyth in the early 70s I was dropped in Tregaron on a freezin cold night. I decided to warm up a little and went into a pub. Like Busaholic's experience everybody stopped talking and stared at me, probably not helped by my ordering a whisky in English. I swallowed the drink in one go and got back on the cold and empty road praying for a car to pass, let alone stop.

 

[Howardh]

In Amsterdam. Saw a bar down a side street with the beer sign outside, looked through the door and saw it was almost empty, but there was a grand piano on view and looked like a jazz joint for late entertainment. So popped in for a quick drink and to ask when the music was on to pop back later.

Was explained to me that it wasn't strictly a music venue and the gentleman in the corner with very tight jeans on could be rented.

Oh.

 

[Springs Branch]

Not an in-and-out story, more one of an unexpectedly quick departure.....

The scene is a scruffy pub in Manchester city centre. It's an evening in the late 1970s, and yours truly is having a quiet pint of Hyde's bitter with a couple of mates.

Suddenly half-a-dozen burly blokes come steaming through the front door, yelling and pointing at all and sundry.

Unsure of what's going on, but instinctively feeling it probably won't be good for our health, we discretely slip out of the side door, along with a handful of other customers who seem to be doing the same with greater urgency.

We later found out this was the Manchester constabulary paying a visit for a "chat" with one or two of their "clients" - who apparently weren't even there at the time.

I know most TV police dramas are works of fiction, but I did get a glimpse of Life on Mars in real life.

 

[DarloRich]

I have a simple rule: Never show fear and walk out of a pub. If it is rough you have to front it out. Walk slowly and steadily to the bar and order a drink, consume it, then leave, giving the barman a nod.

 

[Bantamzen]

Over the years I have had more than my fair share of "Oh bugger" moments walking into pubs up and down the country following my football team. And some have been fleeting visits, downing a pint in record time then exiting stage left. This has usually been triggered by the local supporters glaring at my arrival in club colours (when I routinely wore them for away games).

However the fastest exit was a trip into Barnsley to meet my then girlfriend, getting off the train I made a bee-line for the nearest pub, crashed through the doors to be given some serious looks by the handful of locals, so I ordered my pint and had consumed it in little more time than it took for the barman to hand me my change. It definitely felt like the dodgiest crowd I'd ever come across, and I've frequented football, rock, goth & biker joints!

 

[gordonthemoron]

similar experience to OP 1978, pub near City Brewery in Newcastle, we didn't even buy a drink but left sharpish. Never had that experience anywhere else

 

[Howardh]

Over the years I have had more than my fair share of "Oh bugger" moments walking into pubs up and down the country following my football team. And some have been fleeting visits, downing a pint in record time then exiting stage left. This has usually been triggered by the local supporters glaring at my arrival in club colours (when I routinely wore them for away games).

However the fastest exit was a trip into Barnsley to meet my then girlfriend, getting off the train I made a bee-line for the nearest pub, crashed through the doors to be given some serious looks by the handful of locals, so I ordered my pint and had consumed it in little more time than it took for the barman to hand me my change. It definitely felt like the dodgiest crowd I'd ever come across, and I've frequented football, rock, goth & biker joints!

Wow.bib....those are the friendliest joints I've ever been in (and I'm none of them!). My local in town (no names!) is so dark and rough-looking it doesn't even have cushions on the seats, and anyone walking in could well just walk out again. But it's exactly the bib pub, and everyone's welcome and I've never seen any trouble at all, in fact if anyone got "looked at" because they were girls covered in arty tatoos, boys in skirts and fishnets, old guys in bikers helmets (they have a meeting every week), punks, you name it; it's the ones giving funny looks that would be escorted out and sharpish. Oh, and wobetied anyone doing drugs, out and reported!!
Although when there's a gig on I do need earplugs.

 

[Bantamzen]

Wow.bib....those are the friendliest joints I've ever been in (and I'm none of them!). My local in town (no names!) is so dark and rough-looking it doesn't even have cushions on the seats, and anyone walking in could well just walk out again. But it's exactly the bib pub, and everyone's welcome and I've never seen any trouble at all, in fact if anyone got "looked at" because they were girls covered in arty tatoos, boys in skirts and fishnets, old guys in bikers helmets (they have a meeting every week), punks, you name it; it's the ones giving funny looks that would be escorted out and sharpish. Oh, and wobetied anyone doing drugs, out and reported!!
Although when there's a gig on I do need earplugs.

There used to be a rock bar in Bradford which was adopted by one of the local bike clubs, it was always a good atmosphere in there and nobody stepped out of line with those guys around. Well except an American rock band that once visited town, came to the pub, got rather too friendly with the wives & girlfriends of the club, and were given a, ahem, helping hand out right out of the pub, allegedly....

But I love those kind of dives, it kind of acts as an undesirable filter meaning those that just want to have a few drinks & listen to music are the ones that tend not to beat a hasty retreat!

 

[Howardh]

There used to be a rock bar in Bradford which was adopted by one of the local bike clubs, it was always a good atmosphere in there and nobody stepped out of line with those guys around. Well except an American rock band that once visited town, came to the pub, got rather too friendly with the wives & girlfriends of the club, and were given a, ahem, helping hand out right out of the pub, allegedly....

But I love those kind of dives, it kind of acts as an undesirable filter meaning those that just want to have a few drinks & listen to music are the ones that tend not to beat a hasty retreat!

The earlier mention of going into a pub in the "wrong" football colours reminded me of a game in Sheffield where I'd agreed to meet a mate in a Sheffield pub so we could go on to follow our team (the away team). I turned up and the pub was full of Sheffield Utd fans. So there was I, all alone in my team's kit. Bought a pint, stood in a corner sheepishly trying to ignore everyone in the hope that matey would show up quickly (no mobiles in them days!!). He did, but by then I was engaged in conversation with the Sheffield lads who made me feel quite at home!! So we both had a brilliant hour before the game, and we had been invited to sit with the Sheffield lads in the stand, but we declined that kind offer fearing the stewards would turf us out anyway.

 

[Bantamzen]

The earlier mention of going into a pub in the "wrong" football colours reminded me of a game in Sheffield where I'd agreed to meet a mate in a Sheffield pub so we could go on to follow our team (the away team). I turned up and the pub was full of Sheffield Utd fans. So there was I, all alone in my team's kit. Bought a pint, stood in a corner sheepishly trying to ignore everyone in the hope that matey would show up quickly (no mobiles in them days!!). He did, but by then I was engaged in conversation with the Sheffield lads who made me feel quite at home!! So we both had a brilliant hour before the game, and we had been invited to sit with the Sheffield lads in the stand, but we declined that kind offer fearing the stewards would turf us out anyway.

I had a similar experience in Newcastle for an FA Cup game. I fell off the bus and into the nearest pub, only to be greeted with a sea of Toon fans. They instantly welcomed me, and cut a path through to the bar to buy me a pint. Top lads! I've also had similar experience at Anfield, plus a host of lower league grounds. On the flip side at some of the usual places around East / South London have been quite the opposite, and we once landed at Southend to find most pubs "closed" yet mysteriously still full of punters. Though to be fair once we found an "open" one, the fans were decent & we had a laugh with them.

 

[Meerkat]

I assume I am not the only one who does some really hammy overacting of looking around for a friend that isn’t there before beating a hasty retreat from a hostile looking pub?

 

[175mph]

I made a quick exit from the Parkers pub in Hull which is near to the KCOM Stadium after refusing to pay £1 for using the toilet. I had used the toilet already and when I was told at the bar I needed to pay, I made the quickest exit I have ever made from any pub that I have visited.

Thing is though, would they have had the right to refuse to let me leave by barricading me in for refusal to pay to use the toilets? I mean it's not like I've stolen anything.

 

[Mag_seven]

When I went to the bar and was told they had no beer.

 

[Meerkat]

Thing is though, would they have had the right to refuse to let me leave by barricading me in for refusal to pay to use the toilets? I mean it's not like I've stolen anything.

Quite the opposite really!

 

[Bletchleyite]

I made a quick exit from the Parkers pub in Hull which is near to the KCOM Stadium after refusing to pay £1 for using the toilet. I had used the toilet already and when I was told at the bar I needed to pay, I made the quickest exit I have ever made from any pub that I have visited.

Thing is though, would they have had the right to refuse to let me leave by barricading me in for refusal to pay to use the toilets? I mean it's not like I've stolen anything.

Had you had a pint? If so I believe such a charge would be illegal. If not it's a civil matter as nothing has been stolen.

 

[Howardh]

Had you had a pint? If so I believe such a charge would be illegal. If not it's a civil matter as nothing has been stolen.

Completely off-topic, but if you walked into a bar and/or restaurant and asked for a glass of tap water, and nothing else (ie no purchase) do they by law have to give you that glass?

 

[Bletchleyite]

Completely off-topic, but if you walked into a bar and/or restaurant and asked for a glass of tap water, and nothing else (ie no purchase) do they by law have to give you that glass?

I don't believe so on 2 counts.
1. The licensing condition requiring it usually only requires it to be given to customers. Someone not making any other purchase is not a customer.
2. They can charge for use of the glass etc.

 

[175mph]

Had you had a pint? If so I believe such a charge would be illegal. If not it's a civil matter as nothing has been stolen.

No, but as the Hull Fair I was visiting nearby had no public toilets, every other pub nearby locking the doors to their toilets and the only two other alternatives were to either wet myself or pee in an alleyway, neither of which I was willing to do, I felt willing to take my chances at a pub with unlocked toilets.

 

[Geezertronic]

Wow.bib....those are the friendliest joints I've ever been in (and I'm none of them!)

I've been refused access to a Biker pub for being too smart before

 

[507021]

I went in a pub full of Everton fans whilst wearing a Liverpool shirt once.

Needless to say I turned around and made a quick exit.

 

[headshot119]

I made a quick exit from the Parkers pub in Hull which is near to the KCOM Stadium after refusing to pay £1 for using the toilet. I had used the toilet already and when I was told at the bar I needed to pay, I made the quickest exit I have ever made from any pub that I have visited.

Thing is though, would they have had the right to refuse to let me leave by barricading me in for refusal to pay to use the toilets? I mean it's not like I've stolen anything.

A mate of mine got asked to pay for the toilet in Blackpool, to this day I'm convinced it was a scam.

 

[Bletchleyite]

A mate of mine got asked to pay for the toilet in Blackpool, to this day I'm convinced it was a scam.

As I said if you've had a drink it would be illegal.

 

[headshot119]

When I say he got asked to pay, some bloke outside the toilets literally asked him to pay a quid, it was Blackpool, it seemed dodgy, I don't think the guy actually worked at the pub.

 

[Aictos]

A couple of years ago, I went into a pub in Norwich with a few friends on a pub crawl. Upon entering the landlady as butch as one could be, 2 locals including one that jumped up and down in a frenzy like he was impaled on a cattle prod every so often and a mangy dog curled up gave us such a look, we decided not to give them our custom and was out the door in less then 30 seconds.

 

[Kingspanner]

A few years ago I was in a wine bar in Glasgow which had entertainment provided by a young man on piano. Playing the piano.
Anyway, he suddenly launched into Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here" in an horrific Easy-Listening style.
"Two-oo lost souls ooo-ooh, swimming in a fish boooowl ooh-ooh" etc.
Drank up immediately on a point of principle.

 

[PeterC]

Not strictly within the terms of the OP but the summer after all day opening was introduced I was passing through a strange town in the afternoon. I was thirsty and saw a pub with the lights on and doors open with the bonus of selling a regional brew that I hadn't tried before. I walked in and asked for a drink to be told "Its after half past two you know!"