My "favourite" seen on many websites:
We value your privacy = We will sell as much of your personal information that we can find.
we value your privacy = we couldn’t find anyone prepared to pay for your personal information
My "favourite" seen on many websites:
We value your privacy = We will sell as much of your personal information that we can find.
Brilliant and very true.A few ones people use self descriptively, broadly true IME:
Life and soul of the party = loud and annoying
I like to work hard and play hard = I have a drug habit
I'm ambitious and driven = I'll brown nose to bosses, take credit for other people's work and won't hesitate to stab the rest of my colleagues in the back if there's the slightest chance of a promotion
When you are on the phone to a call centre, and waiting for your call to be answered:-
Your call is important to us : Your call is not important to us
Did you know you can find the answer to your query on our website? : F**k off, we're very busy and too tight fisted to employ enough staff to answer your call in a timely manner.
If you leave your phone number we will call you back : We couldn't give a s**t about your call and will not call you back , but this enables us to reduce the number of people in the queue and improve our statistics
I prefer:we value your privacy = we couldn’t find anyone prepared to pay for your personal information
Unexpected item in the bagging area = You nudged your bag ever so slightly and when the assistant eventually comes to reset the till they'll look at you like you're hopeless
Wintry showers = A blizzard
In the south eats this means completely lose your shizzle, dress like Scott of the Antarctic and run around like a man thing panic buying milk and bread before the entire economy and nation grinds to a halt.
In the north it means: put a jumper on lad.
I remember that as "A frank and earnest exchange of views".A full and frank exchange of views - an absolutely massive nose-to-nose argument that stopped just short of punches being thrown.
Then there's Winging it which is performing something without adequate preparation.... Leg it - Run away ( as in: Christ its the rozzers, lets leg it) ...
Then there's the female equivalent that I first heard from some Australians: ladies (or women) in comfortable shoes."Confirmed bachelor" = hypocritical Daily-Mail speak for homosexual ...
I remember that as "A frank and earnest exchange of views".
Full Monty - pursuing something to the absolute limits. "The full Monty" historically refers to an old tailor called Sir Montague Burton. Going "the fully Monty" meant purchasing a full three-piece suit, a shirt, and all of the trimmings.
Curtain twitcher - Nosey neighbour
He was the master of it.The sad passing today of Derek Fowlds, who played Bernard Woolley in Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister, brings to mind a few gems:-
This matter is under consideration = We have lost the file
This matter is under active consideration = We have lost the file but are trying to find it
A controversial decision, minister = That will cost you votes
A courageous decision, minister = That will cost you the election
Have you considered all of the implications? = That is a bad idea
Wind your neck in - to tell someone to not concern themselves with issues that don't directly affect them
Discussing Ugandan affairs
- From Private Eye. Often used as a euphemism for sex/infidelity, usually while carrying out a supposedly official duty.
I liked: 'a face that has worn out three bodies'.Must have had a hard paper round = used to describe someone who looks a lot older than their actual age