Terrified tube passenger - advice?

[HugePilchard]

Aha! Suddenly, we're a bit calmer about the trip from Durham to Kings Cross.

I looked at the reservation, and found that we're in the quiet coach, coach B. I've reasoned with her that when the (in her mind, inevitable) accident happens, we'll be a really long way away from it, and therefore absolutely fine.

We're also in the quiet coach on the way back. I don't think she's realised that'll be the front of the train when we're Northbound. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

 

[talltim]

I'm not sure why she hates the ECML and the tube, but warms to the idea of the Eurostar, mind.

I'm sure you can change that quite easily. Does she know it goes in a long tunnel under the sea? perhaps you should remind her.

More seriously, perhaps there is a moral that railway enthusiasts shouldn't go out with people with train phobias! My wife actively dislikes trains as an object, but quite likes travelling on them.

 

[HST Power]

I'm sure you can change that quite easily. Does she know it goes in a long tunnel under the sea? perhaps you should remind her.

That made me laugh.....this whole affair seems rather strange if you ask me!

Hates Underground but likes Eurostar. I mean seriously....

 

[jon0844]

My mum doesn't like the tube when it goes underground (or using the stations) but she's fine with Eurostar or taking the car on Eurotunnel.

Everyone has a fear of something and they're often irrational.

 

[j0hn0]

Yeah it's hard to find a way around an irrational fear, but all the best.

Perhaps you could try another way and say that modern terrorism is a myth (ie 9/11, 7/7) and drop a conspiracy theory in there about high performing security companies whose heads are friends with government officials?

Or you could say that her being frightened is in fact letting the terrorists win?

The best way for us everyday folk to deal with terrorism is to simply ignore it because it will never happen to us. I mean that sincerely. I know stats haven't worked with her so far, but really the chance of us being affected directly by terrorism is about the same as being struck by lightening.

Does she stay in the house all day when it rains? Probably not

 

[jopsuk]

There's no point in trying to reason with irrational fear...

 

[spasmj]

The solution, as is so often the case, is Gin.

 

[HST Power]

The solution, as is so often the case, is Gin.

There is nothing that gin cannot provide a solution to!

 

[Yew]

There is nothing that gin cannot provide a solution to!

what about lack of gin?

 

[HST Power]

what about lack of gin?

At that point I move towards the Vodka.

 

[SS4]

To alcohol: the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems

chars

 

[HST Power]

chars

To alcohol: the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems

Here's to alcohol!

Right, I'm off for a pint......

 

[HugePilchard]

Well, that wasn't too unpleasant.

Trip to London on EC was uneventful. She had her iPad with her, and t'internet kept her occupied the entire duration while I read the paper in peace.
Apart from a spot of disruption on the Central line yesterday, the Underground didn't cause any issues. Certainly no point-blank refusing to go on it or panic attacks, like I feared. She did whinge the entire time we were on it, but I'm counting that one as a win.
Eurostar... well, both our trips were stupidly early in the day, so a desire to curl up and sleep won out there.
And the trip back to Durham... less successful due to the OHLE issues, which caused a major strop.

All in all, successful. But I'm probably not allowed to take her within 100 yards of a railway station for the next six months at least; by her reckoning, we spent 15 hours on various trains over five days, which she considers to be plenty!

 

[exile]

Glad it went OK.

I'm not a great fan of the tube (the trains and tunnels are just a bit too small for comfort) but use it anyway as it's generally the quickest method. If I'm not in a hurry I prefer bus or walking.

Fear of flying, trains and so on is often due to a fear of being confined in some sort of box being controlled by a stranger in whose hands you have to place your life. In a car, as long as you're either driving, or being driven by someone you know whose driving skills you rate as OK, you have the illusion of being in control of your own destiny - even though this is a somewhat false picture.

 

[Shiller]

If her fear prevents her from travel and even stepladders, I'd suggest she try therapy in complete seriousness. Has she had any negative experiences with these things before which causes her such substantial fear? In any case, these irrational fears will only settle through gradually upping her exposure and getting used to how they work - her experiences will prove her wrong.

I'd suggest she take small steps one at a time, and record her levels of anxiety each time. The more she exposes herself to these things, the more her nerves should come down. You two could use this as a chance to visit some cool places and have some lovely train rides.

I do relate to her fears - as a teen I was petrified of travelling on trains: this was compounded by social anxiety and my complete bafflement a glancing at a map of the London Underground. I had no idea how it worked, but I gradually learned to love the entire experiences, and became deeply interested in how these systems work. I have a long distance relationship, and I dearly enjoy the long train journeys it takes for me to visit him. There is still nothing like the excitement and anticipation of travelling to someone you love, or to a place that means a lot to you.

If there's anywhere she would really like to visit for her own personal reasons, this could be a way to encourage her to take trains. Her thoughts whilst taking the train may even become dominated more by her eagerness to visit a certain place.

Best of luck for the future!