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Established Member
9 Jul 2005
THE WASHINGTON POST Style Invitational recently postulated that English should have male and female nouns, like most other languages. Readers were asked to assign a gender noun of their choice, and explain their reasoning. Here are some of the best submissions:

ZIPLOC BAGS – male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE – male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS – female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE – male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER – female, because once turned on, it takes a while to warm up. It is also an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but it can also wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

TYRE – male, because it goes bald, and is often over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON – male, because to get anywhere you have to light a fire under it; and, of course, there's also the hot air part.

SPONGES – female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE – female, because they are always getting hit on.

SUBWAY – male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS – female, because over time the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER – male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 10,000 years, though it's handy to have one around.

REMOTE CONTROL – female, because it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying
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