Comedic announcements

[InterCity:125]

This one is fantastic!

I love that one

 

[DeRobeck]

Heard on a stationery HST several years ago. "Ladies and gentlemen I've got bad news and good news. The bad news is that both of our engines have failed. The good news is that this isn't a Boeing 737."

 

[JB_B]

They can work really well ( I still remember the incredible "Eggs and Bread! Eggs and Bread!" trolley guy on Wales and Borders) but you have to know your audience and context is everything.

That means automated 'comedic' announcements are a terrible idea. Recent example - I enter the stinking toilet of a failed-aircon Pendolino - its vomit-inducing enough already - then the toilet starts up with it's 'hilarious' ( "... I used to be a public toilet..." ) spiel.

 

[Parallel]

Yeah, the Virgin Trains toilet speech is just damn right weird. Mildly amusing the first time you hear it but I can imagine it gets very annoying VERY quickly if you regularly use the route for long distance journeys. What were they thinking?

 

[InterCity:125]

Yeah, the Virgin Trains toilet speech is just damn right weird. Mildly amusing the first time you hear it but I can imagine it gets very annoying VERY quickly if you regularly use the route for long distance journeys. What were they thinking?

What is the virgin trains toilet speech?
I’ve never travelled on virgin trains!

 

[Parallel]

What is the virgin trains toilet speech?
I’ve never travelled on virgin trains!

I’ve etched the script out of my mind, in short it basically just goes on about how it used to be a public toilet and now it’s been promoted. Really odd.

 

[318266]

What is the virgin trains toilet speech?
I’ve never travelled on virgin trains!

It's just weird.

Hello! It's me. The toilet! I just want to tell you not to flush sanitary towels and wipes down the toilet. I mean the usual stuff is fine. I should know when I applied. To be a toilet! I used to be a public toilet, and this is a step up! Anyway, do your thing.

 

[InterCity:125]

It's just weird.

I couldn’t find that on YouTube, all I found was it telling you not to flush your ex’s sweater, hopes, dreams and goldfish down it.

 

[318266]

That was the old one.

 

[318266]

That was the old one.

 

[woodmally]

There is one guy on EMT from Nottingham to Sheffield who comes out with the phrase "tickets rail cards and excuses" when checking tickets.

He also refers to Sheffield as Capital of the Peoples Republic of South Yorkshire. I sadly felt old enough to remember this phrase and had to explain this to younger passengers on a few occasions he has used it.

 

[yoyothehobo]

I had a good one on VTEC a month or so ago who gave little snippets of information arriving at stations.

At Grantham: Ladies and gentlemen we will shortly be arriving at Grantham, the home of the Queen of Darkness herself, Magaret Thatcher"

Also announcing Wakefield for all those Rhubarb fans out there.

People on the train seemed to enjoy it quite a bit

 

[Ashley Lewis]

Traveling on a Virgin Cross Country Service about 14 years ago and had a chap called Nigel, who always did great announcements, a favourite being, “thank you for traveling with Virgin Cross Country, where the wheels of friendship travel with you”

 

[Parallel]

Traveling on a Virgin Cross Country Service about 14 years ago and had a chap called Nigel, who always did great announcements, a favourite being, “thank you for traveling with Virgin Cross Country, where the wheels of friendship travel with you”

He’s still on the trains now. Was on a Bristol bound service last year when I travelled between Birmingham and Bristol.

 

[Ashley Lewis]

He’s still on the trains now. Was on a Bristol bound service last year when I travelled between Birmingham and Bristol.

Good to know.

 

[brad465]

Travelling from Aberdeen to Edinburgh this morning, I sat in the middle carriage where the electric was partly failed, then later completely went (the tunnels were quite interesting). About 3/4 of the way down to Edinburgh, the guard announced the following (in a Scottish accent with a mild pessimistic attitude):

"I apologise for the state of the train today...the electrics have failed in coach 2, it's been a problem for a while but they haven't done anything about it, maybe the generator will fix itself sometime. I'd also like to apologise for the disabled toilet not being available, as a result of it being flooded earlier on."

For all the faults listed the no lights was rather interesting if anything, and the guard's approach made for a good journey in the end.