What Local Law Would You Enact ?

[yorksrob]

This is a lighthearted thread asking people what local laws would they enact, should proper devolution take off.

Mine would be that any publican in Yorkshire selling a pint of ale for over four pounds, should be tarred and feathered and have a sign placed around their neck saying "London interloper"

 

[DarloRich]

£4! 4. 4 Pund. 4! Anyone charging more than £2 should be given a jolly stern talking to

 

[yorksrob]

I would allow three pounds under duress.

 

[Jona26]

How about...

"Walking on the cracks in the pavement and walking around in a loud shirt in a built up area during the hours of darkness."

Courtesy of Constable Savage.

 

[yorksrob]

How about...

"Walking on the cracks in the pavement and walking around in a loud shirt in a built up area during the hours of darkness."

Courtesy of Constable Savage.

I like it. You can't have loud shirts in the hours of darkness - it will distract motorists !

 

[hexagon789]

Every month that potholes don't get filled in, local councillors have their wages docked to pay to fix them

 

[EM2]

Any person entering Essex that mentions TOWIE or wishes to visit the Sugar Hut shall be taken to the county border and ceremonially pushed off the QEII bridge.

 

[341o2]

Don't feed the ponies on the New Forest!

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Anyone who doesn't clean up their dog's deposits to be shot at dawn.

Machine gun towers to be installed on all major roundabouts, manned with 3 gunners: one with yellow paintballs, one with red paintballs, and one with an RPG. The first offence of not signalling off the roundabout will result in a yellow, then a red for the second. If a car with a red splodge on the rear fails to signal, it shall be destroyed with an RPG.

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

Anyone who doesn't clean up their dog's deposits to be shot at dawn.

Machine gun towers to be installed on all major roundabouts, manned with 3 gunners: one with yellow paintballs, one with red paintballs, and one with an RPG. The first offence of not signalling off the roundabout will result in a yellow, then a red for the second. If a car with a red splodge on the rear fails to signal, it shall be destroyed with an RPG.

Like this one.

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

Every month that potholes don't get filled in, local councillors have their wages docked to pay to fix them

I like this one too.

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

I work in a charity shop and we do get shop lifters which is bad in any shop, but I think especially so nicking from a Charity, so how about the stocks or pillory for them.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Another one: Any person who thinks that the "keep left" notices on the stairs into the subway at Huddersfield station do not apply to them, shall spend a day in stocks outside the station followed by a week with their dominant hand tied behind their back.

 

[Bromley boy]

Machine gun towers to be installed on all major roundabouts, manned with 3 gunners: one with yellow paintballs, one with red paintballs, and one with an RPG. The first offence of not signalling off the roundabout will result in a yellow, then a red for the second. If a car with a red splodge on the rear fails to signal, it shall be destroyed with an RPG.

Cracking idea.

And I’d expand it to include roving armoured cars to destroy middle lane hogs...

 

[telstarbox]

Anyone still referring to places in "Middlesex" to be sent down a time portal to 1965.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Anyone still referring to places in "Middlesex" to be sent down a time portal to 1965.

Does that include the ECB?

 

[class387]

Given what has happened next to my school football pitch:

"You must not compile massive mounds of faeces next to a public place"

 

[deltic]

legalise the growing, marketing and possession of cannabis
require all transport providers to accept a standard smart card which automatically offers the cheapest fare for a journey, day, week etc no matter location, mode of transport, or company
bans pavement parking
bans curbside parking
introduce road charging
ban pubs from selling non-European beers and lagers
require pubs to sell only beers/lagers with easily pronounceable names
require all takeaways to provide salads - for which it is compulsory that a consumer buys and eats on the site before the sale of any other product is allowed
ban entry to McDonalds to any one under age of 60
ban sale of any childrens comic which has a "free" gift made of plastic attached to it
make the study of rail and bus operations compulsory in schools
require all public libraries (if still any left in your area) to offer monthly sessions on the Routing Guide and split ticketing
introduce free local rail travel to anyone wearing a duffle coat and being in possession of an up to date Platform 5 spotters guide
ban estate agents and require all properties to be brought/sold and rented via council's own planning department
require that all residential properties are sold at no more than rpi+1% per year over its original purchase price. (As an example inflation is 60% higher now than in 2000 so a house can only be sold at 78% more than it was sold in 2000)
implement compulsory daily 30 minute workout sessions for all residents to take place in suitable locations around the area
ban the sale of any food product or meal which breaches the recommended daily intake of salt, sugar or saturated fat.
introduce a tax of 50p on every copy of celebrity gossip magazines the Express, Star, Sun and Mail newspapers
provide a free copy of the Financial Times and Economist to every resident

 

[Darandio]

Snip

So what you actually want to be is a dictator?

 

[fowler9]

Compulsory head shaving for any Liverpool scally with a ket wig.

 

[fowler9]

legalise the growing, marketing and possession of cannabis
require all transport providers to accept a standard smart card which automatically offers the cheapest fare for a journey, day, week etc no matter location, mode of transport, or company
bans pavement parking
bans curbside parking
introduce road charging
ban pubs from selling non-European beers and lagers
require pubs to sell only beers/lagers with easily pronounceable names
require all takeaways to provide salads - for which it is compulsory that a consumer buys and eats on the site before the sale of any other product is allowed
ban entry to McDonalds to any one under age of 60
ban sale of any childrens comic which has a "free" gift made of plastic attached to it
make the study of rail and bus operations compulsory in schools
require all public libraries (if still any left in your area) to offer monthly sessions on the Routing Guide and split ticketing
introduce free local rail travel to anyone wearing a duffle coat and being in possession of an up to date Platform 5 spotters guide
ban estate agents and require all properties to be brought/sold and rented via council's own planning department
require that all residential properties are sold at no more than rpi+1% per year over its original purchase price. (As an example inflation is 60% higher now than in 2000 so a house can only be sold at 78% more than it was sold in 2000)
implement compulsory daily 30 minute workout sessions for all residents to take place in suitable locations around the area
ban the sale of any food product or meal which breaches the recommended daily intake of salt, sugar or saturated fat.
introduce a tax of 50p on every copy of celebrity gossip magazines the Express, Star, Sun and Mail newspapers
provide a free copy of the Financial Times and Economist to every resident

I like all this except for the beer stuff. You will have to take my Zywiec and my Tyskie from my cold dead hands. Ha ha.

 

[deltic]

So what you actually want to be is a dictator?

Yes - a benevolent one obviously

 

[SS4]

Anyone playing music too loudly shall be forced to listen to Rick Astley for 24 hours straight. There is however, the Motorhead exclusion clause

 

[deltic]

any person found guilty of anti-social behaviour is forced to sit through the whole of Wagner's Ring Cycle

 

[SS4]

any person found guilty of anti-social behaviour is forced to sit through the whole of Wagner's Ring Cycle

That would become much more popular with your choice to "legalise the growing, marketing and possession of cannabis"

 

[yorksrob]

any person found guilty of anti-social behaviour is forced to sit through the whole of Wagner's Ring Cycle

I never knew the guy did his own laundry !

 

[hexagon789]

I like this one too.

Thanks.

I work in a charity shop and we do get shop lifters which is bad in any shop, but I think especially so nicking from a Charity, so how about the stocks or pillory for them.

Stealing from charities really is despicable.

 

[PeterC]

This is a lighthearted thread asking people what local laws would they enact, should proper devolution take off.

Mine would be that any publican in Yorkshire selling a pint of ale for over four pounds, should be tarred and feathered and have a sign placed around their neck saying "London interloper"

I would just require Yorkshire publicans to sell full pints. In my last few visits to the county beer has been served in pint to brim glasses rather than the traditional pint to line but still with a sparkler invariably resulting in short measure.

 

[yorksrob]

I would just require Yorkshire publicans to sell full pints. In my last few visits to the county beer has been served in pint to brim glasses rather than the traditional pint to line but still with a sparkler invariably resulting in short measure.

Ah yes. Short measures add insult to injury if you're paying over four quid.

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

Anyone still referring to places in "Middlesex" to be sent down a time portal to 1965.

You had better send a Tardis for me then. (Mind you, I think I would quite like to live in the 1960s)