Returning to work after a fatality??

I am a driver currently off sick due to a fatality.
It's been 6 months now and after councilling etc I find myself in the position of deciding whether to go back into the driving seat or not.
The Toc I work for have been great regarding support etc, and redeployment is also an option.
I love driving but have mixed feelings on returning

Any advice guys

I’m sorry to hear this. Plenty of people return to the seat and although I haven’t been there yet I’d be nervous about going back I think. That said you should have support, a ride out over the area where it happened and maybe even time to route refresh. Be honest with your manager and OH team and if it’s too early to come back take that little longer.

Take it really slowly. First day back maybe just put the uniform on, go into work, have a cup of tea, make a plan, go home. Maybe spend a day just taking cab rides/front ending to get used to being back in the cab environment, but without the pressure of driving. When you're ready, do a little driving with an instructor or manager with you ready to take over. If you feel like it's going too fast, let them know and slow it down. It's worth doing if you can, it'd be a shame to let someone take a job you love away from you, but can totally understand that some people can't face it. It's a nasty business.

I had three months off and a very good counsellor and I felt I was ready to go back...had run over the spot with my DTM watching for a reaction. I asked for a week with a DI as I wasn't sure of coming back match fit so to speak.Only had one very small wobble passing over the spot some years later.

My preference is to return, but currently have days when I struggle to face it.
I've been surprised by my reaction to all this, it's not how I seen myself dealing with an incident like this..

the stripler said:

My preference is to return, but currently have days when I struggle to face it.
I've been surprised by my reaction to all this, it's not how I seen myself dealing with an incident like this..

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And that's totally normal. It would be a very strange person who could shrug off something like this as if it were nothing.

Smelliott said:

And that's totally normal. It would be a very strange person who could shrug off something like this as if it were nothing.

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I wouldn't say it's Strange as everyone deals with things completely different. I know of many drivers who have shrugged it off as part and parcel of the job. I also have this mentality. Suppose it depends on background and previous jobs etc etc to

anglian96 said:

I wouldn't say it's Strange as everyone deals with things completely different. I know of many drivers who have shrugged it off as part and parcel of the job. I also have this mentality. Suppose it depends on background and previous jobs etc etc to

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Not footplate myself but I have known a lot of drivers over the years. Very few (less than the fingers of one hand) have never returned to the footplate after a fatality. One of those very few was a driver who was pretty senior anyway but had two pretty nasty but differing incidents.

I think it needs the driver to have very long think, possibly among loved ones or colleagues, to weigh up the pros and cons of their train driving future.

the stripler said:

My preference is to return, but currently have days when I struggle to face it.
I've been surprised by my reaction to all this, it's not how I seen myself dealing with an incident like this..

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It would be a great shame if the actions of one person you didn't know and had no connection to were the cause of you stopping doing a job you love. Remember, don't take it personally as your incident wasn't your fault, you weren't to blame and if it wasn't your train involved it would've been someone else's.

The problem is that the longer you have 'out of the seat', the harder it is to get back in the saddle. My advice would be to return to work asap, just to get yourself back into some sort of routine, booking on, reacquainting yourself with the workplace and fellow drivers and easing yourself back into it. There will be plenty of support available to you for your gradual return to full driving duties.

Smelliott said:

And that's totally normal. It would be a very strange person who could shrug off something like this as if it were nothing.

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I went back after having one day off. Different drivers deal with it in different ways.

the stripler said:

I am a driver currently off sick due to a fatality.
It's been 6 months now and after councilling etc I find myself in the position of deciding whether to go back into the driving seat or not.
The Toc I work for have been great regarding support etc, and redeployment is also an option.
I love driving but have mixed feelings on returning

Any advice guys

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I'd agree with pretty much what @Smelliott says. baby steps. Your last day working was traumatic, so a return to work is understandably gradual. Some people dread even going anywhere near a station, the railway, let alone a mess room in early days, but when ready to return, just spend a hour or two in mess room with drivers, drink some tea, eat some grub. Slowly return, then when ready maybe travel as a passenger not in uniform, then in uniform, maybe back/intermediate cab if option, before thinking about front end. last step usually over incident location. All at your pace.

I've not known any drivers while I've been driving not return at some point. I'm sure it's not easy but time will make it easier.

Just know that '000s of drivers around the country are rooting for you.

First of, I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine the pain and torture you must be going through. I'm glad to read that your TOC has been supportive, and as theironroad said, there will be much support from your railway family across the UK.

I do feel this is a good read for those aspiring to become a driver. It's a known, sad part of the job. Most people think they will be ok, but, do we really know how we would be if it happened to us?

I am someone aspiring to become a driver, however currently in a role where I've dealt with an incident from a medical perspective. And although it hasn't affected me, I wasn't the one in the driver's seat. So it's completely different. I cant come close to your feelings.


I do sincerely hope Stripler that you are ok, and find a way to get back to doing what you do best. Sending my thoughts to you.

the stripler said:

I am a driver currently off sick due to a fatality.
It's been 6 months now and after councilling etc I find myself in the position of deciding whether to go back into the driving seat or not.
The Toc I work for have been great regarding support etc, and redeployment is also an option.
I love driving but have mixed feelings on returning

Any advice guys

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Hello, I had a fatality last April. I was new in the grade but I am still driving now. I had lots of support from my management and colleagues and I never felt I was alone. I took up some hobbies to help cope and I have found this has really helped me. I’m happy to chat further if you want

When I had mine there was an excellent support structure put around me and a careful laid out plan to ease me back into it. I went out with an instructor and we repeatedly went over the incident area with my IO keeping a close eye on my reactions and then I’d go through the area on my own with my IO sitting in the carriage behind me until I was ok to do it on my own.

My local management was great and supportive and my colleagues were all very good with drivers who had also one-unders coming up to me and offering support and advise.

I would say that it’s important to talk about it openly with colleagues. Don’t try and shut it away. Your colleagues know you and will respond in the right way from being overly sensitive to taking the p**s (yep, there can be black humour but it’s all done with the best intentions (honestly )).

You‘ll be fine in the long run. You certainly won’t forget it but that in itself is no bad thing as it will make you hyper aware in the future and you can then use your experience to help colleagues who may go through the same thing in the futur.

So, take your time. Don’t be rushed. Use the help offered. Whilst it was very traumatic when I had mine, looking back I was proud in how I acted and performed. I managed to do everything correctly and kept my head until the cavalry arrived to the point that the mobile manger was listing things to be done and I was telling him “yep I done that, and that, and that…”. I’m sure you were the same and you will look back eventually and think similar.

Good luck.

Thanks for all the kind words and replys guys.
I'm sure I'll be back at it soon

the stripler said:

Thanks for all the kind words and replys guys.
I'm sure I'll be back at it soon

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Let us know how it goes, we're all rooting for you.

I had a fatality, had quite an impact on me. Feel free to message if you want to chat

I had one last year and came back pretty much straight away. Everyone is different and it’s a very traumatic event. However I took the view that I was no different to any of the passengers on the train.. There’s nothing you can do and you are essentially a ‘passenger’ at that moment. What you may have seen / felt etc may take some getting over. But definitely let go of any feelings of responsibility immediately. If it wasn’t you it would have been one of your colleagues and they would have been equally as much a bystander as you were. If you like the job don’t let the actions of someone else deny you enjoying it.

Smelliott said:

And that's totally normal. It would be a very strange person who could shrug off something like this as if it were nothing.

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People deal with trauma different ways, I took 2 weeks off and have never thought about it since, affects people differently, my thought process was that anything and anyone on that rail should not be there , I'm fine, others not so, there's no black and white with this