SWT quiz guard

[HarleyDavidson]

I'd be quite happy to apply an extra long & extra strong roll of duct tape across his mouth to shut him up!

I made the mistake of getting on his train the other week and by the time we were leaving Clapham Junction, I and at least two others were looking for sharp objects to put us out of our misery.

 

[hassaanhc]

There is/was a T/Op on the Piccadilly Line who made his own announcements, changing the name of some stations and adding a long list of local landmarks :P. Only had him once, way back in March 2012.

 

[Parallel]

There's quite a jolly guard who is with FGW, I have seen him a couple of times working between Cardiff Central and Bristol Temple Meads, and once, between Bristol Temple Meads and Westbury.

The most recent time, he was walking through checking tickets saying "Anymore escapees?" And shortly after leaving Filton Abbey Wood he said something down the tannoy along the lines of "To those two people who got on at Filton, and just admitted what you did, you are on camera. Thank you". A few raised eyebrows!

I've also come across the ATW trolley man on a service from Newport to Holyhead this spring/summer too, I've read about him on here but I heard all the bizarre references... "Squirrels on a sticks, eggs on breads, Gaviscon..." "Here's your cup of tea Dave. Thank you Dave. You've been very good to me Dave. You can come again Dave. Here's your change Dave, I'm not greedy. Here's some milk for other Dave" *Hands milk to a lady*... Had the whole carriage in stitches!!!!

 

[Bishopstone]

Presumably the Quiet Zones are not a place of sanctuary from these quizzes?

 

[craigybagel]

I've also come across the ATW trolley man on a service from Newport to Holyhead this spring/summer too, I've read about him on here but I heard all the bizarre references... "Squirrels on a sticks, eggs on breads, Gaviscon..." "Here's your cup of tea Dave. Thank you Dave. You've been very good to me Dave. You can come again Dave. Here's your change Dave, I'm not greedy. Here's some milk for other Dave" *Hands milk to a lady*... Had the whole carriage in stitches!!!!

I was reading this thread wondering how long it'd take for him to appear! Must let him know next time I see him.

 

[Michael.Y]

I was reading this thread wondering how long it'd take for him to appear! Must let him know next time I see him.

That's our John. Been on the railways years. Don't let him see your shoes.

 

[craigybagel]

That's our John. Been on the railways years. Don't let him see your shoes.

Indeed I know Mr S well. Not sure he was too happy when he found out that I remember him from my childhood and now I'm old enough to be the guard on his train

 

[Delta558]

And all female passengers are 'Mary'! He's a good bloke and most of the time it goes down well, just a shame on the odd occasion you get an odd passenger who doesn't seem to have any concept of humour.

 

[34D]

There's a jolly chap on the wimbleware too.

 

[Robertj21a]

Frstly, it's not me. Secondly, SWT are well aware of the guard in question and this has been going on for a couple of years at least, I believe he is based at Woking or Guildford.

SWT in general do give us quite a bit of freedom to add the personal touch etc to the retail side of the job fortunately.

Very good news, I wish more companies would give their staff some lee-way on such matters.

 

[Bodiddly]

I get the impression by this thread that he is definitely a Marmite person. Not everyone likes to have entertainment thrust upon them and I don't think this particularly makes you a grump if you don't. To call him annoying is one person's opinion on another though, and I suspect that HarleyDavidson being his colleague, experiences him in other ways. It then is a bit harsh to condemn him for his opinion as we all have that colleague who is ever so slightly annoying. It's human nature that we don't all get along and there are always personality clashes.
It may be entertaining to most on the train but I wonder how long it would last if SWT got one or two complaints about him? Not long I guess. Fortunately, I fall into the 'most' category because anything that is a break from the mundane task of travelling on our railways is most welcome. I find the utterly selfish actions of some of my fellow passengers more of an annoyance!

 

[HarleyDavidson]

I get the impression by this thread that he is definitely a Marmite person. Not everyone likes to have entertainment thrust upon them and I don't think this particularly makes you a grump if you don't. To call him annoying is one person's opinion on another though, and I suspect that HarleyDavidson being his colleague, experiences him in other ways. It then is a bit harsh to condemn him for his opinion as we all have that colleague who is ever so slightly annoying. It's human nature that we don't all get along and there are always personality clashes.
It may be entertaining to most on the train but I wonder how long it would last if SWT got one or two complaints about him? Not long I guess. Fortunately, I fall into the 'most' category because anything that is a break from the mundane task of travelling on our railways is most welcome. I find the utterly selfish actions of some of my fellow passengers more of an annoyance!

Put it like this, I dread working with him, because he's always interfering!

I set up the back cab blinds for the next working, so for example an up Woking bay will form a down Cobham, so that's what I'll set them for, only to find when I get to Waterloo, that they'll have been changed to Waterloo via Surbiton.

So that means if I'm late, I've then got to faff around resetting the blind to Guildford, then going over opening the cab up, setting the lights, setting up the GSM-R and getting comfy, when all I really needed to do was open the cab up, flick the light over, set the GSM-R & adjust the seat!

Which can make the difference between a RT start or a LS!

I then have to put up with his waffling & wibbling all the way to Guildford :roll:

 

[RichardN]

Put it like this, I dread working with him, because he's always interfering!

I set up the back cab blinds for the next working, so for example an up Woking bay will form a down Cobham, so that's what I'll set them for, only to find when I get to Waterloo, that they'll have been changed to Waterloo via Surbiton.

So that means if I'm late, I've then got to faff around resetting the blind to Guildford, then going over opening the cab up, setting the lights, setting up the GSM-R and getting comfy, when all I really needed to do was open the cab up, flick the light over, set the GSM-R & adjust the seat!

Which can make the difference between a RT start or a LS!

I then have to put up with his waffling & wibbling all the way to Guildford :roll:

Next time I travel on his train, I can console myself with the thought that it might be you in the drivers seat hating it even more than me. I take it that drivers get to hear the guard's announcements and can't turn them off.

 

[craigybagel]

Cab walls aren't very thick, you can usually hear what's going on in the saloon behind, including PAs.

 

[tsr]

Cab walls aren't very thick, you can usually hear what's going on in the saloon behind, including PAs.

Plus on many units, the driver has a small speaker by the phone which relays automatic and manual announcements, cab-to-cab phone chimes, etc. So everything is very "in their face".

 

[ainsworth74]

Cab walls aren't very thick, you can usually hear what's going on in the saloon behind, including PAs.

Now there's a thread waiting to happen:

'Strangest thing you've heard from the saloon whilst in the cab'

 

[tony6499]

I wa always told to refrain from using the PA as an entertainment tool , for every person who enjoys mindless drivel it annoys another two and if you need to make an announcement for safety or operating reasons then you'll find half or more of your passengers won't be listening.

If you really want to hold quizzes and do mindless chatter then local radio DJ is more your thing then being a railway guard.

 

[HarleyDavidson]

Next time I travel on his train, I can console myself with the thought that it might be you in the drivers seat hating it even more than me. I take it that drivers get to hear the guard's announcements and can't turn them off.

Nope, you can't shut him up! Arrrgh, not unless you have some industrial strength duct tape and even that might not be strong enough! Then again he might enjoy that sort of thing. :grin:

Then you get the "Ping" every between every 30s & 5', when the automated PIS system is going to make an announcement! I can fix that by partially replacing the handset in the holder, it keeps it working, but you can barely hear the dreaded "Ping".

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Cab walls aren't very thick, you can usually hear what's going on in the saloon behind, including PAs.

Very true - if the train is quiet it is in fact possible to hear the AWS from the first couple of bays of seats behind the cab in a 455.

 

[fairysdad]

There's quite a jolly guard who is with FGW, I have seen him a couple of times working between Cardiff Central and Bristol Temple Meads, and once, between Bristol Temple Meads and Westbury.

The most recent time, he was walking through checking tickets saying "Anymore escapees?" And shortly after leaving Filton Abbey Wood he said something down the tannoy along the lines of "To those two people who got on at Filton, and just admitted what you did, you are on camera. Thank you". A few raised eyebrows!

I've heard a couple of amusing FGW ones on the way from the West Country to the City, but the one that this reminds me of mostly was when this was said over the PA: "Just a reminder that smoking is not permitted on this train. This includes the vestibules and toilets, and specifically the toilets at the front of Coach C."

(There was also a time on the Hammersmith & City line when heading west and caught just outside of Aldgate where the driver announced "Sorry for the delay, we're being held at a red signal. Please mind the closing doors." Then a pause, then: "I mean, we should be on the move again shortly.")

 

[Bletchleyite]

I've heard a couple of amusing FGW ones on the way from the West Country to the City, but the one that this reminds me of mostly was when this was said over the PA: "Just a reminder that smoking is not permitted on this train. This includes the vestibules and toilets, and specifically the toilets at the front of Coach C."

I remember at Liverpool Central something like "Passengers are reminded not to stand in the hatched areas at the bottom of the escalators as this can cause a hazard. This includes the gentleman in the yellow jacket". Cue embarrassment and a swift exit from the person concerned.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Now there's a thread waiting to happen:

'Strangest thing you've heard from the saloon whilst in the cab'

Or indeed vice-versa...

By the way, this guard was the subject of Steve Lamacq's "National Anthem" feature on his 6Music show on Friday (21/8), not sure what song was chosen to go with the story though as I went out...

 

[hassaanhc]

Put it like this, I dread working with him, because he's always interfering!

I set up the back cab blinds for the next working, so for example an up Woking bay will form a down Cobham, so that's what I'll set them for, only to find when I get to Waterloo, that they'll have been changed to Waterloo via Surbiton.

So that means if I'm late, I've then got to faff around resetting the blind to Guildford, then going over opening the cab up, setting the lights, setting up the GSM-R and getting comfy, when all I really needed to do was open the cab up, flick the light over, set the GSM-R & adjust the seat!

Which can make the difference between a RT start or a LS!

I then have to put up with his waffling & wibbling all the way to Guildford :roll:

As a passenger I'd prefer all blind displays (including the centre of a pair of units) to be displaying the correct thing. Even during a major CIS failure at Waterloo I didn't see the buffer end blinds being set correctly, something that would have made it easier for passengers :roll:

 

[HarleyDavidson]

As a passenger I'd prefer all blind displays (including the centre of a pair of units) to be displaying the correct thing. Even during a major CIS failure at Waterloo I didn't see the buffer end blinds being set correctly, something that would have made it easier for passengers :roll:

Centre? What for? You can't see them pointless and ain't happening, nor will the rear ones be changed either to other than the next journey, it saves time and makes for a speedier turnaround, which is important, especially when you have a c**p timetable like ours with stupidly tight turnaround time.

 

[trentside]

Now there's a thread waiting to happen:

'Strangest thing you've heard from the saloon whilst in the cab'

Oh that could run on for awhile...

As for this guard. He's clearly not everyone's cup of tea, but it's good PR. I know of a few guards who were known for "funny" announcements - and a number of drivers used to just trip the PA out so they didn't have to listen to it. I'm guessing this doesn't work on trains equipped with PIS.

Personally, I use the PA for what it should be used for - I don't mind the occasional bit of humour, but it's right place and right time in small doses.

 

[MCR247]

Cab walls aren't very thick, you can usually hear what's going on in the saloon behind, including PAs.

And you can usually hear the AWS and DVD from the seating area behind the cab

 

[Minilad]

And you can usually hear the AWS and DVD from the seating area behind the cab

Pesky drivers. Watching DVDs while working

 

[JaJaWa]

I remember at Liverpool Central something like "Passengers are reminded not to stand in the hatched areas at the bottom of the escalators as this can cause a hazard. This includes the gentleman in the yellow jacket". Cue embarrassment and a swift exit from the person concerned.

Happens all the time at the Heathrow Express stations at Heathrow! Whenever a train comes in, they have to send the cleaners along it to "perform a security check" and the platform staff with megaphones like shouting like this at people that try and get on!

 

[ainsworth74]

Pesky drivers. Watching DVDs while working

Depends what they're watching

 

[Peter Mugridge]

And you can usually hear the AWS and DVD from the seating area behind the cab

*cough* post #49...