Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Strat-tastic]

Cushions on beds.

I mean, why? Maybe someone thinks it looks nicer.

Where do you put them when you want to sleep?

I use my bedroom for sleeping and getting changed, so why the cushions? I'm bored, there's nothing on TV. I know! I'll go stand in my bedroom for an hour appreciating the cushions.

 

[birchesgreen]

I use a cushion when i am reading in bed as otherwise my head will be resting on the wooden headboard and that is kind of uncomfortable.

 

[Peter C]

Where do you put them when you want to sleep?

My understanding is people with cushions on beds just move them off the bed at night. They look nice I suppose

-Peter

 

[Strat-tastic]

I use a cushion when i am reading in bed as otherwise my head will be resting on the wooden headboard and that is kind of uncomfortable.

I'd use a pillow for that.

Either that or ban reading in bed

 

[py_megapixel]

Speaking of uncomfortable bed features: footboards that come higher than the mattress, making it uncomfortable for anyone longer than about 6'1 to use if they want to stretch their legs out

 

[birchesgreen]

I'd use a pillow for that.

An extra pillow would surely be bigger than a cushion so how does that make sense?

 

[trainophile]

An extra pillow would surely be bigger than a cushion so how does that make sense?

You prop up one of the pillows you're going to sleep on. I agree about the cushions, also I bet they aren't cleaned between hotel guests. Well they might be "fogged" nowadays but not previously I'd think.

 

[tavistock]

Lancaster City is, and always will be Lancaster City FC.

Don't know what law this is.

It’s not really a law. I was just joking. There are about 30 “United “ teams and probably as many “city “ teams. But only those in Manchester get called by their surnames

 

[yorksrob]

It’s not really a law. I was just joking. There are about 30 “United “ teams and probably as many “city “ teams. But only those in Manchester get called by their surnames

Indeed. I'd had a few ales last night anyway

 

[SteveM70]

Musical instruments at sport. The bloody Eng-er-lund band are at it already, and there’s also the trumpeter at the cricket. Just stop it

 

[Strat-tastic]

An extra pillow would surely be bigger than a cushion so how does that make sense?

I use two pillows

 

[Meerkat]

Commentators saying “never in doubt” AFTER a penalty goes in.

 

[SteveM70]

Garth Crooks

 

[xotGD]

I want to ban football teams calling themselves 'United ' when they have a rival team in the same town or city.

Manchester isn't united.
Sheffield isn't united.
Dundee isn't united.

As an aside, I'm reminded of the footballer who tripped over his laces when he misread the team name as Untied.

 

[Peter C]

Following this post from @xotGD in the "Things you like" thread:

A spell of warm weather in September, just when you thought that summer was over.

This week, basically.

I'd ban spells of warm weather in September. Went out to see the GBRf tour today and it wasn't very nice standing on the platform at a rather humid Charlbury!

-Peter

 

[Ianno87]

Sparkling water. It's foul and I don't understand why anybody likes it.

 

[py_megapixel]

Something I could have sworn I'd mentioned but seemingly not based on a quick search, is music videos with a long drawn-out introduction before the song starts. A few seconds of build-up is alright, longer than that just gets irritating.

Also, text made entirely by sticking together rhyming couplets so that it looks like a poem but reads like drivel.

I find such "poems" just pathetic.
A sign the author's apathetic.
But, for people who do care,
this junk is more than they can bear.
When it's done in official places
like litter bins or public spaces
it makes me wish I'm in dream
and if I'm not, I want to scream!

If it's a child who's not that old
and they're just doing what they're told
it annoys me a lot less:
after all I must confess,
when I was young, I wrote these too.

But for fully-grown adults who
think this is a good thing to do
beware: we don't think it's clever.
We'll view you with contempt forever.
If you simply can't resist
Then I really must insist:
Please conclude your verses with a complete couplet.

Oh dear, oh dear! That must be twice
that I've ignored my own advice
Three times if you want to count
The whole thing I wrote this poem about.
This makes me think it's time to stop
Now we're four verses from the top.​

 

[Andyh82]

I would make it a legal right to be able to grab someone’s phone and stamp on it, whenever they listen to music out loud on public transport. Just buy some ear/headphones!! Even if they are listening to something I like, it sounds awful through the tinny phone speakers.

On a similar note I notice a lot of younger people don’t seem to take calls on their phone in the traditional way anymore.
They either talk into it in their hand, with the other person on speaker, as if they are on The Apprentice, or they needlessly have them on FaceTime. Both situations mean we end up hearing both ends of the conversation.

I don’t know what the quality of a FaceTime call is whilst travelling on a train, or bus, or walking around the supermarket, but I doubt it’s worth doing

 

[birchesgreen]

I don't hold my mobile phone to my head either due to an irrational fear of getting head cancer from it.

 

[trainophile]

The tinny voice on the other end of speakerphone is even more annoying than the tsk tsk tsk from someone’s rubbish earphones, but neither are quite as annoying as people inflicting their choice of racket without even bothering with earphones.

 

[xotGD]

Sparkling water. It's foul and I don't understand why anybody likes it.

Of course they don't actually like it. They just think it is sophisticated to drink it.

But it does provide some entertainment when they open a bottle that has been bounced around a bit and they end up getting a soaking.


I once made the mistake of using sparkling water to dilute a cup of coffee that was too hot to drink. Yuck!

 

[ABB125]

Sparkling water on its own is somewhat distasteful. Mixed with some squash etc, it's rather better.

 

[nlogax]

Sparkling water. It's foul and I don't understand why anybody likes it.

Lovely stuff. I prefer it to still or tap water if out for a meal.

 

[HST274]

Sparkling water. It's foul and I don't understand why anybody likes it.

Agreed. It is quite literally poison to my mind.

 

[Techniquest]

Agreed. It is quite literally poison to my mind.

I wouldn't go that far, but I am not a fan of sparkling water. Good gravy no!

 

[alex397]

I don’t have sparkling water often at all, but I find it’s a good alternative to lemonade or cola when I have a craving for something fizzy.

 

[Strat-tastic]

DJs talking over song intros before the vocals begin.
Kindly respect the artists and musicians who are having their say and are just as important as the vocalist.
They ought to be made to write 100 times, "The sound of my voice isn't as beautiful as I imagine it to be."
Ha!

 

[trainophile]

DJs talking over song intros before the vocals begin.
Kindly respect the artists and musicians who are having their say and are just as important as the vocalist.
They ought to be made to write 100 times, "The sound of my voice isn't as beautiful as I imagine it to be."
Ha!

Do you ever listen to Dotun Adebayo on radio 5Live who does the slot between 01:00 and 05:00 on weekdays? He often does a programme where people call in to nominate their favourite song on a particular theme (e.g. songs that make you want to dance). He then proceeds to talk over the entire track, that he only plays a bit of anyway. I can't listen to him, have to have radio 4 on instead when he's on.

 

[birchesgreen]

DJs talking over song intros before the vocals begin.
Kindly respect the artists and musicians who are having their say and are just as important as the vocalist.
They ought to be made to write 100 times, "The sound of my voice isn't as beautiful as I imagine it to be."
Ha!

DJs talking over any part of a song. Something the great John Peel never did.

 

[Bevan Price]

I don’t have sparkling water often at all, but I find it’s a good alternative to lemonade or cola when I have a craving for something fizzy.

I could never understand why so many people seem to like Cola. To me, it tastes foul - even worse than if p*ss was the only thing to drink.
I used to prefer apple juice or orange juice, but now have to abstain because the makers tend to overload them with far too much sugar.