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Is anyone spending Christmas alone?

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Karl

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Yes. I'm hoping to get through to January 2017 without upsetting those people who I love, and they love me, but don't understand why for some that this is the worst time of the year. I can't wait wait until the 21st December and the days start to get longer.

There was a thread on this forum last year that actually helped me through this time last year. I'm going to look it up.

To answer your questions, yes it's by choice these days however not what I want to choose. I hate letting those who care about me down. Only certain people understand.

I've managed the last three Christmases alone. By choice. Spring is the time that sees me get into the real world again.

Great thread by the way. I hope others can share their experiences and tips for us depressives :)

Edit - Here's the thread from "Mr Hudson" Bayum last year that helped me http://www.railforums.co.uk/showthread.php?t=124646
 
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LowLevel

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No, but I don't *do* Christmas per sé. I don't have a tree or decorations etc and I don't usually send cards either. What I do is go to my folks on Christmas day, have a nice meal and go home in the evening. I can entirely understand where you are coming from in not wanting to participate though - if it wasn't for the fact I don't see my family often I'd happily ram Christmas entirely - I have no time for it.
 

me123

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I'd be quite keen to do spend Christmas alone, but I am being essentially forced to drive 300 miles home on the evening of Friday 23rd (I'm sure the M6 will be a real joy that evening...) and drive back down on Christmas day evening for work on Boxing Day (I'd have been quite keen to work the 25th, but there wasn't an easy way to swap into it). With hindsight, I should have pretended to be working.

What am I doing this journey for? I have absolutely no idea. It's going to be immediate family only, and I see them pretty much all the time. We'll all give each other presents (we're all giving each other gift cards of the same value, ergo the whole thing is pointless). We'll have a mediocre turkey dinner. And then I'll be hitting the road before 5pm. I can't even numb myself with alcohol, because the Police generally take a dim view of drinking and driving.

If I had my way, I'd pretend it wasn't happening. I'd just be resting by myself for the week ahead. No real time television. I'd read some books, put my feet up, maybe play some playstation games. Maybe treat myself to a takeaway meal for one. I'm sure that plenty of people think that sounds really sad and miserable, but I'm quite happy to don the hat of one Ebenezer Scrooge. The ridiculous efforts that people will go to to prepare for this non-event truly baffle me, and even just hearing the same awful music over and over and over and over and over and over and over is already making me a little bit crazy.
 

DarloRich

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My comments wont be popular with many on this board and are not meant to be personal and hurtful. They are based on my experiences.


It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose. To use a football metaphor I reckon I am 2-2 on aggregate but there is a long way to go and the second leg to come. I was 2-0 down early doors.

Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. It took me too long to understand this. Far to long. You need them to help you help yourself. Don't give in to those thoughts or voices that tell you you are worthless or a drain or waste of space or a bad person. They are wrong. You are a unique individual with something to offer the world. Dont give in.
 
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Groningen

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For me Xmas is as any ordinary day except for the newspapers. Luckely some stores are open, but it is also a kind of holiday. In the past if 25 and 26 were on a Friday/Saturday or Monday/Tuesday than it was 3 days (plus Sunday) of dead silence.
 

Polarbear

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I'll not be alone, but probably would be if it weren't for the kindness of a good friend who has invited me to spend Christmas with his family each year since my dad passed away in 2014.

For anyone who finds Christmas a difficult time, this advice:

It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose.

Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. You need them to help you help yourself.

Is very good advice in my opinion.
 

shredder1

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Alone, yes I`m hoping too, leaving most of the family and the girlfriend in the north and staying with my son in London over Christmas, but hope to get out on the rails everyday, alone, free and no hassle, lol Mind you the southern strike wont help.
 

Seacook

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I'll be seeing various close family members before and at Christmas but not for more than an hour or so. I am happy to buy presents and cards because they please others but I am not particularly concerned for myself. I will be delighted to see my niece and her son on Christmas morning - they are my closest living relatives - but once they have departed I will settle down with a book or two and some DVDs until the following Wednesday. I will not be cooking the traditional dinner though I might just treat myself to a bacon sandwich which I can contemplate with far more pleasure.

Being on my own over almost all of the holiday is very much by choice.
 

Howardh

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Is anyone spending Christmas alone?

I wish. Could do with 24hrs respite - I'd spend it (a) doing some cleaning and then (b) spend the rest of the day curling (web game) with a couple of bottles of something. Maybe three.
 

Simon11

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Gosh, I didn't know so many people spent it alone.

For me, I enjoy Christmas as the one day in the year to properly spend time with the family and neighbours without being disturbed by modern life.
 

me123

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My comments wont be popular with many on this board and are not meant to be personal and hurtful. They are based on my experiences.


It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose. To use a football metaphor I reckon I am 2-2 on aggregate but there is a long way to go and the second leg to come. I was 2-0 down early doors.

Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. It took me too long to understand this. Far to long. You need them to help you help yourself. Don't give in to those thoughts or voices that tell you you are worthless or a drain or waste of space or a bad person. They are wrong. You are a unique individual with something to offer the world. Dont give in.

What a great post, and absolutely right. If you are struggling with mental health issues, please do spend the time with family and friends this Christmas if you can. It won't make everything better by any stretch of the imagination, but it is a much more positive way to get through the festive period than isolating yourself.

That said, you don't have to have mental health problems to despise Christmas. My desire to be alone does not stem from a mental health issue, rather I just can't be bothered.
 

PeterY

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Not being a fan of Christmas, it doesn't really bother me that much. I do live with my father and my daughter is away this year, so I'm not alone. I always try to have a short cycle ride or walk (depending on the weather) Christmas day. I don't over indulge on food either.
 

crehld

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I'll not be alone, but probably would be if it weren't for the kindness of a good friend who has invited me to spend Christmas with his family each year since my dad passed away in 2014.

For anyone who finds Christmas a difficult time, this advice:



Is very good advice in my opinion.

Agreed. We have a lot of international students who will be spending Christmas on campus alone - fortunately a committed bunch of staff are going in over the Christmas break (including Christmas Day) and organising a load of social events to ensure people aren't left to fend for themselves.
 

Robinson

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My mum will be working for part of Christmas Day, and my girlfriend will be with family in Hungary. I'll go to my church and then there's a Christmas lunch organised by another local church for people on their own, but the rest of Christmas I'll be on my own.
 

Bevan Price

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Yes, alone again. Most of the people with whom I used to enjoy Christmas are no longer alive. In any case much of the sweet sugary christmas food has to be off the menu.
 

fowler9

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My comments wont be popular with many on this board and are not meant to be personal and hurtful. They are based on my experiences.


It is not that I am not sympathetic or supportive of people with mental health problems. I am as I have been there and I know where my bottom point was. I hope yours isnt as bad. The key point is that you have to fight or you will lose and you don't want to lose. It isnt a fair fight and it doesn't follow the Marquess of Queensbury rules and it isnt really a fight you will ever win. The important thing is not to lose. To use a football metaphor I reckon I am 2-2 on aggregate but there is a long way to go and the second leg to come. I was 2-0 down early doors.

Go and see your family or friends. You need their help & support in your fight. Talk to them and ask them for help and PLEASE go to the doctors and talk to them about your troubles. There is no shame or judgement. It took me too long to understand this. Far to long. You need them to help you help yourself. Don't give in to those thoughts or voices that tell you you are worthless or a drain or waste of space or a bad person. They are wrong. You are a unique individual with something to offer the world. Dont give in.

Well said mate. I also think I have a well deserved draw at the minute.

I am not really in to Christmas but I enjoy that in my line of work it is really quiet at this time of year (Until about January 2nd) and I enjoy that if I work Christmas day I get double time plus time off in lieu, I also like offering to work Christmas because it means that other people who it means something to don't have to worry about being forced to work. I do enjoy what is left of the family being back together. I don't like getting presents as I feel awkward and like I don't deserve them, I don't like giving presents because I feel under pressure to buy something because it is Christmas and end up buying **** that no one wants or uses. I like the attitude of a Spanish couple I am friends with who do not celebrate Christmas or birthdays but buy presents for each other when they see something they think the other person would like for no reason at all. Perhaps if I had kids I would think differently and it would be more special.
 

DynamicSpirit

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A very interesting thread.

I usually go for fairly quiet Christmas days. I think this largely results from an event many years ago when my girlfriend of some years suddenly dumped me – as far as I was concerned, completely out of the blue – about a week before Christmas.

Now that was years ago, and with the benefit of hindsight I can see that it was a dying relationship, we weren’t really compatible, and yes the timing might have been unfortunate but she probably did the right thing for the long term. But of course that’s almost never how it looks at the point of being dumped, and I ended up spending that Christmas almost suicidally depressed and almost completely on my own (lived in a University town, friends were mainly students who went home for Xmas, family lived at the other end of the country. Although in the state of mind I was in at the time, I’m not sure that having friends etc. around would have made much difference anyway).

Fast-forward a few years and to more recent, happier, times, and a curious side-effect of that experience seems to have been that I came to realize the delights of a completely relaxed Christmas. Top of the Pops and Dr. Who on telly, and no-one else around means no-one expects you to do anything. I can play computer games, chill out, and enjoy the complete lack of stress. Don’t get me wrong, my family are wonderful. But if other people are there, there tends to be an expectation that you’ll do things like celebrate in certain ways – and for me, that kills the feeling of complete relaxation.

Actually in practice, very often I haven’t been completely on my own. Many years it’s been with whoever my partner at that time was – she would typically be somewhat puzzled at my lack of desire to have more people around, but would go along with it.

As time goes on, I can see my feelings now moving towards wanting a more traditional, livelier Christmas, so I suspect I may naturally become more conventional in the future. Not this year though :)

Before anyone misunderstands me... I think Christmas is great. To my mind, the commercialisation and the over-emphasis on expensive presents sucks a bit, but the principle of the season of peace and goodwill does have a deeper meaning, which I think is an important message to convey, and is worth reflecting on (whether or not you buy into the religious origins). And there is something lovely about the feeling of warmth and lights inside while it’s cold and snowy outside (OK, yeah, I know the snow is more often than not a fiction in the UK :) ) But I also think people should feel free to celebrate it as they wish, (or to largely ignore if they prefer) without anyone else passing judgement on their choice. I am very conscious though – especially in the light of my own experience - that it is a hard time for many – especially those who would like to spend it with family or loved ones, but, for all sorts of reasons, are unable to do so.

And while I’m on the subject… In case it’s helpful to anyone … as you might gather from what I’ve just written, I spent a long time in that place where it feels like there’s nothing inside you except unending cold and emptiness. Where you go round trying to act normal but inside your head it’s a frozen hell, you feel no ability to change anything. You feel intensely lonely. You see no hope for the future, and you have no idea what the point of living is. In fact I’ve been there more than once.

I realize everyone is different and unique, and it’s dangerous to attempt to generalize, but my own experience seems to be that it does end. There does come a time when losses or circumstances that once seemed overwhelming become OK. That bottomless cold inside you really does fade away. The memories are still a part of you, perhaps to be forever treasured, but they no longer dominate your life. They no longer prevent you from seeing the beauty in life all around you, or from experiencing the new wonder of each day as it comes. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but things do eventually change and life becomes fun, beautiful, and worth living again.
 
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Clip

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I wasnt and me the missus were going away to visit friends in Germany but with me leaving my job I took the on call this year and she is off on her own now so ill be alone and she is maaaaad at me :)
 

bramling

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No, but I don't *do* Christmas per sé. I don't have a tree or decorations etc and I don't usually send cards either. What I do is go to my folks on Christmas day, have a nice meal and go home in the evening. I can entirely understand where you are coming from in not wanting to participate though - if it wasn't for the fact I don't see my family often I'd happily ram Christmas entirely - I have no time for it.

I can't stand it either.

Because of Christmas I find December an absolutely nuisance month. No benefit to me, as my work pattern treats Christmas, except Christmas Day itself, as any other day. However, despite deriving no personal benefit at all, my normal travel, shopping and other arrangements are heavily disrupted because of it.

I wouldn't mind if Christmas was something genuinely special (which I realise for young children it *is*), however for adults all I see is a retail frenzy, which to be honest I find distasteful. Then, having got Christmas over with, I find New Year nowadays to be a mass ****-up event, where it seems to be acceptable to do things which aren't acceptable at other times, like vandalise other people's property.

Won't be alone though -- I'll be with family on Christmas Day, and with my other family (work) on Boxing Day.
 
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12CSVT

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Christmas is just an overhyped orgy of blatant consumerism

Several things I choose not to do

Spending silly money on presents (it's giftcards for child relatives and nothing more)
Drinking to excess, or drinking at all if I'm working in the next 24 hours
Impersonating Mr Creosote at dinner time (just what is the point of overeating)
Eating turkey (can't stand the stuff)

Roll on January 2nd
 

AntoniC

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For two years on the trot (1990 & 1991), I chose not to go home for Christmas as I was having a hard time with my mum, I rang her and told her why, we she didn't like but understood.

Since then I have spent one Xmas alone as my dad went away with his wife to spend Xmas with her family and they couldn't accommodate me.

Other years I go to church with him and my stepmother on Christmas Day, then back to his for a slap up meal and then a taxi home ( stone cold sober),

I enjoy the day and the time off, and for my family we have a strict policy of not spending more than £25 on each present, so no big spending !.

I wish you all a Happy Christmas
 

507021

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Had things gone differently, then I could well have spent every Christmas alone, or at least without my parents past the age of 15. I'm very grateful that things went they way they did and my Mum and Dad managed to beat their respective illnesses that came very close to claiming both of their lives. Although I don't celebrate Christmas so much, I like to spend time with my family at that time of year more than any other, just to remind myself how fortunate I am to still have both of my parents.
 

Cowley

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Had things gone differently, then I could well have spent every Christmas alone, or at least without my parents past the age of 15. I'm very grateful that things went they way they did and my Mum and Dad managed to beat their respective illnesses that came very close to claiming both of their lives. Although I don't celebrate Christmas so much, I like to spend time with my family at that time of year more than any other, just to remind myself how fortunate I am to still have both of my parents.

That's very moving mate.

This year I've decided not to spend money on pointless presents that I'm not very good at buying (partly because I'm working flat out up until Christmas), so this year we're just going to have meals with family in pubs/restaurants I'd rather spend the money on that as to me personally seeing family is the most important thing.
 

Strat-tastic

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And while I’m on the subject… In case it’s helpful to anyone … as you might gather from what I’ve just written, I spent a long time in that place where it feels like there’s nothing inside you except unending cold and emptiness. Where you go round trying to act normal but inside your head it’s a frozen hell, you feel no ability to change anything. You feel intensely lonely. You see no hope for the future, and you have no idea what the point of living is. In fact I’ve been there more than once.

I realize everyone is different and unique, and it’s dangerous to attempt to generalize, but my own experience seems to be that it does end. There does come a time when losses or circumstances that once seemed overwhelming become OK. That bottomless cold inside you really does fade away. The memories are still a part of you, perhaps to be forever treasured, but they no longer dominate your life. They no longer prevent you from seeing the beauty in life all around you, or from experiencing the new wonder of each day as it comes. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but things do eventually change and life becomes fun, beautiful, and worth living again.

Good positive post, thanks :)

For me, I could be alone but for my church family who'd see I was ok. This year, as in the previous few, we're having Christmas dinner at church. At last count we had 25 folk coming and it's always a good laugh, with twice as much food as anyone can manage, even with seconds and Xmas-sized portions :D

Then mid afternoon I'll toddle off home for the Queen's speech I recorded and a bit of other telly, plus a nice bottle of tipple or three.
 

507021

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That's very moving mate.

This year I've decided not to spend money on pointless presents that I'm not very good at buying (partly because I'm working flat out up until Christmas), so this year we're just going to have meals with family in pubs/restaurants I'd rather spend the money on that as to me personally seeing family is the most important thing.

Thanks mate. It makes me shudder to think how it could have gone the other way, I just count myself lucky every day it didn't.

Although I live with my Dad at the moment, I still see my Mum once every few months (she lives on the Isle of Man) and I'll be seeing her on Friday before she flies off to Switzerland for Christmas with my future stepfather.
 

najaB

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I'm on the other side of the Atlantic from my parents and I haven't laid eyes on my wife in over a year. So almost certainly it's a Iceland turkey dinner alone again this year.
 
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