Uxbridge English Dictionary

[Bevan Price]

The "real" Uxbridge English dictionary on Radio 4 had a great one today:
"Titillate" - Essentially defined as "Delayed arrival of baby food".

 

[Busaholic]

The "real" Uxbridge English dictionary on Radio 4 had a great one today:
"Titillate" - Essentially defined as "Delayed arrival of baby food".

Off topic, but as you mentioned the 'real thing', I have to share 'alternative song titles' on that programme about a month ago, said by Rory Bremner:-

Wipe off, Eileen (after the prolonged laughter, he claimed he'd been given it by fellow panellist Pam Ayres)

Sorry to lower the tone (well, not really!)

 

[Cowley]

Off topic, but as you mentioned the 'real thing', I have to share 'alternative song titles' on that programme about a month ago, said by Rory Bremner:-

Wipe off, Eileen (after the prolonged laughter, he claimed he'd been given it by fellow panellist Pam Ayres)

Sorry to lower the tone (well, not really!)

I heard that too. Very funny.

 

[341o2]

Paddy's medical dictionary

Artery: The study of paintings.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What you do when patients die.

Benign: What you be, after you be eight.

Caesarean Section: A neighbourhood in Rome.

Catscan: Searching for Kitty.

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.

Colic: A sheep dog.

Coma: A punctuation mark.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend.

Fester: Quicker than someone else.

Fibula: A small lie.

Impotent: Distinguished, well known.

Labour Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane.

Morbid: A higher offer.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Node: I knew it.

Outpatient: A person who has fainted.

Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative: A letter carrier.

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Rectum: Nearly killed him.

Secretion: Hiding something.

Seizure: Roman emperor.

Tablet: A small table.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tumour: One plus one more.

Urine: Opposite of you're out.

 

[krus_aragon]

Template - tardy agency staff

 

[krus_aragon]

Reorchestrate - To iron a killer whale

 

[Bevan Price]

Nappy New Year - Unplanned consequences of excessive alcohol consumption in Christmas / New Year season, followed by male/female close encounters.

 

[Welshman]

Wassail
Danish footballer's home-brew.

Mulled wine
Cry heard as far away as the distillery in Oban when the last cargo boat before Christmas fails to land any of its produce in Craignure.

Tannenbaum
Sun-block cream.

 

[plymothian]

Internet
score a goal

Mobid
higher than the reserve price

 

[krus_aragon]

Symmetry - Wood-burning stove

 

[gazthomas]

Patagonia - South American Postman

 

[krus_aragon]

Paprika - Flatulent father

 

[krus_aragon]

Preparing - putting your washed socks in a line

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Immortal - dry-stone walling

 

[Welshman]

The Lickey Banker
Manager of Barclay's. Bromsgrove.

The Conversion of St Paul
Introduction of Natural Gas to NE Bristol.

Burns Night
January's special offer at your local A & E.

 

[Esker-pades]

Whamphray - A fight between members of the pop group.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Brexit - what happens when a big lass from Barnsley sits in a plastic deckchair.

 

[krus_aragon]

Venezuela - An Italian Captain Ahab

 

[krus_aragon]

Teacake - when your wooden leg hurts

 

[Esker-pades]

Digestive - To stop breathing humorously.

 

[Cowley]

Garibaldi - That bloke down the pub that's lost his hair.

 

[Esker-pades]

Hobnob - Burning door handle.

 

[Bevan Price]

Inspire - In the highest part of a church.

Respire - Rebuild the church spire.

Perspire - Church with 2 spires (a pair).

 

[krus_aragon]

Mutilation - A happy mime

 

[341o2]

After a comment about Faceberk and ****ter

****ter What comes out of a Yorkshireman's tap

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Twitter - a Yorkshireman's complaint.

 

[gazthomas]

Pardon golf playing academic

 

[IanD]

Hyperbolic - Testicular ADHD

 

[Bevan Price]

holy - Girls' jeans.

 

[krus_aragon]

Arbitrate - Pirate broadband speed