JUST FOR FUN: If Other Companies Made Trains

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Up_Tilt_390, 1 Aug 2018.

  1. Up_Tilt_390

    Up_Tilt_390 Member

    Messages:
    923
    Joined:
    10 Oct 2015
    So just for a bit of fun, I thought we'd have a little bit of a challenge on the forums about what you might get if you had other companies that aren't the usual manufacturers making trains. The only rules are that they must not be companies already manufacturing or operating trains. So without a further ado, let me begin and show you not only an example, but also how to structure your answers. Here we go...
    • Rolls-Royce: Posh looking stock built by hand, yet only used occasionally because it's more for posh and personally organised charter trains rather than commercial use on a regular day-to-day basis.
    So, with all that said, give it your best shot...
     
  2. Registered users do not see these banners - join or log in today!

    Rail Forums

     
  3. GusB

    GusB Established Member

    Messages:
    1,926
    Joined:
    9 Jul 2016
    Location:
    Elginshire
    L'Oreal - because you're worth it.
     
  4. Domh245

    Domh245 Established Member

    Messages:
    4,850
    Joined:
    6 Apr 2013
    Location:
    Nottingham
    Apple: would run on a 1500mm gauge, be more expensive than any equivalents, and would need replacing every 2 years.
     
  5. PeterY

    PeterY Member

    Messages:
    779
    Joined:
    2 Apr 2013
    Samsung for battery trains, you'd need to charge them every 5 minutes.
     
  6. ComUtoR

    ComUtoR Established Member

    Messages:
    6,463
    Joined:
    13 Dec 2013
    Location:
    UK
    Carlsberg. Because it would be the *best train in the world.


    *probably
     
  7. ComUtoR

    ComUtoR Established Member

    Messages:
    6,463
    Joined:
    13 Dec 2013
    Location:
    UK
    And have a new coupler.
     
  8. Bromley boy

    Bromley boy Established Member

    Messages:
    4,611
    Joined:
    18 Jun 2015
    How about Dyson, classy design, overpriced, good at hoovering-up crowds?

    Alternatively Rolls Royce might make gas turbine powered, supersonic trains?
     
  9. sk688

    sk688 Member

    Messages:
    531
    Joined:
    11 Sep 2016
    Location:
    Bath
    Or set itself on fire
     
  10. Up_Tilt_390

    Up_Tilt_390 Member

    Messages:
    923
    Joined:
    10 Oct 2015
    In that case, might I ask what it would be like if Numatic made trains?

    Perhaps. Getting into the airline side of things I see. ;)
     
  11. Jonny

    Jonny Established Member

    Messages:
    2,072
    Joined:
    10 Feb 2011
    <sarcasm>
    What if a bus manufacturer had a go?

    Oh, wait...
    </sarcasm>
     
  12. 61653 HTAFC

    61653 HTAFC Veteran Member

    Messages:
    11,080
    Joined:
    18 Dec 2012
    Location:
    Another planet...
    Though there'd still be a dedicated band of followers who would insist they were perfect and could do no wrong...

    Much like Siemens then! ;)
     
  13. Economist

    Economist Member

    Messages:
    316
    Joined:
    24 Feb 2013
    Airbus. The driver wouldn't drive the train, the driver would drive a computer which decided whether or not it liked what the driver wanted to do. If the computer was happy with the driver's commands, the computer would then drive the train.
     
  14. Howardh

    Howardh Established Member

    Messages:
    5,306
    Joined:
    17 May 2011
    G4S - make the trains for Northern to run.
    What could possibly go.....

    If it's for running the trains - the BBC, everyone pays an up-front fee even if they don't use them and has people in vans chasing you around "You caught the 1834 to Cleethorpes last night and you don't have a licence...."
     
  15. Cowley

    Cowley Established Member Associate Staff General Discussion

    Messages:
    7,451
    Joined:
    15 Apr 2016
    Location:
    Devon
    B&Q: It probably wouldn’t make it to the destination without collapsing, falling over and the doors not shutting properly.
    Although at least on Mondays pensioners would get a discount.

    Jewsons: It would be a different price every time you bought a ticket and would be manned by staff that clearly didn’t want you to be there.

    Ronseal: The train would be vinyl wrapped with a big sign that said ‘THIS IS A TRAIN’!!!

    Viagra: It would just keep going even if it got to Thurso.
     
  16. Howardh

    Howardh Established Member

    Messages:
    5,306
    Joined:
    17 May 2011
    Argos.
    You pay, get your ticket and then wait in a line for it to turn up.

    Oh, hang on....
     
  17. HumberSprinter

    HumberSprinter Member

    Messages:
    42
    Joined:
    4 Aug 2018
    Location:
    Grimsby
    EA, you have to pay extra if you want opening doors etc.

    Ikea, a wobbly train with a few screws missing.

    Durex, they make the train way too big and it doesn't fit on the rails.

    Windows, the train needs new installations in the middle of the trip at the worst time.

    Toblerone, the carriages will have huge gaps between the seats to keep the cost the same but reduce weight.

    Royal Mail, train would be full of unwanted spam.
     
  18. Cowley

    Cowley Established Member Associate Staff General Discussion

    Messages:
    7,451
    Joined:
    15 Apr 2016
    Location:
    Devon
    You’re brave and honest to post that one. :lol:
     
  19. Economist

    Economist Member

    Messages:
    316
    Joined:
    24 Feb 2013
    Windows? Ever heard of Windows-based MiTRAC? I believe it may or may not have featured prominently during a documentary about GWR, featuring a poor trainee with a 387 that decided to do what looked like a self-test at a rather inopportune moment.

    So, you're not exactly wrong.
     
  20. HumberSprinter

    HumberSprinter Member

    Messages:
    42
    Joined:
    4 Aug 2018
    Location:
    Grimsby
    Not brave, this site is anonymous. Clearly 50% of men are below average yet the stupid company doesn't make any suitable sizes. It's humilliating when a woman laughs at this issue, not funny at all :( .

    Another company...
    Google, it's train takes you to similar sounding stations first.
     
  21. Cowley

    Cowley Established Member Associate Staff General Discussion

    Messages:
    7,451
    Joined:
    15 Apr 2016
    Location:
    Devon
    Good point actually (sorry about the laughing emoji). Not the kind of thing it would be easy to ask for in Boots.
     
  22. HumberSprinter

    HumberSprinter Member

    Messages:
    42
    Joined:
    4 Aug 2018
    Location:
    Grimsby
    Apology accepted, I couldn't work up the courage to ask in Boots so just picked up normal box and hoped.
    Just be grateful with what you have.

    More companies...
    Morrisons, they introduce a Wonky train service made with substandard parts.
    Dominoes Pizza, the train will arrive in a mess.
    Hasbro, if the train passes go you get 200 quid!
    Gillete, instead of adding blades, they make a train with 10 extra sets of wheels per carriage.
    BBC, the train only goes one way!
     
  23. najaB

    najaB Veteran Member

    Messages:
    21,147
    Joined:
    28 Aug 2011
    Location:
    Scotland
    Actually. that's more like Ryanair - takes you to a station named after the place you want to go, but actually 100km away.
     
  24. HumberSprinter

    HumberSprinter Member

    Messages:
    42
    Joined:
    4 Aug 2018
    Location:
    Grimsby
    Haha, that's true!

    More...
    Nokia, the train makes a racket and won't stop.
    House of Fraser, if you enter the train you are ponced on by staff trying to sell stuff.
    Tesco, like it's online delivery it would substitute which passengers it delivers.
    Dulux, the train will be repainted every day (like East Coast).
    Lego, more expensive than a normal train but with complex instructions.
    Kelloggs, if milk is spilled the train snaps, crackles and pops!
    McDonalds, there'd be unwanted gherkins under the seats.
    Krispy Kreme doughnuts, always have a police pressence on the train.
     
  25. 318266

    318266 Member

    Messages:
    360
    Joined:
    30 Sep 2017
    Google, tells you the wrong price and expect you to pay for it.

    (Based on the fact it thinks 1000 megabytes is a gigabyte, when its 1024 megabytes.
     
  26. najaB

    najaB Veteran Member

    Messages:
    21,147
    Joined:
    28 Aug 2011
    Location:
    Scotland
    Getting off topic, but a gigabyte *is* now generally taken to mean 1000MB. What you and I used to call a gigabyte (GB) is now called a gibibyte (GiB) and is 1024 mebibytes (MiB).
     
  27. 318266

    318266 Member

    Messages:
    360
    Joined:
    30 Sep 2017
    O.K. then.

    Facebook, you pay for your ticket, then they leak all the details of it, and who gets it hacks into the train system and invalidates your ticket..
     
  28. Groningen

    Groningen Established Member

    Messages:
    2,868
    Joined:
    14 Jan 2015
    Facebook trains: no reservations required, because we know already who you are.
     
  29. Howardh

    Howardh Established Member

    Messages:
    5,306
    Joined:
    17 May 2011
    A certain (big 6) power company - no names; You take your journey, you phone or e-mail in the distance gone, they send you the bill for 10x that, you write in and complain, they reduce it to 5x but insist on you paying the 10x, meanwile you have sent in two more monthly distances which they add on to the 5x and 10x, then they post you a final demand for the money you have already paid that was correct and a further demand for the outstanding that you don't owe, then they recheck your journeys and find you were right in the first place and you've paid them too much so you get two letters, one confirming the refund and one still saying you owe them money.....

    Thank goodness I got shut years ago and moved to a proper supplier...
     
  30. Groningen

    Groningen Established Member

    Messages:
    2,868
    Joined:
    14 Jan 2015
    Apple trains: because you are worth it. Overpriced.
     
  31. methethpropbut

    methethpropbut Member

    Messages:
    184
    Joined:
    25 Apr 2017
    No tickets required, we already know where you want to go :D payment? oh don't worry we'll take it off your card, we already know the details :D:D
     

Share This Page