Weddings and children

[dickdarlington]

My best mate is getting married, and I am going to be the best man.

But he has emailed me today asking if I would be offended if he didn't extend the wedding invite to our little boy. Just my partner.

They are going to have children from the direct family, plus the page boy who is not related (but I can understand that).

Am I being out of order by being particularly upset by this? Or am I being selfish?

 

[ralphchadkirk]

I could imagine if you were just a guest, but as you are best man it does seem a little rude. Either way, it is his wedding!

 

[Xenophon PCDGS]

Considering that you are the best man and also what you say about other children being invited, I am sure that both your partner as well as yourself would feel extremely upset by the unthinking way the matter has been put.

What makes it much worse, to my way of thinking, is that you were informed by e-mail when a matter such as this should have been said face-to-face. Failing that, he could have telephoned to you, when a conversation could have taken place.

 

[GB]

What was his reasons for asking you not to bring your son?

His wedding or not, seems pretty unfair to me given the circumstances.

 

[Temple Meads]

His wedding or not, seems pretty unfair to me given the circumstances.

Agreed.

 

[ACE1888]

If I was asked the same question, I would reply with a 'Go f**k yourself', knowing the difference between Friends and Mates is very important to me personally. Just my opinion of course

 

[Oswyntail]

Ah weddings! Limitless opportunities for giving offence that lasts a lifetime. It all becomes a question of where you draw the line, and that is down to innumerable factors, and not only budgetary. No one can tell, but, in the OPs case I doubt very much whether the bride and groom felt it was an easy decision (if only because they seem to have chickened out of the direct request). It is their day, they can make what decisions they like (Bridesmaids in pink and lime tartan? Fine!). If you are offended enough to stomp away in a huff then do so - but getting over that with your mate would be a lot harder than finding daycare for your little one.

 

[MidnightFlyer]

I don't want to give my view as gospel, but I'd just look at it as: who do I value more - friends or family? I would actually be tempted to snub him if I couldn't take my kids (not that I personally have any).

 

[theblackwatch]

Agreed.

And agreed here too - yes I would be offended!

 

[tony_mac]

I worried that I've stumbled onto Mumsnet....

It is a case of 'where do you draw the line', but I think drawing it at 'Family and page boy but excluding the best man' is quite weird - the best man is rather an important part of the wedding party.

Having it at 'Family and Wedding Party only' would seem far more rational (unless it's an excuse because they just don't like your child!).

But, it's their wedding, and do you really want to make it more difficult for them - regardless of how thoughtless they are being?

 

[ralphchadkirk]

Why don't you ask your friend for his reasons? It may be money issues or something.

 

[HST Power]

My Dad's sister buggered off to New York to have her wedding with her partner, his family and her parents. She didn't ask me, nor my father, or my mother, or my Dad's other sister to come. We were simply told 'no, you can't come with us.'

 

[Nonsense]

Doesn't sound like something a friend would ask to be honest, especially as its not a blanket ban on kids.

In your shoes, I really couldn't do it. Be Best Man to a guy that snubbed my boy.

 

[Nym]

Times like this I'm glad I can't get married...

Although I'm sure Civil Partnerships are just as massively anoying.

 

[SS4]

From what the OP said it's going to be family kids only, it's not like he's invited all the kids except yours so I think you're overstating the case a bit. It's going to be far easier to make it up to your son that to your mate

 

[YorkshireBear]

Bit disgraceful in my opinion, not sure what you should do but your right to be upset it is not as if your a guest your the best man for gods sake!

 

[curly42]

His wedding - his choice. What's the big deal ?

Go or don't go.If for some reason you feel offended,tell him.

Life's too short.

 

[dickdarlington]

He's a good mate. A very good mate. But I don't think he's been thinking straight. Or looking at it from another persons viewpoint. I think he's looking at the bottom figure and that's that.

We communicate a lot via email mainly because we live a long way apart.

My partner is really upset about it as well. I feel in a really awkward position. Problem is that he's not actually biologically my son. Not a problem for me of course. But I wander if that's what has swayed his decisioning.

Had I just been a normal gueat I wouldn't have battered an eyelid. But he's asked me to be a big part of his day, to which I am very honoured. He's just not thought at how much I want to share this with my direct family as much as his.

 

[SS4]

He's a good mate. A very good mate. But I don't think he's been thinking straight. Or looking at it from another persons viewpoint. I think he's looking at the bottom figure and that's that.

We communicate a lot via email mainly because we live a long way apart.

My partner is really upset about it as well. I feel in a really awkward position. Problem is that he's not actually biologically my son. Not a problem for me of course. But I wander if that's what has swayed his decisioning.

Had I just been a normal gueat I wouldn't have battered an eyelid. But he's asked me to be a big part of his day, to which I am very honoured. He's just not thought at how much I want to share this with my direct family as much as his.

Have you told him this?

 

[Yew]

What age is the lad? If he's young that might be why (he might want you to have his back and make sure he doesn't get too drunk at the reception). However if he was aged 12+ I can't see the problem. As they should be capable at staying up reasonably late.

 

[richw]

I'd find it completely disrespectful and snub him, using the excuse that i couldnt get a babysitter. See how quick he changes his mind.