First:
We'd just had PIS fitted to some of the StanEx Cl317's. Unfortunately they weren't lasting in the hot weather we were enjoying/enduring at the time, and every time you tried to punch in a number for one of our destinations it would come back with "Incorrect Code".
Thinking along the lines that if the codes are wrong the boxes must work, I decided to use a 20 minute turn-around at the airport to go on a fishing expedition to prove that the PIS wasn't actually broken but had suffered a memory lapse. So, I spent a fruitful while hammering in numbers at random before I eventually entered one with came up with "SWT Demo" on the cab display. OK, I thought, a code that works. Press "Accept" then go round the front of the train to find "Clapham Jn" on the indicator. Excellent!! Now I just have to clear it before I depart.
Unfortunately, as I believe I've already mentioned, all the codes I know and all the other random ones I've tried don't work so I can't get rid of it. Doesn't matter, as no-one pays the blindest bit of attention to the indicators anyway.
Set off from the airport and make my first stop at Bishops Stortford without incident. It's only when I'm making my way along the Valley that I notice the PA light going on and off periodically every few minutes. I try to listen through the cab handset but it isn't playing back through there, so I try to buzz up the train host on the intercom, but without success. Oh well, I'll just have to deal with it when I get to Tottenham Hole.
On arrival there, the trolley-dolly leaves the train. As he passes the cab window I ask him what's going on with the PA. He replies that there is an announcement playing in the train telling them that it's going to Clapham Junction. Just at that moment, the train host comes steaming through the train and hammers on the cab door yelling at me to "...sort out that f***ing PA because it's giving the wrong f***ing information and every single f***ing passenger has been asking me where the f*** we're going". So I make an announcement apologising for this and blaming it on a fault with the PIS, though I fail to mention that the reason for this is that I'd been fiddling with it earlier.
Got some queer looks from staff on arrival at Liv St too.
Second:
Also while on StanEx trips, I'd arrived at Liv St late because of disruption caused by one thing or another. I need to pee, but I've calculated that I haven't enough time to screw the train down, get to the staff bogs, do the necessary, get back and be ready to go by departure time. So, I decide to change ends straight away but use the karzi on the country end unit on my way past.
The country end unit has one of those whizzy disabled super-loos, so I pop in there because it's closer to the doors than the normal Cl317 broom cupboard bogs. Once I've finished my business, I press the door open button to get out. Nothing. Press it again, but again nothing. Keep pressing it and keep getting nothing. Swear. Try to shove the door open but it's stuck fast. Give it a couple of firm kicks. Press the button one more time but to no avail. Sigh.
Out comes the work mobile and punch in the number for Control. "Hello, it's driver so-and-so here. Please can you send the fitter to the country end unit on platform whatever, as I'm stuck inside the disabled loo. Ta". Give the button one more press. Click. Whoosh!! Door flies open. Onto the mobile again. "Erm, belay the request for the fitter. I'm out".
The worst part of this story is that the delay to my return working was recorded as having been caused by my being stuck in the bog. The truth of the matter was that, once I'd got out the bog and made the train ready for departure, I found that Nitwit Rail had taken possession of the station throat to deal with a points failure.
Third:
Was working StanEx services on Christmas Eve two years ago while I was still out with my instructor. Because it was a Saturday the company were running normal diagrammed train lengths, which meant that all StanEx's were 4 cars only and hadn't been strengthened up to 8.
We'd just left Liv St with our 4 car train when we were informed that the StanEx ahead would be terminating at Bishops Stortford because there was no-one to relieve the driver there and giving us a stop order to pick up the passengers. However, we were already pretty full and, by the time we'd stopped at Tottenham Hole and picked up a sizeable crowd, we were absolutely groaning. It was so bad that the only passenger waiting for us at Harlow Town had to walk the entire length of the train and try every single set of doors before he found a corner into which he could squeeze.
When we got to Bishops Stortford, we were routed into the 'Up' side platform because the usual platform was still occupied, meaning that the doors were on the opposite side. So, I stopped and opened the doors while my instructor opened his side window an leaned out to watch. I couldn't see what was happening, but it sounded ugly. There was quite a bit of shouting that I could hear, but one woman in particular was screaming obscenities at those on the train and demanding that they make room for her to get on. After a minute or two of this, I get the "Close Doors" from the platform staff so start to shut up. At this, my instructor leans right out of the window and shouts "Merry Christmas" at the top of his voice down the platform, then turns to me and says "Right, lets get going". So I calmly reply "We can't. We haven't got interlock yet". "Oh sh**!!!!" he says, as he slams the side window shut.
one TN
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hock: 
