The Bad Advice Thread

[Springs Branch]

American tourists, whilst you're on vacation in Scotland or Northern Ireland, try to hang onto as many of the local Scottish or N.I. banknotes as you can.

Later in your trip, when in London, these can be used to pay the fare in Black Cabs.

One quirky English tradition is that many London taxi drivers are keen collectors of non-Bank of England banknotes - some collections are even said to be handed down from father to son. Another example or two is always a welcome addition for the cabbie's collection. A crisp, new Northern Irish £50 note will be particularly appreciated!

 

[61653 HTAFC]

American tourists, whilst you're on vacation in Scotland or Northern Ireland, try to hang onto as many of the local Scottish or N.I. banknotes as you can.

Later in your trip, when in London, these can be used to pay the fare in Black Cabs.

One quirky English tradition is that many London taxi drivers are keen collectors of non-Bank of England banknotes - some collections are even said to be handed down from father to son. Another example or two is always a welcome addition for the cabbie's collection. A crisp, new Northern Irish £50 note will be particularly appreciated!

Despite Brexit (and the UK being outside the Eurozone prior to that) most businesses are happy to accept payment in Euros in order to aid backpackers.

 

[Paul Jones 88]

Remember to haggle in charity shops, there is nothing that the counter staff enjoy more.
Those spikes on the top of metal fencing have been installed for the purposes of mask hanging, to be collected later by laundry staff.

 

[Gloster]

Cricket is a popular game in England and the people are proud of their national team. A good way to get chatting in a pub is to ask about the team’s latest success.

 

[75A]

Cricket is a popular game in England and the people are proud of their national team. A good way to get chatting in a pub is to ask about the team’s latest success.

If you want to see Englands national sport, visit Portsmouth on a Saturday afternoon wearing a red & white scarf and go up to the locals and say 'come on you Saints'

 

[Busaholic]

Whilst on the subject of Yorkshire, the people in that part of the world are well known for buying strangers a pint and spending money on frivolous items.
It’s an extremely good area to consider setting up a vegan hipster cafe or similar, especially on one of the renowned surfing beaches.

And don't forget to wear a red rose in your buttonhole at all times. The locals will be so jealous they may try to tear it off you. If you're Asian and a cricket lover, be sure to ask how those with your heritage are integrating into the county side.

 

[jumble]

What are some pieces of comically terrible advice you could give to visitors to the UK?
I'll start us off:

Don't let people off the tube first as it is a great game to push and shove.
You can get on any train in the UK and pay at the destination.
If your boss says "It would be nice if you could pop out at Lunchtime and buy me a Ham sandwich" it is OK to tell them you are otherwise occupied

 

[gg1]

One for the gentlemen - When making use of a public lavatory it is considered polite to choose a urinal immediately next to one currently being used (even when all others are free) and striking up a conversation with the person next to you.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

Public transport can be expensive in the UK so when catching a bus it is best to pay with a £50 note.

 

[dakta]

When pitching genuinely good ideas that can save the corporation tonnes of money you need a screen name to protect you from the fame.

Try using your managers.

 

[D6968]

If you can’t remember which Rose County your in (Lancs or Yorks) a good way to remember is the football club rule.
Barnsley play in Red (Yorks) and Preston play in white (Lancs).
Also if your stuck behind a broken down car, just pap your horn and shout at the driver, this should help the car get moving and on its way.

 

[contrex]

One for the gentlemen - When making use of a public lavatory it is considered polite to choose a urinal immediately next to one currently being used (even when all others are free) and striking up a conversation with the person next to you.

Especially the one at Hyde Park Corner.

 

[75A]

Especially the one at Hyde Park Corner.

Or in Brighton.

 

[contrex]

Or in Brighton.

There, it is considered a kind act to offer to help your new friend.

 

[Gloster]

Supporters of Fulham football club like to be reminded that their nickname of ‘The Cottagers’ comes from a game they play on Hampstead Heath.

 

[Springs Branch]

Visitors to London sometimes think that fares in Black Cabs are regulated and metered. This is a mistake - all fares are fully negotiable at the end of the journey.

Locals never pay what is shown on the meter - this figure is for the driver's tax records only - and a good rule of thumb is to start the haggling process by offering half of the figure displayed.

Just be aware that many cabbies will be happy to spend a considerable time pulled over at the side of the road engaging in good-natured, back-and-forward banter while you agree the fare.

And if he asks "what about a tip?", replying "Look both ways before you cross the road" always raises a smile.

 

[backontrack]

Remember that when watching a top-flight football game at the home stadium, it is considered polite to cheer the opposition's goals when they go in. Adopting their colours is also seen as a welcoming sign.

 

[gg1]

Americans: When visiting Ireland, if at least one of your ancestors stretching back 6 generations was born in Ireland, always refer to yourself as Irish (not Irish-American, IRISH). The eyerolls you will then observe are a traditional Irish greeting, any sniggering you may hear behind your back is purely coincidental.

 

[jackot]

Only ever use the Gatwick Express when leaving the airport for London or Brighton, as the other trains don’t go to the same place and are never cheaper.

 

[LUYMun]

Every British citizen have personally met Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, so feel free to ask any one of the locals about their experiences.

If you have a bigger budget, and want to stay at somewhere upmarket, make sure you stay at Jaywick near Clacton-on-Sea in Essex.

Central London has one of the cheapest bargains around town. Why not go to Harrods or M&M's World for your souvenirs, The Ritz for your fast-food takeaway, or the Marble Arch Mound for the best (and cheapest!) views of London?

Every red London bus requires you to board through the middle of the bus and disembark at the front.

Remember, it's quicker to take the Tube between Leicester Square and Covent Garden. Otherwise you'll be taking a rather long walk!

All British people, from Manchester to Dover, from Glasgow to Plymouth, speak with a Cockney accent, so don't be a Berkshire Hunt, make sure you speak with our tongue.

 

[py_megapixel]

Movie theatres, which we call cinemas, are increasingly popular, and it is not uncommon for medium to large sized towns to have a complex with several screens.
However, most people who have paid to watch a film could not care less about actually seeing the film, so there are two important things to remember:

1. Most cinemas do something before each screening to request that people turn off electronic equipment and keep conversation to a minimum during the film. However, this request is purely a historical convention and it is now considered quite acceptable to ignore it. As such, don't be afraid to talk loudly and use your mobile phone - adjusting the speaker volume and the display brightness to their maximum settings, of course! If the cinema is fitted with reclining seats, it is also customary to keep reclining and un-reclining them as violently as possible.
   
   
2. Occasionally there will be people queuing to see a particular film. In this case, if you are able, it is prudent to give a clear summary of the film's plot, including any twists and the ending, to everyone waiting - it will be helpful to them for when they get home and someone asks them if they enjoyed it, expecting them to have an idea of what happened.

 

[Typhoon]

One of the most admired professions in the UK is Merchant Banking so asking someone if there are a 'Merchant Banker' is a sign that you think they are out of the top drawer, someone to be looked up to. This is especially true in East London.

 

[GatwickDepress]

Americans: When visiting Ireland, if at least one of your ancestors stretching back 6 generations was born in Ireland, always refer to yourself as Irish (not Irish-American, IRISH). The eyerolls you will then observe are a traditional Irish greeting, any sniggering you may hear behind your back is purely coincidental.

On a similar theme, ordering an 'Irish Car Bomb' in any establishment on the Emerald Isle is sure to get a wry chuckle from the bartender and many admiring glances from the local clientele.

 

[Gloster]

In Yorkshire you will surprised by the modesty of the locals. They are great admirers of Lancashire and praising all things Lancastrian will ensure a warm reception.

 

[SargeNpton]

115v electrical appliances work twice as fast when plugged into a UK 230v socket.

 

[OhNoAPacer]

If intending to travel from England to Scotland visitors must have their passports endorsed prior to crossing the border, if travelling by train then certain train managers can do this. If you have not received an endorsement then you must alight from the service at either Carlisle or Newcastle and seek out a member of the British Transport Police.

 

[SteveM70]

British members of the Ku Klux Klan hold annual celebrations at dawn on midsummer's day at Stonehenge and Avebury; feel free to bring your robes and join them

 

[gg1]

In Yorkshire you will surprised by the modesty of the locals. They are great admirers of Lancashire and praising all things Lancastrian will ensure a warm reception.

In addition you may well have already met people from Yorkshire without realising it, as they generally never mention their county of origin in conversation.

 

[py_megapixel]

In Yorkshire you will surprised by the modesty of the locals. They are great admirers of Lancashire and praising all things Lancastrian will ensure a warm reception.

In addition you may well have already met people from Yorkshire without realising it, as they generally never mention their county of origin in conversation.

In addition, many people from Yorkshire still mourn the short-lived county of Humberside. Should you need to address a letter to East Yorkshire, the recipient will no doubt be extremely grateful if you write "Humberside" as the county.

 

[MattA7]

If you are not used to driving a manual car (or stick shift as Americans would say) just keep it in 2nd gear at all times.

All jokes aside apparently a American woman who never drove a manual car did this with a hire car and wondered why the engine blew.