The Missus/The Wife

[Geezertronic]

Oh yes! Spelling error corrected.

I always thought it was “missus” rather than “misses.”

The missus misses the point, but don't tell her I said so

 

[westv]

Using "the missus" is just an informal way of saying "my wife" and I really don't see a problem with it. It's how you describe your relationship to someone; should we ban the use of "my mum" or "my granda" because they also imply ownership?

We don't normally say "the" unless we are referring to an object or an animal.

 

[scotrail158713]

I'd say it's another example of how language changes over time, as was mentioned on the ladies and gentlemen thread recently. I'm not married or in a relationship but there are some things that I'm sure people of an older age category would think nothing of using, that I would tend to think twice about using if I was - probably anything that starts with "the" actually. I'd have no issue using "my wife/husband/brother/dog/neighbour" etc though.

 

[87 027]

Saying “the wife” reminds me of Northern comedians like Les Dawson back in the 1970s

 

[Busaholic]

Saying “the wife” reminds me of Northern comedians like Les Dawson back in the 1970s

Yes, but his wife (and, more specifically, mother-in-law) were fictional constructs, which doesn't mean he wasn't married, just not to the characters portrayed. I believe his wife was much younger (cf Bruce Forsyth, et al).

 

[Gloster]

With my partner it was always using each other’s names, with occasional (for both of us) humorous use of the ‘the boss’ or ‘herself/himself’ if the one had stymied the other’s plans. Her attitude, and mine as well, was not to get obsessive about minor points of language (even though accurate use of language was - for different reasons - important to both of us), but a case of ‘by my deeds you shall know me’.

 

[Isaiah]

Such a ridiculous discussion imo. There’s nothing sexist or offensive about “the Mrs”. Can’t believe people are even having this conversation.

 

[DerekC]

I don't use "the wife" and I am trying to work out why. It does imply that she is property rather than a person, I think. I do use "my wife" when talking to somebody I don't know well - as in "I am trying to choose a present for my wife" to a shop assistant. But it feels best to use her name whenever possible.

 

[westv]

Such a ridiculous discussion imo. There’s nothing sexist or offensive about “the Mrs”. Can’t believe people are even having this conversation.

Have you asked your wife?

 

[GusB]

We don't normally say "the" unless we are referring to an object or an animal.

Have you asked your wife?

What if the wife referred to you as "the husband"? Would there be such a stramash?

 

[Cowley]

What if the wife referred to you as "the husband"? Would there be such a stramash?

Yep. I have to admit that I did look up that word.

 

[GusB]

It's a good word, though

*Edit* Try "Stairheid rammy"

 

[Gloster]

What if the wife referred to you as "the husband"? Would there be such a stramash?

Many years ago a friend’s boyfriend thought that a stramash was the name for stew with lots of tomato in it. I think that he had heard it jokingly called that by somebody who, presumably, thought it looked the result of a stramash, but he himself did not realise it was a joke.

 

[Cowley]

It's a good word, though

*Edit* Try "Stairheid rammy"

That’s brilliant. Almost worth starting a fight with the neighbours to get that one in.

 

[Puppetfinger]

Its generally open season in a fun way in banter / loose terminology between my partner and myself, and generally I tend to get the worst of it! Having said that, SWMBO and her indoors seems to be my choice phrase. Would I use it outside of our social environment though, very unlikely.

 

[westv]

What if the wife referred to you as "the husband"? Would there be such a stramash?

I think you exaggerate.

 

[Busaholic]

I don't use "the wife" and I am trying to work out why. It does imply that she is property rather than a person, I think. I do use "my wife" when talking to somebody I don't know well - as in "I am trying to choose a present for my wife" to a shop assistant. But it feels best to use her name whenever possible.

Eleven out of ten for that.

 

[DynamicSpirit]

We don't normally say "the" unless we are referring to an object or an animal.

I think you're kinda right that 'the' isn't so commonly used for people. But it's not unknown. I would say in some ways it can be a slightly ironic term of endearment for things like 'the husband' or 'the wife'. And I'm sure I've known a fair few parents talk about 'the baby' - without any negative connotations being implied.

In terms of 'the wife', I find it impersonal. I have challenged a colleague several times 'does she have a name?'. I don't mind 'my wife', as that implies you are 'her husband'; it's a two way relationship.

Be grateful you live in the UK, not Nepal. A previous partner of mine was Nepali, and as I quickly discovered to my frustration, she considered it completely normal to refer to all her (many) friends as simply 'my friend', on the apparent assumption that I would know which one she was talking about. Even worse, close-ish male friends are commonly referred to as 'my brother' and similarly female friends as 'my sister' even when they really are nothing more than a friend. You can't begin to guess how confusing that is!

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

Several of my other gay friends say "my husband" if they are married or partner if not.

 

[221129]

We don't normally say "the" unless we are referring to an object or an animal.

The woman in the the shop. The Kid down the road. We use 'the' to refer to people all the time.

 

[WelshBluebird]

I say "my partner" or their name given we aren't married but the relationship feels too serious to say "girlfriend". There's also the fun question of gender identity so girlfriend wouldn't quite fit regardless.

 

[Galvanize]

HQ-Headquarters I’ve heard a friend refer to his Girlfriend/now Fiancé!
Can’t say I’ve heard anyone say that before!

 

[AshBod]

I refer to her by her name.

I hate the term this is "my wife" as to me it is deeply misogynistic and suggests ownership or property. My wife is free to make her own decisions and live her own life without having to ask permission.

You just said 'my wife' in your second sentence, she has a name you know!

 

[alex397]

'The other half' is the phrase I despise, spoken by both sexes. I'm very tempted to ask 'is that the half who stores the brains?', but maybe that explains why I've lived with a broken nose for decades. Married continuously since the 1960s by the way, with no parole granted.

I also despise this phrase. It implies that you become one person in a couple. I think everyone should be considered an individual.
Maybe I’m just bitter because I’m long term single

 

[Strathclyder]

Am single (and not at all bitter about it lol), but if I weren't, I'd use 'my partner' or their name when/if they come up in conversation. Simple as that.

 

[BluePenguin]

I say "my partner" or their name given we aren't married but the relationship feels too serious to say "girlfriend". There's also the fun question of gender identity so girlfriend wouldn't quite fit regardless.

This! That word causes all sorts of issues. Gender identity does blur the lines further.

I would remove the definition of the word “partner” to mean spouse from the dictionary. Then everyone would be labelled as girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband accordingly. Removing the sensitive issue of having to either ask or guess a person’s sexuality would make my job a lot easier. Especially as we shouldn’t ask with the new equality guidelines in place.

“Partner” is typically only used by those in stagnant relationships. It lacks clarity on how significant the other person is. If an endearing label is not used or someone is branded as “the” we question whether the couple is actually a couple.

We cannot assume all men have wifes and all women husbands, but the truth is we do. But as soon as “partner” is uttered the assumption is the person is being discreet about being gay.

Sexual partner, romantic partner, business partner, gaming partner or dancing partner? Nobody knows!

Am single (and not at all bitter about it lol), but if I weren't, I'd use 'my partner' or their name when/if they come up in conversation. Simple as that.

Please don’t, it is definitely not simple for anyone who doesn’t know you

 

[Strathclyder]

Please don’t, it is definitely not simple for anyone who doesn’t know you

If it's mentioned within a certain context, one can reasonably assume/come to the conclusion that I and my theoretical* partner are both somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum. And on the flipside of this (this honestly goes without saying), some people may not be completely comfortable with outright revealing their sexuality/gender identity to everyone they meet/strike up a conversation with (and it isn't a requirement for every such encounter either, last I checked); just because some of us are doesn't mean everyone in the LGBTQ community is. If my theoretical partner was one of those people, I'd respect his wishes in that regard accordingly; such things go a long way to maintaining a healthy relationship and stop it from becoming, quoting you directly here, 'staganet'.

I realize this is something of a generalization on my part (my parents referring to each other as 'my partner' may have something to do with my overall view on this matter. Actually, on that point: you wanna ask them if their relationship is quote-on-quote 'staganet' and see if you don't come away with a million metaphorical fleas in each ear?) and so warrants a bit of scrunity (long as it's polite!), but as long as both members of the relationship are 100% comfortable with how they refer to each other in conversation, I don't really see it as a glaring issue and can respect it. Call me ignorant/crazy/nuts etc for it if you must (again, politely).

*: All of this is academic for me on a relationship level: I'm presently single like I said in my OP lol

 

[gg1]

I would remove the definition of the word “partner” to mean spouse from the dictionary. Then everyone would be labelled as girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband accordingly. Removing the sensitive issue of having to either ask or guess a person’s sexuality would make my job a lot easier. Especially as we shouldn’t ask with the new equality guidelines in place.

“Partner” is typically only used by those in stagnant relationships. It lacks clarity on how significant the other person is. If an endearing label is not used or someone is branded as “the” we question whether the couple is actually a couple.

We cannot assume all men have wifes and all women husbands, but the truth is we do. But as soon as “partner” is uttered the assumption is the person is being discreet about being gay.

Complete and utter nonsense.

I often use partner purely for the reason that I think the terms girlfriend and boyfriend sound a little silly when applied to an unmarried middle aged couple such as ourselves.

 

[chorleyjeff]

Does it grate with anybody else when people say the above rather than "my wife" or her name? Saying "the" always makes me think of someone saying "the cat", "the dog" or "the car" or similar.
I'm not sure I've ever heard someone say "The husband" or "The Mr".

Agreed. Old fashioned in the extreme.

I refer to her by her name.

I hate the term this is "my wife" as to me it is deeply misogynistic and suggests ownership or property. My wife is free to make her own decisions and live her own life without having to ask permission.

My wife thinks it is fine to be introduced by me as my wife. Factually correct without any hint of possession or ownership. She inroduces me as J### her husband and I never feel demeaned or owned. I also introduce my sons by name and as my son.

 

[nlogax]

“Partner” is typically only used by those in stagnant relationships.

Yeah.. no. Totally wrong.