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Joke Thread
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O L Leigh
Established Member
Baddum tish. 
O L Leigh
O L Leigh
37401
Established Member
asylumxl
Established Member
Guy one: "Why does everyone find this Victoria girl attractive?"
Guy two: "Cos of her speech impediment"
Guy one: "Her speech impediment?"
Guy two: "Yes. She can't say no"
Guy two: "Cos of her speech impediment"
Guy one: "Her speech impediment?"
Guy two: "Yes. She can't say no"
Why is your mother like a bowling ball?
Because she gets picked up, fingered, all 3 of her holes filled, and then she gets chucked down in the gutter. and then she comes back for more....
Have you ever tried Hide-and-Seek sex?
Thats where you count up to ten and then yell "Coming, ready or not!"
My new girlfriend is a really bad loser. She gets so upset every time I come first...
and finally, Clement Freud delivers a classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHx8y1rFjdk
Because she gets picked up, fingered, all 3 of her holes filled, and then she gets chucked down in the gutter. and then she comes back for more....
Have you ever tried Hide-and-Seek sex?
Thats where you count up to ten and then yell "Coming, ready or not!"
My new girlfriend is a really bad loser. She gets so upset every time I come first...
and finally, Clement Freud delivers a classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHx8y1rFjdk
Death
Established Member
Q: What's pink and hard and comes in the morning?
A: The Financial Times crossword. :razz:
Q: What's long and hard and full of seamen?
hock:
A1: No...A submarine!
(Ye dirty bar-steward! ) Or...
A2: An SWT 444 heading for Portsmouth Hbr with a load of mariners coming back off leave... :roll:
A: The Financial Times crossword. :razz:
Q: What's long and hard and full of seamen?
hock:A1: No...A submarine!
(Ye dirty bar-steward! ) Or...A2: An SWT 444 heading for Portsmouth Hbr with a load of mariners coming back off leave... :roll:
37401
Established Member
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist"
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist"
Zamracene749
Member
At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign. His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So a civil servant was despatched from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum in York, to investigate the possibilities.
"We have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," the curator told the civil servant, "But theyre mostly freight locomotives."
"Oh dear, that's not very fitting for a former prime minister, how about that big green one, over there?" The official said, pointing to no.4472.
"That´s already got a name" said the curator. "It´s called `Flying Scotsman´."
"Oh, couldn't it be renamed?" asked the official. "This is a national museum after all, funded by the taxpayer."
"I suppose it could be considered," was the answer. "After all, the LNER renamed a number of their locomotives after directors of the company and even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower."
"So that´s settled then. Let's look at renaming 4472. But how much will it cost? We can´t spend too much, given the recession."
Well, said the consultant, "We could just paint out the `F´."
"We have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," the curator told the civil servant, "But theyre mostly freight locomotives."
"Oh dear, that's not very fitting for a former prime minister, how about that big green one, over there?" The official said, pointing to no.4472.
"That´s already got a name" said the curator. "It´s called `Flying Scotsman´."
"Oh, couldn't it be renamed?" asked the official. "This is a national museum after all, funded by the taxpayer."
"I suppose it could be considered," was the answer. "After all, the LNER renamed a number of their locomotives after directors of the company and even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower."
"So that´s settled then. Let's look at renaming 4472. But how much will it cost? We can´t spend too much, given the recession."
Well, said the consultant, "We could just paint out the `F´."
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