Being friends with work colleagues

[richw]

like everyone has said on this thread 90% of your conversation has to be non-work, and 10% work.

once upon a time work was my life. May be I need to change that, and get a life (possibly a partner aswell), outside of work!


^^ maybe we should start a forum dating thread. We all share similar interests after all
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The coping mechanism I would use to pass my probation (if I did work on the rails), would be to just do as much overtime as possible in order to pass my probation! And that would be my get out clause for not going for drinks or weekends out with colleagues! Or by doing overtime will people see my true colours....familiarity breeds contempt!

Overtime to avoid social events won't get you out of the pleasantries in the work place and will increase the need for them as you're there more, unless your line walking. How would you deal with customers if you can't put manage small talk, which is essential for any customer facing role?

 

[DynamicSpirit]

like everyone has said on this thread 90% of your conversation has to be non-work, and 10% work.

I'm not sure if anyone has actually said that, and I wouldn't necessarily agree with that. How much you talk about work will depend on how much you need to talk about work and how much you and your colleagues enjoy the work. I've been lucky enough to work in occupations where work has been interesting enough that the lines between work and pleasure become quite blurred. And if two people do genuinely enjoy talking about work then I don't see any reason why it should be confined to a minority of their conversations. Obviously if you regard your work as a rather dull necessity to make money, then only spending 10% of a social conversation on work would in that case make more sense.

once upon a time work was my life. May be I need to change that, and get a life (possibly a partner aswell), outside of work!

Maybe. Ultimately it depends on whether you find your life as it currently is enjoyable and satisfying or not. I suspect from what you've written that you don't find it very satisfying, and if so, that would suggest making changes to it would be a good idea

^^ maybe we should start a forum dating thread. We all share similar interests after all

Given what I strongly suspect to be the gender ratio on these forums, I would hazard a guess that forum dating wouldn't give you many matches, unless you happen to be a gay male or a heterosexual (or bisexual) female

 

[amateur]

Given what I strongly suspect to be the gender ratio on these forums, I would hazard a guess that forum dating wouldn't give you many matches, unless you happen to be a gay male or a heterosexual (or bisexual) female

Any idea what the ration of male to female is on this forum?

 

[Tetchytyke]

blame the kings of hobbies with their anoraks and flasks of weak lemon drink for that ...

True.

I don't shout that I'm a geek, but I don't hide it either. And whilst people might think I'm a geek, they're also very happy when I save them fifty quid on the train ticket, so I don't think I do badly out of it!

 

[Ephiny]

I read the forums all the time but don't usually post anything, but just wanted to say that I am very similar to 'amateur' and don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that.

I think it's a case of finding the right job. In previous workplaces I have found that certain people took against me for not being sociable and seemed personally offended by it, but in my current job it hasn't been a problem. People probably think I'm a bit odd because I don't engage in non-work-related chit-chat like others do -- and tend to have my headphones on much of the day to block out other people's incessant chatter -- but I haven't been told off or bullied for it as I have elsewhere, I get very positive feedback on my work (probably because I spend my full working hours actually doing my job instead of gossiping and chatting!)

If you're not the talkative type, it's hard to understand why 'normal' people feel the need to talk constantly and to disclose so much personal information in the office. But I accept people are different and that is OK. It's a shame others can't always be so accepting of diversity.

 

[amateur]

I read the forums all the time but don't usually post anything, but just wanted to say that I am very similar to 'amateur' and don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that.

I think it's a case of finding the right job. In previous workplaces I have found that certain people took against me for not being sociable and seemed personally offended by it, but in my current job it hasn't been a problem. People probably think I'm a bit odd because I don't engage in non-work-related chit-chat like others do -- and tend to have my headphones on much of the day to block out other people's incessant chatter -- but I haven't been told off or bullied for it as I have elsewhere, I get very positive feedback on my work (probably because I spend my full working hours actually doing my job instead of gossiping and chatting!)

If you're not the talkative type, it's hard to understand why 'normal' people feel the need to talk constantly and to disclose so much personal information in the office. But I accept people are different and that is OK. It's a shame others can't always be so accepting of diversity.

I'm "touched" you decided to write your first response here 6 months after joining the forum.

I'm also taken aback when people are able to read 150 posts in one thread without getting bored!

In my current job when I talk about holiday excursions they seem to be engaged. When I talk about work they stare at their PCs going "hmm, yep, yep, yep, u-hum". Says it all.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who has that attitude.

Not sure what you mean by "normal" though!

 

[fowler9]

I'm "touched" you decided to write your first response here 6 months after joining the forum.

I'm also taken aback when people are able to read 150 posts in one thread without getting bored!

In my current job when I talk about holiday excursions they seem to be engaged. When I talk about work they stare at their PCs going "hmm, yep, yep, yep, u-hum". Says it all.

I'm glad I'm not the only person who has that attitude.

Not sure what you mean by "normal" though!

Can you and Ephiny tell me what jobs you do? I mean this seriously. I am sick to death of spending the day speaking to the public.

 

[amateur]

Can you and Ephiny tell me what jobs you do? I mean this seriously. I am sick to death of spending the day speaking to the public.

I've only ever worked as a retail assistant or customer service assistance.

My current customer service service assistant job is office based. I hate office based work.

If you hate speaking with the public just apply for a admin job.
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How would you deal with customers if you can't put manage small talk, which is essential for any customer facing role?

In a previous job, during the 3 month probation, they liked me cos I was constantly asking questions about my job and the product we sold and how to process the more complicated till transactions. I duly passed the probation period.

After that I had ran out of things to talk about. The staff no longer liked me, cos all I ever talked about was work, and not music, or British bake off (!) insert any other cr*p here.

Small talk with customers is fine ...cos you only see them once! For a short period.

It's small talk for 8 hours a day, I can't deal with!

 

[richw]

Bull s**t your way through conversations, get some conversation ammo from google about current affairs, local sports teams, bake off or whatever is on tv, and just talk c**p. It's my approach and seems to work. It keeps things pleasant if nothing else. Even read through some of the General Discussion threads on here to see what is popular talking points. Read through and get involved on those threads and suddenly you'll have things in your head to talk about, even if they don't completely interest you it will pass time and build your knowledge

 

[amateur]

Bull s**t your way through conversations, get some conversation ammo from google about current affairs, local sports teams, bake off or whatever is on tv, and just talk c**p. It's my approach and seems to work. It keeps things pleasant if nothing else. Even read through some of the General Discussion threads on here to see what is popular talking points. Read through and get involved on those threads and suddenly you'll have things in your head to talk about, even if they don't completely interest you it will pass time and build your knowledge

Yes, in the past I have had to pretend that I. Like the cure, muse, red hot chilli peppers.or that I'm following the Leeds or reading festival!

Or pretending to fancy somebody I don't, pretending to like someone's shoes, and asking them wear they brought them from.

Obviously the current talking points are brexit and trump which most people are au fair with!

I may have to force myself to watch the World Cup qualifiers ....and pretend I care about the friendly next week!

 

[J-2739]

Yes, in the past I have had to pretend that I. Like the cure, muse, red hot chilli peppers.or that I'm following the Leeds or reading festival!

Or pretending to fancy somebody I don't, pretending to like someone's shoes, and asking them wear they brought them from.

Obviously the current talking points are brexit and trump which most people are au fair with!

I may have to force myself to watch the World Cup qualifiers ....and pretend I care about the friendly next week!

Just try. You don't have to like them. Your colleagues would appreciate you having an opinion on something more than being ignorant about it.

Maybe you should try watching the World Cup qualifiers, try and keep up with the hot topic.

 

[fowler9]

Yes, in the past I have had to pretend that I. Like the cure, muse, red hot chilli peppers.or that I'm following the Leeds or reading festival!

Or pretending to fancy somebody I don't, pretending to like someone's shoes, and asking them wear they brought them from.

Obviously the current talking points are brexit and trump which most people are au fair with!

I may have to force myself to watch the World Cup qualifiers ....and pretend I care about the friendly next week!

As long as you are happy mate. I had my first day back in after a week and a half off today, I didn't want to talk to anyone, ha ha, sadly being back on the call centre after two years on complaints it is my job. Hopefully get something better soon. I also hate working in offices, which does beg the question why is that what I have done for close on 20 years since leaving Uni.

 

[richw]

I may have to force myself to watch the World Cup qualifiers ....and pretend I care about the friendly next week!

Just do the highlights program or read the reports on a news website of choice.

 

[amateur]

Just do the highlights program or read the reports on a news website of choice.

Still all irrelevant to work* imho. Just a load a Bol locks as I stated in my first post.

* unless you work at the bookies
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Maybe you should try watching the World Cup qualifiers, try and keep up with the hot topic.

Ronaldo mannequin
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As long as you are happy mate.

I'm not happy.
It's called being fake.

Id rather just talk about work!

 

[fowler9]

Still all irrelevant to work* imho. Just a load a Bol locks as I stated in my first post.

* unless you work at the bookies
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Ronaldo mannequin
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I'm not happy.
It's called being fake.

Id rather just talk about work!

I know what you mean Amateur, but sometimes being fake is what it takes to get through the day. I hate my job but it makes my life easier to get onside with the customers and my colleagues. Meanwhile I am looking for the dream job as a pilot, footballer, train driver or travel writer. Get a job on a Vodafone callcentre. I promise you you will spend the entire day talking about work with unhappy customers.

 

[dcsprior]

Amateur, are you saying merely that your current/previous crop of work colleagues aren't people you feel you can be friendly with, as you have nothing in common or they're just not your kind of people?

Or would you go further and say that regardless of who you had as a work colleague, even the kind of person who if you met them elsewhere would turn into a friend for life, you'd not be friendly with them within a work context?

 

[amateur]

Amateur, are you saying merely that your current/previous crop of work colleagues aren't people you feel you can be friendly with, as you have nothing in common or they're just not your kind of people?

Or would you go further and say that regardless of who you had as a work colleague, even the kind of person who if you met them elsewhere would turn into a friend for life, you'd not be friendly with them within a work context?

Indeed. Even if I genuinely liked someone as a person at a work-place, he would never be my "friend", because he is my work-colleague.

There are two former colleagues, who i genuinely liked. However, when I see them in town I don't speak with them. Even if I did speak with, it would only be work-related. "has so-and-so left, has so-and-so been promoted, have they appointed a new md". but i wouldn't ever discuss their personal lives with them!

but i presume that's why none of my work colleagues like me. cos all i ever discuss is work!

 

[DarloRich]

honestly - you need to try and understand how to communicate with people. It is very important.

May I ask - do you have any friends?

 

[fowler9]

I have to admit I am baffled. Who are you friends with? If people in work are only work colleagues then surely anyone you met at school or Uni are just school or Uni colleagues? Can I ask (And I don't mean this as an insult, a judgement or a **** take) are you diagnosed as autistic? I am honestly not being funny with you. I just want to understand. At the end of the day it is none of my business and am happy to be told to keep my nose out.

 

[richw]

? Can I ask (And I don't mean this as an insult, a judgement or a **** take) are you diagnosed as autistic? .

Glad it's not just me! I asked several pages back but gone unanswered. The more I read this the more I think it.
What we know is he doesn't like/struggles with social situations
He has one key interest- railways
Both these facts point to somewhere on the autism spectrum.

 

[fowler9]

Glad it's not just me! I asked several pages back but gone unanswered. The more I read this the more I think it.
What we know is he doesn't like/struggles with social situations
He has one key interest- railways
Both these facts point to somewhere on the autism spectrum.

Yeah, I mean like I say I don't mean it is an insult or anything. I'm just really intrigued. Not being friends with work colleagues just seems a hell of a big box to put a lot of people in to. You spend a massive wedge of your life in work, why not be friends with people you have some commonality with. Not saying it is wrong either. I want to understand the "Why". Autism popped in to my head because the only "Why" seemed to be "They are the people I work with not my friends". Apologies amateur, talking like you can't read it. Just interested.

 

[amateur]

^^ Why?

A new starter has just come along. And is very pally with the line manager. And it's creating a bit of a stir/office politics. I don't get involved cos i don't talk (gossip) about it with anyone, although i hear about it as soon as the two people leave the office (together)!

As i stated earlier I prefer to keep things "professional" in the workplace. But maybe it's okay to be "friends" and still be professional.

Yes, I've lost touch with everybody I knew at school and university. To be honest, I stopped making an effort at uni. (and thereafter).

And yes, I do have a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

 

[fowler9]

^^ Why?

A new starter has just come along. And is very pally with the line manager. And it's creating a bit of a stir/office politics. I don't get involved cos i don't talk (gossip) about it with anyone, although i hear about it as soon as the two people leave the office (together)!

As i stated earlier I prefer to keep things "professional" in the workplace. But maybe it's okay to be "friends" and still be professional.

Yes, I've lost touch with everybody I knew at school and university. To be honest, I stopped making an effort at uni. (and thereafter).

And yes, I do have a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

Sorry mate, I was just interested as to where your point of view came from. I guess sociology interests me, why people do the things they do, or don't do the things that they don't. I never mean it in a critical way unless people are causing harm to others which you seem to be the opposite of. I just want people to be happy. I am possibly like that because I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I just don't want people to feel like I do sometimes.

 

[pitdiver]

I treat the people I work as colleagues. I'm on friendly terms with them but they are not friends. Many years ago I got into a relationship with someone I worked with. It was okay whilst things stayed on an even keel but when we split up it turned nasty as the person maintained I had made her pregnant nothing came of as she left and I never heard from her again. Since then I always keep people of both genders at arms length.

 

[fowler9]

I treat the people I work as colleagues. I'm on friendly terms with them but they are not friends. Many years ago I got into a relationship with someone I worked with. It was okay whilst things stayed on an even keel but when we split up it turned nasty as the person maintained I had made her pregnant nothing came of as she left and I never heard from her again. Since then I always keep people of both genders at arms length.

Fair enough mate, where did you meet your other friends and why are they less likely to do you over? Do you think you will make no more friends?

 

[Cowley]

I know what you mean Amateur, but sometimes being fake is what it takes to get through the day. I hate my job but it makes my life easier to get onside with the customers and my colleagues. Meanwhile I am looking for the dream job as a pilot, footballer, train driver or travel writer. Get a job on a Vodafone callcentre. I promise you you will spend the entire day talking about work with unhappy customers.

I'm with Vodafone, maybe I've complained at you! (I was the one being polite).

 

[fowler9]

I'm with Vodafone, maybe I've complained at you! (I was the one being polite).

Ha ha, I worked at Vodafone in Birchwood after splitting up with my ex following our round the world trip. I walked in to work one day after three months working there, passed them my headset back and walked back out. Don't believe the employer reviews on the internet, I started with 20 people, I was the 17th to leave.... after 3 months. The staff turnover is impressive. I wouldn't use them based on their own awful IT and telephony that the staff have to use. I could bore you for hours just based on three awful months working there.

 

[theblackwatch]

^^ Why?

A new starter has just come along. And is very pally with the line manager. And it's creating a bit of a stir/office politics. I don't get involved cos i don't talk (gossip) about it with anyone, although i hear about it as soon as the two people leave the office (together)!

As i stated earlier I prefer to keep things "professional" in the workplace. But maybe it's okay to be "friends" and still be professional.

Yes, I've lost touch with everybody I knew at school and university. To be honest, I stopped making an effort at uni. (and thereafter).

And yes, I do have a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome.

Do you think you are happier keeping things "professional" (your wording, not mine) in the workplace than not doing so?

 

[AnonymousUser1]

Yeah, I mean like I say I don't mean it is an insult or anything. I'm just really intrigued. Not being friends with work colleagues just seems a hell of a big box to put a lot of people in to. You spend a massive wedge of your life in work, why not be friends with people you have some commonality with. Not saying it is wrong either. I want to understand the "Why". Autism popped in to my head because the only "Why" seemed to be "They are the people I work with not my friends". Apologies amateur, talking like you can't read it. Just interested.

there does seem to be a semantic -pragmatic aspect to some of Amateurs difficulties ...
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Ha ha, I worked at Vodafone in Birchwood after splitting up with my ex following our round the world trip. I walked in to work one day after three months working there, passed them my headset back and walked back out. Don't believe the employer reviews on the internet, I started with 20 people, I was the 17th to leave.... after 3 months. The staff turnover is impressive. I wouldn't use them based on their own awful IT and telephony that the staff have to use. I could bore you for hours just based on three awful months working there.

such is the nature of the call centre environment combined with management who know the price of everything but the value of nowt.

 

[amateur]

Do you think you are happier keeping things "professional" (your wording, not mine) in the workplace than not doing so?

yes.

although i now worry that my not being friends with colleagues is jeopardising my chances of contract extensions.
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there does seem to be a semantic -pragmatic aspect to some of Amateurs difficulties ...
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.

misunderstanding language?