Is this person being supportive or critical here? Please could you help me interpret this?

[fowler9]

No reason why both goals shouldn’t be open to you at your age (from a previous thread you’re in your early 40s?) I say that as a recreational pilot, working on the commercial license, and professional train driver.

It’s all out there, you just have to go and get it.

Although interestingly a mate of mine who flies professionally doesn’t feel like he travels at all.

It’s a great job but it’s not the Shangri-la many believe.

Ha ha, that is true mate and honestly I haven't given up. I have travelled a lot, my sister has travelled more but as cabin crew hasn't seen much outside of the Airbus she is working on. I guess my point, if I had one, was to hang on to your dreams. Just because they don't work out the way you thought they would doesn't mean they won't happen, or they may change.

 

[Bromley boy]

Ha ha, that is true mate and honestly I haven't given up. I have travelled a lot, my sister has travelled more but as cabin crew hasn't seen much outside of the Airbus she is working on. I guess my point, if I had one, was to hang on to your dreams. Just because they don't work out the way you thought they would doesn't mean they won't happen, or they may change.

Yep my mate says the same. He loves punting a widebody Boeing around the sky at 500mph+ and earns an excellent salary for doing so. He had to sell his soul to get there though - don’t get him onto the subject of Ryanair - and he freely admits it looses its sheen a bit at 0300 when he checks in to fly a load of grubby, drunken chavs from Gatwick to Spain.

I would say do a PPL - if cost is a big factor consider an NPPL or microlight licence. Once you catch the bug it’s difficult to resist spending seriously scary amounts on flying!

“Hang on to your dreams” is by far the most positive and best advice I’ve seen so far on this thread.

 

[JDi]

Should I reply to this message? Do you think that this person is my friend or do you think that he hates me?

I just received a message from one of my ~500 Facebook 'friends'. It is the first time that someone has actually contacted me on there for a very long time - possibly one of the first this year. I haven't posted statuses etc. on Facebook for a few months.


The message says:

Hi XXXXXX,

How are you? I haven't heard from you in quite a while and am hoping that everything is going well for you. Get in touch and let me know how things are going.,

XXXXXX


I was happy to finally receive a message on Facebook (where someone took the initiative to contact me first) but feel very low as to whether I should answer it.

I send an email to this person in April but he didn't reply, so am not sure if I have made him hate me now. I think that he might hate me as in April, I posted a picture of myself on Facebook. I was wearing a tie, the colour of which is the party that he hates. I therefore thought when he didn't reply to my email that he must hate me as I support this political party.

I was happy to finally receive a message through Facebook from him but just feel so low about replying. I am worried that he is angry at me/hates me because he didn't reply to my email in April. Do you think that he hates me now or is there another reason why he may not have responded to me?

I would like to respond to him but I just don't know what to say. Do you think that he is my friend or do you think that he hates me? Also, from my other posts on here, do you think that I have friends and I have people who like me or do you think that I have no friends and people hate me? I just feel that because few people message me on Facebook that I have no friends and no one likes me. I wish that when I was in school I spoke more to people and made friend there. Sadly I just lived with my mum (who was unwell at the time) and helping her and studying all the time (it was the only thing that brought me hope) meant that I shut myself off at school and just studied all of the time. I therefore arrived at university with limited social skills and had to catch up from there - I know that I am a nice person, I just struggle to have any confidence in myself to make friends. I wish that I had friends in school and didn't study all of the time. I also struggle a lot with my Aspergers.

Anyway, back to my question! Do you think that I should respond to this message or do you think that this person hates me because he didn't get back to me in April, and is angry at me because he thinks that I support a different political party to him?

 

[Steveman]

What I think you should do is stop posting multiple threads (5 so far) on your anxiety problems.

 

[JDi]

What I think you should do is stop posting multiple threads (5 so far) on your anxiety problems.

I am sorry - I just though that multiple threads would make it easier to differentiate between responses. I will keep it all to one thread in the future.

 

[Steveman]

I am sorry - I just though that multiple threads would make it easier to differentiate between responses. I will keep it all to one thread in the future.

No need to apologise but I think that would be a good idea.

 

[JDi]

Please can I have some opinions/perspectives on this as I am very worried about it. I don't know whether i should reply, as if I do but he hates me and doesn't get back to me again I will feel bad. However, if he doesn't hate me and considers me a friend, if I don't reply ha may come to hate me/no longer consider me as a friend.

 

[JDi]

Just generally, from my other posts on here, do you think that I have friends and I have people who like me or do you think that I have no friends and people hate me?

 

[Domh245]

If he hated you, he wouldn't have contacted you, or at least would have had a different tone to his message. Just because he didn't respond to your previous email, doesn't mean that he hated you either, it could have been that he saw it, and then forgot to reply to it, or even saw it and thought that he didn't need to bother writing a response. Message him back, let him know how things are going, and see how it goes from there.

As for the question about do you have friends, it certainly seems to be the case that there are a number of people who like you and care about you, which I would consider to be friends.

 

[chorleyjeff]

Should I reply to this message? Do you think that this person is my friend or do you think that he hates me?

I just received a message from one of my ~500 Facebook 'friends'. It is the first time that someone has actually contacted me on there for a very long time - possibly one of the first this year. I haven't posted statuses etc. on Facebook for a few months.


The message says:

Hi XXXXXX,

How are you? I haven't heard from you in quite a while and am hoping that everything is going well for you. Get in touch and let me know how things are going.,

XXXXXX


I was happy to finally receive a message on Facebook (where someone took the initiative to contact me first) but feel very low as to whether I should answer it.

I send an email to this person in April but he didn't reply, so am not sure if I have made him hate me now. I think that he might hate me as in April, I posted a picture of myself on Facebook. I was wearing a tie, the colour of which is the party that he hates. I therefore thought when he didn't reply to my email that he must hate me as I support this political party.

I was happy to finally receive a message through Facebook from him but just feel so low about replying. I am worried that he is angry at me/hates me because he didn't reply to my email in April. Do you think that he hates me now or is there another reason why he may not have responded to me?

I would like to respond to him but I just don't know what to say. Do you think that he is my friend or do you think that he hates me? Also, from my other posts on here, do you think that I have friends and I have people who like me or do you think that I have no friends and people hate me? I just feel that because few people message me on Facebook that I have no friends and no one likes me. I wish that when I was in school I spoke more to people and made friend there. Sadly I just lived with my mum (who was unwell at the time) and helping her and studying all the time (it was the only thing that brought me hope) meant that I shut myself off at school and just studied all of the time. I therefore arrived at university with limited social skills and had to catch up from there - I know that I am a nice person, I just struggle to have any confidence in myself to make friends. I wish that I had friends in school and didn't study all of the time. I also struggle a lot with my Aspergers.

Anyway, back to my question! Do you think that I should respond to this message or do you think that this person hates me because he didn't get back to me in April, and is angry at me because he thinks that I support a different political party to him?

I respectfully suggest you see a GP and ask her/him for advice and guidance. Personal professional free help is the way to go.

 

[JDi]

Is it true that people with Aspergers can be liked by other people and not realise it? I always think that I have no friends, then I was told a story about someone else with Aspergers thinking similar thoughts but actually being well liked. Why does this happen?

 

[JDi]

(I am keeping this all on one thread!)

I was reading some of my old Facebook messages this evening whilst I have been thinking about this. One said:

'Just because you don't always talk to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you. Also, please never assume a person doesn't care about you just because they haven't told you so...'. They also said 'Saying that you are lonely or that you are worried is only holding you back. You can decide to be different right now, there are plenty of people who are your friends and you can meet more and more friends through friends.... But you should just start looking for other things to take an interest alongside your work and start believing that you are a person with friends and a happy life.'

Do you think that this person is my friend? Also, how can they be so confident that 'plenty of people' are my friends and what does this mean? I always think that I have no friends.

 

[najaB]

“Hang on to your dreams” is by far the most positive and best advice I’ve seen so far on this thread.

But always make sure you've got a stable place to stand when you reach for them.

 

[Pinza-C55]

Just generally, from my other posts on here, do you think that I have friends and I have people who like me or do you think that I have no friends and people hate me?

Friends are 3 dimensional people who you have face to face contact with. People who you have as "friends" on Facebook or suchlike social media sites are not real friends.

 

[fowler9]

You sound like you are having a difficult emotional time at the moment and are very insecure (I don't mean that as an insult, I suffer from anxiety and depression and can be the same). You do seem to have a good number of caring friends, regarding this person on Facebook they certainly didn't come across as though they hated you. As someone else said I would suggest having a word with your GP, sometimes it can help getting it all out in the open plus they may be able to prescribe you medication or refer you something like Cognative Behavioural Therapy. CBT is not like seeing a shrink, it is more to do with trying to change the way you respond to various triggers, things that cause you insecurity or anxiety.

Being friends can be very complicated. One of my closest friends absolutely drives me up the wall sometimes and we can argue, it is the fact that we can argue and then afterwards go F That afterwards and just carry on as normal that makes him a friend. Another one of my closest friends I hardly ever see because he lives down south with his wife and two newborn kids, we never argue but hardly ever speak, when we do speak though it is as if we were still growing up together (Which in a way we are) and it lasts for hours. Another one of my close friends is a girl I have only known a couple of years, she is having a very difficult emotional time at the mo and to be honest it can drive you up the wall (As I can her) but I am still there for her. I guess dealing with Aspergers can make it difficult but there is no reason someone with Aspergers can't have friends.

 

[DarloRich]

The above is very good advice. Go and speak with your gp and the pastoral care services at your college

 

[Strat-tastic]

I don't think anyone would hate you for wearing the wrong colour and assuming you supported any political party. That would be very shallow. Besides, only being friends with people who agree with everything you believe in would be very boring.
Go ahead and reply to him.

 

[Strat-tastic]

It’s unfortunate that in many jobs, particularly professional roles, people end up managing others by dint of being technically good at the job and having the ability to win work. Ironically managerial ability is the lowest thing on the list!

There's the old line goes round, you're good at your job, so you get promoted. You're good at that too and get promoted. And on it goes, until eventually you get promoted to a job you're not so talented at and that's where you stay.

 

[Robin Edwards]

JDi - I haven't read any other threads you may have posted so having just read this one, I thought I would share some experience and messages I have given my three daughters, all who have completed or are in their final year at University. Few people in my experience know exactly what they want to be and do from a young age - forty years in industry and I'm still not sure myself what I wanted to do?

• Feel that what you have done was the best you could have done and be content that you have not let yourself down from underachievement.
• Be competitive with yourself as much as you might be with your competitors
• Don't focus on negatives, especially those who want to judge you, fairly or otherwise.
• Think of where you want to be and what you enjoy doing and if you can find a career that exploits these ambitions, chances are you will be successful
• Learn what you don't want in life as much as what you do want
• Don't be afraid to change you mind along the way. Doors will open that you didn't expect to be there and others will close and disappoint
• Confidence grows from experience, don't expect to be an expert from graduation and don't think that graduating is where your education ends
• Don't play the victim, wanting to look for excuses. You can't change the past so move on and take responsibility for moving forwards
• Learn to deal with criticism and knock-backs - they will happen. Use them as learning and opportunities to possibly respond differently next time
• Enjoy life as much as possible - you get just one go at life!

 

[EM2]

There's the old line goes round, you're good at your job, so you get promoted. You're good at that too and get promoted. And on it goes, until eventually you get promoted to a job you're not so talented at and that's where you stay.

It's known as the Peter Principle, 'managers rise to the level of their incompetence'.

 

[D365]

Is it true that people with Aspergers can be liked by other people and not realise it? I always think that I have no friends, then I was told a story about someone else with Aspergers thinking similar thoughts but actually being well liked. Why does this happen?

Yes, that sounds about right.

From my point of view (if the following makes sense), I am aware that sometimes I can be quite unaware, and that leads to me overanalysing certain situations where they need not be.

 

[JDi]

Please can I have some more responses to this? I'm not sure what was meant by the MP part.

Also, I have another question:

I recently got some messages on social media from some people who I knew from a few years ago. I have Aspergers and struggle a lot to interpret messages like thie because of the effects of this on me I also tend to overanalyse messages and most of the time reach the wrong conclusions. Please can I have some advise as to whether you think these people are my friends or not?

The first message from Person 1 said:

'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'

and the second message from Person 2 said:

'Just because you don't always talk to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you. Also, please never assume a person doesn't care about you just because they haven't told you so... I hope today has made you realise how many friends you have '.

I haven't saw either of these people for quite a long time now, although the messages are both fairly recent. Do you think that the people who sent me these messages are my friends? In particular, what is the significance of the ellipsis in the second message? Also, in the first message, I haven't saw this person for a few years now, so how can they so confidently say 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong'?

 

[AlterEgo]

I think what you need to do is visit your GP and ask for help, perhaps through counselling or CBT. You aren't going to solve your constant anxiety (that's the root problem, not your Aspergers) on a forum about trains.

You need to understand that being a friend is not a binary thing. There is no fixed definition of what a friend is and obsessing over whether someone is in the "friend" or "not a friend" tick box is not going to be helpful to your situation.

There are lots of people with Aspergers who don't have this type of anxiety. I think it would be more helpful for you to concentrate on the root causes of your anxiety, which are things that affect both Aspergers' sufferers and "normals".

 

[fowler9]

I think what you need to do is visit your GP and ask for help, perhaps through counselling or CBT. You aren't going to solve your constant anxiety (that's the root problem, not your Aspergers) on a forum about trains.

You need to understand that being a friend is not a binary thing. There is no fixed definition of what a friend is and obsessing over whether someone is in the "friend" or "not a friend" tick box is not going to be helpful to your situation.

There are lots of people with Aspergers who don't have this type of anxiety. I think it would be more helpful for you to concentrate on the root causes of your anxiety, which are things that affect both Aspergers' sufferers and "normals".

Totally agree with this. I have a friend who is behaving very much like the OP at the moment and she doesn't have Aspergers. As I said before and you also said I reckon speaking to a GP is the answer.

 

[JDi]

I think what you need to do is visit your GP and ask for help, perhaps through counselling or CBT. You aren't going to solve your constant anxiety (that's the root problem, not your Aspergers) on a forum about trains.

You need to understand that being a friend is not a binary thing. There is no fixed definition of what a friend is and obsessing over whether someone is in the "friend" or "not a friend" tick box is not going to be helpful to your situation.

There are lots of people with Aspergers who don't have this type of anxiety. I think it would be more helpful for you to concentrate on the root causes of your anxiety, which are things that affect both Aspergers' sufferers and "normals".

Hi AlterEgo, I am receiving counselling for this and yes, I have already booked an appointment with my GP or this as I can tell of late that I have been obsessing about my Aspergers and friend situation. Someone in-person said to me yesterday that I need to undergo a little less introspection and instead focus on positives. However, whilst I am trying to do that and am taking small but sure steps towards success, it isn't an overnight process.

Could I please ask you what binary means, as that would help me to understand that part of your response a lot more.

 

[fowler9]

Hi AlterEgo, I am receiving counselling for this and yes, I have already booked an appointment with my GP or this as I can tell of late that I have been obsessing about my Aspergers and friend situation. Someone in-person said to me yesterday that I need to undergo a little less introspection and instead focus on positives. However, whilst I am trying to do that and am taking small but sure steps towards success, it isn't an overnight process.

Could I please ask you what binary means, as that would help me to understand that part of your response a lot more.

Binary means 1 or 0. In the sense of friends it would mean (If friends were like this) someone is a friend and acts in a certain way or they aren't a friend and don't act in that way. Friends, like all people, act in a million different ways and not just 1 or 0, as such they are not binary. I have friends who I have nothing at all in common with, in fact I can't think of any friends I have who have exactly the same interests as me. I think you are doing the right thing speaking to your doctor. It sounds more like you are suffering from anxiety rather than it being a result of you having Aspergers. I am no expert of course.

 

[JDi]

I have an additional question to this, as I was thinking about it:

I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them. Do you think that the person who wrote this considers me as a friend?

 

[fowler9]

I have an additional question to this, as I was thinking about it:

I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them. Do you think that the person who wrote this considers me as a friend?

Yes I do. You are reading too much in to things.

 

[JDi]

I know that I have posted on here about this before but have struggled to interpret some responses, as I tend to prefer objectivity.

I therefore just thought threat I would create one last thread on this, asking posters to vote objectively (no explanation), so I will get a more objective response that I can understand.

The question is:
'Do you think that these people aren't my friends?'

The potential responses are:

1/ Person 1 is my friend but Person 2 isn't.

2/ Person 2 is my friend but Person 1 isn't.

3/ Both of these people are my friends.

4/ Neither of these people are my friends.

Thank you very much for helping me gain an objective understanding on this.

The information is:

I recently got some messages on social media from some people who I knew from a few years ago. I have Aspergers and struggle a lot to interpret messages like thie because of the effects of this on me I also tend to overanalyse messages and most of the time reach the wrong conclusions.

1. 
   Please can I have some advise as to whether you think these people are my friends or not?
   
   The first message from Person 1 said:
   
   'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'
   
   I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them.
   
   and the second message from Person 2 said: 'Just because you don't always talk to friends doesn't mean they aren't always there for you. Also, please never assume a person doesn't care about you just because they haven't told you so... I hope today has made you realise how many friends you have '.
   
   
   I haven't saw either of these people for quite a long time now, although the messages are both fairly recent. I have them both on Facebook and we are in touch quite infrequently. Do you think that the people who sent me these messages are my friends? In particular, what is the significance of the ellipsis in the second message? Also, in the first message, I haven't saw this person for a few years now, so how can they so confidently say 'if you think you have no friends then you are wrong'?

 

[fowler9]

3. Now sort out this social anxiety, it is making me anxious.