Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[al78]

People who take an absolutely huge dog upstairs on the bus, seen it today and the dog was blocking the aisle between the seats and making a little kid nervous.

Today I sat on a train with a couple of women and a well behaved smallish dog on the other side of the aisle. Partway through the journey, the dog came over to me and onto my lap and pawing my arms and shoulders, whilst slightly dribbling. "You're ok with dogs aren't you, he's very friendly with people?" was the response I got opposite.

I'd like to ban councils from installing temporary traffic lights on 4 way junctions which only let one direction go at once, when it would be far more efficient for them to allow two parallel directions at once with a short pause at the end with all ways red to allow people to finish turning right.

I'd like to ban Horsham district council for sticking traffic lights on roundabouts which have managed perfectly well without them for decades, and then setting those lights to be badly out of phase when going around the roundabout, combined with the sub 10 second green phase.

I'll just ban NatWest. I would say there are plenty of more competent banks with better customer service.

I have to use NatWest in Horsham on Saturday morning as part of my voluntary job with one of the charity shops involves taking the money to be paid into their account. This used to be irritation free when they had both desks open. Now they only ever have one desk open and if you get your timing wrong, the queue is nearly out of the door, or you have to bring your tent and pitch camp in the queue for the day because you have three people in front of you that all seem to require something seriously complicated doing. This thing of stripping staffing levels down to a skeleton service and externalising the consequences to customers through ever longer wait times seems to be one of the UK's more recent diseases.

 

[duncanp]

Today I sat on a train with a couple of women and a well behaved smallish dog on the other side of the aisle. Partway through the journey, the dog came over to me and onto my lap and pawing my arms and shoulders, whilst slightly dribbling. "You're ok with dogs aren't you, he's very friendly with people?" was the response I got opposite.

I would have shooed the dog away and told the owner in no uncertain terms to keep the dog under control.

I would object to someone else's dog climbing onto my lap and pawing my arms and shoulders.

Some dog owners seem to think that everyone is "...OK with dogs..." when that is not the case.

 

[Peter Lanky]

I would just ban dogs in every shape or form. That would ruffle some feathers.

 

[RT4038]

I would just ban dogs in every shape or form. That would ruffle some feathers.

Ruffle some fur , surely?

 

[gg1]

Today I sat on a train with a couple of women and a well behaved smallish dog on the other side of the aisle. Partway through the journey, the dog came over to me and onto my lap and pawing my arms and shoulders, whilst slightly dribbling. "You're ok with dogs aren't you, he's very friendly with people?" was the response I got opposite.

I would have shooed the dog away and told the owner in no uncertain terms to keep the dog under control.

I would have had the opposite reaction, always brings a smile to my face when a random dog decides it wants to say hello, far preferable to a complete stranger (of the human variety) deciding they want to strike up a conversation with me on public transport.

 

[Calthrop]

Today I sat on a train with a couple of women and a well behaved smallish dog on the other side of the aisle. Partway through the journey, the dog came over to me and onto my lap and pawing my arms and shoulders, whilst slightly dribbling. "You're ok with dogs aren't you, he's very friendly with people?" was the response I got opposite.

I would have shooed the dog away and told the owner in no uncertain terms to keep the dog under control.

I would object to someone else's dog climbing onto my lap and pawing my arms and shoulders.

Some dog owners seem to think that everyone is "...OK with dogs..." when that is not the case.

There comes to mind an anecdote which I treasure -- have quoted it on these Forums, in the past. It's a reminiscence by the late J.I.C. Boyd, of a journey by him in a railcar of the County Donegal Railways Joint Committee, from Strabane to Letterkenny, in 1939.

"The elderly woman sharing my seat had lost her ticket and without ceremony dumped a small pink piglet wearing a harness in my lap, while she searched for it. Luckily the piglet was house-trained and rather beguiling." One would reckon that the lady's English was probably not up to "You're OK with pigs, aren't you?".

 

[al78]

I would have had the opposite reaction, always brings a smile to my face when a random dog decides it wants to say hello, far preferable to a complete stranger (of the human variety) deciding they want to strike up a conversation with me on public transport.

I am normally uncomfortable with over-friendly dogs or any dog which comes toward me where its intent is not clear, but in this case I kind of found it cute, and as I was a bit weary from the early start, I was too tired to get irritated. I have been nervous around dogs all my life but in more recent years, I have developed a feel for when a dog is benign or aggressive.

I would just ban dogs in every shape or form. That would ruffle some feathers.

I don't think dogs are the problem, it is the owners who seem to be unable to keep them under control.

The most unnerving experience I have had in recent years was when cycling on a shared use path near where I live. There was a woman with a small dog ahead coming towards me so I pulled into the side of the path and stopped to give way. The dog suddenly went for my foot as they passed by, fortunately the woman pulled it back before it managed to get a grip.

 

[PeterY]

People that take their dogs for a muddy walk and then the dog decides to jump up at me and leave muddy pawprints on the jeans

 

[Cowley]

People that take their dogs for a muddy walk and then the dog decides to jump up at me and leave muddy pawprints on the jeans

Partners that take a dog for a muddy walk and then put it in the back of my nice clean car!

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Partners that take a dog for a muddy walk and then put it in the back of my nice clean car!

Daughters who let their muddy dogs jump up on the bed...

 

[Peter Lanky]

People that take their dogs for a muddy walk and then the dog decides to jump up at me and leave muddy pawprints on the jeans

I was out walking one day and the very same happened to me. I said to the owners, a young (by my standards) couple, 'thanks very much, I really appreciated that', to which the response from the male half was 'It's what dogs do'. He will never know how close he came to having his nose on the back of his head rather than the front, as I supressed my rage.

 

[al78]

I was out walking one day and the very same happened to me. I said to the owners, a young (by my standards) couple, 'thanks very much, I really appreciated that', to which the response from the male half was 'It's what dogs do'. He will never know how close he came to having his nose on the back of his head rather than the front, as I supressed my rage.

Pity you didn't. If people with an attitude problem genuinely faced the risk of having their facial features rearranged, I reckon there would be less selfish thoughtless attitudes in society.

 

[Peter Lanky]

The term 'Regional departures available' for holidays for which I roughly translate as, 'we're doing you a great favour for allowing you to use an airport in your quaint little provincial backwater, though we must add an awfully large supplement for this great favour we're doing for you'.

 

[jfollows]

US “International” airports meaning one flight a week to Cancun in season.

 

[XAM2175]

I was out walking one day and the very same happened to me. I said to the owners, a young (by my standards) couple, 'thanks very much, I really appreciated that', to which the response from the male half was 'It's what dogs do'. He will never know how close he came to having his nose on the back of his head rather than the front, as I supressed my rage.

Pity you didn't. If people with an attitude problem genuinely faced the risk of having their facial features rearranged, I reckon there would be less selfish thoughtless attitudes in society.

If you're so enraged by having your jeans muddied by over-friendly dog that you'd commit assault occasioning actual bodily harm I'd suggest that it's you who has the major attitude problem

 

[duncanp]

If you're so enraged by having your jeans muddied by over-friendly dog that you'd commit assault occasioning actual bodily harm I'd suggest that it's you who has the major attitude problem

I wonder how those dog owners who allow their dogs to put their muddy paws on other people's clothes would feel if someone was to take off their muddy shoes and wipe them all over their (the dog owner's) trousers.

Because that is effectively what they are allowing their dog to do.

The dog might not know any better but the owners certainly should.

 

[XAM2175]

I wonder how those dog owners who allow their dogs to put their muddy paws on other people's clothes would feel if someone was to take off their muddy shoes and wipe them all over their (the dog owner's) trousers.

At no point have I claimed that it's anything other than poor form for dog owners to permit their dogs to do this.

It would, however, be an over-reaction of extreme proportions for a person aggrieved by their muddied trousers to pulp the dog owner's face - in much the same way that the possible appropriate reactions to being carelessly splashed with dirty water by a passing motorist do not include dragging them out of their car and giving them a thorough kicking.

 

[Gloster]

...the possible appropriate reactions to being carelessly splashed with dirty water by a passing motorist do not include dragging them out of their car and giving them a thorough kicking.

I thought that was what the Highway Code advised.

 

[birchesgreen]

Pity you didn't. If people with an attitude problem genuinely faced the risk of having their facial features rearranged, I reckon there would be less selfish thoughtless attitudes in society.

Yeah more violence in society is the way!

 

[HST274]

I was out walking one day and the very same happened to me. I said to the owners, a young (by my standards) couple, 'thanks very much, I really appreciated that', to which the response from the male half was 'It's what dogs do'. He will never know how close he came to having his nose on the back of his head rather than the front, as I supressed my rage.

Here the problem is 100% the owner. He is not wrong. That is what dogs do- my dog being youngish is till liable to jump occasionally. But I would definitely grab her and then apologise profusely. If they were sarcastic or rude before I had a chance to speak then I might respond in kind.

 

[Cowley]

Come on, this meant to be lighthearted!

I’ve got one, although I might have whinged about it already…

We’ve got a car and a VW van/kombi, I tend to drive the car mostly as I do the most miles, so whenever I get in the van I’m always astonished at the amount of stuff that Mrs C fills all the door pockets and storage areas up with!

Yesterday we went out in the van together and I commented on how it felt like I was driving a pair of maracas around.

This evening we went somewhere in the car and I said: “God. Can you hear all that rattling?”

“No?” She said.

“Exactly…”

 

[Techniquest]

Nice

One for the list, and this is a live addition as I'm staying in such a room right now:

Basement/'lower ground' rooms in hotels.

Even more so if they have a vent that leads to the street, and happen to be quite close to a Tube line

 

[Peter Lanky]

At no point have I claimed that it's anything other than poor form for dog owners to permit their dogs to do this.

It would, however, be an over-reaction of extreme proportions for a person aggrieved by their muddied trousers to pulp the dog owner's face - in much the same way that the possible appropriate reactions to being carelessly splashed with dirty water by a passing motorist do not include dragging them out of their car and giving them a thorough kicking.

I think I made it clear that:
a) I did not actually pulp the owner's face, merely that I would have liked to.
b) It was not the actual act of the mutt, but the owner's attitude that so aggrieved me.

and also,

there would be no dog owners if there were no dogs, so therefore my desire to rid the world of dogs would effectively rid us of bad owners.

and finally,

that this is supposed to be a light hearted thread, therefore there is little need to take it as seriously as you actually are doing. There are many people that most of us probably have thoughts of pulping, though are unlikely to actually do so.

 

[GusB]

Come on, this meant to be lighthearted!

I’ve got one, although I might have whinged about it already…

We’ve got a car and a VW van/kombi, I tend to drive the car mostly as I do the most miles, so whenever I get in the van I’m always astonished at the amount of stuff that Mrs C fills all the door pockets and storage areas up with!

Yesterday we went out in the van together and I commented on how it felt like I was driving a pair of maracas around.

This evening we went somewhere in the car and I said: “God. Can you hear all that rattling?”

“No?” She said.

“Exactly…”

That brings to mind a certain Volkswagen advert...

 

[XAM2175]

that this is supposed to be a light hearted thread, therefore there is little need to take it as seriously as you actually are doing

Your post wasn't light-hearted.

 

[Cowley]

That brings to mind a certain Volkswagen advert...

Oh that’s absolutely brilliant. Haven’t seen that for years (I had a couple of those Golfs too)!

 

[32475]

Sliced bacon which has so much water added to it that when under the grill or in a pan it is at risk of being boiled. Pigs are not aquatic, at least those that I have reared weren’t.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Sliced bacon which has so much water added to it that when under the grill or in a pan it is at risk of being boiled.

If "bacon" is sold by weight, then added water is a nice little earner for someone (!)

 

[32475]

If "bacon" is sold by weight, then added water is a nice little earner for someone (!)

That’s precisely why they do it. Very expensive water!

 

[Peter Lanky]

That’s precisely why they do it. Very expensive water!

It's quite amazing in this day and age where food control and food quality is such a big issue, that this is allowed to happen at all. It's not as if the powers that be don't know about it. Same with many mince products having 25% fat, when it ought to be around 5%. Having made complaints to the same powers that be many times, the standard response is not to respond at all. It seems such things are only an issue when a 'headline story' can be made from it.