Weird Things You See People Do on the Railway

[Bantamzen]

Not "weird" as such, but I've noticed that as a species we're bewilderingly inefficient at getting on and off trains and through barriers. The amount of dithering and faffing about still amazes me after many years of commuting. I think we should have "efficient passenger" and "inefficient passenger" services and barriers, with a stringent assessment process to officially certify each passenger's efficiency. Inefficient passengers can be consigned to their allotted rubbish services, where they can faff about as much as they like. An exemption can be made for disabled passengers, as the certified efficient passengers should be sufficiently efficient to accommodate them.

Actually, let's do the same thing for cash machines and supermarket checkouts too, as I suspect it's the same culprits.

And to expand on this, you may notice a ripple effect when one passenger struggles to use one gate. It can go from dozens of passengers passing through without issue, to one "faffer" flapping around unable to scan their ticket / card, which then leads to many more behind suddenly losing the ability to use any of the the and herd up behind one another trying to attract the attention of gateline staff, whilst some of us pass gracefully* through the barriers they are now ignoring....

(* I say gracefully but whenever I come across the herds of panicked commuters I have a tendency to pass by with more of an annoyed ambience than graceful)

 

[bearhugger]

Get really annoyed when there's a ticket inspector on board because they've bought a ticket you know. Also, get really annoyed when there's not a ticket inspect because they might as well not have bought a ticket (as if that's the only reason you would get one).

And also complain "I've already shown my ticket" when a new guard gets on and does a full ticket check.

Queue to enter one door of a full carriage because it's nearer the entrance/exit and complain the train is always full when there's a practically empty carriage at the other end.

And look at me funny when I walk to the ballroom on TPE class 185's, like "where's he going?"

 

[infobleep]

I once saw a man do an exercise routine in the vestibule between Euston and Harrow and Wealdstone on a Tring service. This was full stand up and squat and so on workout. The kind you'd do in a gym not on a train!

Still when a man's got a keep fit, a man's gotta keep fit.

I also once witnessed two people fully clothed but at it, to put it politely, on a slam door train service late at night. This was coming away from Victoria on a quarry line service that would have stopped at Haywards Heath. Either they were faking it or actually doing it. I didn't hang around to find out.

 

[wastedlife]

There was this case 25 or so years ago where a couple got down and dirty on a bank holiday excursion to the Kent seaside.
The travelling public only protested when they lit a fag in the non-smoking section of the train....

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/smoke-stirs-passengers-unmoved-by-public-sex-1538859.html

 

[hexagon789]

There was this case 25 or so years ago where a couple got down and dirty on a bank holiday excursion to the Kent seaside.
The travelling public only protested when they lit a fag in the non-smoking section of the train....

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/smoke-stirs-passengers-unmoved-by-public-sex-1538859.html

Dear, dear - smoking in a non-smoking compartment!

 

[J-2739]

Just thought of another one - people that seem unable to flush the toilet after them (whether on the train or in buildings)

Train toilets can be scary beasts

 

[yorksrob]

4: Push the door open button before it's lit.
It reminds me of those people who flash at traffic lights hoping they'll change, or people who twist the little knob underneath the pedestrian button thinking it changes the lights quicker...

I don't trust that the little lightbulb's working. Been caught out by that one before !

 

[Taunton]

I've told this one before.

People boarding at Victoria walk the full length of a 12-car to be first off at Brighton.

Fast to Three Bridges where there is a lengthy signal stop followed by an announcement that the line ahead has been blocked and we are to be diverted via Horsham and Littlehampton.

Reverse at Littlehampton, back along the coast line towards Brighton. Those who had walked to the front, now back, awkwardly and grumblingly make their way along the full length of the train, falling over bags and legs along the way, to be first off at Brighton.

After Hove, train turns left round to Preston Park, to stop and reverse back into its normal main line platform at Brighton.

They are at the back again ...

 

[Lucan]

... I can't understand why people walk out onto the platform and then all cluster around the entrance. Do they not see the swathes of empty space along the platform and think "I'll have a better chance of getting a seat if I stand there"? I image they're the same sort who go to a beach, pitch up within a stones throw of the carpark

Same as when we have a fire evacuation excercise at work. People leave the building and then promptly stop a few yards from the exit for a chat, causing a tailback within the building, until positively told to move on to the assembly area by the fire wardens. Consider also that this is an engineering office where you might have expected significantly more technical nous than average.

 

[EM2]

Single syllable 'York?' without so much as a hello or please on occasion gets a cheeky reply depending on my mood. We have one guard who without fail goes for a handshake and says 'no, I'm Bob, but I'm pleased to meet you!'.

Someone I know used to be a guard and was asked 'Are you Victoria?' to which he replied 'Only at the weekends. The rest of the time I'm James'.

 

[NathanPrior]

People who run down the entire platform when the train has just pulled into a terminus and has 10 minutes until it's departure time.

The most annoying one at the moment is at the Southeastern bit of London Bridge when 40 or so commuters will try and fit on an already rammed train from Charing Cross/Waterloo East despite there being empiter services from Cannon St a mere minute walk

 

[trainophile]

Someone I know used to be a guard and was asked 'Are you Victoria?' to which he replied 'Only at the weekends. The rest of the time I'm James'.

Love it .

 

[hexagon789]

Someone I know used to be a guard and was asked 'Are you Victoria?' to which he replied 'Only at the weekends. The rest of the time I'm James'.

Brilliant

 

[Crossover]

4: Push the door open button before it's lit.
It reminds me of those people who flash at traffic lights hoping they'll change, or people who twist the little knob underneath the pedestrian button thinking it changes the lights quicker...

Best not travel with me then, as I routinely, if the first at the door, stand holding the button in as we approach the platform as on quite a bit of stock, as mentioned, it will release the door immediately when the crew put up the release. Certainly use it all the time on 185's and I think quite a bit of the Northern stock does it too. Invariably, I forget which do it, so I would routinely hold it in on any and if nothing happens, quickly release and press again when the crew release the doors

 

[delt1c]

scratch their nuts while waiting for an early morning service

 

[Bald Rick]

There was this case 25 or so years ago where a couple got down and dirty on a bank holiday excursion to the Kent seaside.
The travelling public only protested when they lit a fag in the non-smoking section of the train....

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/smoke-stirs-passengers-unmoved-by-public-sex-1538859.html

That’s also the subject of a Victoria Wood joke, indeed I suspect she said it before this happened in real life!

 

[Bald Rick]

Stand on the end of station platforms with cameras, notepads, pencils etc.

 

[bramling]

1: Over complicate things.
Ask when trains leave York for Huddersfield. Then ask when the lasttrain will leave Kings Cross to York. Two separate questions.
Why not just ask what time they have to leave Kings Cross to make the last train for Huddersfield?

2: Tap their card in a specific way.
Seen loads of people turning their card to specifically tap it with the numbers on the bottom, as if they think it won't work with the numbers facing up.

3: Expect doors to open automatically.
Many times watched someone waiting at a door while everyone else is boarding. Once or twice the person even walks to another door.

4: Push the door open button before it's lit.
It reminds me of those people who flash at traffic lights hoping they'll change, or people who twist the little knob underneath the pedestrian button thinking it changes the lights quicker...

I had another but can't remember it right now.

Worst I've seen is one Sunday whilst taking some photos of buildings on the CLC line between Manchester and Liverpool. I forget the station, but I think it was Urmston or Flixton. Engineering work going on, and the track was dug up through the platform - although no actual work was taking place at the time. Copious posters everywhere advertising engineering work. Needless to say, a crowd of intending passengers milling about on the platform, as departure time of what would have been the train comes and goes so comes the tell-tale looking at watches, peering into the distance to see if the train's coming, etc. How anyone can do this when the track is missing is completely beyond me.

 

[class387]

Was in Bratislava today where I saw a group of teens, while trying to get a train, run in front of three trains in platforms, including the one they wanted to get on.

 

[ChiefPlanner]

Rolling joints in the 1st class on Thameslink - and not just "yoof" either ....?

 

[StoneRoad]

I know some people do travel enough to be blasé about doing so, but the ones who have to ask several people if this is the train for X or Y, even though there are timetables and departure boards aplenty, look at the boards, and then go and ask someone else ...

 

[EM2]

Rolling joints in the 1st class on Thameslink - and not just "yoof" either ....?

I'll see that, and raise you snorting Class A off a platform bench, unwittingly in front of plain clothes BTP.

 

[PeterC]

There was this case 25 or so years ago where a couple got down and dirty on a bank holiday excursion to the Kent seaside.
The travelling public only protested when they lit a fag in the non-smoking section of the train....

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/smoke-stirs-passengers-unmoved-by-public-sex-1538859.html

Why do I suddenly remember the "we're all going to Brighton" joke from my mid teens?

 

[Pseudonym]

Best not travel with me then, as I routinely, if the first at the door, stand holding the button in as we approach the platform as on quite a bit of stock, as mentioned, it will release the door immediately when the crew put up the release. Certainly use it all the time on 185's and I think quite a bit of the Northern stock does it too. Invariably, I forget which do it, so I would routinely hold it in on any and if nothing happens, quickly release and press again when the crew release the doors

I always do this on VTEC East Coast Services (not the HSTs obvs) as the doors then open immediately on release.
I fact it annoys me when people don't as I have a strange obsession about my foot being the first to hit the platform.

 

[Bald Rick]

I'll see that, and raise you snorting Class A off a platform bench, unwittingly in front of plain clothes BTP.

Can I raise you with a group of non-league footballers (they said who they played for) snorting Class A off a table in First Class (late northbound Euston - Brum), with uniformed BTP in the adjacent vestibule. Proper brass neck!

 

[kevconnor]

Trying to argue with the guard that a First Manchester bus ticket was valid on TPE service between Manchester Airport and Manchester Piccadilly as 'they are the same company.'

 

[johntea]

When a train is half empty yet someone still decides the seat next to me is the one they're choosing!

 

[ChiefPlanner]

Stand on the end of station platforms with cameras, notepads, pencils etc.

Doncaster , Stafford - comes to mind...

 

[higthomas]

I always do this on VTEC East Coast Services (not the HSTs obvs)

When I read your first line I was really hoping you were talking about snorting class A in first class.

 

[xotGD]

People who appear to be embarrassed about knowing where the train is going:

Someone asks "Is this the train to Leeds?"

Passenger responds either "I think so" or "I hope so". Never seem to just say "Yes".