Being friends with work colleagues

[amateur]

Are you friends with work colleagues?

I always try not to be friends with colleagues. also, I only ever discuss work at work. I never discuss topics outside of work apart from possibly the news or the weather

I certainly don't discuss race, religion, sex or politics at work. Nor one's personal home situation.

I worked in a shop where everyone was friends and had banter with each other. They would go out at weekends.

I found they spent the whole day chatting what I deem to be Bol lo cks. it was anything but work. Am I on another planet to the British workforce?

I duly left due to boredom! Now I regret it and wish I had stayed. But I don't share the same hobbies and interests as them!

 

[DarloRich]

you sound like a fantastically fun person! I am friends with work colleagues. You spend ages at work. You need to get on with people. Who do you eat your lunch with or take a break or cup of tea with?

There, obviously, are people at work I think are complete drongos but I have several friends there. I work in an office with a massive staff so am only close to a small group and could never know everyone.

 

[LowLevel]

Some of my best friends in the world are work colleagues. What a daft outlook on life. If you click with someone why would you actively try not to be friends. I still meet up with people I worked with years ago for a catch up, and I go away with people I currently work with for days out and holidays. OK it possibly helps that I mostly work alone or in a partnership with a driver I don't see much of face to face, but still - work is part of my life like any other and I see no point in excluding people I spend more time with than my family who I get on with from my social life.

 

[me123]

My job moves me around quite a lot, and I have to work with different teams and different people. Everywhere I've been, I've found the best teams to work with are the teams where we were at least friendly with each other, and I've always found that the teams that socialise together are actually the best at their job. Rather than being encumbered by seniority and formality, teams that socialise together are more likely to work in a constructive manner.

Conversely I've also worked in places where everyone has the same attitude as "amateur". I hated working in those places. The staff didn't work as a team, and going in every day was a thoroughly miserable affair. And I think the quality of the work suffered too.

Amateur, no one can tell you who to be friends with. You cannot be and should never be forced to socialise with people against your will. It is your choice as to whether you participate in social activities with work colleagues. I'm not saying I've wanted to do so with everyone I've ever worked with. I've certainly not been to every single work night out, and I've worked with people I don't get on with.

But I think that your attitude to work colleagues ("I refuse to be friends with them") is actually quite worrying, and if I read that as a potential employer I'd be very wary of hiring you. It makes me think that you are not a team player.

Although I would agree with you that race, religion and sex are best kept away from the work environment for many reasons. Politics... not as much. I think we all need to be a lot more open about politics in this country. (Although that seems to commonly involve the other three...)

 

[TheKnightWho]

No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

 

[RichmondCommu]

There are several of my work colleagues who I count as friends. All of them work for me within the organisation and all of them at some stage have had a ticking off when I've been ****ed off with something but we are still friends. We often go for a couple of pints after work on a Friday evening and we have plenty to talk about other than work. In fact work is very rarely discussed even when annual bonus payments are being negotiated!
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No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

Why's that then? There is no reason why you would have to announce it.

 

[J-2739]

Why's that then? There is no reason why you would have to announce it.

I suspect he's just joking around, like what all us teen and young men do.

 

[yorkie]

I think it's very important to have positive relationships with people at work. Work should be as enjoyable as possible as you will spend a lot of your time working.

I always try not to be friends with colleagues.

I would suggest trying to have pleasant conversations with them.

also, I only ever discuss work at work. I never discuss topics outside of work apart from possibly the news or the weather

My experience is that the vast majority of what is discussed at work is work related, but then if you work at an interesting place, that's perhaps not surprising.

I certainly don't discuss race, religion, sex or politics at work. Nor one's personal home situation.

but you can still have a positive relationship with work colleagues without discussing those particular examples. I dont think I've ever heard anyone strike up a conversation about any of those things (except politics).

I found they spent the whole day chatting what I deem to be Bol lo cks. it was anything but work. Am I on another planet to the British workforce?

People at my workplace would not be able to spend the whole day chatting rubbish, nor want to, but people do have good, pleasant conversations. Different workplaces can be very different.

I duly left due to boredom! Now I regret it and wish I had stayed. But I don't share the same hobbies and interests as them!

What are your interests (if you don't mind me asking)? Do you keep them secret from your work colleagues? I don't mention my interest in railways because it's just easier that way (and I imagine others feel the same way), but if you have other interests, that shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Harbornite]

No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

Who are you, Gareth from the Office?

 

[90019]

I'd say I have friends at work, but at the same time I keep my work and home life separate, so I don't do anything with them outside work, and I tend to keep myself to myself and not talk about anything particularly personal with them.

I spend most of my working day having very little contact with the people I work with, most of it occurring when I'm either taking over or coming off a bus. I tend to avoid the canteen in the depot during the day because I don't like the atmosphere in there (and I'd have to walk down there, when there are preferable places for me nearer to the changeovers), but it's quieter in the evening, so I can get some peace on my break.

 

[STEVIEBOY1]

No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

Yes I would agree with that, some of my work colleagues from my various jobs along the many years have become good friends too, other just kept a working, non romantic or friend, relationship with. Romantic interest at work can get complicated.

 

[TheKnightWho]

Why's that then? There is no reason why you would have to announce it.

I'm not being fully serious, but I'm just saying where I would personally draw the line.
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Who are you, Gareth from the Office?

You got me. I'm getting my bowl done later.

 

[yorksrob]

Romantic interest in the office ? Chance would be a fine thing.

 

[Cowley]

I've got some great friends that I've met through work, in fact one of my best friends is an old work colleague from 25 years ago now.
I still go out with old work colleagues for a Christmas get together from my old Social Services team I left nearly a decade ago and when I went self employed as a painter and decorator they supported me and often pass work my way as they know they can trust me.
When I was younger I used to be a bit reticent about telling people that I loved railways but as I got older I realised that it was just easier to be honest and actually more often than not people are interested to know what it is that I find interesting.

But when it comes down to it some people aren't interested in other people anyway and that's fine (I'll ask you about yourself anyway)
I personally find other people fascinating and I like knowing what makes people tick, you never know what you may learn.

 

[AlterEgo]

Are you friends with work colleagues?

I always try not to be friends with colleagues. also, I only ever discuss work at work. I never discuss topics outside of work apart from possibly the news or the weather

I certainly don't discuss race, religion, sex or politics at work. Nor one's personal home situation.

I worked in a shop where everyone was friends and had banter with each other. They would go out at weekends.

I found they spent the whole day chatting what I deem to be Bol lo cks. it was anything but work. Am I on another planet to the British workforce?

I duly left due to boredom! Now I regret it and wish I had stayed. But I don't share the same hobbies and interests as them!

Where I work, we discuss everything. Home situation, money, life, all sorts, as long as they're "HR safe". We go for payday drinks and so on. I'm not sure I'd count any of my work colleagues as my friends, but I do enjoy their company a great deal. I've yet to work in a place where I didn't like the people, and I'm a tremendous misanthrope.

I guess if you try to like something, eventually you will.

 

[EM2]

No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

I met my wife at work, and been together twenty-six years

 

[DaveNewcastle]

No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

I once employed a husband and wife team. I interviewed them independently and considered that they both had the aptitude, and that their personal relationship was an advantage. I seem to recall that they were good employees and stayed until the Company looked like it might close some of its divisions.

I've observed plenty 'romantic interest' in the workplace, and have not been left out! Can't recall it being a problem any worse than the usual 'personal issues' which affect most people at some points in their employment (and which are generally treated with consideration and compassion).

I met my wife at work, and been together twenty-six years

And long may it continue!

 

[AM9]

I met my wife at work, and been together twenty-six years

Snap! And strangely enough, the only real argument that we've ever had is over an aspect of a project, - she was in commercial and I was an engineer.

Only worked on the same project for about three years though.

On a more general note about relationships with work colleagues vs 'friends':
work is to a degree a captive environment so getting close enough to call a colleague a friend* can be a problem. If you go off each other, even a bit, it can be difficult to get some space. If one of you has any responsibility in the job that can conflict with the other, it can put pressure on the relationship, especially as your carrer prospects or even continued employment may depend on it.
Even more potentially dangerous is getting too friendly with a neighbour, especially immediate ones. If the realtionship goes a little cool, there can be a host of habits/irritations that were quite happily overlooked in better days that are blown up out of all proportions as you are effectively a prisoner in your own home.

* in my life, a true friendship is where two people get on well and are happy to do things together just because they both want to. They are not friends because you both are cooped up together by circumstance and so just have to get on.
Oh, and a real friend will help you out when needed without necessarily looking for a payback, and so would you. How many of those people called 500 people their friends' because they follow on facebook, would lend you £20 to get home if you had your wallet/ticket stolen/lost?

 

[DynamicSpirit]

May also be worth considering that work colleagues may be quite likely to share common interests with you, which may well form the basis of a good friendship. After all they chose the same career as you! (That may depend on where you work to some extent. If like me you're a a computer programmer, then most of your colleagues probably share an interest in technology. If you work in a shop, and your co-workers are just there because it's the only job they could get, then there may be fewer shared interests )

 

[Cowley]

May also be worth considering that work colleagues may be quite likely to share common interests with you, which may well form the basis of a good friendship. After all they chose the same career as you! (That may depend on where you work to some extent. If like me you're a a computer programmer, then most of your colleagues probably share an interest in technology. If you work in a shop, and your co-workers are just there because it's the only job they could get, then there may be fewer shared interests )

That's why I'm applying for a job in Ann Summers

 

[DynamicSpirit]

If you work in a shop, and your co-workers are just there because it's the only job they could get, then there may be fewer shared interests )

That's why I'm applying for a job in Ann Summers

Only job you can get, huh?

 

[richw]

I don't count colleagues as friends but I do socialise with them and chat as we go about our work. If I left my employment I don't think I'd have anything to do with any of them. Like wise I don't meet up with former colleagues but we chat over social media.

 

[Cowley]

Only job you can get, huh?

I couldn't work in there really. It's uncomfortable enough going in there to buy something.

I've had quite a few jobs over the years but actually I do agree with what you say. Sometimes you have to take whatever is available, grit your teeth and get on with it. Sometimes you find something you like and you get on well with the people you work with.

 

[Phil.]

No problem being friends with them, but I'd draw the line at romantic interest!

Always remember the rules.
Not on the paybill.
Not in the same street.

 

[Blindtraveler]

Well I will firstly admit that I have had casual flings with former work coleegs but more seriously have a number of friends from previous employment who I wouldnt be without.

I did talk about alsorts with coleegs, go for drinks, the occasional big night out out out when we could agree on a suitable non trendy affordable location and shared each others diverse interests including my love of railways. They were also there to help in work or non work situations when needed.

Now Im self employed its different as I dont have the same relationship with foalk I work with as the majority of them are essentially my customers. I do treat my regular van drivers and 1 or 2 others as genuine mates though and a handful of repeat clients have also become pals.

 

[507021]

I always try and get on with who I've worked with, generally I have although there have been a few people I've worked with in all honesty I am glad I don't have to see any more. At the moment I get on with the people I work with really well, plus I enjoy my job so I can't complain.

 

[amateur]

I call it maintaining a professional working relationship.

When I see colleagues hanging out together I see it like being back at school again.

Or do I just have a backward attitude

One poster above did mention they have worked somewhere where people have the same attitite as me!? So not just me them,

I went to my old shop the other day. Chatted ..... about work. Should I be offended that the former colleague didn't even ask where (or who), I'm working for now?! Of what I'm up to.

 

[Blindtraveler]

At a guess Id say that many of your former coleegs wernt over sorry to see you go as you may have appeared unfriendly and standoffish to them. Im not saying you are such things but just wondered if they would have thought that.

 

[Antman]

I have a friendly relationship with most work colleagues and chat to them about all sorts of things, I don't have any contact with them outside of working hours though, nothing personal but we all just remind each other of work.

 

[TheGrandWazoo]

As always, there's no right or wrongs in this. I've known people "get together" and it's been fine and have attended a number of work weddings. There are some who get together and split; again, sometimes fine but sometimes acrimonious. I'd say the latter are in the minority.

In terms of friendships, I've always sought to make friends and establish common ground. FFS, you spend 40 out of 168 hours per week there....make the best out of it. The only maxim I've ever followed is when managing people is not to be social with them outside of work (or too friendly in work). When that happens, it's too easy for others to play the favouritism card.

That said, there are three guys from the North West who used to work as shift managers/engineering managers. I moved away but kept in touch and we NOW meet up socially and even attended the 2nd wedding of one of them (with the other two as guests as well); I'd never have socialised when they worked for me and, crucially, they wouldn't have wanted to either!!

(NOTE: I don't seek to socialise with my bosses outside of work either for the same reason unless everyone is out, such as Xmas parties or leaving do's etc)