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JUST FOR FUN: If Other Companies Made Trains

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hexagon789

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British Leyland - they'd build buses for rails that are uncomfortable and totally unsuited as trains.

Oh wait...:lol:
 

trainophile

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Wherever I lay my hat
BT Broadband. They would tell you you’ve already travelled 90% of your allowance even when you have only just left the terminal, and strongly recommend you upgrade to an annual all line rover.

Any bank - trains would be so heavily password protected that you couldn’t board without confirming your date of birth and your mother’s maiden name.
 

DanTrain

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Sheffield
A massive, stale biscuit?
Sounds fine to me...anyone object :lol:

BT Broadband. They would tell you you’ve already travelled 90% of your allowance even when you have only just left the terminal, and strongly recommend you upgrade to an annual all line rover.
Virgin Media: We know we said we'd charge you £10 for this journey, but half way through we'll actually charge £20 and you can carry on to the next station (even though you're not going there)!
 

hexagon789

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Marks and Spencer - "This more than just a train. This, is an M&S train."
 
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DanTrain

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Waitrose: Here is a train that is just as good as the one over there but three times the price, with unnescessary plastic wrapping and a firm sense of entitlement!
 

GusB

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The Asda/Sainsbury sleeper - will no longer be joining at Carstairs
 

EssexGonzo

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9 May 2012
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636
The BMW train was a disaster.

SPADs galore, the trains always seemed to find themselves 6 inches from the buffers of the train in front and the orange lights on the side never worked.

But it would be the Ultimate Driving Machine. For drivers, obvs.
 

LOL The Irony

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Chinatown, New York
Porsche: All trains MUST resemble the 911. Odly, standard will cost more than first, traveling on a merseyrail pacer will cost more than travelling on HS2 and all the trains will have incredibly German names.

Foster + Partners: Glass & steel. Everywhere.

Huawei: Records all conversations and passes them to the PRC government.

Land Rover: Relies on brand image alone. Last made a good train in 2016. Rarely used for their intended purpose. This video sums it up
 

Giugiaro

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Valongo - Portugal
UPS: Passengers get to the destination completely full of injuries.
NASA: Made awesome trains in the past. Its high-speed shuttle was full of design flaws and currently struggles to get a new train due to politics. Has been relying on Russian TE10's for the past couple of years.
Gillette: How many doors and wheels are too much?
Intel: Trying to keep up with Moore's Law, they're now trying to stack traction motors on top of each other to increase the tractive effort of their trains.
AMD: Too power hungry. Too hot to run. Couplers brake too easily.
nVidia: Just introduced the RTX line of trains. 2 times as expensive, route tracing is slow and hasn't increased the seating... at all...
Ford: Can't figure out why their trains don't sell in Japan.
HP: Diesel comes in specific cartridges. It costs more than the same weight in Silver Bullion. Maybe even 24k gold is cheaper!

Rolls-Royce: Posh looking stock built by hand, yet only used occasionally because it's more for posh and personally organised charter trains rather than commercial use on a regular day-to-day basis.
Alternatively Rolls Royce might make gas turbine powered, supersonic trains?

*ahem*

Rolls-Royce engine:

CP 0400 UDD, Portugal by Biblioteca de Arte / Art Library Fundação Calouste Gulbenkian, on Flickr

Tesla: ROCKET TRAINS!! Followed by some inflammatory comments on the tannoy and then having Elon Muck replace the ticket collector halfway through.

How about this:
Tesla Super Transporter.jpg

Tesla Super Transporter. Self-driving, high-speed cargo lorry transporter. Can couple to other trains along the way to its destination, charges electric lorries on-the-go and is 5 times cheaper than traditional rail and 15 times cheaper than road. Also battery powered outside electrified lines.

Didn't they do this already on Top Gear?

 

lyndhurst25

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Walkers Crisps - Blue Pullman train painted green; signal light colours changed to red, yellow and blue.
 

Smitham

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The UK Parliament train. Still not left the station as promised. Driver wants to ask the passengers if they still definitely want to leave the station. Most passengers think the train should leave even if the signal is red.
 

satisnek

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Kidderminster/Mercia Marina
I can easily imagine the cash-strapped 1980s BR ordering Amstrad trains... The controls would have broken after just a few months in service and the whole fleet would have needed replacing before the decade was out. As things turned out they opted for Pacers. At least they stood the test of time...
 

kevconnor

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22 Apr 2013
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People's Republic of Mancunia
Post Office

You queue for hours to board, when you get to the front you find you need photo ID to collect your ticket so have to go home before queuing up again. By which time it's been closed down and the nearest train is the next town over. Which is where you were traveling to anyway.
 

AM9

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St Albans
Waitrose: Here is a train that is just as good as the one over there but three times the price, with unnescessary plastic wrapping and a firm sense of entitlement!
.... but every passenger get's a free cup of coffee, and if they paid more than £10 for their ticket, gets a free newspaper, - a real one, not a Metro or a Standard!.
 

PeterC

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Waitrose: Here is a train that is just as good as the one over there but three times the price, with unnescessary plastic wrapping and a firm sense of entitlement!
But at least you get a free coffee and newspaper if the fare is more than £10
 
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