Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[43096]

Restaurants automatically adding a service charge to the bill. I've just eaten at such a place. I asked for it to be removed, and they got about half of what I would've otherwise added. Shame, as it was a lovely meal with good service, but to assume they're worth it and trying to sneak it past me? No! Get out of here! More lines to write!!!

In a similar vein, any business adding booking fees after you've got the price - just be honest, add it to the price. Rail Charter Services for the Staycation service, I'm looking at you.

 

[yorksrob]

I would ban train carriages being designed with a much larger number of seats facing in one direction than the other. Since most people prefer to face the direction of travel you just end up with everyone crammed in a quarter of the carriage.

Is it that difficult to come up with a layout with roughly the same number of seats facing in each direction ?

 

[gg1]

I would ban train carriages being designed with a much larger number of seats facing in one direction than the other. Since most people prefer to face the direction of travel you just end up with everyone crammed in a quarter of the carriage.

Most people?

Some undoubtedly do but I think the vast majority aren't particularly bothered one way or the other.

 

[Calthrop]

Facing the direction of travel -- used to be called "facing the engine" -- I recall a splendid Emett "taking to logical and ridiculous extreme" cartoon, showing a couple sitting each on one of the loco's front buffers, faces pressed against the smokebox.

 

[gg1]

That made me realise that this had already been mentioned in this thread before my previous post. Not just once, but twice, and once by me already! There are also some fairly legitimate uses in there, including people describing inanimate things as special snowflakes in that they need to be decided on a case-by-case basis. Then there are some discussions of what a snowflake symbol in various computer systems represents. There are also people quoting bad uses of it, or saying things along the lines of "call me a snowflake but [usually perfectly sensible view here]..."

Unfortunately there are also quite a few unironic uses of it in the way I describe...


I agree entirely. Sadly that does not stretch to them melting in the heat of the sun and flowing away... the world might be a better place if it did!

I'm sure 'snowflake' was the sort of term thrown around when legalising gay marriage was still being campaigned for. But you have to be a pretty major 'snowflake' yourself in order to feel offended by other people being able to marry each other without it having any effect on yourself.

To alleviate any doubt, my use of the word was with the intention of highlighting the hypocrisy of the sort of idiots who commonly uses it

 

[yorksrob]

Most people?

Some undoubtedly do but I think the vast majority aren't particularly bothered one way or the other.

Walk onto any train carriage which isn't mainly reservation, and I can guarantee that the forward facing seats will fill up first.

Facing the direction of travel -- used to be called "facing the engine" -- I recall a splendid Emett "taking to logical and ridiculous extreme" cartoon, showing a couple sitting each on one of the loco's front buffers, faces pressed against the smokebox.

A confusing term on a push-pull service !

 

[Ianno87]

Extinction Rebellion

(Worthy cause, just bizarre methods to achieve it that just turns people against them)

Walk onto any train carriage which isn't mainly reservation, and I can guarantee that the forward facing seats will fill up first.

Most of whom will happily travel backwards if they have to. And prefer to have a seat than stand if seating capacity has to be reduced with a 50/50 mix.

The other perspective is that when the train goes the other way, most of the seats will then be facing forwards!

 

[yorksrob]

Extinction Rebellion

(Worthy cause, just bizarre methods to achieve it that just turns people against them)




Most of whom will happily travel backwards if they have to. And prefer to have a seat than stand if seating capacity has to be reduced with a 50/50 mix.

The other perspective is that when the train goes the other way, most of the seats will then be facing forwards!

But would it really involve a reduction in capacity ? I find this unlikely. In reality it would just be a question of repositioning some of the seating bays.

 

[Gloster]

In Norway and, no doubt, other countries seats can be turned round at terminals and en route at stations such as Hamar. Just remember to remove all your bits and pieces from the little netting holder in the back of the seat in front before it gets swung round.

 

[gg1]

Walk onto any train carriage which isn't mainly reservation, and I can guarantee that the forward facing seats will fill up first.

That's not my observation, IME the seats which fill up first generally tend to be individual seats of an adjacent pair suggesting the desire not to sit next to a stranger greatly outweighs a desire to face the direction of travel.

 

[yorksrob]

That's not my observation, IME the seats which fill up first generally tend to be individual seats of an adjacent pair suggesting the desire not to sit next to a stranger greatly outweighs a desire to face the direction of travel.

True, but you'll find that the forward facing empty pairs fill up a lot more quickly than the backward ones.

 

[birchesgreen]

In Norway and, no doubt, other countries seats can be turned round at terminals and en route at stations such as Hamar. Just remember to remove all your bits and pieces from the little netting holder in the back of the seat in front before it gets swung round.

Was common in the days of street trams here too.

 

[krus_aragon]

They were saying on the radio this morning that we should get 12 bank holidays a year instead of the current 8. Don't people get enough statutory annual leave nowadays to render the whole concept unnecessary? It just throws everything into pandemonium, and as observed last week/weekend the transport systems just can't cope.

Try telling that to school goers

Most bank holidays occur in weeks where schools are closed anyway: Christmas/Boxing Day, New Year, Easter, Whitsun and August bank holidays are all in existing school holidays in Wales. It's only May Day where you get just the Monday off.

 

[xotGD]

I would ban caravans.

1. They look unsightly on people's driveways. This is a truth universally acknowledged, as on many new housing developments residents are not allowed to keep them there.
2. They clog up the roads, trundling along at a snail's pace. And those extension wing mirrors just look silly.
3. When they are all parked up in a field they are a blot on the landscape. And being on a site surrounded by 30 other caravans is hardly 'getting away from it all'.

These folks should just stay in a B&B like everyone else.

 

[yorksrob]

I don't know, caravans seem to speak of British eccentricity.

As a child, my family used to rent a static one on the Isle of Wight for the family holiday on occasions and it seemed quite a lark (although I didn't have to attempt to cook in one).

 

[duncanp]

I would like to ban restaurants and cafes from arranging food on plates so that it looks more like a work of art than a main course.

It is a meal for which I am paying, not an entry for the Turner Prize.

And while you are at it, how about a decent size portion, rather than something that is barely big enough to feed a mouse.

The picture below gives an idea of what I am talking about.

 

[yorksrob]

I would like to ban restaurants and cafes from arranging food on plates so that it looks more like a work of art than a main course.

It is a meal for which I am paying, not an entry for the Turner Prize.

And while you are at it, how about a decent size portion, rather than something that is barely big enough to feed a mouse.

The picture below gives an idea of what I am talking about.

Yes. I'd ban small portions in general !

 

[Ianno87]

Yes. I'd ban small portions in general !

Except where specifically sold as a small portion for lighter appetites, of course.

 

[yorksrob]

Except where specifically sold as a small portion for lighter appetites, of course.

Yes, indeed

The default n should be relatively 'hearty' though.

 

[Westcountryman]

I would ban caravans.

1. They look unsightly on people's driveways. This is a truth universally acknowledged, as on many new housing developments residents are not allowed to keep them there.
2. They clog up the roads, trundling along at a snail's pace. And those extension wing mirrors just look silly.
3. When they are all parked up in a field they are a blot on the landscape. And being on a site surrounded by 30 other caravans is hardly 'getting away from it all'.

These folks should just stay in a B&B like everyone else.

There are many things which you are not allowed to do by covenant. Caravans and commercial vehicles are not allowed where I live, but next door have a caravan taking up a parking space on their drive, 3 near neighbours have vans, one of which is just about as big as you get without it becoming an HGV, another has an autocross car and a huge trailer. All of these mean that there are 5 cars cluttering up the road when there should be space off road. The issue is, even though they shouldn't be doing this, who is responsible for enforcing the covenants? (sorry not very comedic)

 

[gg1]

People who have a drive but choose not to use it, instead parking their car on the road, should have their cars towed and crushed.

 

[32475]

I would like to ban restaurants and cafes from arranging food on plates so that it looks more like a work of art than a main course.

It is a meal for which I am paying, not an entry for the Turner Prize.

And while you are at it, how about a decent size portion, rather than something that is barely big enough to feed a mouse.

The picture below gives an idea of what I am talking about.

Absolutely and I couldn’t agree more. It’s so important to see more food than porcelain when the plate is presented to you unless rationing is reintroduced. Refer to my post No. 1126 item 5

 

[Ianno87]

People who have a drive but choose not to use it, instead parking their car on the road, should have their cars towed and crushed.

Also, people parking on a street should be required to prove they actually use their car for necessary purposes on a regular basis to demonstrate that the use of public space for their rectangular piece of metal is justified.

 

[Westcountryman]

A couple of things have come to mind. Sports commentators referring to Man United and Man City. You don't hear them saying Sheff United or Sheff Wednesday. If you ask a Mancunian where they live they don't say Man. And whilst I'm at it, people calling Nottingham Forest 'Notts Forest'.

ITV always referring to a new series as 'all new'. Just 'new' is adequate. 'All new' Vera was on this week. Same cast, same police station interior but new exterior, same Land Rover.

 

[gg1]

A couple of things have come to mind. Sports commentators referring to Man United and Man City.

Far more annoying is when they're just referred to as United and City.

 

[Westcountryman]

Also, people parking on a street should be required to prove they actually use their car for necessary purposes on a regular basis to demonstrate that the use of public space for their rectangular piece of metal is justified.

Someone down our road has a car which didn't move and sat on the road from the start of lockdown until January this year. I watched as it sat there and the front tyre became flat. This happened despite the fact that the owners have 2 cars and a drive long enough to take both.

Also, many people who have enough room to have 2 cars on a drive won't put both cars on the drive because it is inconvenient to move one car to get the second one out. Our household has 3 cars. I'm not saying we never leave a car on the road, but occasionally, when I need to leave early in the morning and our daughter is late home, I do leave the car out. This is mainly to avoid disturbing neighbours at 6.30.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

There are many things which you are not allowed to do by covenant. Caravans and commercial vehicles are not allowed where I live, but next door have a caravan taking up a parking space on their drive, 3 near neighbours have vans, one of which is just about as big as you get without it becoming an HGV, another has an autocross car and a huge trailer. All of these mean that there are 5 cars cluttering up the road when there should be space off road. The issue is, even though they shouldn't be doing this, who is responsible for enforcing the covenants? (sorry not very comedic)

I'd ban ridiculous covenants trying to control what people can do with their own property, and nosy neighbours who try to enforce them. I suppose at least in the UK we don't have those extremely unjust "racial" covenants that are relatively commonplace in the US.

 

[calopez]

Apologies if any of these have been mentioned before...

• Packaging that has the be destroyed to get at the product inside
• Packaging that no longer fits when the product is fully assembled
• Kitchen and toilet rolls with faulty perforations, so when you pull off a sheet, all you get is a thin strip of paper
• Beers with silly names (frankly, anything that's not 'mild', 'bitter' or 'old')

 

[Westcountryman]

Another thing I've just thought of, David 'one-nil' Coleman always talking about Manster United or Manster City.

 

[SteveM70]

Another thing I've just thought of, David 'one-nil' Coleman always talking about Manster United or Manster City.

And Brian Moore, who frequently and very perceptively said “and it’s in there!” when a goal was scored