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Who would you like to make train passenger announcements?

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Aictos

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How about the guy from the Go Compare ads?

Or even get a Trump impersonator!
 
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R

RailUK Forums

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I'd volunteer:

"The next station is... actually I'm not going to tell you. Tear you eyes away from your ^%&@ing phone for two minutes, look out of the *&$£ing window and take responsibility for your own journey. People never needed a running commentary for the first 170-odd years of passenger trains, so why should we spoon feed you throughout every moment of a journey now?" :lol:

Failing that unlikely (albeit personal Utopian) scenario, I suggest Barney Greenway from Napalm Death :p
 

alistairlees

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I'd volunteer:

"The next station is... actually I'm not going to tell you. Tear you eyes away from your ^%&@ing phone for two minutes, look out of the *&$£ing window and take responsibility for your own journey. People never needed a running commentary for the first 170-odd years of passenger trains, so why should we spoon feed you throughout every moment of a journey now?" :lol:

Failing that unlikely (albeit personal Utopian) scenario, I suggest Barney Greenway from Napalm Death :p
Dangermouse. With the music too.
 

FenMan

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Penelope Keith in full Margo Leadbetter (Good Life) mode ...

"The next stop on this service will be *shudder* Reading."
 

trainmania100

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Location
Newhaven
Homer Simpson
"This train calls at ham street...mmm Ham... *drools*
Sandwich...mm sandwiches ..*droools*
And ramsgate
 

Doomotron

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Kent
Chris Martin from Coldplay - would start singing about kingdoms halfway through an announcement.
Will Smith
Any of the cast from The Grand Tour
Nish Kumar
Hugh Dennis

On a serious note, I'd like Bill Turnbill to do announcements at stations.
 

Brissle Girl

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I'd love it if Geoff Marshall did all of them, funnily enough he did do some temporary announcments on Thameslink.
Both Geoff and Vicki would be excellent choices. Maybe they could do the platform announcements, with one each side as is often done.
 

Parallel

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I wasn't aware of that, do you have a link by any chance. :lol:

Announcement from 09:47. It was mildly amusing watching people jump out of their skin at stations where the volume of the announcements is quite loud :lol:

 

RLBH

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Personally, I'd say the guard, rather than some famous name chosen for reasons that will become irrelevant with familiarity. The guard can inject some of their own personality, pass along any information relevant to particular stations, and won't become overly familiar in the same way that a supposed 'celebrity' will do.

Of course, this requires actually having a guard on trains, and really needs the guards to be trained to do announcements properly rather than mumbling into a microphone.
 

Nick Nation

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Didn't the Newcastle Metro use local celebrities to do announcements for a while? Seem to remember hearing Lawrie McMenemy and Kevin Keegan...

Other than that, perhaps Penelope Pitstop, although the Stanley Unwin suggestion has possibilities.
 

d9009alycidon

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22 Jun 2011
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837
Location
Eaglesham
Kenneth Williams - Oh!!! Stop Messing about with the doors

Regarding W.H. Auden, this one has done the rounds on Facebook and I absolutely love it!

This is the Voyager crossing the Border
Standing room only, unless you pre order
Seating for the rich, corridors for the poor
The shop has sold out, the buffet no more
Revving up Beattock, claiming to be green

The wires above her, no pan to be seen
Birds turn their heads, as she approaches
Stare from the bushes, at her paltry 5 coaches

Cars in the fast lane can’t keep pace
Have comfortable seats and a lot more grace
Thro’ heather and weather but not fallen leaves
With approval ratings that no-one believes
Shoveling carbon over her shoulder
Nox, particulates, benzene, sulphur
Her weight fatigues the railway line
She’s ten minutes late but that’s on time

In the farm she passes no one wakes
All long gone to euro milk lakes
Dawn freshens but the toilet’s full
Snarling toward the urban sprawl
Scotland, independent nation
Soon an end to this vibration
Past rough estates and fast food chains
Dodging the stones from those with no brains

Call centres, offices, low cost homes
Tattooed teenagers with tweeting phones
Once steel and coal and engineering
Graffiti, flats and multi screening
Trainspotting here is not what it seems
But fuels the crime to pay for dreams
In the dark glens beside pale green sea lochs
Men read their e-mails
 

Smethwickian

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Errr, Smethwick!
Fenella Fielding very much still with us
Sadly not since last September, as events have overtaken this long-running thread.
( Link to BBC obituary of former Carry On actress, 90: https//www.bbc.co.uk/news/45409341 )

Nominations for WH Auden remind me of a job interview I had for a job with Virgin Trains last year, one of the interview tasks being to come up with a pitch for a commercial espousing the company's recycling efforts. A flash of inspiration in the early hours resulted in a poem in the style of Night Mail. Of course, none of the trendy young PR types doing the interviews had ever heard of one of the most famous railway-related poems ever, so they didn't get the link between the heritage and future of our trains...

Anyhoo, my votes would go to the calming Joanna Lumley or possibly for arrivals into Torquay, John Cleese as Basil Fawlty: "Well, we're here, hurry up and get off. What were you expecting? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically down the platform?"
 
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NorthernSpirit

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21 Jun 2013
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Both Geoff and Vicki would be excellent choices. Maybe they could do the platform announcements, with one each side as is often done.

Seconded. It'd be great to hear both Geoff and Vicki on platform announcing duties as they could replace Phil and Celia on the Southern network, who currently provide the announcements still.

I wouldn't say no to doing it myself, but only for a few stations in a selected county or two.
 
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A fan of the "JACK" stations as I am, it's going to have to be Paul Darrow for me, his dry but friendly sarcastic tone I think would work well.

But I was, quite by chance, stumbling onto this topic with a friend last night. For regional services, I thought that for Merseyrail Ringo Star would be great while for Manchester area (or Metrolink even) one of the Gallagher brothers would be an obvious choice! :)
 

Panupreset

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James May. ‘Oh c**k. There’s a points failure ahead of us....’

Cybil Fawlty from Fawlty towers in the condescending, not amused tone of voice she always spoke to Basil in. ‘This is stratford so if you want the central line I suggest you change here. And do hurry up’

The Phantom Raspberry Blower of Olde London Town
 

Parallel

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Seconded. It'd be great to hear both Geoff and Vicki on platform announcing duties as they could replace Phil and Celia on the Southern network, who currently provide the announcements still.

Not anymore, most/all stations are now Anne or Matt on Southern. Anne or Rodger are on SWR. Both have switched to ATOS.
 
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