Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[61653 HTAFC]

Since we are getting on towards summer , I would ban men from wearing shorts, open toed sandals and sunglasses on top of their heads. Cover it up , it looks horrible.

What's wrong with sunglasses lifted to the forehead? It's a handy place to put them when you're in and out of shops and constantly need to switch between protecting your eyes and being able to see indoors.
If it looks stupid, that isn't my problem as I don't have to see it!

Can I ban the Sloane-y cows at Huddersfield earlier who insisted on walking down the stairs two-abreast when half the staircase was cordoned off being painted? I hope they both get headaches this evening.

 

[xotGD]

Just a minor one but company self-descriptions that don't do much describing

'At JK Media we use our vast experience along with the latest technologies, processes and attention to detail to meet the ever-increasing demands of our clients to conduct their business successfully in the modern digital world'


So you film adverts, print T-shirts or you sell printer cartridges and blank discs then :/

Usually this is because the company themselves don't really know what they do.

 

[dakta]

Indeed, though I know what they need to do, purchase savvy sounding .io domains, look pretty and hope for a buyout from google?

 

[GatwickDepress]

Just a minor one but company self-descriptions that don't do much describing

'At JK Media we use our vast experience along with the latest technologies, processes and attention to detail to meet the ever-increasing demands of our clients to conduct their business successfully in the modern digital world'


So you film adverts, print T-shirts or you sell printer cartridges and blank discs then :/

Don't forget to throw in a mention of 'blockchain' too!

 

[duncanp]

Could we ban the wall to wall coverage of the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard court case.

It gets on my nerves, and I don't give a <bleep> about who said or did what to who.

 

[Techniquest]

Could we ban the wall to wall coverage of the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard court case.

It gets on my nerves, and I don't give a <bleep> about who said or did what to who.

It sounds like you need to implement a strict ban of watching/following the news and/or social media! It remains one of my Top 10 best decisions ever, and if it wasn't for occasionally wanting to watch the odd programme on iPlayer/All4 I'd get rid of my TV and indeed TV license. The majority of my use of the TV is to watch stuff on YouTube, which I could do on my phone, but I occasionally have a desire to watch a bit of catch-up TV (I recently discovered season 9 of The Goldbergs is on All4, for example) so the TV and its licence stays.

I would seriously recommend cutting back on social media and TV time to absolutely everyone. If I wasn't resting up this morning, following a monster cycle tour yesterday, ahead of work I'd be outside enjoying the glorious sunshine!

 

[birchesgreen]

Could we ban the wall to wall coverage of the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard court case.

It gets on my nerves, and I don't give a <bleep> about who said or did what to who.

oh yes ban this, my wife is obsessed with the wretched thing

 

[Calthrop]

Who are these Depp and Heard people of whom you folk speak?

 

[jfollows]

Could we ban the wall to wall coverage of the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard court case.

It gets on my nerves, and I don't give a <bleep> about who said or did what to who.

I agree, I heard her wailing on the World Service last night, of all places, dreadful, all I could think was "she's an actor, so is he" and I couldn't care less about either of them, even though of course one of them might be right.

 

[LethalDrizzle]

Don't forget to throw in a mention of 'blockchain' too!

And the absolute abomination that is 'best practice', which should itself never be used on the basis that it's as meaningful as 'we r ded gud at stuffz lol kk' except without the latter's basic honesty of purpose.

 

[Busaholic]

Who are these Depp and Heard people of whom you folk speak?

Wasn't she the Home Secretary with a lisp?

 

[Runningaround]

Professor Sir John Curtice and his expert predictions. Has he ever got a prediction right, Brexit, Scottish independence, Boris' landslide. He was miles off. Jeff Stelling and Paul Merson are more accurate on Soccer Saturday.

 

[Gloster]

People who drive past accidents rubber-necking and paying no attention to the road ahead. We had a multi-vehicle collision today (van, bus and two cars) and a limited amount of local traffic was being diverted round it through a pub car-park. All the drivers had screwed their heads around so much that they wouldn’t even have been able to see the vehicle ahead in peripheral vision.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Who are these Depp and Heard people of whom you folk speak?

Reasonably well known Hollywood actors (Depp portrayed Captain Jack Sparrow in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" series of feature films) who were once married partners but whose relationship has now broken down and are now, no doubt, ensuring that their respective legal teams are expensively remunerated whilst they air their dirty laundry, in a Virginia courthouse.

 

[Calthrop]

Thank you ! On our planet, we quite often get mystified over stuff which you Earthlings get all het-up about ...

 

[Bletchleyite]

And the absolute abomination that is 'best practice', which should itself never be used on the basis that it's as meaningful as 'we r ded gud at stuffz lol kk' except without the latter's basic honesty of purpose.

"X is best practice" = I think you should do X but can't be bothered justifying it properly.

 

[Strat-tastic]

Thank you ! On our planet, we quite often get mystified over stuff which you Earthlings get all het-up about ...

 

[Pinza-C55]

I would like to ban any political pundit or media outlet which takes a trivial current event and adds "gate" to the end of it. It is boring and sloppy journalism and Watergate means nothing to anyone under 60 years old.

 

[Techniquest]

Thank you ! On our planet, we quite often get mystified over stuff which you Earthlings get all het-up about ...

My favourite post this week so far! Can I have directions to your planet please?

 

[GoneSouth]

I’ve only just discovered this so haven’t read the previous 114 pages yet, apologies if I duplicate anything

I’d like to ban celebrities, ALL OF THEM! This includes all the associated celebrity cooking, dancing, skating, fishing, needlework, survival, unnecessary pouring out of life stories, travel, singing (face covered or visible) and general really tosh TV that seems to be the whole purpose of these people.

 

[Calthrop]

My favourite post this week so far! Can I have directions to your planet please?

None of you people's "railways" lead there, I'm afraid ...

 

[Techniquest]

None of you people's "railways"" lead there, I'm afraid ...

Bah! I'll join the rocket to an alternative then!

 

[duncanp]

I’ve only just discovered this so haven’t read the previous 114 pages yet, apologies if I duplicate anything

I’d like to ban celebrities, ALL OF THEM! This includes all the associated celebrity cooking, dancing, skating, fishing, needlework, survival, unnecessary pouring out of life stories, travel, singing (face covered or visible) and general really tosh TV that seems to be the whole purpose of these people.

Can I sign this petition please.

Any show which has the words "...celebrities compete..." in the publicity has me pressing the Off switch on the TV remote.

 

[Gloster]

Related to the celebrity theme. Those news items telling you of the death (or other major event) of a ‘famous star’ that you have never heard of from a programme that you don’t remember.

 

[D821]

Americans pretending they're Irish on St. Patrick's day, as their great, great, great, great, great-grandparents were Irish.

 

[duncanp]

American's pretending they're Irish on St. Patrick's day, as their great, great, great, great, great-grandparents were Irish.

On a related note, can we ban so called "Irish Bars" outside Ireland.

Just because you sell Guinness and have an Irish flag or shamrocks in the window does not make you an "Irish" bar.

Some Irish people that I know call the people who frequent these places "plastic paddies", and they also detest overblown celebrations on St Patricks Day that are mainly for tourists.

 

[Monarch010]

"National treasure"

and "literally"

 

[GoneSouth]

and "literally"

And ’can I get’ when asking someone else to get something for you…

“can I get a Big Mac and large fries please”

The world doesn’t need Loose Women on ITV, first on my list for the chop when I take over running the channel

 

[Mcr Warrior]

I’d like to ban celebrities, ALL OF THEM!

Always have a wry smile when the BBC1 TV quiz programme "Pointless Celebrities" is airing.

The less-than-subtle double-meaning says all you need to know!

 

[Richard Scott]

Always have a wry smile when the BBC1 TV quiz programme "Pointless Celebrities" is airing.

The less-than-subtle double-meaning says all you need to know!

You beat me to it with this one!