annoyed at friends constantly letting you down.

[Tubefan2013]

Hi,
this may be a little different to my usual posts but i feel i need to get this off my chest! I have a friend who is nice but unreliable, tends to fail to meet up and makes lame exuses all the time for example he asked me to meet up this weekend i said you sure? then he text and say " sorry i can't meet up i will have a hangover on the morning" Its true at people do get hangovers after drinking sometimes but does anyone think this is a poor excuse? Another one he did was " sorry mate i need to take my brother to the shops can't meet and the most common of all " Sorry mate i am not well"
I hope this problem does not affect anyone else, it seem to be my problem lately. Imagine saying this to your boss.
" Oh sorry boss can't come to work i have a hangover or i need to take my brother to the shops!"
Anyone think this is a bad way to go on to a friend? I certainly do!

 

[anthony263]

I do have some agreement with you especially when its my younger brother letting me down.

 

[455driver]

Next time he texts to say he cant meet you just reply-

"thats okay I wasnt expecting you to"

or if you are fed up with being mucked around-

"thats okay I wasnt going to bother meeting you anyway"

Should hopefully give him a wake up call, or probably not.

Oh proper "friends" wouldnt let you down all the time either!

 

[ATW Alex 101]

Most of my mates have turned against me and have started to make me a target for bullying due to my interest in trains. I still have a few mates but not as many as I used to have. I dont really help myself because I just end up punching and I end up in trouble, this gives teachers the impression that Im a rogue and a thug so they choose not to believe a word I say. In terms of mates ive never had many and many have bullied me throughout school. The most recent one was tuesday when I was subject to a racial attack and the teacher walked into the class a millisecond before I was going to mess this kids face up but I didnt and he was suspended for what he had said. Id say even out of my mates bar 1, the forum members are probably better mates!

Just say to this guy, look just tell me whats going on and tell him you dont like what he's doing and if you want to go out you organize it and do the same to him. And if al else fails, ditch him and get a real mate.

 

[Tubefan2013]

Very true! not sure what everyone else friends like but mine are a joke recently!
they sure do need a good wake up call!

 

[richw]

Most of my mates have turned against me and have started to make me a target for bullying due to my interest in trains. I still have a few mates but not as many as I used to have. I dont really help myself because I just end up punching and I end up in trouble, this gives teachers the impression that Im a rogue and a thug so they choose not to believe a word I say. In terms of mates ive never had many and many have bullied me throughout school. The most recent one was tuesday when I was subject to a racial attack and the teacher walked into the class a millisecond before I was going to mess this kids face up but I didnt and he was suspended for what he had said. Id say even out of my mates bar 1, the forum members are probably better mates!

Just say to this guy, look just tell me whats going on and tell him you dont like what he's doing and if you want to go out you organize it and do the same to him. And if al else fails, ditch him and get a real mate.

Mind asking how old you are? I went through similar experiences between around aged 12 and 14/15 ish, when it became known I spent a lot of time out travelling on trains as a hobby with my grandad who had a similar enjoyment of the railway. I found teachers didnt take it seriously because the class would back the bully out of popularity etc. Only when I bought a dictaphone out of my birthday money and recorded a lot of the abuse I received was it taken seriously, and even then I was disciplined for recording other pupils without permission. All was worth it as the main bully was expelled from all my dictaphone recordings.

 

[Manchester77]

some people like football, some people like trains...
some people like mamite, some people like jam...
does it really matter what your hobbies are and if you dont want it to happen again just dont mention it and act casual just like hey how ya dooin..

if he doesn't reply to your texts either:-
- spam him with the same text (bit costly)
- or if he's avoiding you ring him off someone he defo like's phone and see if he answers

 

[Tubefan2013]

The trouble is he is a good friend in person however he is useless in meeting up. I am 18 its really annoying especially at this age.

 

[Manchester77]

The trouble is he is a good friend in person however he is useless in meeting up. I am 18 its really annoying especially at this age.

unexpectantly drop in some time..?

 

[ATW Alex 101]

Mind asking how old you are? I went through similar experiences between around aged 12 and 14/15 ish, when it became known I spent a lot of time out travelling on trains as a hobby with my grandad who had a similar enjoyment of the railway. I found teachers didnt take it seriously because the class would back the bully out of popularity etc. Only when I bought a dictaphone out of my birthday money and recorded a lot of the abuse I received was it taken seriously, and even then I was disciplined for recording other pupils without permission. All was worth it as the main bully was expelled from all my dictaphone recordings.

Im 14 and in year 9.Thats the exact reason why my mates turned against me, because they found out I like trains. I mean I still like footy and rugby like everyone else, I am a decent goalkeeper and play second row for the school rugby team so its not like Im exactly totally different from them. I respect the fact they have their personal hobbies and think its a good thing and have nothing against them for doing so. Maybe its just me, but I fail to see what I do wrong

 

[swj99]

Oh proper "friends" wouldn't let you down all the time either!

That's true. Once in a while you can make allowance for, but all the time and it's a bit of a urine extraction (who set up the scunthorpe filter on here ?).
True, genuine friends don't tend to turn up in your life all that often, and only so many times in one lifetime. The trick is to work out which ones these people are, and don't sabotage or throw away friendships unnecessarily.
Anyone can make friends. Making good friends, and keeping them, isn't so easy.

Me and my ex wife were friends with a couple who were always about an hour late for anything we'd arranged. And half the time, when they did turn up they'd be in the middle of an argument about something. Still, it was quite funny hearing the things they said about each other.

 

[Tubefan2013]

Thanks for your reply everyone.

 

[Harbon 1]

I used to be bullied a bit, years ago, but now pretty much everyone doesn't really notice. I spend many happy Friday free periods reading Rail, Rail Express, Traction or whatever else, and no one bats an eyelid. I've even had long conversations with people about it.

I suppose if people have long enough to accept it, they don't really mind. To the point some people (mainly girls weirdly enough) have said it'll be fun to have a day out on the train with me :P


To the OP, I have the same problem, but with organising group meet ups and stuff, I just leave it to my other friends to sort out and chip in if we need tickets but if they invite you out, wait until the last minute and cancel

 

[richw]

I used to be bullied a bit, years ago, but now pretty much everyone doesn't really notice. I spend many happy Friday free periods reading Rail, Rail Express, Traction or whatever else, and no one bats an eyelid. I've even had long conversations with people about it.

I suppose if people have long enough to accept it, they don't really mind. To the point some people (mainly girls weirdly enough) have said it'll be fun to have a day out on the train with me :P


To the OP, I have the same problem, but with organising group meet ups and stuff, I just leave it to my other friends to sort out and chip in if we need tickets but if they invite you out, wait until the last minute and cancel

I think its partly to do with maturity, younger teens seem to exclude anyone with non mainstream interests, whereas older teens in general mature and accept people have different interests. The "sheep" seem to be the popular kids as they follow each other and their interests, that is boring to me, following peoples interests just for the popularity.

 

[gazzak]

People like those the OP describes aren't friends, they're simply people who pass through your life. I'd let this one keep on passing right through and stick to the people who don't let you down, IE friends.

 

[michael769]

It is quite common. Some people find it very difficult to say no even if they have a good reason and will often agree to anything only to backout later. And some folks are just disorganised.

It's not personal, the best way to deal with the, is to not arrange anything where you are reliant on them turing up, its probably not worth falling out over though.

 

[Tubefan2013]

The trouble is my friend used to be very reliable he would often turn up all the time, lately as i have said on my earlier post lately he has been letting me down. Infact he texted me do you want to meet up he said yes. I said are you sure now? then about 5 hours later " Oh sorry mate cant meet up" There has been times where i has not told me that he wont meet up. I think its ok to scrap plans to meet up if its some kind of emergency or personal issue, surely mucking me me about almost all the time, is taking the mic? I could tell him how i feel but is it really worth rowing over? He needs to get his act together i cant force him to meet up but letting you down all the time is only going to make things worse, unfortantaly in my experience anyway this is fairly common.
There is not much I or anyone else can do about it? good friends are very hard to find these days

 

[Roverman]

I say bin these people off, theres plenty of other nice people in the world who will be better friends than that.

 

[Tubefan2013]

true!

 

[Bevan Price]

Some Suggestions / comments

1. Stop asking him to meet you. Let him do the asking (if he wants to)
2. As people grow older, they find new things to interest them; your friend and you may have developed different interests.
3. Has he a new girlfriend ?.
4. Beware of women - many of them tell you one thing when they mean something completely different. Some are mercenary and will even let you **** them if they think they will get enough presents, etc., bought for them. Then they may abandon you when they find someone with more money.
5. Try to ignore bullies as much as possible; avoid violence, but if you get a legal opportunity to get them into trouble, good luck.

 

[swj99]

Some people find it very difficult to say no even if they have a good reason and will often agree to anything only to back out later.

Yes. I think it's often the case that some people have weak personal boundaries, so they don't know what they want, and they try to please everyone, which is impossible. They do this by saying yes to everyone and everything, but obviously they can't be everywhere, so they're inevitably going to disappoint someone. One example of someone with a weak or poorly defined personal boundary is the person who arranges to meet you, arranges to meet someone else, arranges something else as well, and when asked, will come out with some half hearted excuse about how they had car trouble, or they had to deal with a crisis and couldn't make it.

 

[CarltonA]

I've met a few unreliable types over the years but one comes to mind in particular. I had recently started a new job and became a bit friendly with one of the staff. Once a twice a week we would go down the pub after work and he was generally a good bloke to know. After a couple of weeks he said let's go to a club on Saturday night, it was a few miles away so he would borrow his father's car and pick me up from my house. Later some other colleagues asked what I was up to that night. So and so is coming round and we are going to such and such I said. Don't hold your breath they replied. Not sure what they meant, however I get ready to go out and low and behold - no show. At work next week he gave some funny excuse. Anyway I knew this bloke for several years. All throughout that time there was a fifty fifty chance of him letting people down socially and coming up with some lame excuse. I realised there something wrong with him. He would tell lies as well, saying we were supposed to meet at a different time or somewhere else, I don't think he could help himself. In all other respects he was a good person. Eventually I tired of it and he became persona non grata.

 

[anthony263]

Im 14 and in year 9.Thats the exact reason why my mates turned against me, because they found out I like trains. I mean I still like footy and rugby like everyone else, I am a decent goalkeeper and play second row for the school rugby team so its not like Im exactly totally different from them. I respect the fact they have their personal hobbies and think its a good thing and have nothing against them for doing so. Maybe its just me, but I fail to see what I do wrong

I went through similar times myself when I was in school. That said it stopped once I went to 6th form and then onto university.

Truth be told I just ignore it now and of course some of those people I had bad time with in school now seem to agree that my interest in trains may not be such a bad idea (especially since I know how to get the cheap fares etc)

I am freinds now with one of the boys who tried to bully me when I was in year 7 especially since he is a workmate and is has developed an interest in cars so can understand why I like railways and buses

 

[swj99]

I am freinds now with one of the boys who tried to bully me when I was in year 7 especially since he is a workmate and is has developed an interest in cars so can understand why I like railways and buses

It's interesting how this tends to happen. There was a guy I didn't get on with through most of school, in fact, we really didn't like each other at all. No actual violence, but it came close a few times. Then one term, we ended up in the same class, and all was forgotten. It was as if we'd always been friends. Another lad had given me hassle at school, until one day I hit him back (this was back in the early 80s when you could do this without anyone calling the police). He kept out of my way after that, and would disappear if he saw me. I felt sorry for him and had to tell one of his mates to tell him to stop hiding. A few years later we both ended up at the same party and got on fine.

Funny old world etc.:roll:

 

[Roverman]

You've just reminded me of an incident when I was at school in which I had just about had enough of one smarmy little s**t and thumped him very hard knocking him off his chair and into a heap on the floor. I walked out of the room so didn't get to see the reaction of his mates. I then went to the payphone (remember those lol) and rang my Dad, he wasn't in so I just left a message with his work colleague. Dad only worked in the city centre so came straight down to the school to see what was up. I was eventually found by my head of year who by rights should have given me a faculty detention for this but because I was Mr Goody Two Shoes decided it was a one off and nothing more was said!!!

I do not advise this as a way of resolving differences!

 

[Yew]

If hes unreliable, dont make him an integral part of your plans, maybe go out with some other friends as wel. that way if he doesnt turn up you can still have fun, and if he does then great.

 

[Harbon 1]

I've had an encounter with another annoying type of friend, talk about it for a few days then suddenly stop replying to my texts on the night we're meant to be meeting up :mad:

Re the last few posts. If someone did get on my nerves a lot, and bully me, I would eventually thump them.

 

[RJ]

Im 14 and in year 9.Thats the exact reason why my mates turned against me, because they found out I like trains. I mean I still like footy and rugby like everyone else, I am a decent goalkeeper and play second row for the school rugby team so its not like Im exactly totally different from them. I respect the fact they have their personal hobbies and think its a good thing and have nothing against them for doing so. Maybe its just me, but I fail to see what I do wrong

Sorry to hear that you're having trouble. When I was around your age, I once brought in a copy of Rail Magazine and was reading it in form class. The teacher decided to hold it up in front of the whole class, laughing and everyone decided that it was hilarious. Until I opened it up and showed people that one of my photographs had been published in it and told them I got paid for it. From that point, my hobby was respected by others and I was never bothered about it. That was in an all boys school where barbarianism ruled.

Don't bother respecting people who don't have any respect for you. It's a waste of time and leaves you vulnerable to being violated emotionally. You don't want to be asking yourself why someone doesn't like you - you just have to accept that you'll never please everybody in life and focus on the people and things that matter. Respect is a mutual thing that has to be earned.

Sorry I can't be of more help. The rules change as you go into adult life. Whilst kids scrap and call each other names, adults can be arrested for assault and lose their job/be sued for such actions. As an adult, I can't condone violence. However, I do genuinely hope you can find a way to have an easier time at school.

 

[Chapeltom]

I've got a mate who wasn't allowed out on New Years Eve and he's 20 - massive let down :-x I've not that many mates anyway.

I like my independence and like having like minded to meet up with and chat to, only a handful of mates I'd go down the pub with. Small group of people I can trust.

My hobbies are:
Real Ale
Non League Football (a ground-hopper too)
Travel - my ambition to visit all 50 European countries by time I'm 30.

I'm also fairly interested in History, Politics, current affairs so as you can see, not that many can cope with my lifestyle. I'm constantly on the move or doing some research on my next trip/Uni work. Those mates I do have know how much I value them, those mates are proper ones as they respect me for who I am.

I went to Copenhagen alone in January, off to Dusseldorf next month alone. 1) My mates have different Uni timetables and 2) At 20, travelling solo isn't such a big deal.

Unlike most people my age (20) I really don't feel scared travelling or doing things alone. I went down to Southampton to watch my football team play on a Tuesday night, and had to spend nearly 5 hours in London overnight alone as I was on overnight advance, it really didn't bother me at all.