Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[3141]

I tend to get very annoyed by ubiquitous cheapjack-journalistic lazy-and-easy, grossly over-used, metaphors; enthusiastically adopted in turn, by legions of ordinary folk commenting on issues of the day. One of such is on my mind at present: the use of which I would definitely ban -- is the adjective "leafy" -- "shorthand" for, at least relatively affluent and well-behaved residential areas. Admittedly, most often used -- generally, in a context of concern and compassion -- as a contrast to deprived and crime-ridden, usually urban, hell-holes with their unfortunate denizens. One can see where the idea comes from: "good" neighbourhoods are likely to be better-endowed with trees -- a characteristic of which is, as we know, their production of leaves -- than "bad" ones. It's just that this verbal "conceit" has been, for a good many years now, so grossly over-used -- almost as much so, as the "-gate" suffix (child of Watergate) for all and any instances of political or administrative skulduggery -- that I've come to find it nauseating; and to think perversely, "not really sense-making -- even the nastiest ghettoes will contain the odd tree or two". I've not so much of a problem with the initial idea -- just, with its becoming a seemingly everlasting and all-pervading cliche. Commenters: I would instruct you, on pain of severe punishment, to scrap this one; and think up something new and alternative, in which to couch your opinions on this issue. Please -- retire "leafy" to a neutral role, just referring to somewhere with lots of trees / leaves !

Ha ha! Also "bustling" market towns and "sleepy" villages. "Vibrant" city life. "Idyllic" rural retreats. Almost anything which is "innovative". Technical equipment and software which is allegedly "intuitive": it definitely isn't intuitive, and what they mean is that it's easy to use if you already know how such things work.

 

[Calthrop]

Ha ha! Also "bustling" market towns and "sleepy" villages. "Vibrant" city life. "Idyllic" rural retreats. Almost anything which is "innovative". Technical equipment and software which is allegedly "intuitive": it definitely isn't intuitive, and what they mean is that it's easy to use if you already know how such things work.

For sure -- "hack-wise" over-used and flogged-to-death adjectives: am with you on all of those. I make one small and odd exception, for "vibrant" city-related stuff. This, concerning an author with whom I have a love-hate relationship -- the American Harry Turtledove: sci-fi / fantasy / alternative-history guy -- very prolific author; his output running, in my opinion, the gamut between quite splendid; and beyond-awful. One thing of Turtledove's, which for some reason delights me: his fondness for referring to dozy back-of-beyond US hamlets as -- slight variations thereon -- "the great and vibrant metropolis of by God, Possum Trot, Arkansas" [there is in real life, a tiny settlement of that name, in that state]. Don't quite know why -- but this thing of this author's, absolutely cracks me up: I think the "by God" has something to do with it.

 

[dangie]

Not an annoyance, more of a bafflement. St Patrick’s Day celebrations.
I totally understand if you’re Irish or live in Ireland, but for the rest of us?
Has it turned into yet another way of businesses e.g. pubs, making money?

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Has it turned into yet another way of businesses e.g. pubs, making money?

I think you may have answered your own question there...

 

[AM9]

Not an annoyance, more of a bafflement. St Patrick’s Day celebrations.
I totally understand if you’re Irish or live in Ireland, but for the rest of us?
Has it turned into yet another way of businesses e.g. pubs, making money?

you should see the way the US does it. Green beer, green dye in the Chicago River. completely bonkers.

 

[azt]

you should see the way the US does it. Green beer, green dye in the Chicago River. completely bonkers.

Yes, agreed. I've had green Stella Artois in Orlando on St Patrick's day!

 

[dangie]

News reports, mainly BBC, which say ‘warmest day of the year so far’.
Well as it’s Spring, coming out of Winter, going into Summer, it’s pretty obvious that generally the days will get warmer. Absolutely pointless news headline.

 

[Mr. SW]

News reports, mainly BBC, which say ‘warmest day of the year so far’.

That, and the misuse of statistics:

"Temperatures are are above average this time of year."
or
"Temperatures are are below average this time of year."

Please look at the definitions of the term "Average" and how it's calculated.

 

[Ediswan]

That, and the misuse of statistics:

"Temperatures are are above average this time of year."
or
"Temperatures are are below average this time of year."

Please look at the definitions of the term "Average" and how it's calculated.

It is still interesting to know which statement is applicable.

 

[jfollows]

That, and the misuse of statistics:

"Temperatures are are above average this time of year."
or
"Temperatures are are below average this time of year."

Please look at the definitions of the term "Average" and how it's calculated.

Not half as bad as “temperatures have doubled” when going from 10 Celsius to 20 Celsius, though. This one usually appears in Reach publications.

 

[CaptainHaddock]

News reports, mainly BBC, which say ‘warmest day of the year so far’.
Well as it’s Spring, coming out of Winter, going into Summer, it’s pretty obvious that generally the days will get warmer. Absolutely pointless news headline.

And newspaper headlines that say something like "UK hotter than Ibiza/Spain/Mexico/wherever" yet when the UK temperature drops back down to its seasonal average you never see the headline "UK a lot colder than Ibiza/Spain/Mexico/wherever"!

 

[Gloster]

News items that say things like ‘Sadness as popular pub/restaurant/shop/etc. announces closure‘ when it is patently obvious from the text that the place is closing down because nobody goes there. This is usually accompanied by comments from people who remember going there when they were young half a century ago, but who obviously haven’t been to for years (“Do they still have those penny chew machines?”).

 

[jfollows]

News items that say things like ‘Sadness as popular pub/restaurant/shop/etc. announces closure‘ when it is patently obvious from the text that the place is closing down because nobody goes there. This is usually accompanied by comments from people who remember going there when they were young half a century ago, but who obviously haven’t been to for years (“Do they still have those penny chew machines?”).

Exactly, the rubbish media usually refers to them as “beloved” and, no, nobody ever loved them and, yes, they closed because nobody went there.

 

[Gloster]

When TV news items report somebody’s words and then show the person saying them. Reporter: “People are saying that when the accident happened they thought that a bomb had gone off”, followed by a film of someone saying, “When the accident happened I thought a bomb had gone off.”

 

[Strat-tastic]

When TV news items report somebody’s words and then show the person saying them. Reporter: “People are saying that when the accident happened they thought that a bomb had gone off”, followed by a film of someone saying, “When the accident happened I thought a bomb had gone off.”

That only happens in my head when I want to laugh

 

[Lewisham2221]

News items that say things like ‘Sadness as popular pub/restaurant/shop/etc. announces closure‘ when it is patently obvious from the text that the place is closing down because nobody goes there. This is usually accompanied by comments from people who remember going there when they were young half a century ago, but who obviously haven’t been to for years (“Do they still have those penny chew machines?”).

Yes, those articles almost always make me have a little chuckle for that reason.

Locally, there was one recently where a chippy/cafe was set to become an Indian restaurant. Many comments were along the lines of "such a shame, always used to go here when I was a kid". Most seemed completely oblivious to the fact the chippy has been shut for years!

 

[dangie]

Those conveyor style bread toasters usually found in hotel breakfast rooms. Once you’ve set your slice on its way it’s impossible to check its ‘brownness’ until it drops back out. Usually too well done or not done enough.

 

[Peter Mugridge]

Those conveyor style bread toasters usually found in hotel breakfast rooms. Once you’ve set your slice on its way it’s impossible to check its ‘brownness’ until it drops back out. Usually too well done or not done enough.

...and usually only toasts one side.

 

[gg1]

Those conveyor style bread toasters usually found in hotel breakfast rooms. Once you’ve set your slice on its way it’s impossible to check its ‘brownness’ until it drops back out. Usually too well done or not done enough.

I find you generally have two toasting options with those:

One lap of the conveyor: briefly waved under a 40 watt light bulb
Two laps: cast into the fires of Mount Doom

 

[AM9]

I find you generally have two toasting options with those:

One lap of the conveyor: briefly waved under a 40 watt light bulb
Two laps: cast into the fires of Mount Doom

I remember when in Madrid on business, at breakfast, an Italian colleague decided that one circuit on a 'merry go round' toaster wasn't enough so he reloaded it and sent it round again. It was a very large breakfast room, but the smoke was pretty acrid for some time across the whole area.

 

[Jimini]

We’ve got three of these in our office restaurant. All equally as useless as each other! Everyone uses the toasters instead.

 

[dangie]

Those conveyor style bread toasters usually found in hotel breakfast rooms. Once you’ve set your slice on its way it’s impossible to check its ‘brownness’ until it drops back out. Usually too well done or not done enough.

Just to add to my post, a friend of mine while using one of these machines had inadvertently placed his packet of butter on the bread and sent it on its merry way into the machine.

The machine soon started to smoke, followed by flames. The breakfast room, which fortunately was quite small, was evacuated whilst the fire was extinguished and the now poorly machine was removed, probably never to be seen again.

 

[Ediswan]

Just to add to my post, a friend of mine while using one of these machines had inadvertently placed his packet of butter on the bread and sent it on its merry way into the machine.

The machine soon started to smoke, followed by flames. The breakfast room, which fortunately was quite small, was evacuated whilst the fire was extinguished and the now poorly machine was removed, probably never to be seen again.

Somebody at the local Pizza Hut, once left an aerosol can of cooking oil on the belt of the pizza oven. Nobody physically injured, but some staff needed time off to recover their composure.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Anyone else get irritated with the proliferation of illegally spaced number plates on vehicles? And just how often is enforcement action ever taken?

 

[Lewisham2221]

Anyone else get irritated with the proliferation of illegally spaced number plates on vehicles? And just how often is enforcement action ever taken?

I suspect, along with most other vehicle offences, most enforcement is in the form of MOT failure. As for Police enforcement? Probably very rarely as a standalone offence, but if you attract their attention enough to warrant them stopping you it'll probably get picked up

 

[jfollows]

Anyone else get irritated with the proliferation of illegally spaced number plates on vehicles? And just how often is enforcement action ever taken?

I have to say that this doesn’t irritate me one bit! If it happens to be illegal, that’s someone else’s lookout, not mine.

Sort of in the category that I’ve got more important things to get irritated by ……

 

[dangie]

....Sort of in the category that I’ve got more important things to get irritated by ……

Which of course may not be important to others

 

[Trackman]

I have to say that this doesn’t irritate me one bit! If it happens to be illegal, that’s someone else’s lookout, not mine.

Sort of in the category that I’ve got more important things to get irritated by ……

My way is thinking is that if I abide by the law, why shouldn't they?
That's what gets on my nerves.

There is local business near me and the burly lads in their 20s who drive the small trucks never wear seat belts. They are not exempt, say like a delivery business. And they are easy to spot because of the large windscreen/windows.
This really gets on my nerves.

 

[75A]

I suspect, along with most other vehicle offences, most enforcement is in the form of MOT failure. As for Police enforcement? Probably very rarely as a standalone offence, but if you attract their attention enough to warrant them stopping you it'll probably get picked up

Simple, the lads round here swap it back to the correct one for the MOT. MOT's here are bi-annual for 'newer' cars and take around 20 minutes at a local DVA centre, not garages like the mainland.

 

[Railwaycat]

Anyone else get irritated with the proliferation of illegally spaced number plates on vehicles? And just how often is enforcement action ever taken?

That's my number one hate, there's loads of them where I live. It's illegal, and for those who think it's harmless, it's not - those joined up letters and numbers are harder to decipher and remember, so if some scroat drives off after an accident it can be difficult to recognise the number plate and report it, especially seeing as many of them are totally meaningless except to the morons who own them. And as for the ones that use dots and distorted letters...
I think I read once that one counties police force (don't remember where) was quite strict about it, and from my observations it's not so common in Scotland.