Trivia: International tickets

Ken H

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A man in the South Side of Glasgow goes to his local station.
"Single to Karachi please"
"Sorry pal, we can't give you a ticket all the way there. Try asking again at Glasgow Central"
So he does.
"Sorry pal, here's a ticket to London, try again there".
TIcket office at Victoria says "Sorry sir, we can give you a ticket to Brussels if that helps?"
And so it goes on through Munich, Belgrade, Istanbul, Ankara, Teheran, where finally he can buy a ticket to Karachi.

A couple of weeks later it's time for him to return home. He goes to the main Karachi railway station.
"Single to Pollokshields please".
"Is that Pollockshields East or Pollokshields West?"
 
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Austriantrain

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A man in the South Side of Glasgow goes to his local station.
"Single to Karachi please"
"Sorry pal, we can't give you a ticket all the way there. Try asking again at Glasgow Central"
So he does.
"Sorry pal, here's a ticket to London, try again there".
TIcket office at Victoria says "Sorry sir, we can give you a ticket to Brussels if that helps?"
And so it goes on through Munich, Belgrade, Istanbul, Ankara, Teheran, where finally he can buy a ticket to Karachi.

A couple of weeks later it's time for him to return home. He goes to the main Karachi railway station.
"Single to Pollokshields please".
"Is that Pollockshields East or Pollokshields West?"

There is actually a similar joke in Austria with „Klosterneuburg Kierling“ and „Klosterneuburg Weidling“ (two stations in a town next door to Vienna), except that it plays in a Beijing ticket office;) thank you for this!
 

LNW-GW Joint

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I first heard that joke decades ago in relation to buying a ticket to Wolverhampton in Karachi ("High Level or Low Level sir"?).
There's probably a version for many regions and cultures.
Wouldn't work for the last 50 years since Wolves LL closed!
 

dazzler

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York
The version I heard in Yorkshire substitutes Bradford for the origination, with the ticket seller in Karachi (or other locations in the subcontinent) saying "Bradford? Is that Interchange or Forster Square?"
 

CW2

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The version I heard was an Indian returning to visit his family in Delhi. He was from Oldham, so the response in Delhi was:
"Certainly sir, will that be Werneth, Central, Clegg Street, or Mumps".
 

scragend

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Also heard it for Bolton.

"Trinity Street or Moses Gate?"

Again - obviously an old joke!
 

Alex365Dash

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Also heard it for Bolton.

"Trinity Street or Moses Gate?"

Again - obviously an old joke!
I imagine everyone’s probably just adapted it for a different place with more than one station!

“Single to Yeovil, please.”
“Is that Junction or Pen Mill?”
 
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Where my keyboard has no £ key
The version I remember is outbound rather than inbound - but still a Golden Oldie. . . .

Scene is the BR Travel Centre at London Liverpool Street.
Traveller with large backpack walks up to counter and says "Single to Hong Kong*, please" (with a smirk, as he thinks he's the first one ever to ask for this).
Deadpan ticket clerk, without batting an eyelid, replies "Certainly sir, will that be via Ulan Bator or Harbin?"

* other Far East destinations are available - Hanoi, Singapore etc.


[EDIT] Thinking back to where I read this yarn, it was in a magazine article which started along the lines of There's an old joke about a backpacker walking into the ticket office at Liverpool Street station . . . ..

The piece went on to say that in the days when a Stratford Class 37 hauled The Hook Continental (well before Eurostar, EasyJet and the Greater Anglia TOC), the BR travel centre staff at Liverpool Street were very much "skilled in the art" of dealing with walk-up requests for tickets to all sorts of European and Scandinavian destinations great and small.

Obviously if you were going anywhere beyond the Iron Curtain, there would be complications with visas, currency exchange and the like which could not all be dealt with at a BR ticket counter. So unlikely they'd be printing out a ticket RESTRICTION CODE: B1 (not valid before 09:30) ROUTE: ULAN BATOR
 
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Gag Halfrunt

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mad_rich

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Newcastle
It reminds me of the (surely apocryphal) story of a London gent on a Grand Tour of the Himalayas in his Rolls Royce.

In the middle of nowhere, halfway up a mountain, on a dirt track, the car suffers a breakdown. A suspension spring, a broken diff, a seized engine ... whatever you like. The exact nature varies according to who's telling the story.

A local mechanic is eventually found who, after valiant efforts, determines that he can't fix it without spare parts. A telegram is despatched to Rolls Royce, and in no time at all the part has arrived, complete with a team of expert mechanics from HQ. The car is repaired, and the gent is merrily on his way.

Months later, having arrived home, he realises he never received a bill for the work. He gets in touch with Rolls, retelling the story, and asks how much he owes. The reply comes:

"I'm terribly sorry sir. There must be some mistake. The suspension springs on this model do not require replacement."
 

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