Amusing incidents

[Coxster]

319s, 377/2s, 375/6s

All of which run off third rail south of the Thames....

In fact the only overheads we have down here are the CTRL, Croydon Tramlink and the preserved Seaton Tramway?

 

[class 313]

Death was talking about Dual Volatage units though...

 

[EE Type 3]

Not so much unusual designs of trains down here, aside from the fact that OHLE isn't really found anywhere south of London...

...Although with the overcrowding that we get on SWT services into London first thing in the morning, I wouldn't be at all surprised if passengers started using the pantograph "cut-out" on top of 444s and 450s to give themselves enough space to fart! hock:

The room where the arm should be would make for wonderful luggage room.

 

[Death]

319s, 377/2s, 375/6s

Death was talking about Dual Volatage units though...

Well, the trains that I had in mind when I posted that were more Class 390 Pendos, Class 91 IC-225's, and of course - The immortal and undefeatable - Class 370 APT-P! hock:8)

Ye can't even begin to imagine how happy I'd be if SWT bought a fleet of TRE powered 370's, and started running them on high-speed London Waterloo > Southampton || Weymouth services!
Given how straight the Basingstoke ML is for the most part (And the fact that an APT-P could easily pass platform 11 at Clapham Jct. at over 200mph anyway! ) I can easily envisage Weymouth flyers - Calling at Woking, Basingstoke, Winchester and Southampton only - Managing London > Weymouth in little over thirty minutes...Or ten minutes if I'm driving! hock:8)

The room where the arm should be would make for wonderful luggage room.

Personally, I'd say that a better use for that area would be to make it a special "Chav" class. Any Chavs wishing to travel without paying would be allowed to use that part of the train to avoid the Guard during the journey. hock:

The caveat - Of course - Is that the "floor" of that Pantograph slot would be made up of an isolated and earthed steel panel which the chavs would have to lie on...And the train would be routed underneath OHLE wherever it would be operationally possible! hock:

 

[Chilled Phill]

A young woman got onto the train at Manchester Airport and, having bought a First Class ticket down south, asked me where first class was on the train - please note that the unit we were on was a Crewe bound Northern Rail 323.

Thankfully she went into another carriage so I could afford a little snigger.


Second incident was at the airport as well. Now, before I tell this one it should be noted that the airport's station is split into 2 different sections on every platform, ie "1A" and "1B". Our train came into "2A" and the board for "2B" read "Blackpool North" so we had a carriage worth of customers getting onto a Crewe bound train thinking it was heading for Blackpool. Thankfully, for them, the station guard went through every carriage telling people the trains was for stations to Crewe.

Sometimes it gets on my nerves that commuters can't put two and two together, I mean the board says "Crewe" and lists the stations it's calling at and yet they STILL ask "is this the <insert terminus that isn't Crewe here> train?"...

 

[EM2]

I have a similar problem to Phil.

Customers will ask:
'When's the next Bedford train?'
'22:00 to Nottingham, Platform 2'.
So they toddle off, and then come back and moan:
'You said that was a Bedford train!'
'Yes sir, it is. Luton, then Bedford.'
'But it doesn't stop at Harpenden!'
'You didn't ask about Harpenden, you asked about Bedford.'
'Yes, the Bedford train that stops at Harpenden...'

Then the next customer will say:
'I thought there was 22:00 train to Kettering?'
'Yes sir, there is. Platform 2'
'But that screen says it goes to Nottingham.'
'Yes, and you see where it says Calling At? That's where it stops on the way to Nottingham'

 

[90019]

Personally, I'd say that a better use for that area would be to make it a special "Chav" class. Any Chavs wishing to travel without paying would be allowed to use that part of the train to avoid the Guard during the journey. hock:

The caveat - Of course - Is that the "floor" of that Pantograph slot would be made up of an isolated and earthed steel panel which the chavs would have to lie on...And the train would be routed underneath OHLE wherever it would be operationally possible! hock:

I prefer this idea from uncyclopedia:

It has been noted that the network passes through several of the most deprived areas in London, such as London. It has therefore been suggested that the line be extended to form a complete circle, and rebranded to be called the "Chav Line". Tickets for trains can then be sold to the local chavs, rudeboys, wideboys, gangstas, hoodies, hooligans and assorted rif-raf, whereupon they are put on a train which continues round the line without stopping until the second coming (or until Ken Livingstone is voted back in, whichever happens first). This has the double bonus being a sustainable business model as there are an infinite number of chavs, and it keeps them out of central London. The M25 was built to perform a similar function.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/London_Overground

 

[Jim]

Not really a story, but a few 2liners of sarcastic comments I've given recently:

Man parks in the taxi rank, which is for permit holders only:

Me:"Can I see your taxi permit please sir?"

Car driver:"Well, it looks pretty obvious to me I'm not driving a taxi, so why do I need one"

Me:"Well it that case I'd asume it is obvious you should not be in the taxi rank then!"


AAnd yesterday a 4x4 driver was getting impatient sat behind a bus that was unloading so got out and asked "Is the bus moving", to which I helpfully replied "I can't see the wheels turning"

 

[Mintona]

Man running up to try and catch a train which I'm just dispatching.
"Is this the Crewe train?"
"Yes Sir" [Arriva Trains Wales 175 first stop Crewe]

Wait a few hours

Then he's back - "I thought you said that was the Crewe train, are you completely incompetent?"
"It was Sir. Carmarthen, first stop Crewe"
"But I wanted Sandbach"

:roll:

 

[P156KWJ]

woman yesterday at Blackpool North, despite the sign being bleeding obvious saying:

Destination: CHARTER SERVICE
Calling at: CHARTER SERVICE only
Operated by: CHARTER SERVICE

with maroon mk1s and 37s and 'Spitfire Railtours' everywhere, she still said "Is this the transpennine service to Manchester Airport?"

 

[Death]

I prefer this idea from uncyclopedia:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/London_Overground

Aye indeed...Can't beat Uncyclopedia for a laugh! 8)
(And 90% of the time, a lot of the information is more accurate than what's on Wikipedia, too. Look up Basingstoke on there to see what I mean! hock:)

Not really a story, but a few 2liners of sarcastic comments I've given recently:
Man parks in the taxi rank, which is for permit holders only:
Me:"Can I see your taxi permit please sir?"
Car driver:"Well, it looks pretty obvious to me I'm not driving a taxi, so why do I need one"
Me:"Well it that case I'd asume it is obvious you should not be in the taxi rank then!"

I get similarly vexed when people keep looking at "bus stops" and seeing "free parking spaces". Although I've got no objections to people using bus-stops for quick pick-ups and drop-offs (Even if the bus is due), I get really peeved when people take the p*** on the assumption that "the bus is always late". :roll::mad:

Two approaches to the problem that I've been trying to implement though are:

1. If the bus is being run by one of the drivers that I know and we have a clapped-out vehicle, I normally suggest he shunts the car in question. Not with enough force to cause any obvious damage of course, but enough to FUBAR the cars handbrake and force the owner to shell out for a replacement, at least...
   .
2. Another favourite trick of mine - Normally employed when I have some form of handy Spikey object in my possession - Has been to whip out my bus pass, go over to the car, and brazenly sit down in the passenger seat. When the driver asks me what the heck I'm doing - I simply hold up my pass, ask for the stop I'm using, and when he asks "Does this look like a bus to you", I simply reply with "Well, you've just parked up in a bus stop!"

woman yesterday at Blackpool North, despite the sign being bleeding obvious saying:
Destination: CHARTER SERVICE
Calling at: CHARTER SERVICE only
Operated by: CHARTER SERVICE
with maroon mk1s and 37s and 'Spitfire Railtours' everywhere, she still said "Is this the transpennine service to Manchester Airport?"

Ahh...I have to confess to once trying a similar thing myself on one occasion! hock:

I'd run into Guildford station like the clappers, but I'd just missed the fGWR service to Blackwater. Not wanting to be late, I had a quick look at the departure boards and could see an MHR service to Didcot via Reading departing about five minutes later! 8)

Although I could see from a long way off that it was a chartered service (It had a kettle at the front if nothing else!) I still wandered over and asked the Guard if he was scheduled to stop at Blackwater. Handily enough, he was...But by some odd twist of the NRCoC he somehow declared my season ticket invalid! hock::roll:

Now personally I don't care if the train to my destination is a Pendo, a Pacer, or a Kettle-hauled service...As far as I'm concerned a train is a train, and over that distance The Flying Scotsman will get me there just as fast as a 165... 8)

 

[Chilled Phill]

Man running up to try and catch a train which I'm just dispatching.
"Is this the Crewe train?"
"Yes Sir" [Arriva Trains Wales 175 first stop Crewe]

Wait a few hours

Then he's back - "I thought you said that was the Crewe train, are you completely incompetent?"
"It was Sir. Carmarthen, first stop Crewe"
"But I wanted Sandbach"

:roll:

I can understand where he's coming from, but wouldn't it have been more easier if he asked for the Sandbach train rather than trying to be clever and ask for the train's terminus... :roll:

One thing I hate is the guards at Manchester Piccadilly, always seems to be me they hold back at their barriers for Platforms 13 and 14 just because my ticket has a YP on it. Now, I wouldn't mind but the fact is I've been seeing the same people over and over again for almost 2 years now and they STILL ask me to present my railcard. Just isn't fair, particularly when five commuters walked behind him while I'm fiddling about with my wallet finding the damn card. Yeah, surely there's more potential fare lost from 5 commuters than through the third taken off a return to Crewe...

 

[Sir_Clagalot]

was in London with the fiancee doing some shopping the other day, and we were having a wander through St Pancras when a group of smartly dressed teenagers (prob on a school trip out or something) walked by... accompanied by a dull thud as one lad's skull made contact with one of the bright white iron columns, cue much laughing at said lad's expense!

 

[EM2]

One thing I hate is the guards at Manchester Piccadilly, always seems to be me they hold back at their barriers for Platforms 13 and 14 just because my ticket has a YP on it. Now, I wouldn't mind but the fact is I've been seeing the same people over and over again for almost 2 years now and they STILL ask me to present my railcard.

Why not just get a railcard wallet and keep your tickets in there, with your railcard?
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

... a dull thud as one lad's skull made contact with one of the bright white iron columns, cue much laughing at said lad's expense!

You'll be surprised (or possibly not) how often that happens. If there's a call for a first-aider, that's pretty much always the reason why

 

[Chilled Phill]

Why not just get a railcard wallet and keep your tickets in there, with your railcard?

Ah, but the thing was so flimsy that it broke after a couple of months...

 

[Death]

Bit of a contrived/silly question this one, I admit... :roll:

On the Slammers, has a passenger ever pulled the emergency brake chain, thinking that it was actually the lavatory flush? hock::razz:

 

[AlexS]

No.

As for railcard wallet, ask at a ticket window and they'll give you another one - chap in a ticket office noticed my decrepit BR one (vintage!) and gave me another one (I'd already broken the one that came with the railcard and pinched the one off my mom's 10 year out of day family railcard).

 

[P156KWJ]

the new national rail ones are flimsy, I use a Network SouthEast one still!

 

[FusionRail]

How about an engineer who put a newspaper on the 3rd rail and then sat down on it and proceeded to eat his lunch?

Or the usual larking about dancing on and off the 3rd rails

 

[Phoenix]

How about an engineer who put a newspaper on the 3rd rail and then sat down on it and proceeded to eat his lunch?

Or the usual larking about dancing on and off the 3rd rails

You are joking me about the newspaper right.
That is pretty damn stupid almost Darwin award worthy

 

[FusionRail]

I think it deserves an award aswell :razz:

 

[TheSlash]

Quite true, you'd be amazed how much abuse the con rail will tolerate before it bites

 

[FusionRail]

Hard hats, etc.

You could fry your bacon on it if you want a real modern day trackside brekky.

But when it bites. It bites. like a big crocodile.

 

[Spaceflower]

Death If the bus is being run by one of the drivers that I know and we have a clapped-out vehicle, I normally suggest he shunts the car in question. Not with enough force to cause any obvious damage of course, but enough to FUBAR the cars handbrake and force the owner to shell out for a replacement, at least...
.
Another favourite trick of mine - Normally employed when I have some form of handy Spikey object in my possession - Has been to whip out my bus pass, go over to the car, and brazenly sit down in the passenger seat. When the driver asks me what the heck I'm doing - I simply hold up my pass, ask for the stop I'm using, and when he asks "Does this look like a bus to you", I simply reply with "Well, you've just parked up in a bus stop!"

Sure you do.

 

[TheSlash]

The best one i've seen was one of my mates going down the bank.
He lost his footing and reached out for a pole holding an SPT and Emergency telephone. Unfortunatly the pole was merely standing on the concrete base and wasn't actually screwed down.
Man and pole were eventually recovered from the bottom of the bank and control informed that we had discovered some vandalism to the phones at that location

 

[FusionRail]

Ha ha sounds like something I would do...

 

[TheSlash]

In true railway style, rather than help him up, everybody stood there ****ing themselves laughing

 

[FusionRail]

Of course! First thing to do, even after electrocution or similar, is laugh.

A non-amusing incident is the several days off milk pour all over our room floor by next door as a prank. It stinks, and i have to sleep here.

Dont laugh.

 

[Jord]

Of course! First thing to do, even after electrocution or similar, is laugh.

A non-amusing incident is the several days off milk pour all over our room floor by next door as a prank. It stinks, and i have to sleep here.

Dont laugh.

LOL

Sorry couldn't resist

 

[FusionRail]

I suppose I asked for it :razz: