One-topic people. Is it just me, or...?

HaggisBotherer · 19 Feb 2019

I have a number of varied interests and hobbies, of which railways are just one. And the one thing I find most offputting about any of those interests is coming across the sort of people who seem to have no other interest apart from that particular one. And it's all they ever talk about!

I have often told friends and family about, when I was a teenage trainspotter in the final days of the Deltics, I would be sat quietly on a platform trolley on Welwyn Garden City, Doncaster, York or wherever station, minding my own business, as far from others as possible and deliberately avoiding eye contact. Yet every single time some personality vacuum with an Adidas bag and a notebook would unerringly zero in and, uninvited, start talking at me about everything to do with the bloody railway.

Every hobby or interest seems to have its 'hardcore nerdinista' and, if you have one inflicted on you, no matter how many times you try to change the subject or talk about something else, they just blithely bang on about the same thing and don't seem to be in the slightest bit interested in knowing about anything else than their favourite subject.

Of course I know that there are people with genuine mental issues that they can't help and I sympathise with them. But there seem to be an awful lot more who don't have 'issues', but simply aren't interested in anything else outside their chosen interest. And are determined to air their knowledge about it.

When I was younger, I assumed that people would grow out of it. But they seem to have come along too. As I approach middle age there seem to be an awful lot of blokes who are old enough to know better, still indulging in a willy-waving determination to show off how much they know about whatever the only subject is that they seem to have any interest whatsoever in.

Am I the only one who finds that this sort of character can really spoil the enjoyment of a hobby for those who have a healthier, multi-faceted set of interests? Or for those who can enjoy (for example) the sight, smell and sound of a steam locomotive, but really couldn't care less about Timken roller bearings, the precise shade of BR green or the dates that it was shedded at Bath Green Park?

It doesn't only happen with railways (I know several people who only ever talk about politics), but it seems that in many interests I have just as much difficulty avoiding these folk now as I did 40 years ago. (I bet they've still got the Adidas bag at home!)

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DarloRich · 19 Feb 2019

HaggisBotherer said:
Am I the only one who finds that this sort of character can really spoil the enjoyment of a hobby for those who have a healthier, multi-faceted set of interests?

No.

However I don't think you can blame many people who display these traits. Many are what is today known as "on the spectrum" and railways always seems to attract those at the extreme end of the spectrum. I always try to be understanding of that. For some people being able to talk about trains (or buses or planes or tractors or cars) is the only way they can come out of their shell and converse. They don't have the social skills to understand that this is not what "normal" people do and are unable to notice the cues to stop or change the subject "normal" people would.

However, there are some who are just boring dullards.

telstarbox · 19 Feb 2019

It's always men as well!

Bertie the bus · 19 Feb 2019

HaggisBotherer said:
Am I the only one who finds that this sort of character can really spoil the enjoyment of a hobby for those who have a healthier, multi-faceted set of interests? Or for those who can enjoy (for example) the sight, smell and sound of a steam locomotive, but really couldn't care less about Timken roller bearings, the precise shade of BR green or the dates that it was shedded at Bath Green Park?

With respect, it could be argued you have the problem not those you dislike. It really isn’t difficult to understand why somebody who starts a conversation with somebody who obviously has the same interest might talk about that shared interest. I’m not sure why you would think a rail enthusiast would approach another rail enthusiast and strike up a conversation about wine or the nesting habits of crows.

underbank · 19 Feb 2019

Yep, me too. It really puts me off taking photos/videos on stations etc., as inevitably someone will think I'm their best friend and not leave me alone. You get it the same when photographing landscapes, birds, vintage buses or whatever else is your interest. Very annoying.

Not just hobbies though. I've a football season ticket (local club) and occasionally get replica footie shirts. Big mistake wearing them out in public. I was once at the airport in Cyprus wearing one and this guy made a beeline for me and spent a couple of hours waffling on about the club (thank goodness he wasn't sat near me on the plane). A few months later, I was walking around the local Morrisons supermarket and first one, then another bloke started following me around talking about the club. Nowadays I only wear them under a coat.

underbank · 19 Feb 2019

Bertie the bus said:
It really isn’t difficult to understand why somebody who starts a conversation with somebody who obviously has the same interest might talk about that shared interest.

But why start a conversation in the first place? I don't go around starting conversations with random people who appear to share my interests. If you're minding your own business and avoiding eye contact etc (reading a book, concentrating on your camera etc), surely it's sending a signal that you're not wanting to make random new friends? People should respect personal boundaries. A quick "hello" is enough to be polite - they shouldn't then go on and on if you're not making any attempt to reciprocate. Some people really have trouble reading the signals.

Bertie the bus · 19 Feb 2019

Some people do have difficulty reading signals. Some might just want somebody to talk to. It's hardly a crime is it?

Personally, I'm really not that bothered either way. If somebody wants to talk to me I'll have a conversation with them. If they don't I won't. Sometimes I'll initiate it. Even if I have little interest in a conversation I'll often acknowledge other enthusiasts and it isn't that uncommon to just be completely ignored, no doubt by the kind of people who complain about others boring them.

Mag_seven · 19 Feb 2019

HaggisBotherer said:
I have a number of varied interests and hobbies, of which railways are just one. And the one thing I find most offputting about any of those interests is coming across the sort of people who seem to have no other interest apart from that particular one. And it's all they ever talk about!

I have often told friends and family about, when I was a teenage trainspotter in the final days of the Deltics, I would be sat quietly on a platform trolley on Welwyn Garden City, Doncaster, York or wherever station, minding my own business, as far from others as possible and deliberately avoiding eye contact. Yet every single time some personality vacuum with an Adidas bag and a notebook would unerringly zero in and, uninvited, start talking at me about everything to do with the bloody railway.

Every hobby or interest seems to have its 'hardcore nerdinista' and, if you have one inflicted on you, no matter how many times you try to change the subject or talk about something else, they just blithely bang on about the same thing and don't seem to be in the slightest bit interested in knowing about anything else than their favourite subject.

Of course I know that there are people with genuine mental issues that they can't help and I sympathise with them. But there seem to be an awful lot more who don't have 'issues', but simply aren't interested in anything else outside their chosen interest. And are determined to air their knowledge about it.

When I was younger, I assumed that people would grow out of it. But they seem to have come along too. As I approach middle age there seem to be an awful lot of blokes who are old enough to know better, still indulging in a willy-waving determination to show off how much they know about whatever the only subject is that they seem to have any interest whatsoever in.

Am I the only one who finds that this sort of character can really spoil the enjoyment of a hobby for those who have a healthier, multi-faceted set of interests? Or for those who can enjoy (for example) the sight, smell and sound of a steam locomotive, but really couldn't care less about Timken roller bearings, the precise shade of BR green or the dates that it was shedded at Bath Green Park?

It doesn't only happen with railways (I know several people who only ever talk about politics), but it seems that in many interests I have just as much difficulty avoiding these folk now as I did 40 years ago. (I bet they've still got the Adidas bag at home!)

You really need to chill out and accept that it is all part of life's rich tapestry.

I like talking to others who share the same interest as me.

61653 HTAFC · 19 Feb 2019

DarloRich said:
No.

However I don't think you can blame many people who display these traits. Many are what is today known as "on the spectrum" and railways always seems to attract those at the extreme end of the spectrum. I always try to be understanding of that. For some people being able to talk about trains (or buses or planes or tractors or cars) is the only way they can come out of their shell and converse. They don't have the social skills to understand that this is not what "normal" people do and are unable to notice the cues to stop or change the subject "normal" people would.

However, there are some who are just boring dullards.

Even those of us who ARE on the spectrum have learned to read (as best we can, as it doesn't come instinctively) the social cues of others... though a late diagnosis does mean I had no choice but to come up with a workaround!

Giugiaro · 19 Feb 2019

Can't really share the same experience. The enthusiasm here in Portugal is very diluted so we tend to learn and talk about whatever just to be able to fit into society. I, for instance, call myself straight forward that I'm a railway enthusiast above everything else, but I also discuss stuff like other transports, education, politics, design, science, games, anime, culture, engineering, sports, filming and photography... whatever.

I got so broad in my interests I come about as one of the most interesting guys to talk with after a party (not my words) since I come about whatever weird stuff I learned over time.
I still remember that one time I've blown my colleague's minds when I taught them how to find just a simple thing as the blind spot that our eyes have. They were completely freaked out when their thumbs simply disappeared!

DarloRich · 19 Feb 2019

61653 HTAFC said:
Even those of us who ARE on the spectrum have learned to read (as best we can, as it doesn't come instinctively) the social cues of others... though a late diagnosis does mean I had no choice but to come up with a workaround!

I think there is more understanding and diagnosis of the issue these days. In the past it was just: that bloke is a bit odd

TheSeeker · 19 Feb 2019

The worst people are those who have no interests at all, in anything. They're like a heat sink for enthusiasm and excitement. You enter some peoples houses and there isn't a book or a picture on the wall.

Ken H · 19 Feb 2019

Bertie the bus said:
With respect, it could be argued you have the problem not those you dislike. It really isn’t difficult to understand why somebody who starts a conversation with somebody who obviously has the same interest might talk about that shared interest. I’m not sure why you would think a rail enthusiast would approach another rail enthusiast and strike up a conversation about wine or the nesting habits of crows.

why cant rail people talk about the weather, the bird on plat 2 (finch or blue tit - what did you think i meant!) or whatever.
there is a major row on another thread about coffee on Leeds station! And a fir bit on the off topic section.

Ken H · 19 Feb 2019

telstarbox said:
It's always men as well!

there are some women who can talk of nothing but nail polish, hair products and reality TV

61653 HTAFC · 19 Feb 2019

DarloRich said:
I think there is more understanding and diagnosis of the issue these days. In the past it was just: that bloke is a bit odd

That's true. Now in my case people probably think "that bloke might be on the spectrum... he's definitely a bit odd!" :lol:

HaggisBotherer · 19 Feb 2019

underbank said:
Yep, me too. It really puts me off taking photos/videos on stations etc., as inevitably someone will think I'm their best friend and not leave me alone. You get it the same when photographing landscapes, birds, vintage buses or whatever else is your interest. Very annoying.
Not just hobbies though. I've a football season ticket (local club) and occasionally get replica footie shirts. Big mistake wearing them out in public. I was once at the airport in Cyprus wearing one and this guy made a beeline for me and spent a couple of hours waffling on about the club (thank goodness he wasn't sat near me on the plane). A few months later, I was walking around the local Morrisons supermarket and first one, then another bloke started following me around talking about the club. Nowadays I only wear them under a coat.

underbank said:
But why start a conversation in the first place? I don't go around starting conversations with random people who appear to share my interests. If you're minding your own business and avoiding eye contact etc (reading a book, concentrating on your camera etc), surely it's sending a signal that you're not wanting to make random new friends? People should respect personal boundaries. A quick "hello" is enough to be polite - they shouldn't then go on and on if you're not making any attempt to reciprocate. Some people really have trouble reading the signals.

Exactly. And, while I respect DarloRich's view, I think it's too easy nowadays to suggest that every single person who doesn't spot the most obvious social cues has 'a condition'. It seems that a lot of people simply have poor social skills, skills which are easily learned.

Indeed I'd say that I'm 'on the spectrum' a bit, in that I research certain subjects to death and can bore for Britain on them. But the last thing I'd ever do is walk up to someone and start talking at them about any of them.

Maybe my 'problem' (Bertie the bus) is that I'm too polite. I was brought up not to say "Oh, just bore off, will you?" As for what I 'need to do' (Mag-seven), that's the point... I am trying to chill out... until some uninerd comes up and assumes I need a friend and need to know everything there is to know about their pet topic! :frown:

Cowley · 19 Feb 2019

HaggisBotherer said:
Exactly. And, while I respect DarloRich's view, I think it's too easy nowadays to suggest that every single person who doesn't spot the most obvious social cues has 'a condition'. It seems that a lot of people simply have poor social skills, skills which are easily learned.

Indeed I'd say that I'm 'on the spectrum' a bit, in that I research certain subjects to death and can bore for Britain on them. But the last thing I'd ever do is walk up to someone and start talking at them about any of them.

Maybe my 'problem' (Bertie the bus) is that I'm too polite. I was brought up not to say "Oh, just bore off, will you?" As for what I 'need to do' (Mag-seven), that's the point... I am trying to chill out... until some uninerd comes up and assumes I need a friend and need to know everything there is to know about their pet topic!

You never seem to have too much of a problem saying what you think concisely on here HaggisBotherer.

I'd think that it's probably best to say that you're looking to have some time on your own if someone comes up and talks to you when you'd rather they hadn't.
Honesty is usually the best policy in these situations.
You could try saying something like "Let me just stop you there". And then walk away... :lol:

433N · 19 Feb 2019

Ken H said:
there are some women who can talk of nothing but nail polish, hair products and reality TV

Oi. That's my daughter you're talking about. :frown:

HaggisBotherer · 20 Feb 2019

Cowley said:
You never seem to have too much of a problem saying what you think concisely on here HaggisBotherer.
I'd think that it's probably best to say that you're looking to have some time on your own if someone comes up and talks to you when you'd rather they hadn't.
Honesty is usually the best policy in these situations.
You could try saying something like "Let me just stop you there". And then walk away...

Ha, well it's easy enough to ignore my posts

I'll try your suggestion the next time it happens. Unfortunately it's not so easy with my girlfriend's parents, who only ever talk about politics. Should make for an interesting meal table, though

whhistle · 20 Feb 2019

DarloRich said:
They don't have the social skills to understand that this is not what "normal" people do.

The same could be applied to other subjects though.
I know people who would go on and on about Football.
I find it one of the most boring subjects I have conversed about.

You could pick any subject and apply the same thoughts: gardening, brewing, cars, art, baking, literature, music, cooking.
All have experts in the field; Railways just aren't as popular.
The difference with other subjects is people usually find common ground to chat about it. Railways aren't like that.

underbank said:
It really puts me off taking photos/videos on stations etc., as inevitably someone will think I'm their best friend and not leave me alone. You get it the same when photographing landscapes, birds, vintage buses or whatever else is your interest. Very annoying.

And then you get accused of being a grumpy guts!
No. I just wanted a quiet afternoon to enjoy a hobby thanks.

whhistle · 20 Feb 2019

Giugiaro said:
I still remember that one time I've blown my colleague's minds when I taught them how to find just a simple thing as the blind spot that our eyes have. They were completely freaked out when their thumbs simply disappeared!

While not on topic, please tell us more!

Calthrop · 20 Feb 2019

Now, HB, I'll bet that you have zero consideration for those poor haggises -- you just go up to them and direct an endless torrent of verbiage at them, irrespective of their wishes

...

Cowley said:
I'd think that it's probably best to say that you're looking to have some time on your own if someone comes up and talks to you when you'd rather they hadn't.
Honesty is usually the best policy in these situations.
You could try saying something like "Let me just stop you there". And then walk away...

The whole range of situations discussed here, has quite a way of making the world a less comfortable place than it might be -- for people on both ends of this particular continuum, or somewhere in the middle. (I can feel for various of the folk involved here: having been, I reckon, in the course of my life -- on railway topics and others -- the bore, the "bore-ee", and in intermediate roles. @whhistle -- I recall an occasion of having, on these Forums, bored the heck out of you.)

General codes of conduct, and ways in which people may be found behaving "in the wild", do seem to be weighted -- sometimes exasperatingly -- in favour of the "bore community". @Cowley -- attempts at politely rebuffing the bore, as suggested by you, can sometimes offend and anger said person, resulting in distressing "scenes". Even short of this: we tend to be, from various directions, socialised in the direction of feeling that we should be charitable by being open to people's conversational overtures -- they may be lonely, etc. -- we are apt to feel that expressing a preference for our own silent company / the thing we're immersed in doing, is mean-spirited and selfish -- with the uncomfortable "gut" sentiment that by acting thus, one is being a bad person.

I've posted previously on "General Discussion" about an -- overall interesting -- book by an octogenarian railway enthusiast; who (one topic among a great variety) was scathing about enthusiasts younger than himself, whom he approached, offering conversation; but who were absorbed in doing their own rail-focused "thing", and were -- sometimes highly -- disinclined to chat. In this chap's scheme of things, interpersonal interaction and talking, automatically trumped any desire for "solo" concentration on doing stuff; anyone transgressing against this code, was hideously uncivil and ill-mannered. The old guy does come across in his book, as being a fully-paid-up member of the "I love me -- who do you love?" club: totally convinced of his rightness-and-righteousness in all things, and of how his wise discourse should be welcomed and raptly attended-to by anyone whom he chooses to buttonhole. Victims of buttonholing often, understandably, feel otherwise.

Giugiaro · 20 Feb 2019

whhistle said:
While not on topic, please tell us more!

More about the stuff I share or about the blind spot?

You can read an explanation of what it is and a test here for example: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_spot_(vision)

You can do the same with your thumb, i.e. right thumb at a arms length of the right eye, them slowly moving it away to your right without moving the eye from the first point of focus. Eventually the thumb with get to a spot where it fades away.

bearhugger · 20 Feb 2019

Giugiaro said:
More about the stuff I share or about the blind spot?

You can read an explanation of what it is and a test here for example: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_spot_(vision)

Just had a go of the demonstration on that link, freaky!!

PeterC · 20 Feb 2019

Giugiaro said:
More about the stuff I share or about the blind spot?

You can read an explanation of what it is and a test here for example: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_spot_(vision)

You can do the same with your thumb, i.e. right thumb at a arms length of the right eye, them slowly moving it away to your right without moving the eye from the first point of focus. Eventually the thumb with get to a spot where it fades away.

There are people who weren't taught this at school?

Giugiaro · 20 Feb 2019

@PeterC I remember this was only addressed in Biology at Highschool, and here in Portugal highschool branches into different paths being Arts, Sciences and Social Studies the three most prominent ones at the time of my enrollment, of which Biology was a two out of three options for Scientific and Technological Studies, together with Geometry and Physics&Chemistry.

PeterY · 20 Feb 2019

I would consider myself a social person but I tend to find it hard to start a conversation off. I usually wait until someone speaks to me. I know that there are many "hobbies" out there that people do but I fell in love with railways and trains from an early age, so it's a subject I know most about.

I have respect about other peoples hobbies and will willingly listen about them.

Sometimes, depending on the person it's really hard to change a railway conversation into a general conversation

whhistle · 21 Feb 2019

Calthrop said:
@whhistle -- I recall an occasion of having, on these Forums, bored the heck out of you.)

Ha ha!
Maybe. I don't rermember though so it's all good from my point of view.
But then my tolerence for what is boring is very low, hence the attempt at a small disclaimer in my signature

61653 HTAFC · 22 Feb 2019

A saying an old teacher taught me, which I didn't see the wisdom of until years later, is...

"Only boring people ever get bored".

Calthrop · 22 Feb 2019

61653 HTAFC said:
A saying an old teacher taught me, which I didn't see the wisdom of until years later, is...

"Only boring people ever get bored".

I'd reckon that that sets a higher bar, than most of us would be able to cope with.

One-topic people. Is it just me, or...?

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