Tube Announcements

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Sprog

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Here are some true and hilariously funny announcements made by tube drivers.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/lancashire/fun_stuff/2003/09/11/tube.shtml
Also, ive found some from sites... :D

"Please mind the closing doors..."
The doors close... The doors reopen.
"Passengers are reminded that the big red slidey things on the side of the train are called the doors. Let's try it again, shall we? Please stand clear of the doors."
The doors close...
"Thank you."

******************

"Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL belongings away from the doors (Pause...) This is a personal message
to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways"

******************
At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon)
"Please let the passengers off the train first.
Please let the passengers off the train first!
Please let the passengers off the train first!!!
Let the passengers off the train FIRST!!!
Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care. I'm going home."

******************
"Ladies & Gentleman, upon departing the train may I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels"

******************
"I apologise for the delay leaving the station ladies and gentlemen, this is due to a passenger masturbating on the train at Edgware Road. Someone has activated the alarm and he is being removed from the train."

******************
"Ladies and Gentlemen do you want the good news first or the bad news?"

"The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. I felt sadly let down by the fact that none of you sent me a card! I drive you to work and home each day and not even a card."

"The bad news is that there is a point's failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means that we probably won't reach our destination. We may have to stop and return. I won't reverse back up the line - simply get out walk up the platform and go back to where we started.
In the meantime if you get bored you can simply talk to the man in front or beside you or opposite you."

"Let me start you off: Hi, my name's Gary. How do you do?"

******************

"I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly... usually in bits."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
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Coxster

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Some of those, aswell as some other ones can be found in a very good book called "One Stop Short Of Barking".

"Please mind the doors. Yes, the doors are those big slidy things."

"There are 21 doors on each side of this train. Don't feel you have to use the two in the middle."

"Please stand clear of the doors. Don't confuse that with throw yourself and your luggage into the doors. They are both totally different statements."
 

Julian G

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Coxster said:
Some of those, aswell as some other ones can be found in a very good book called "One Stop Short Of Barking".

"Please mind the doors. Yes, the doors are those big slidy things."

"There are 21 doors on each side of this train. Don't feel you have to use the two in the middle."

"Please stand clear of the doors. Don't confuse that with throw yourself and your luggage into the doors. They are both totally different statements."
oh yes, i like that book :)
 
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