Creative excuses: "I was late because..."

[Sun Chariot]

Apologies if this has been covered before - but this made me smile this morning:

A mountain of a man was on his phone, on my train to work, explaining why he would be late into the office.

"My dog" he started, "it headbutted me and knocked me out cold, so I missed my usual train".

Was that an elaborate excuse? If it wasn't, then that's one big dog...

So what's the most creative excuse you've ever heard or used, for being late?

 

[N Levers]

"was on RailUKforums answering a thread about being late for work"

on that subject I'm off to work...

 

[Xenophon PCDGS]

The original TV series about the Reginald Perrin character was always worth watching for the "Eleven minutes late" excuses for him arriving late at Sunshine Desserts. A good example of script writing.

 

[bb21]

... because the RPI tried to PF me incorrectly, so we got into a long argument and missed my connection ...

 

[317666]

Apparently, back in steam days there were once problems on the infamous LTS, because of the "wrong kind of coal"...

 

[Heinz57]

Back at school me and my sister were often late in the mornings, and being in the same class (We're twins), we used to think up some great excuses involving time machines and saving the human race.

It's been six years since we left school so I can't remember any now. But they were very entertaining!

 

[HugePilchard]

I've not had any memorable excuses myself, but a colleague did once manage "The A1 was blocked after a wide load hit its own escort vehicle."

 

[Yew]

Lincoln Level Crossing being down for 45 minuites straight

 

[David]

"My dog" he started, "it headbutted me and knocked me out cold, so I missed my usual train".

Was that an elaborate excuse? If it wasn't, then that's one big dog..

It all depends on the dog involved!

 

[Eng274]

Apparently, back in steam days there were once problems on the infamous LTS, because of the "wrong kind of coal"...

There was a Thomas the Tank Engine story where Henry was toiling to work properly due to crap quality coal (despite the other engines coping fine - fussy b*gger), they bought in some Welsh coal and he worked fine! Suppose it could've rung true for steam locos IRL too.

The original TV series about the Reginald Perrin character was always worth watching for the "Eleven minutes late" excuses for him arriving late at Sunshine Desserts. A good example of script writing.

The new series carried this on, except it was 27 minutes late

To avoid lateness situations, I try to give vague arrival times. An old girlfriend wasn't impressed when, upon being asked what time I'd get to her house at, I replied "mid-afternoonish" :roll:

 

[12CSVT]

Back at school me and my sister were often late in the mornings, and being in the same class (We're twins), we used to think up some great excuses involving time machines and saving the human race.

It's been six years since we left school so I can't remember any now. But they were very entertaining!

Reminds me of a joke about a boy who had to explain to his teacher why he was half an hour late for school.
'Sorry Miss, but I overslept. I was dreaming that I was watching the F A Cup final.'
When asked what that had to do with him being 30 minutes late he replied 'The match went into extra time'

 

[deltic1989]

:cry:

Lincoln Level Crossing being down for 45 minuites straight

I've tried that one before (i live in in south Lincoln and work in north Lincoln) my gaffer knows about the bridges and the by pass, needless to say it didn't work.
The best one I got away with was, me and the Mrs were "making up" after an argument. Oh and saying you ran out of petrol doesnt work either, if your in the navy at any rate lousy sky docketing fuel prices list me a weeks pay in addition to the weeks pay I used to spend on fuel every month.

 

[transportphoto]

"I was late because the train is always late so I knew I'd get it!" - as the train pulls out with an ontime departure.

 

[sprinterguy]

There was a Thomas the Tank Engine story where Henry was toiling to work properly due to crap quality coal (despite the other engines coping fine - fussy b*gger), they bought in some Welsh coal and he worked fine! Suppose it could've rung true for steam locos IRL too.

That is based on a true story, suggesting that Henry is based on a "Royal Scot" locomotive which were known for being poor steamers in their original form and as such were rebuilt with taper boilers under the Stanier regime: Henry was also sent away to Crewe for a rebuild, I think at the end of that self same story.

Poor quality coal was a well known enemy of good steaming, that became particularly prevalent during WW2.

I have a friend who, if arriving late, believes that any excuse should at least be creative/interesting. I can't remember most of them (I'm sure one once had an entire lecture theatre full of students in stitches of laughter), but one of the more sensible ones concerns a water leak in the blood bank of the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham causing delays on the Cross City line, which IIRC actually happened on one occasion.

 

[trentside]

I had a friend, who on being asked why he was late (he was never punctual to anything) just used to respond "because I'm not on time..."

If pressed for an explanation he'd offer something ridiculous as a reason, but most of these escape me.

 

[flymo]

The original TV series about the Reginald Perrin character was always worth watching for the "Eleven minutes late" excuses for him arriving late at Sunshine Desserts. A good example of script writing.

You're talking my language Paul. I didn’t get where I am today without being brought up on Reggie Iolanthe Perrin. Great! Super!.

Eleven minutes late, staff difficulties at Hampton Wick.
Eleven minutes late, signal failure at Vauxhall.
Eleven minutes late, staff shortages, Nine Elms.
Eleven minutes late, seasonal manpower shortages, Clapham Junction.
Eleven minutes late, derailment of container truck, Raynes Park.
Eleven minutes late, defective junction box, New Malden.
Eleven minutes late, overheated axle at Berrylands.
Eleven minutes late, defective axle at Wandsworth.
Eleven minutes late, somebody had stolen the lines at Surbiton.
Seventeen minutes late, defective bogey at Earlsfield.
Seventeen minutes late, water seeping through the cables at Effingham Junction - there was a lot of Effingham and a good deal of Blindingham!
Twenty two minutes late, black ice at Norbiton.
Twenty two minutes late, obstacles on the line at Berrylands.
Twenty two minutes late, Badger ate a junction box at New Malden
Twenty two minutes late, fed up by train delays, came by bike. Slow puncture at Peckham.
Twenty two minutes late, escaped puma, Chessington North.

In Martin Clunes’ version there were also some excuses.

Twenty seven minutes late, suspiciously bulging holdall at Coulsdon South.
Twenty seven minutes late, wrong kind of passenger at South Norwood.
Twenty seven minutes late, fell asleep on the train, roused by the cleaner at Waterloo.
Twenty seven minutes late, exploding hot water boiler in café bar in carriage D. Many dead, all a bit awkward.
Twenty seven minutes late, no reason given due to surly guard issue at Raynes Park.
Twenty eight minutes late! it’s getting worse. Wrong kind of excuse in the Norwood area.
Twenty seven minutes late, futuristic traffic calming scheme in Hampton Wick, a badly positioned fairground in Thames Ditton then I got out of the car in Merton for a quick cry (OK not railway related but what the heck)
Two hundred and seventy minutes late, various reasons.
Twenty seven minutes late, tree fell on the points at Cheam.
Twenty seven minutes late, doors stuck for twenty seven minutes at Waterloo due to software implosion.
Twenty seven minutes late, jumped out of the train in the Sutton area.
Twenty seven minutes late, came in by (expletive) bike.

Station announcements
We apologise for the delay, this is due to……..whatever.
We apologise for the delay, this is due to a passenger stuck in a luggage rack at Battersea.
We apologise for the delay, this is due to ….like…a bush on the line.

Some other railway ones –

3 hours late, Panda on the line at Chessington,
Thursdays declared unfit for purpose by Southern Railways
Stuck in sticky tar on East Croydon station platform.


I REALLY need to get out more……..

 

[LE Greys]

Funny how many of those sound believable, at least compared with:
... an exploding pigeon at King's Cross Thameslink.
... a rat self-destructed while chewing through signal cables.
... the wrong type of boat on the line (probably at Starcross after a gale).
... a Giraffe became entangled with the overhead wires (probably not seriously).
... armed escaped prisoner threatening trains.
... stock is frozen to the rails at Letchworth.
... the signal box computer crashed.
... deranged female on the line.
... snow at North Pole.
... no reason whatsoever.
... completely incompetent management at every level (someone really said that).

You just can't make it up.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

I was once genuinely held up en route to Carlisle from Euston by about 20 - 30 minutes at Preston because the tea urn in the buffet car was faulty.

Apparently it was more important to delay the train for a fitter to replace the fuse in the urn than it was to run the train on time but without any tea being available... ( Headline: BR tea delays train 30 minutes!" )

This was about 25 years ago, by the way.

 

[Tom B]

On an East Coast service :

"We are currently running approximately 25 minutes late, this is owing to late running"

 

[Mintona]

Once got held at Strood for a (booked to be) later mainline train to be allowed into Rochester. A woman was giving birth along Sole Street bank and the ambulance was waiting at Rochester.

 

[exile]

When a colleague of mine sent round an email about the importance of getting to work on time he got a reply along the lines of - if our partners looked as ugly as yours, we'd always be at work on time too.

 

[deltic1989]

When a colleague of mine sent round an email about the importance of getting to work on time he got a reply along the lines of - if our partners looked as ugly as yours, we'd always be at work on time too.

Why does this forum not have a like button its times like this we need one.
-----------
l LIKE. l
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Never mind made my own (kinda)

 

[Statto]

Funny how many of those sound believable, at least compared with:
... an exploding pigeon at King's Cross Thameslink.
... a rat self-destructed while chewing through signal cables.
... the wrong type of boat on the line (probably at Starcross after a gale).
... a Giraffe became entangled with the overhead wires (probably not seriously).
... armed escaped prisoner threatening trains.
... stock is frozen to the rails at Letchworth.
... the signal box computer crashed.
... deranged female on the line.
... snow at North Pole.
... no reason whatsoever.
... completely incompetent management at every level (someone really said that).

You just can't make it up.

I love that one, Snow at North Pole, i can imagine the bemused looks on Passengers when that was announced.

Also the infamous wrong kind of Snow excuse for delays on ECML 20 years ago, & Leaves on the line.

 

[Ferret]

'Sorry I'm late for work, I was cycling down the canal towpath and fell into the canal, so had to go back home and get changed' is one of the best I've heard. What's even funnier about this one is that Mumrar assures me it actually happened - to his brother! s

 

[Yew]

Gross underinvestment and a badly thought out, fractured and inadequate rail system within the British Isles?

 

[exile]

My OH once had to give the, genuine, excuse - the cat stole her house keys and ran underneath the bed with them.....

 

[LE Greys]

Gross underinvestment and a badly thought out, fractured and inadequate rail system within the British Isles?

That actually happened as well, I think the exact words were "A remarkable lack of investment in the infrastructure of the railway system by the government.". :roll:

 

[table38]

I used to live virtually across the road from work and was always late.

I used the old line that "if you are late, you can hurry up; if I'm late, I'm already here!"

 

[LE Greys]

I love that one, Snow at North Pole, i can imagine the bemused looks on Passengers when that was announced.

Also the infamous wrong kind of Snow excuse for delays on ECML 20 years ago, & Leaves on the line.

I remember that one, which practically repeated itself with the Eurostar failures. Leaves on the line reminds me of a story where the up Royal Wessex nearly returned to Weymouth from Bincombe Tunnel one autumn day with a West Country spinning her wheels in the opposite direction at the top. It's an old problem.

 

[HST Power]

an exploding pigeon at King's Cross Thameslink.

*Requests YouTube evidence*.

stock is frozen to the rails at Letchworth.

Probably one of the better places to get stuck on the GN!

I've never actually heard FCC give an excuse for lateness. It's just the usual 'we're very sorry to inform you......'.

Attempting to gain any further knowledge never gets me anywhere!