As we used to say at school, Ha-Ha! (As in mockery)
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Funny Guard Announcements.
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As we used to say at school, Ha-Ha! (As in mockery)
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calc7
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TfL staff at London Bridge underground top concourse yesterday "...please use alternative routes. And for the bloke that has just crept through the cordon, you're walking towards three 'up' escalators, that's why it's cordoned-off!"
Robinson
Member
Probably doesn't fall under the category of "funny" but couldn't help but notice the TM on my Euston-Glasgow train a couple of days ago made a gaffe in the welcome announcement on departure from London - telling us all that "the next calling point will be Preston"... err no it won't, it'll be Warrington Bank Quay...
Schnellzug
Established Member
Perhaps not necessarily Funny as such, but I overheard some Passengers today remarking on how charming and friendly SWT Guards seem to be lately, and I must say that most of those that i have encountered have presented a pretty good public face of the company, which is another thing perhaps that should be borne in mind when Governments and Management are always looking for ways to cut staff.
Haha, I goofed the other day saying 'the next call will be Sheffield in 30 minutes'. Halfway down the coach checking tickets, a lady kindly informed me we stopped at Chesterfield as well.....! CLANG!
I got on a VT terminating at Lancaster at Preston and as we were halfway there the TM announced we'd soon be arriving at Carlisle, then burst out laughing and corrected himself.
Birdbrain
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Be glad you didn't do this. The timing couldn't have been better.
"Your next calling point will be Market Harborough, due to the short platforms, will passengers please alight from the front three coaches."
<Trains shoots through Market Harborough at about 70 mph>
"I'm sorry, I forgot what train I was on."
Proof that we're all human! The kind lady who informed me of my error thought it was hilarious and we had a good old laugh about it after I'd done a correcting announcement to the masses! I then received at least 3 heckles as I went down the train along the lines of 'I hope the driver knows where we're going'! Nice to see passengers have a sense of humour I suppose!
A similar thing happened when the Eureka timetable arrived on the ECML. I was on the first Lincoln to London train, and with the press and some company figures onboard, the guard announced after Peterborough that the train would be 'non-stop to London King's Cross'. Nobody had obviously corrected her, as there were no announcements on the approach to Stevenage and a slight delay unlocking the doors.
I think she also announced at Lincoln that the southbound train would stop at Grantham, which it doesn't. Still, it was a brand new service!
chiltern_chidg
Member
I wouldn't regard this as funnt but at Chiltern we have a wonderful driver who always greets our passengers with; "Ladies and Gentleman, driver speaking..". The know the guy personally and you can tell that he loves his job and certainly enjoys putting a smile on passengers faces. He is also very knowledgeable with the local bus connections from most of Chiltern's stations. It is a lovely personal touch to the service provided 
.
Matthew
.Matthew
Had a rather confused train on Thursday night.
As we approached Shipley it announced "The next stop is Shipley"
Then as we approached Saltaire it announced "The next stop is Shipley"
It announced Bingley, Crossflats and Keighley as Shipley.
Then just before Keighley it announced all the stations on the line including "Skipton. This train terminates here". Confused a couple of rather inebriated ladies who were wanting Keighley.
As we approached Shipley it announced "The next stop is Shipley"
Then as we approached Saltaire it announced "The next stop is Shipley"
It announced Bingley, Crossflats and Keighley as Shipley.
Then just before Keighley it announced all the stations on the line including "Skipton. This train terminates here". Confused a couple of rather inebriated ladies who were wanting Keighley.
HYPODERMIC
Member
That made me giggle, reminds me of a journey on the London Underground. The automated announcement lady was a bit glitchy with the "stand clear of the doors" warning, announcing it repeatedly even as the train was leaving the station.
"Stand- Stand clear- Stand clear- Stand clear- Stand clear of the doors- Stand clear of the doors- Stand clear of the doors." A few seconds later: "Stand clear of the doors." Even announcing it before we arrived into a station, which seemed a little counterproductive!
Made me laugh, how moody she sounded. Nearly went for a "women, eh?" joke, but I held my tongue!
calc7
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Just remembered another one, can't remember who by.
The train will shortly arrive in Sheffield. Will First Class passengers please open their curtains and take a look at a real city.
michael769
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Today's
"We apologise for the lack of accommodation on this train - this is due to a shortage of rolling stock"
There were two people in the carriage!
"We apologise for the lack of accommodation on this train - this is due to a shortage of rolling stock"
There were two people in the carriage!
At least TPE don't use that one as they'd have used it every day since the 185s were introduced. They do have one that goes along the lines of "Sorry so many of you have to stand. Please can you move as far down the train as possible (so even more people can squeeze on.)" On weekdays people have already done that but at weekends people tend to hang around the doors a bit more.
Place: Cardiff Central Railway Station.
Date: 23-3-12
Time: 17:10
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
.....
for about ten minutes. I'm assuming there were a lot of people waiting with baited breath for the Taunton massiv to arrive.
Date: 23-3-12
Time: 17:10
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
"Mae tren nesa am Platfform tri ydy'r chwater-awr wedi tri o'r gloch First Great Western o Taunton. Mae tren yn terfynau yma."
"The next train to arrive at platform three will be the 15:15 First Great Western service from Taunton. This train will terminate here."
.....
for about ten minutes. I'm assuming there were a lot of people waiting with baited breath for the Taunton massiv to arrive.
Stephen55a1960
Member
Two classics from GNER days. The first was on a very late running KX -LDS service in 1991(snowstorm): "This is the senior conductor speaking, I apologise for the late departure of this train. This is due to the senior conductor locking himself out of the compartment". The second involved a guy who announced at the end of a (late night) KX-LDS service: "We shall shortly be arriving in Leeds. Please remember to take all your luggage and personal belongings with you. Please also remember to take your fellow passengers as well". I guess he didn't want, any sleeping passengers, being woken up at Neville Hill Depot!
Wyvern
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Well they perhaps would be able to, but not actually do it.
It comes to something when even professional pre-recorded announcements dont use English grammar correctly.
The announcements on the 333s are a bit hyperactive:
"this is the Bradford Forster Square train..."
The moment we began to move out of the platform at Leeds:
"the next stop will be Shipley please take all your possesions with you"
Some people hadn't even sat down yet!
tsr
Established Member
It comes to something when you criticise other people's grammar, then mislay a comma (depending on interpretation) and forget the apostrophe in "don't".
Wyvern
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Yes but I dont claim to be professional.
I had a guard the other day, on a SET HS train coming into St. Pancras inform us of the connections we could make at St. Pancras, then the Underground, then King's Cross, then Euston and then he even started going on about connections from Paddington!
tsr
Established Member
All right, I was only welcoming you to Pedants' (or should that be "Pedant's"?) Corner!
I do agree that there are some shocking examples of the misuse of the English language in the railway environment. You only have to look at the bottom of my signature to see one of many examples!
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
I heard a guard announce that you could change at East Croydon for "services to King's Cross, Luton and Bedford". That's a little bit misleading!
There's a classic example on SET stations which irks me every time I heat it at my local station. I can't remember the exact wording, but it's to do with the security cameras and something else. It goes along the lines of "X and X is in use at this station"....All right, I was only welcoming you to Pedants' (or should that be "Pedant's"?) Corner!
I do agree that there are some shocking examples of the misuse of the English language in the railway environment. You only have to look at the bottom of my signature to see one of many examples!
But you can get to those places on train from East Croydon..well technically not KGX, but only next door.
tsr
Established Member
Sorry, yes, I meant that the KGX bit was misleading, as there's no direct way to get to King's Cross from East Croydon by rail. There are too many people who get confused about the differences between King's Cross, St Pancras and Kings Cross St Pancras stations anyway!
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