Dating apps: good or bad for society?

[yorksrob]

Did you just see a dog with glowing red eyes go past the window?

"Ok, who brought the dog"

 

[Jamesrob637]

I originally talked to my now fiancée on match.com and I have met previous partners on dating sites and apps too, so I'd say overall they're ok given you choose the right ones. I hear Bumble is good.

 

[joebassman]

I did try some for a while about 15 or so years ago. I was talking to one lady but when she asked what job I did and I mentioned I was a musician I didn't hear anymore.

My mother was conned by a fraudster she met on a dating website who spent 8 months winning her heart. The police said it was one of the most sophisticated operations they had seen. It turned out the fraudster or fraudsters had conned a number of women they had met through dating and bereavment sites. One elderly widow lost over £100k of savings.

The police didn't seem that interested in doing anything even though my mother had addresses, names amd phone numbers. They just told her to file a report with action fraud. She did this but they soon closed the case and said there wasn't much they could do. Perhaps this is true but it does feel annoying that they just get away with these things.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

My only experience was 15 years ago. One memorable one was a woman said she was looking for a man between 30 & 40. I said I was 37. She said that's too old. You can't work with logic like that.

That's one of the good things about dating apps... you can "pre-screen" for idiocy!

(This can be a double-edged sword, of course)

 

[Phil56]

How did people meet before apps? Usually at social events or something like that, sometimes at uni, work or nightclubs etc. Surely you have to actively try to find people and not just wait for it though?

Social events/nightclubs etc are are nightmare for some people who function perfectly normally in other settings. I can't "do" social events like that, never have been able to, I can't cope with the noise, crowds, etc. (Later in life, I discovered I have a hearing problem in that whilst I can hear things, my hearing isn't clear, so when there are multiple noises or several people speaking, I can't distinguish the differences, so the sounds just become a "noise" rather than voices, so any social event with background noise or people having conversations around me, and I'm no longer capable of participating).

I didn't go to Uni. So that just leaves the workplace. And that's where I've met all my girlfriends and, now, my wife. I basically only function on a one to one level, so workplaces where I can talk and meet people on a 1-2-1 basis are basically my only way of meeting new people, not just prospective romantic interests, but also general friendships too.

I've been married a long time, so long out of the dating game, and therefore never used any dating apps, but I do think if I was looking for a new romantic interest, I'd be relying on dating apps these days as I no longer have a "workplace" as I now work from home as self employed, so no chance of meeting new people in my workplace!

 

[joebassman]

Social events/nightclubs etc are are nightmare for some people who function perfectly normally in other settings. I can't "do" social events like that, never have been able to, I can't cope with the noise, crowds, etc. (Later in life, I discovered I have a hearing problem in that whilst I can hear things, my hearing isn't clear, so when there are multiple noises or several people speaking, I can't distinguish the differences, so the sounds just become a "noise" rather than voices, so any social event with background noise or people having conversations around me, and I'm no longer capable of participating).

I didn't go to Uni. So that just leaves the workplace. And that's where I've met all my girlfriends and, now, my wife. I basically only function on a one to one level, so workplaces where I can talk and meet people on a 1-2-1 basis are basically my only way of meeting new people, not just prospective romantic interests, but also general friendships too.

I've been married a long time, so long out of the dating game, and therefore never used any dating apps, but I do think if I was looking for a new romantic interest, I'd be relying on dating apps these days as I no longer have a "workplace" as I now work from home as self employed, so no chance of meeting new people in my workplace!

There's also other avenues such as speed dating, clubs (I don't mean the nightclub varity) and meetup groups.

 

[RichJF]

Social events/nightclubs etc are are nightmare for some people who function perfectly normally in other settings. I can't "do" social events like that, never have been able to, I can't cope with the noise, crowds, etc. (Later in life, I discovered I have a hearing problem in that whilst I can hear things, my hearing isn't clear, so when there are multiple noises or several people speaking, I can't distinguish the differences, so the sounds just become a "noise" rather than voices, so any social event with background noise or people having conversations around me, and I'm no longer capable of participating).

I didn't go to Uni. So that just leaves the workplace. And that's where I've met all my girlfriends and, now, my wife. I basically only function on a one to one level, so workplaces where I can talk and meet people on a 1-2-1 basis are basically my only way of meeting new people, not just prospective romantic interests, but also general friendships too.

I've been married a long time, so long out of the dating game, and therefore never used any dating apps, but I do think if I was looking for a new romantic interest, I'd be relying on dating apps these days as I no longer have a "workplace" as I now work from home as self employed, so no chance of meeting new people in my workplace!

I'm in in early 30s & others my age generally see workplace dating as a big no-no. Career advancement & power is way too important to be interrupted by co-worker relationships! That is at least in all of the 4 companies I've worked in so far in my life.

 

[Calthrop]

I didn't go to Uni. So that just leaves the workplace. And that's where I've met all my girlfriends and, now, my wife. I basically only function on a one to one level, so workplaces where I can talk and meet people on a 1-2-1 basis are basically my only way of meeting new people, not just prospective romantic interests, but also general friendships too.

I'm in in early 30s & others my age generally see workplace dating as a big no-no. Career advancement & power is way too important to be interrupted by co-worker relationships! That is at least in all of the 4 companies I've worked in so far in my life.

The quotes above, would seem to be an illustration of "different strokes for different folks". My working life (I'm long retired) was spent as a "grunt" -- always too lowly for the career / promotion ladder to be a factor in anything; but I personally came to see sense in "beware of love-type relationships with co-workers; if it goes wrong, it can be hideously awkward to still have, daily, to see and interact with the person". (I was "bitten" this way a time or two, before the -- for me -- wisdom of the advice, came home to me.) As above -- nothing in this sphere, is total universal wisdom for everyone involved in it.

 

[philosopher]

I'm in in early 30s & others my age generally see workplace dating as a big no-no. Career advancement & power is way too important to be interrupted by co-worker relationships! That is at least in all of the 4 companies I've worked in so far in my life.

I get the impression that workplace dating is increasingly frowned upon, possibly due to concerns about sexual harassment. When I first started work 15 years ago, workplace relationships were quite common, now they are rare.

 

[Zamracene749]

Absolutely the best forum thread ever! Trainspotters dating advice

 

[johncrossley]

I get the impression that workplace dating is increasingly frowned upon, possibly due to concerns about sexual harassment. When I first started work 15 years ago, workplace relationships were quite common, now they are rare.

Nowadays is seems quite common for one partner to leave the company just as a relationship starts. Or leave first, then initiate it.

 

[GS250]

Absolutely the best forum thread ever! Trainspotters dating advice

Isn't it the classic oxymoron?

 

[PeterC]

Nowadays is seems quite common for one partner to leave the company just as a relationship starts. Or leave first, then initiate it.

When I worked at a clearing bank in the 70s dating a colleague meant an automatic transfer for one party.

Times have changed though. I remember a conversation with a teacher in the 80s. She had no issue with a colleague in his 20s dating a 6th former

 

[westv]

Times have changed though. I remember a conversation with a teacher in the 80s. She had no issue with a colleague in his 20s dating a 6th former

I thought that would have been illegal even then!

 

[johncrossley]

I thought that would have been illegal even then!

It happened in my school circa 1990. The rules changed after that. Now you can't even date a student you are teaching at university.

 

[GS250]

It happened in my school circa 1990. The rules changed after that. Now you can't even date a student you are teaching at university.

Yes...it was well known that the good looking, young and handsome Information Technology teacher had more or less slept with at least 10 '4th year' girls at my High School. One of those urban myths that actually turned out to be true. I think it was Fay Lucas in Grange Hill that inspired all of this. Don't think that ended with any Wedding Bells either.

As for relationships forming at work, yes, very much on the way out. 'Interactions' still take place though, although on a far more casual basis.

 

[PeterC]

Yes...it was well known that the good looking, young and handsome Information Technology teacher had more or less slept with at least 10 '4th year' girls at my High School. One of those urban myths that actually turned out to be true. I think it was Fay Lucas in Grange Hill that inspired all of this. Don't think that ended with any Wedding Bells either.

4th year! Now that was illegal, for the benefit of younger members that is year 10, age 14 to 15. A bit different from dating an 18 year old 6th former

 

[GS250]

4th year! Now that was illegal, for the benefit of younger members that is year 10, age 14 to 15. A bit different from dating an 18 year old 6th former

Not in 1990 it wasn't. You joined High School age 12 and left at 16. '4th year' most had turned 16 by Christmas time. Cringy but not illegal.

This was the case in Greater London for a good few years although I appreciate your figures are correct for the present system.

The aforesaid teacher also put it about a bit in the staffroom too in subsequent years. Was actually seen live on TV at a game of football with a female member of staff much to the amusement of the entire year group.

Probably about ten years before dating websites even became a thing.

 

[Busaholic]

I thought that would have been illegal even then!

It wasn't illegal then, and if we're talking about girls aged 16 or over not even particularly frowned on. Boys aged 16 or over, if the teacher was female, okay too, if male... well, perhaps not.

 

[WelshBluebird]

My main issue with them is that they are very forced. Meeting someone in person is generally different as most people don't meet their significant other whilst specifically trying to do that - most of the time its when they are with friends, or on a night out, or a one nighter led into something more serious. But with most of these sites and apps, meeting that person is the whole point, so its just pretty damn awkward. I've had much more success online meeting people on forums and other sites where me and them had a shared interested - the point of the interaction wasn't to meet someone, it was much more like in person where you end up just chatting to someone because you have something in common. Though my fiancée was met through friends at my old local, so who knows!

 

[westv]

It wasn't illegal then, and if we're talking about girls aged 16 or over not even particularly frowned on. Boys aged 16 or over, if the teacher was female, okay too, if male... well, perhaps not.

Nothing to do with age. Same as a doctor can't have a relationship with a patient.

 

[Busaholic]

Nothing to do with age. Same as a doctor can't have a relationship with a patient.

Only partly to do with age now, agreed, but then it was wholly so. Teachers didn't have a 'Hippocratic Oath' or equivalent. It was disquiet at some of the 'cases' that were reported in the newspapers etc. From memory, it was the screening of the TV series 'History Man' starring the unknown Antony Sher, based on the novel by Malcolm Bradbury, that precipitated discussions about teachers/lecturers (or lecherers ) and pupils. For those who don't know, Sher played a polytechnic lecturer who used his position to have sexual relations with his female charges, and was recognised as reflecting the situation that pertained then at so many educational institutions.

 

[PeterC]

Not in 1990 it wasn't. You joined High School age 12 and left at 16. '4th year' most had turned 16 by Christmas time. Cringy but not illegal.

This was the case in Greater London for a good few years although I appreciate your figures are correct for the present system.

The aforesaid teacher also put it about a bit in the staffroom too in subsequent years. Was actually seen live on TV at a game of football with a female member of staff much to the amusement of the entire year group.

Probably about ten years before dating websites even became a thing.

I don't know where you live but where I was brought up on the Essex / London border you started, and still do start, secondary school in what is now year 7 at age 11.