UK Euphemisms

[Cowley]

rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic - whatever you do won't make a blind bit of difference.

That’s a good one. I also like the expression Navel-gazing.

 

[Cowley]

One careful lady owner = I bought it last week in the pub car park off a guy I don't know

Also Motorway Miles - Been to the moon and back...

 

[DaleCooper]

Another one from eBay:

Untested = I know it doesn't work.

 

[GRALISTAIR]

He has popped his clogs - died

 

[Bletchleyite]

He has popped his clogs - died

All of the "death" ones are conveniently listed in Python's Dead Parrot Sketch...indeed Python are the masters of British euphemism. Semprini!

 

[GRALISTAIR]

All of the "death" ones are conveniently listed in Python's Dead Parrot Sketch...indeed Python are the masters of British euphemism. Semprini!

Yes of course - brilliant sketch. Possibly the best of all time - he has gone to meet its maker etc etc

 

[jumble]

I thought a list of euphemisms wouldn't go amiss. Apologies if a similar thread already exists but I couldn't find one.

To start us off here's one usually reserved for use describing MPs or senior management types:

Resigned to spend more time with their family = Have done something so bad that they left before we fired them

The two I like are
Batting for the other side
My friend's wife did....
( perhaps with friend's enclosed in quote marks for extra emphasis)

What is also amusing is that someone who did not go to school in this country would not have a clue what most of these really mean

 

[Bletchleyite]

Asking for a friend: asking for me, but I don't want to admit that I've committed a crime or whatever.

 

[Busaholic]

SMART MOTORWAY - a downright dangerous stretch of motorway that's overloaded with traffic for much of the day and the government would rather allow tens of people to get killed on by withdrawing the hard shoulder than widen it or seek a proper solution. To be used in conjunction with COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS which would explain that those few dozen deaths would be compensated by the 'benefits' to those who saved five minutes getting to Milton Keynes.

As you might gather, I have strong opinions on the subject.

 

[PG]

In a shop or sales situation:
I'm just looking = I know I can't afford it

 

[Bletchleyite]

In a shop or sales situation:
I'm just looking = I know I can't afford it

Or "get lost with your sales pitch, I'll tell you when I want to buy something".

 

[Tom B]

One careful lady owner = I bought it last week in the pub car park off a guy I don't know

One careful OAP lady owner - full of scratches and needing a new clutch and a carb having done nothing other than go to/from Tescos for years.

 

[Tom B]

"Do you need a VAT receipt?" = if you give me cash and don't need an invoice it'll be a better price than if you pay with a cheque and need paperwork

 

[DaleCooper]

Does sir require any assistance? = You don't belong in this establishment you scruffy little oik.

 

[Tom B]

Does sir require any assistance? = You don't belong in this establishment you scruffy little oik.

In a similar vain, "Can I help you" = you're somewhere you shouldn't be, or in a private area etc but I dont want to be confrontational.

 

[Bevan Price]

In a similar vain, "Can I help you" = you're somewhere you shouldn't be, or in a private area etc but I dont want to be confrontational.

Or the other option for "Can I help you" (from shop assistants) = (Please) purchase something that you don't really need or can't afford so that I can get some commission.

 

[swt_passenger]

Also rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic - whatever you do won't make a blind bit of difference.

A useful summary of most HS2 alternative route posts?

 

[Bevan Price]

Highway Improvements = Roadworks that often make congestion / safety worse not better.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Highway Improvements = Roadworks that often make congestion / safety worse not better.

To be fair, safety improvements often do cause congestion (e.g. a set of traffic lights will near enough always do this because of the time lost while both sets of lights are on red and so no vehicles are moving) - this will be a deliberately chosen piece of "collateral damage".

 

[PG]

We're working hard to fix it = we know it's faulty and an external bod will get it sorted in a few hours/days/weeks...

 

[PG]

That's news to me = are you sure you know what you're talking about?

 

[gnolife]

That's news to me = are you sure you know what you're talking about?

Also used as 'you could have mentioned it earlier'

 

[MotCO]

We're working hard to fix it = we know it's faulty and an external bod will get it sorted in a few hours/days/weeks...

And we haven't the foggiest what is wrong with it!

 

[Steddenm]

One I like is the phrase meaning can't be bothered or no, I'm not doing that: I'd rather flick myself off to Tricia. As in the tv presenter.

 

[83A]

“Triggers Broom” is one of my favourites. When I explain this to work colleagues from other countries they love it.

 

[PG]

@Merle Haggard Good post but probably better in this thread:
https://www.railforums.co.uk/threads/proposed-abandonment-of-smart-motorways.194331/

 

[Merle Haggard]

Thanks to both of you, and I'm pleased my post was (reasonably) well received. After spending my working life on the railways and its safety culture I have well-formed opinions on the subject of road safety but I'm aware that they can come over as just a rant.

 

[PG]

Glad to have your input, and for what it's worth other forum members can certainly rant on occasion!

 

[PG]

To get things back on topic and since we've mentioned rants how about this:
Thrown the toys out of the pram = Has had a tantrum.

 

[Doppelganger]

One I like is the phrase meaning can't be bothered or no, I'm not doing that: I'd rather flick myself off to Tricia. As in the tv presenter.

Isn't that from League of Gentleman?