Is this person being supportive or critical here? Please could you help me interpret this?

[krus_aragon]

Likewise, 3.

If you'll allow me to respond to one of your comments:

"You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way" - This doesn't have to imply that one doesn't have any friends to start. It can also be read as saying more friends will come your way. I feel the second interpretation is correct.

I feel both persons are trying to persuade you that you have a number of friends. What they haven't stated explicitly (in these short quotes), but are implying, is that they consider you to be a friend.

 

[AlterEgo]

There's not really a nice way to say this, but you need to stop posting neurotic threads about the same subject. I don't think they're helping your situation.

This is something that would be much better discussed face to face. I note you're interested in coming to the London meal, and I'm sure the atmosphere of a restaurant and a beer would be a better setting to chat about it.

 

[najaB]

3

What they have said is advice that a a friend would give.

 

[JDi]

There's not really a nice way to say this, but you need to stop posting neurotic threads about the same subject. I don't think they're helping your situation.

This is something that would be much better discussed face to face. I note you're interested in coming to the London meal, and I'm sure the atmosphere of a restaurant and a beer would be a better setting to chat about it.

Hi AlterEgo - yes, I still am - it would be very good to go and make new friends!

I just keep making the threads as I do tend to get so confused with social interactions at times and can often convince myself that I have no friends! I achieve a lot academically, it's just a few days that I can overthink social concerns. Posting does often help, as it allows me to get additional perspectives that are in reality, more realistic than my assessment of a message/social situation. For instance, it seems that there is a consensus on Option 3 for my poll above. Whilst this would suggest that the answer would be obvious to many, for me, I lack confidence and struggle to comprehend how it could be Option 3.

 

[najaB]

Whilst this would suggest that the answer would be obvious to many, for me, I lack confidence and struggle to comprehend how it could be Option 3.

Don't try to understand why people like you. You are your own worst critic, you'll see the flaws that nobody else notices.

 

[yorkie]

Have you been able to take any of the advice I posted in I would like to talk to some friends? Feel free to reply to the message I have recently sent, if I can be of assistance.

I worry a lot about if I will ever get a good job once I graduate - I can't really think of any which don't involve managing people (which I'm not that good at!).

You could manage resources instead; that’s what I do, in a way. I don’t line manage anyone.

Same here!

Are they good jobs though?

JDi I don't know if you'd consider any of the jobs I do to be "good" or not, but I consider them to be good, and what matters is that I enjoy them. In fact, I feel very fortunate to be paid to do many of the things I do!

 

[JDi]

Please could I get some more responses to this?

 

[fowler9]

Mate speak to a doctor about your anxiety. Looking for constant reassurance will lead you down a cul-de-sac, you will just need more and more. What alternative responses are you looking for? Are you hoping that someone will tell you that these people who seem to be friends just aren't really? I think they are offering advice in support and are friends.

 

[JDi]

I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' and 'look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them and 'people you know' is passive so doesn't also include them (also I haven't spoken to this person in-person for a long time).

 

[yorkie]

You are probably reading far too much into it and reaching the wrong conclusion.

I refer you to previous posts in this thread, such as post #61 by krus aragon edit: and post #71 below by fowler9 (both of whom I have met)

Have you taken up the offer to speak to a forum member based in Durham?

If you would like to speak to someone who works at your University who can help you, I can put you in touch.

And/or you could speak to a doctor, friends or relatives.

But I do not think we can advise you further on here. There is advice here you are not taking and I don't know what else we can say. You need to speak to people in person to take this forward.

 

[fowler9]

I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' and 'look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them and 'people you know' is passive so doesn't also include them (also I haven't spoken to this person in-person for a long time).

You are just torturing yourself by asking yourself far too many questions about everything. Why can't you just accept that people may in fact care about you by the fact they are responding to you? Isn't this what a friend is?

 

[Harbornite]

Please could I get some more responses to this?

Read carefully through all the posts on here, take on board the advice they've given and stop over-analysing stuff.

 

[fowler9]

If I can just add to what I just said I want you to be happy, I really want you to be.

I think that the 'You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way' and 'look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know' suggests that this person doesn't consider me as a friend as 'friends will come your way' implies that they think that I have none, including them and 'people you know' is passive so doesn't also include them (also I haven't spoken to this person in-person for a long time).

Definitely try and make it to a forum meet up. There are so many lovely people on this forum. I have only made it to one so far, it was a Liverpool challenge and was a brilliant day out. I am hoping to make it to more as of the week after next as I am starting a new job which doesn't involve constantly changing shifts. Makes it easier to plan in advance. Anyway, if we both make it to any meet ups it would be good to chat.

 

[JDi]

I manage a budget for social and digital media, and I control all of my organisation’s social media capabilities. I don’t manage a single person. There are thousands of jobs like this. It’s a good job because it pays well, I get good holidays and I have the freedom to pursue a hobby which draws in a second income stream.

I’m a bit puzzled by your friend suggesting you would be a good MP. If you struggle to understand nuance or what matters to people, and if you are being taken advantage of by others, and if you don’t know when someone’s being mean - then I would suggest this is exactly the sort of thing you wouldn’t find rewarding or successful. However, you might find that researching and developing policy for a party or a think tank might be a way to still be influential in politics without having to manage people, or deal too much in verbal jousting which you might find difficult.



Absolutely, but you have to learn what your strengths are. A good job is not defined by whether you manage people or not.

Hi @AlterEgo ,

When you say that you control of your company's social media capabilities - what is your job like? Do you enjoy it?

Would you say that the private or public sector is the best place to work (in terms of work/life balance, a nice team of colleagues and a good working environment)?

How do you get a job that makes you happy?

I always worry a lot about the application procedures. I know that I am very hardworking and academically capable enough for jobs, however, often I lack confidence in myself and my ability to perform at interviews. I worry that because I am naturally shy, I may lack experiences. Many people say that I am a very nice person and very likeable. One of my friends said 'I really hope that you realise how special and great fun you are man, such a gift to us all!'. Many people say nice things like this about me. I am very good academically and have a 'great personality', however, just lack confidence that my experiences will be enough to get me a job that I will be happy in.

How do you find a job that you are happy in and how do you build up the 'real-world' experience for it?

 

[headshot119]

JDi, if you don't mind me asking, have you done any work experience, or had any jobs?

The best advice I can give you, is don't worry too much about getting a dream job (I think you're still in University?), use the time to build up experience in life, and in the work place.

I had two part time jobs while going through college, and University, the experience I'd gained from them allowed me to start in a much better job than most of my peers when I left University.

 

[fowler9]

Hi @AlterEgo ,

When you say that you control of your company's social media capabilities - what is your job like? Do you enjoy it?

Would you say that the private or public sector is the best place to work (in terms of work/life balance, a nice team of colleagues and a good working environment)?

How do you get a job that makes you happy?

I always worry a lot about the application procedures. I know that I am very hardworking and academically capable enough for jobs, however, often I lack confidence in myself and my ability to perform at interviews. I worry that because I am naturally shy, I may lack experiences. Many people say that I am a very nice person and very likeable. One of my friends said 'I really hope that you realise how special and great fun you are man, such a gift to us all!'. Many people say nice things like this about me. I am very good academically and have a 'great personality', however, just lack confidence that my experiences will be enough to get me a job that I will be happy in.

How do you find a job that you are happy in and how do you build up the 'real-world' experience for it?

Mate I am 43 and still haven't found the job I want since leaving uni. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You are more than just your job. I have had an amazing life so far.

 

[EM2]

Mate I am 43 and still haven't found the job I want since leaving uni. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You are more than just your job. I have had an amazing life so far.

I dropped into my job at 38, having had no idea what I wanted to do since leaving school. I love it, but it came entirely by accident, when I saw an advert in the paper!

 

[fowler9]

I dropped into my job at 38, having had no idea what I wanted to do since leaving school. I love it, but it came entirely by accident, when I saw an advert in the paper!

That is nice to hear.