Nude trespasser in Essex (01/06)

[AndyPJG]

BBC News

Nude sunbather mistaken for dead body near railway line in Essex

A naked man who was sunbathing near a railway line was mistaken for a dead body by police.
Concerned rail workers spotted a pair of feet but "no signs of life" within the railway boundary in Essex, British Transport Police said.
In a tweet, BTP said: "Rushing to the scene, officers found a man in his late 30s enjoying some nude sunbathing."
It happened as temperatures reached 25 C (77 F) on Monday. BTP added: "Please don't sunbathe nude on the railway."
The BBC has asked police for details of where the man was found.

I couldn't possibly comment!

 

[TheSel]

BBC News

The BBC has asked police for details of where the man was found

Had the report not already said it happened in Essex, I was going to suggest Penistone. Or Bat & Ball

 

[DarloRich]

As a teenager on a school trip I once saw a man flashing at a train I was on. Sadly for him the train came to a halt at a signal which resulted in about 20 teenagers banging on the windows and shouting at him and the guard calling the police. Unlucky.

Also: I hope the nude sunbather had sun tan cream on.

 

[Bald Rick]

Anecdote alert... (possibly railway myth)

There was a signal north of York that had a couple of SPADs, always on warm sunny days. It transpired that a shapely young lady often took to sunbathing ‘au naturel’ in her garden, and that certain drivers on the look out were sufficiently distracted.

 

[The Planner]

Anecdote alert... (possibly railway myth)

There was a signal north of York that had a couple of SPADs, always on warm sunny days. It transpired that a shapely young lady often took to sunbathing ‘au naturel’ in her garden, and that certain drivers on the look out were sufficiently distracted.

There is always this beauty as well....

Driver/Signalbox Conversation

An Audioboom post by notaspy

audioboom.com

Disclaimer of any easily offended people maybe not listening, though I laughed.

 

[Deepgreen]

Will the £1000 penalty be demanded here - has it ever, anywhere?!

 

[Kendalian]

Have BTP fully established the bare facts of the matter?

 

[gg1]

There is always this beauty as well....

Driver/Signalbox Conversation

An Audioboom post by notaspy

audioboom.com

Disclaimer of any easily offended people maybe not listening, though I laughed.

Beat me to it, I was about to post that myself

 

[CaptainHaddock]

Will the £1000 penalty be demanded here - has it ever, anywhere?!

They could try charging the nude man but I doubt it would stand up in court.

 

[gg1]

They could try charging the nude man but I doubt it would stand up in court.

Indeed, a lack of hard evidence.

 

[ainsworth74]

Disclaimer of any easily offended people maybe not listening, though I laughed.

That one is always worth another listen

 

[Peter Mugridge]

That one is always worth another listen

Is there a transcript available for deaf people to enjoy it?

 

[Cowley]

Is there a transcript available for deaf people to enjoy it?

Could you sign it to your other half Peter (I don’t know if you can sign or not)?
I could imagine that it might make for quite an amusing moment.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Could you sign it to your other half Peter (I don’t know if you can sign or not)?
I could imagine that it might make for quite an amusing moment.

I don't do sign language I'm afraid... and my wife would have even less of a clue what any signs might mean; she's partly sighted and has a learning difficulty...

 

[Cowley]

I don't do sign language I'm afraid... and my wife would have even less of a clue what any signs might mean; she's partly sighted and has a learning difficulty...

Ah fair enough. I think I got a bit confused there.

 

[ainsworth74]

Is there a transcript available for deaf people to enjoy it?

Here's an attempt (bad language warning):

Call between Saltley PSB and a train driver:

Signaller (S): Saltley south top panel signaller speaking

Driver (D): Hello this is 2 Romeo 43 standing at Sierra Yankee number 8

S: Hello there driver 2 Romeo 43 standing at Sierra Yankee 8 signal. What it is drive, erm, your colleague on the one that's just gone past yeah?

D: Um hum

S: Has reported, you're not going to believe this, you know on the road bridge by Alvechurch station?

D: Yeah?

S: That goes over the railway there?

D: Yeah?

S: A gentleman in black tights...

D: (laughing) F***in bollocks

S: ...is masturbating as the trains go past...

D: (crying with laughter)

S: ... so he didn't know if it was if it was going to be a lady driver on the one coming down towards Barnt Green but we're just advising drivers in case he's a danger to himself

D: Okay okay

S: (finally chuckling) Okay mate, I'll clear the signal for you now... (laughing)

D: (laughter continues) ...all right

S: (laughing) ...and just watch out for the t*ss*r on the way (laughter)

D: (laughing) ...I can't believe this, all right mate

S: Okay drive?

D: All right

S: Cheers mate (laughing) cheers

(both laughing as call hangs up)

 

[Cowley]

Here's an attempt (bad language warning):

I mean it’s just lucky that the Reverend W Awdry didn’t get short of story ideas really.
I dread to think what the title of this book would have been...

 

[GRALISTAIR]

Unbelievable. Thanks for posting. Great laugh. I needed some light relief with all the riots etc in the USA. Constant depressing news with it being silly season too - aka an election year.

Sadly in the USA nude sunbathing would definitely mean arrest and handcuffs etc.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Here's an attempt (bad language warning):

Thank you Ainsworth.

 

[Bald Rick]

I mean it’s just lucky that the Reverend W Awdry didn’t get short of story ideas really.
I dread to think what the title of this book would have been...

“Percy Pulls it by himself”

 

[Peter Mugridge]

“Percy Pulls it by himself”

"Oh!" screamed Annie and Clarabelle as they went past the bridge. "My lamps! My lamps!"

The Fat Controller rushed to the window to see what the carriages were screaming about. Seconds later his cigar fell from his open mouth and his top hat hit the ceiling of the carriage. "Goodness gracious!" he thundered. "Send for Crovan of the Yard at once!"

 

[theblackwatch]

Spotted this story on the BBC earlier. Would anyone on here care to own up to being the culprit?

 

[Cowley]

Spotted this story on the BBC earlier. Would anyone on here care to own up to being the culprit?

Good call.

Would anyone like to own up to a sunburnt gentleman’s region?

 

[alxndr]

Best I heard was a couple of years ago - naked trespasser with a toilet brush somewhere that a toilet brush should not go.

I never got an answer as to whether it was the handle or the bristly end that was "inserted".

 

[GRALISTAIR]

“Percy Pulls it by himself”

Genesis Chapter 38 verse 9 - in memory of Onan

 

[TheGrandWazoo]

This thread has cheered me up immensely. Thanks all

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

Anecdote alert... (possibly railway myth)

There was a signal north of York that had a couple of SPADs, always on warm sunny days. It transpired that a shapely young lady often took to sunbathing ‘au naturel’ in her garden, and that certain drivers on the look out were sufficiently distracted.

I remember seeing something like that, one summer as the train was coming from the Meopham direction towards Rochester, there is a large right hand curve where the train slows.

I also remember seeing a nude man walking along the side of the railway somewhere between King's Lynn and Ely, he must have been very hardy as it was January.

 

[MotCO]

he must have been very hardy as it was January.

Are you allowed to say that?

 

[Cowley]

Are you allowed to say that?

Only just!

 

[pieguyrob]

Sadly in the USA nude sunbathing would definitely mean arrest and handcuffs etc.

Sounds like the guy they were talking about in the audio, would enjoy that!