Train announcements with a sense of humour

Adrian1980uk

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Last year coming up the GEML, the conductor was announcing each stop with a little anecdote on this 'sunny Saturday'. The weather was dull but it did cheer me up.

Just wondering if anyone else has come across non standard announcements
 
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306024

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I'd have a good guess who that was :)

This must have been done before, but my favourite was the Jubilee line driver who said something like:

Apologies for the delay. We've been asked to make announcements if we wait for more that 30 seconds, so this is that announcement.

And just remembered the driver who, approaching Shenfield, thanked me personally over the PA for travelling on his train :oops:
 
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HBP

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Harrogate
LNER. ‘The next stop will be Doncaster. The mother-in-law lives in Doncaster, so a good reason not to get off’’
 

meepmeep

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Many years ago I remember a guard on my train into Euston. As well as the usual "We are now approaching London Euston where this train terminates", we got which platform and what side of the train it was on.

Also had another guard, on a very wet day, reminding everyone not to forget their umbrella
 

mmh

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On a delayed Virgin train to Chester

"Passengers travelling on from Chester, I'm afraid we're going to miss the xx:xx connection, but there is a service at xx:xx to Holyhead calling at blah, blah... Bangor, oh, um, and the stations across Anglesey I don't know how to say, sorry! then Holyhead."

He was a very chirpy chap and kept us well informed throughout and lightened the mood.
 

C J Snarzell

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I heard an announcement on a platform recently and the announcer couldn't pronounce 'Mytholmroyd' which is a Northern station in West Yorkshire. It did make me chuckle, but I have trouble saying it too so I'll let him off with that one!!!
 

Hadders

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At the absolute height of the Thameslink shambles in 2018 I was on a train between Blackfriars and London Bridge. The driver came on the PA and made a special announcement for a class from a primary school somewhere in Hertfordshire. The driver then finished by saying 'Oliva, daddy's driving this train'!
 

alangla

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Surely the Still Game Live announcements at Exhibition Centre should win this one?
ScotRail also try to word their generic buy a ticket/mind the gap messages on the departure boards to match the song titles of whoever is playing at the Hydro or SECC that night.
 

class26

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A couple of years ago i arrived at Kings Cross on Hull Trains about 5 minutes early. The announcement was "we have arrived early as the drive had an extra Weetabix for his breakfast"
 

LowLevel

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I wouldn't say I go out of my way to be funny as some folk find it irritating but if I drop a clanger I'm quite quick at self deprecating corrections - they usually result in an increased number of smiles during the next ticket inspection.

The exception is during the summer when working the trains to the seaside when I adopt a much less formal tone.

Announcing is a bit of a fine art. Some people hate it and it shows whereas I do think about what I'm saying and try to make my voice reflect my emotions. If I say I'm sorry I try to sound it.

Equally if people ask nicely for things like wishing their child or friend a happy birthday on the PA I'm always happy to oblige - little things like that make your journey a bit special rather than just an intermediate financial transaction. I got a peck on the cheek and a hug the other day for wishing a 70 year old lady a happy birthday on arrival into the terminus :oops::lol:
 

SteveM70

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A few years ago we used to have a particularly cheery guard on the train into Manchester. Because back then most of the trains - but not this one - used to stop at Castleton and/or Mills Hill, he used to announce as we were approaching Rochdale “next stop Rochdale, and after that fast to Victoria. We’ll be passing through Castleton and Mills Hill in a cloud of dust and disappointment”
 

Bletchleyite

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I have had something like (this was on VT years ago):

"We are now arriving at Preston. You can change here for stations to Liverpool Lime St, Manchester Piccadilly, Colne and Ormskirk. You can also change here for Blackpool North and Blackpool South, though why you'd want to I'm not quite sure".
 

Llanigraham

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In ATW days:
"The next station is Newtown. You can get off if you like, but I wouldn't bother"
"We will soon be arriving in Shrewsbury. Will you all have your passports ready for examination"
"This train will terminate at Machynlleth.................for the English, that's the one you can't pronounce"
 

mervyn72

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A couple of times I've heard this arriving into Kings Cross. "We are now arriving into Kings Cross where this train terminates approximately 5 minutes early. Apologies for any inconvenience this may cause you."
 

Ashley Hill

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There was BBC news item last year about a guard on the Bristol-Taunton line who makes silly announcements. Two that I remember are "Dance and twirl we're arriving at Worle" and "We are now arriving at Bridgwater,change here for the scenic Hinkley Point".
 

tomwills98

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TfW has the singing conductor, https://www.itv.com/news/wales/2019...who-cheers-up-the-commute-for-his-passengers/. Hopefully I've done the below right.

The singing train conductor who cheers up the commute for his passengers

Chris has been writing his own songs for months and performing them while on duty
He may well be the happiest train conductor in Britain.


For the last five months, Chris Edwards from Newport has been singing to his passengers to cheer them up on the commute.

He has even created his own lyrics for each station, and sings every one to the tune of well-known hits.

Chris even does one-on-one performances for his passengers
The singing started about five months ago.

"I do many things like quizzes and puzzles and doing dance breaks in the middle of the train. Having a sing and having a chat is a good thing - I believe in the concept of conversation."

– CHRIS EDWARDS, TRANSPORT FOR WALES

He has written more than 80 songs derived from classic hits that informs the passengers what station is approaching.

*To the tune of 'I'm A Believer' by Smash Mouth*
When you leave bom bom bom bom
Then it's round the bend
Do do do do
Oh this Risca
Not a trace of doubt in my mind
Yes this is it
Ooooh
This is Risca
Sunny Risca
Next in line
– ONE OF CHRIS' SONGS


Long-time music fan Chris has been entertaining passengers for a while, with some posting videos on social media of his performances.
 

rg177

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Around six years ago I was on a Northern stopper to New Mills and had this:

"Good morning everyone, this is the 10:19 Northern service to the delightful Derbyshire town of New Mills Central. We'll be calling at such popular destinations as Ashburys, Belle Vue, Ryder Brow, Reddish North, Brinnington, Bredbury, Romiley International Transport Hub, Marple and New Mills Central. Just a reminder to keep an eye on any spare baggage such as your wife, kids and mother-in-law in case they go missing throughout the journey."
 

Ashley Hill

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There was one about drop lights that went "Please do not stick any part of your body or anyone else's out of the window " or "Please don't stick any part of your body out of the window ,or your pets or wife's handbag as either could prove fatal".
 

adc82140

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Wimbledon, many many years ago- platform dispatcher pick up the PA mic, lets out an enormous belch that reverberates round the station. Follows this with "oh dear, excuse me, that'll teach me to take a big swig of fizzy drink before an announcement, the next train to arrive at platform 8...."
 

Ashley Hill

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We used to have a GPR man who was exceedingly ticklish. When on the Tannoy we'd grab his knees and he would attempt to carry on inbetween bouts of historical laughter much to the amusement of the baffled passengers on the platform.
 
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A while back I was on a XC service to Cardiff and the guard made lots of humourous announcements when approaching stations. I wish I could remember more of them but I do remember:

"We are now approaching Gloucester, say hello to Doctor Foster".
 

jfowkes

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I'd prefer short, polite, informative, plain English announcements over jokes/ancedotes/singing/poetry/whatever to be honest. I imagine anyone who's English isn't great would want the same, especially as the quality of sound over train speaker is sometimes sub-optimal.

Imagine you're straining to listen for your stop against the background noise of a busy carriage, the speaker is cracking, popping and full of static, but it's useless because it turns out that either a) it's a useless security announcement or b) someone's trying to make a joke about how awful Loughborough is.
 

Greenboy

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Funny announcements are great up to a point but can become a bit tiresome and irritating if they're done excessively and they could cause confusion for visitors from overseas who have only a limited understanding of the English language.
 

jamesst

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Funny announcements are great up to a point but can become a bit tiresome and irritating if they're done excessively and they could cause confusion for visitors from overseas who have only a limited understanding of the English language.
Yeah I'm with you on this. For every person who tweets how great the announcement is theres more who are sitting there not amused in the slightest.
 

nlogax

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Wimbledon, many many years ago- platform dispatcher pick up the PA mic, lets out an enormous belch that reverberates round the station. Follows this with "oh dear, excuse me, that'll teach me to take a big swig of fizzy drink before an announcement, the next train to arrive at platform 8...."
Probably the best one yet!
 

Greenboy

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Wimbledon, many many years ago- platform dispatcher pick up the PA mic, lets out an enormous belch that reverberates round the station. Follows this with "oh dear, excuse me, that'll teach me to take a big swig of fizzy drink before an announcement, the next train to arrive at platform 8...."
Totally unprofessional in my opinion.
 

ainsworth74

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We have a conductor up here who does his announcements in rhyme which can be quite entertaining. Indeed he managed to make it into the local paper!

...

Graham, based at Middlesbrough station, did his in rhyme - and he’s been doing it ever since.

And as we join him on the 10.21 Middlesbrough to Saltburn service, he says the positive reaction from passengers makes it all worthwhile.

“The poems aren’t that clever really. They’re not Wordsworth, they’re just simple rhyming couplets, but it’s all a bit of fun.

“I was a bit self-conscious to start with but I’ve got more confident now, especially when I see the smiles on people’s faces.

“I don’t do them for every announcement and I try to mix them up a bit. For our regular passengers, it’s probably a little bit repetitive but then again, so are safety announcements! And at least people are listening rather than just switching off.”

Take, for example, “Next stop Redcar Central, sun sea and sand,

Take all your belongings, that would be grand.”

And with The Gazette in mind: “We have some guests on board from the local paper,

So please, please, please, be on your best behaviour!”

...

Examples of Graham’s poetry:

At the start of the journey.....

I’m Graham your conductor and welcome on track
Safety information’s at front and back
Keep all your personal belongings in view
As you don’t want anything missing, do you?

Have your tickets and passes ready to see
And if you have neither, you’ll have to pay me
If you’re buying a ticket, please have the right money
Cos my tea’s going cold and it’s simply not funny

And at the end of the journey......

Thank you for travelling on Northern with Graham
Please use the handrails when you step from the train
If you’re making connections, consult platform screens
Or ask station staff if there’s any to be seen

Keep your tickets and passes to exit the gate
Cos any delay and you’ll be in late
Tell Northern Rail Twitter how it was for you
Cos we value your feedback, yes we really do!
Link (turn on your ad-blocker, it's a local paper so infested with ads)

Turning to somewhere down south in the Balham area there's always this classic on YouTube:

 

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