I gave up my seat for a crying child…

[RPI]

You did the right thing.

The young girl may well have had some form of anxiety / mental health condition / been a little poorly / whatever. Given that you said the mum was grateful and relieved, it may well be the case that she, too, was struggling, and not only with the child.

I would always give up my seat to someone who appeared to need it more than me, regardless of age, sex, whatever. By extension, if I’m already standing I will often ask those seated if they might be able to give up their seat in such cases. The response to this question is one of my litmus tests for ‘are they a decent person’.

I’m of the opinion that 95% of people who appear to be in need usually are.

Exactly, my youngest boy is slightly autistic so his reactions can be different to other children.

We know nothing about the particular child in this case but looking at all the judgmental responses its no wonder we have so many kids with mental health issues these days

 

[TT-ONR-NRN]

Quite so. I don’t think I would have given mine up either. Children mustn’t be incentivised to cause a commotion and get their own way. Crying would have made me double down on not giving up my seat to be honest.

This is quite what I meant. I'm sure the child was perfectly lovely, and wasn't being spoilt at all, but when she learns this can be the result of the crying, it may cause her to think that's an easy way to get what she wants in the future, and that is when one becomes spoilt.

You did the right thing, sometimes children act like children and it's OK to be nice to them. To everyone carrying on about "brats" etc. I'd suggest this says something not very good about you, or at the very least you don't have much experience in what it's actually like looking after children.

If we are to make sweeping assumptions like that then I would be quite justified in saying this comment suggests you have children that you rush to feed with a silver spoon each time they stamp their foot. Now I don't know you or anything about your personal life, so I'm not going to do that, but I don't think you should do it to others either.

 

[Parallel]

I probably would’ve offered up my seat. When you’re small, 25 minutes can feel like ages. If I was the parent, I probably would’ve sat down with them in the vestibule or something (if there was room) as that’s probably still more comfortable than standing.

 

[Ostrich]

You did the decent thing; I doff my hat to you. In today's sad, "everyone-for-himself" world, a small gesture of kindness goes a long way.

 

[Man_with_beard]

Which is what Mother Nature designed crying to do. It's a sign of distress and triggers a response in other humans. It's a sound that is very hard to ignore.

No, not other humans just its parents (if present). But It seems to be a sound that is often ignored by its parent when other humans are present as they are the one expected to respond to it's distress calls.

 

[Darandio]

Which people are "absolutely fine with judging the parents"?

But It seems to be a sound that is often ignored by its parent when other humans are present as they are the one expected to respond to it's distress calls.

You, it seems.

 

[GusB]

I think we need to remember that kids tire easily. I know that I get a bit crabbit when I'm tired and have had a long day! The OP clearly said that the kid wasn't being brattish or obnoxious, and someone else suggested that she might not have been feeling very well. We just don't know. I think the OP's actions were probably instinctive in that something didn't seem quite right.

 

[zwk500]

This is quite what I meant. I'm sure the child was perfectly lovely, and wasn't being spoilt at all, but when she learns this can be the result of the crying, it may cause her to think that's an easy way to get what she wants in the future, and that is when one becomes spoilt.


If we are to make sweeping assumptions like that then I would be quite justified in saying this comment suggests you have children that you rush to feed with a silver spoon each time they stamp their foot. Now I don't know you or anything about your personal life, so I'm not going to do that, but I don't think you should do it to others either.

There is NO suggestion whatsoever that the child was throwing a tantrum to get their own way. The child was simply upset, and it is usually quite clear even to complete strangers when a child is simply overloaded and doesn't really know why they are crying, and when they are throwing a tantrum to engineer a desired result (which Children are very capable of doing and very aware of how to do so). From the OP's description, the mother was NOT rewarding the behaviour, and was quite prepared to stand the whole way if no seat had been available.
The logic of 'can't reward a tantrum' has many dark paths to lead down, from conditioning a child to experience emotional detachment or abandonment later in life, to leaving a child in danger because they put themselves ther and 'it's the only way they'll learn'. If you can't tell the difference between crying and a tantrum, maybe don't use words like 'brat' and 'spoilt' in your posts.

 

[Fleetmaster]

Which people are "absolutely fine with judging the parents"? The same people who refuse to give up their seat for a screaming toddler. Maybe that person themself needed the seat and they too have a hidden disability or a sprained ankle. Only the parent will know their own child's needs so why can't they get up off their backside and provide a seat for their toothless little brat instead of expecting others to do it.

A five year old is not a toddler, the OP never said the mother was seated, and never did anything that showed she expected others to give up their seat, and the OP doesn't c!aim to have any hidden disabilities or particular need of a seat.

 

[TT-ONR-NRN]

To be honest, I think this thread is creating more chaos than it needs to, thinking about it. It's not asking about whether or not we believe a child should get a seat if they cry for it, it's about asking whether he should have given the seat up or not.

The answer here is:
It's his seat, so he can do what he wants with it, I guess. I wouldn't do it. Some would. He did. All good.

And I guess that's all there really is to it.

 

[Cowley]

To be honest, I think this thread is creating more chaos than it needs to, thinking about it. It's not asking about whether or not we believe a child should get a seat if they cry for it, it's about asking whether he should have given the seat up or not.

The answer here is:
It's his seat, so he can do what he wants with it, I guess. I wouldn't do it. Some would. He did. All good.

And I guess that's all there really is to it.

Actually that probably is all that needs to be said.
We had a very similar thread to this a couple of weeks ago and that went a similar way…