Crossing Divides On The Move

[GodAtum]

The BBC has been doing a series called Crossing Divides On The Move encouraging people to talk to strangers on public transport.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/aboutthebbc/entries/e7151eb1-890f-489b-87f3-a1099d56f2c9
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-48622007
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-48459940
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-48529588

Have you been part of any of these initiatives?

• Virgin Trains designating all coach Cs on its West Coast services as the "chat coach"
• Arriva distributing "conversation starter" cards on buses across the country, and encouraging passengers to "share a smile"
• encouraging people from different backgrounds to mix on Translink Northern Ireland's Glider service connecting East and West Belfast
• National Express deploying actors, poets and games to help trigger conversations on its route 11, which connects Birmingham's most affluent and deprived areas
• rail companies Greater Anglia and GTR are also taking part, along with Go Ahead buses and Transport for London

 

[DarloRich]

I think this is a really good idea. I will talk to anyone. I have met some really interesting people on the train. The important thing is knowing how to judge a situation and how to start a conversation. Delays are always a good way to start a chat!

 

[underbank]

It would be good if people were better at reading the subtle signs that someone doesn't want to chat. Some people just can't accept that you don't want to, and want to do something else, like read or listen to music and can get quite aggressive if you don't engage with them.

The idea of the "C" coach is fine if people have a genuine choice, but if coach C is the only one with an empty seat, then you're just inviting conflict when someone has to sit in it whether they want to chat or not.

As Darlo says, it's all about judging a situation.

 

[DynamicSpirit]

I think this is a really good idea. I will talk to anyone. I have met some really interesting people on the train. The important thing is knowing how to judge a situation and how to start a conversation. Delays are always a good way to start a chat!

I'll write to the TOCs to urge them to introduce more delays shall I...

 

[trainophile]

Some of us use our time alone on public transport to switch off the brain cells for a bit, so having to engage with a stranger who you are not particularly interested in would be annoying. You wouldn't want to rebuff them and cause offence, so you might end up stuck with a situation you would rather avoid.

I suppose so long as there are unreserved seats in other coaches it might appeal to some, but once again I think this is Virgin not doing what it is meant to be doing - providing a reliable train service - and instead patronising those unfortunate passengers who have no alternative means to get where they need to be. Talking toilets anyone?

 

[DarloRich]

Some of us use our time alone on public transport to switch off the brain cells for a bit, so having to engage with a stranger who you are not particularly interested in would be annoying. You wouldn't want to rebuff them and cause offence, so you might end up stuck with a situation you would rather avoid.

I suppose so long as there are unreserved seats in other coaches it might appeal to some, but once again I think this is Virgin not doing what it is meant to be doing - providing a reliable train service - and instead patronising those unfortunate passengers who have no alternative means to get where they need to be. Talking toilets anyone?

This insular nature is exactly the problem with many railway enthusiasts

 

[Darandio]

Some of us use our time alone on public transport to switch off the brain cells for a bit

That sentence doesn't really work.

 

[Meerkat]

That sentence doesn't really work.

It’s easy to be alone in a public place. Some people prefer it, others feel even more alone with people bustling around them.
The problem is working out which are which.

 

[433N]

I would talk to women on trains but, at my age, I'm all too aware of the danger of coming across a bit pervy.

 

[PeterC]

I would talk to women on trains but, at my age, I'm all too aware of the danger of coming across a bit pervy.

Talking across a table is fine but I wouldn't be so comfortable with somebody placing themselved between me and the gangway in airline seating and starting a conversation.

On my local bus we are mostly regulars and people do chat but it is usually with somebody in a different pair of seats. (a friend from London was totally freaked out by this when she visited me)

 

[Alex 2901]

Personally, I'm not a fan of the idea of making small talk on public transport. I'd much rather sit down, put my earphones in, listen to music and read a book, than I would talk to people I don't know.
Not saying that if someone asked a question ("When do we get to point A etc") that I wouldn't answer though, as its just polite to answer those questions if you know the answer.

I can see that the idea may be beneficial for people who don't get to socialise much though, and that a larger portion of the population probably aren't as introverted as me, so it wouldn't really bother them.

 

[The_Train]

I think it's basically what @DarloRich says in that you just have to judge the situation and the other person. It is quite apparent early on if someone doesn't want to converse with you or indeed if you want to converse with them. I've met lots of great people through this hobby but there have been many occasions where I may have asked someone something and got very little back....I usually take this as 'please leave me alone' and will do just that.

The thing is, the world has changed since the days when you knew everyone in your street and could speak to anyone. People are too busy on their phones these days to really care about conversing with people they know, let alone those they don't.

 

[433N]

I am actually quite sociable and enjoy chatting with ... well, anyone really.

But can I just warn people not to ask me the ubiquitous "Got much planned for today ?"

If you do, I will tell you to mind your own effing business and assault you violently. Sorry.

 

[DynamicSpirit]

I would talk to women on trains but, at my age, I'm all too aware of the danger of coming across a bit pervy.

I'd say that saying 'hello' in a friendly manner to another adult who has just moved to be standing or sitting near you is by itself almost never going to come across as pervy, no matter how old you are. What will come across as pervy is if you stare at the person, make some sexual remark, act strangely in some way, have unduly nervous body language, invade personal space, or if she (or he) indicates, either through body language or by giving obviously very short answers, or by tone of voice, that she doesn't want to engage in conversation - and you don't respect her wishes and keep talking. I'm sure that if you avoid all those things, then you'll be fine.

 

[DarloRich]

I am actually quite sociable and enjoy chatting with ... well, anyone really.

But can I just warn people not to ask me the ubiquitous "Got much planned for today ?"

If you do, I will tell you to mind your own effing business and assault you violently. Sorry.

What a strange individual.

 

[Mag_seven]

Personally, I'm not a fan of the idea of making small talk on public transport.

Nor at barbers shops either - my instruction is "short back and sides and silence please"

 

[DarloRich]

Personally, I'm not a fan of the idea of making small talk on public transport. I'd much rather sit down, put my earphones in, listen to music and read a book, than I would talk to people I don't know.
Not saying that if someone asked a question ("When do we get to point A etc") that I wouldn't answer though, as its just polite to answer those questions if you know the answer.

I can see that the idea may be beneficial for people who don't get to socialise much though, and that a larger portion of the population probably aren't as introverted as me, so it wouldn't really bother them.

I find this really sad. You cant go through life alone and expect to be a rounded individual. Personally I would be trying to find a way to overcome shyness or awkwardness.

It will only hold you back especially in employment.

 

[The_Train]

I am actually quite sociable and enjoy chatting with ... well, anyone really.

But can I just warn people not to ask me the ubiquitous "Got much planned for today ?"

If you do, I will tell you to mind your own effing business and assault you violently. Sorry.

You are quite sociable but might 'assault' someone 'violently' if they ask a question that you don't like?

If that is what classes as being sociable these days, I think I'd rather be a recluse

 

[DarloRich]

You are quite sociable but might 'assault' someone 'violently' if they ask a question that you don't like?

If that is what classes as being sociable these days, I think I'd rather be a recluse

Agreed!

 

[The_Train]

Nor at barbers shops either - my instruction is "short back and sides and silence please"

I visited the barber's on Thursday and as always we spent a good hour chatting away as he spruced me up. My barber is Turkish and I love finding stuff out about his Turkish heritage - can be a great way of learning something new by chatting to others

 

[433N]

You are quite sociable but might 'assault' someone 'violently' if they ask a question that you don't like?

If that is what classes as being sociable these days, I think I'd rather be a recluse

Well, I'm sociable in that it would be nothing personal.




[PS : I'm obviously not being serious but it seems that at Tescos and other places this question is part of the Customer Interaction Training - I would never got up to someone and ask them if they had "Got much planned for today ?" or equivalent . It is the type of expression that some nerdy management type would come up with as an 'excellent idea' for Customer Interaction Training. It is an 'open' question. I guess they are also trained that if the customer responds with a simple "Yes" / "No" to Abort Interaction Process whereas if they offer more than that Continue with Interaction. IMHO it is just plain rude to initiate interaction with a question such as : "Going anywhere nice on your holidays, sir ? " - you want the other person to offer something personal first, having given nothing personal of yourself.]

 

[433N]

You are quite sociable but might 'assault' someone 'violently' if they ask a question that you don't like?

If that is what classes as being sociable these days, I think I'd rather be a recluse

Agreed!

Oh, yeah, like ganging up on someone is a sociable thing to do.

 

[The_Train]

Oh, yeah, like ganging up on someone is a sociable thing to do.

I responded, as an individual, to your post and then @DarloRich, as an individual, responded to my post. That is generally how a forum discussion goes or are you suggesting that people should not comment on other people's posts?

At the end of the day, you've made a pretty poor comment (which I'm sure most will do in the world of social media at some point) and I highly doubt you would ever action what you said but don't try and turn it onto those who've called you out for it. Just makes it that little bit worse to be honest.

Anyway moving away from that, why do we think things have changed so drastically with regards to people talking to different people who they don't know? It was pretty much the norm when I was a youngster in the 90s.

Is it the world of social media or the actual media portraying the world as a place where someone will knife you for saying hello to them? Or is it just the progression (or regression) of the human race into a more reckusive civilisation before the apocalypse comes?

 

[433N]

I responded, as an individual, to your post and then @DarloRich, as an individual, responded to my post. That is generally how a forum discussion goes or are you suggesting that people should not comment on other people's posts?

At the end of the day, you've made a pretty poor comment (which I'm sure most will do in the world of social media at some point) and I highly doubt you would ever action what you said but don't try and turn it onto those who've called you out for it. Just makes it that little bit worse to be honest.

Oh my word. I'm joking ... I'm sure I explained that. Jokes often (always ?) involve making pretty poor comments ... I did punctuate it all with emoji's.

Anyway moving away from that, why do we think things have changed so drastically with regards to people talking to different people who they don't know? It was pretty much the norm when I was a youngster in the 90s.

Is it the world of social media or the actual media portraying the world as a place where someone will knife you for saying hello to them? Or is it just the progression (or regression) of the human race into a more reckusive civilisation before the apocalypse comes?

Where I live now, we still all talk to each other. However, I've lived in some pretty rough places but I find if you treat people with respect, they're generally okay. IMHO it is the 'actual media' that is to blame ; the power of nightmares. [my comments earlier were really satirical in nature ; violence very very very very rarely follows simple human interaction despite what the 'actual media' would have you believe].

 

[trainophile]

I find this really sad. You cant go through life alone and expect to be a rounded individual. Personally I would be trying to find a way to overcome shyness or awkwardness.

It will only hold you back especially in employment.

Just because you don't enjoy striking up conversations with random strangers doesn't mean you are some sad loner. I have a lot of real life friends and enjoy socialising with them, but we are friends because we share similar lifestyles and mentally hit it off. I can't understand this need for constant chit chat, if you are ever stuck on a bus or train near to someone who obviously has unlimited minutes on their phone contract, there comes a time quite quickly when you just want them to shut up!

 

[pieguyrob]

The old smoking carriages were the best. You could meet anyone on them, especially if the train was busy, and, the smoking bit got shorter. I'm thinking mk4's.
I met an interesting guy who got me into the "Pink Fairies", travelling from Newcastle to York.
But, those days are long gone. It was 122xx carriage that was standard class smoking.

 

[J-2739]

Well, I guess you can say this thread has sparked into a discussion and a half...

 

[nlogax]

I talk to people pretty much all my working week including into the evenings if needed. Last thing I want on a weekend train journey is to keep that up. I want to look out of the window, listen to music or podcasts and watch the world go by. Noise cancelling headphones are a blessing.

 

[AndrewE]

For me one of the nicest things about using public transport away from the SE of England is the likelihood of a conversation starting, or even just ritual small-talk.
It makes for a much more "inclusive" or welcoming, homely atmosphere than the prickly hostile silence further south.
It makes me wonder whether the BBC people who started the initiative learnt something when they had to decamp to Salford?

 

[Esker-pades]

This insular nature is exactly the problem with many railway enthusiasts

Yes. Railway enthusiasts. Not specific people and their personalities, railway enthusiasts.

I find this really sad. You cant go through life alone and expect to be a rounded individual. Personally I would be trying to find a way to overcome shyness or awkwardness.

It will only hold you back especially in employment.

That assumes so many things: People who don't talk on public transport are lonely; people who don't talk in public transport aren't attempting to overcome any anxiety etc. that may be preventing them from having a conversation; that one can judge what a person is like based on their (lack of) talking to strangers on public transport.
I'll expand on the second assumption: public transport is a really bad place to attempt to strike up a conversation for a person with anxiety (shyness, awkwardness, whatever you want to call it) because it is a captive location. If things go wrong, which is a significant reason for not doing so, then one is esentially trapped. That really doesn't help. Using other places where a quick exit is available if required is useful.

A final point: Wanting to isolate oneself from the rest of the world for a short period of time is not a bad thing.