In these dark times, a little levity.
I'm electing to answer this question in the form of a horse race, seeing as how the Derby was run yesterday and won by a 40-1 outsider. First, though, I'll regress to the Tory leadership race of last year, as any good psychoanalyst would.
So, to the 2016 not-so-Grand National runners and riders:-
1) BORIS (ridden by Michael Gove) was pulled out of the race with minutes to go when Gove announced he couldn't be trusted to run the race the right way round, but Gove had concluded that he (Gove) could win the race without the aid of a horse beneath him, especially with his indomitable wife Sarah Vine pursuing him all the way with a birch whip to encourage him. He managed to haul himself over a couple of fences before he realised it was futile.
2) FOXHUNTER was first to enter the fray, as ever, but was also the first to depart, as ever, a fall at the first fence. It was said that hunting horns were used in the crowd to distract him.
3) CRABBPOT was a surprise entry from Wales, the rumour being that he was only entered in order to mix with the fillies. Disappeared without trace having fallen at the second fence.
4) LEAD BALLOON came into the race with a lot of backing and claims of previous race successes, but on scrutiny these turned out to be fantasies or magnified out of all proportion. Nevertheless, she was cantering towards the finish and had one last fence to jump when, suddenly, she crashed into it and has never been the same since. She was recently found by 'Newsnight's John Sweeney grazing on the foreshore near Penzance next to the local Tory MP candidate.
5) VICAR'S DAUGHTER (ridden by a rather reluctant Philip Hammond) was trotting along quietly showing a good pair of (kitten) heels when she suddenly realised Lead Balloon had fallen and all she had to do was make the tape. Hammond had been promised the earth if he got her home in first place, but it all seems to have gone sour.
Now to some of the possible 2017 entrants:-
BORIS still has a tremendous fan club, but then so does Barry Manilow for equally mysterious reasons. Will definitely not be ridden by Gove, though.
FALLIBLE (previously known as INFALLIBLE) has recently perfected the art of putting his hoof into his mouth, though he appears not to be aware of it. The only horse that needs no grooming as he has always been self-preening.
FOREVER AMBER has the look of a thoroughbred, it is said, but her sireing may well come under scrutiny should she get near the winning post, so could be another LEAD BALLOON.
DAMIAN could only win if the going was very, very, very, very wet, but even then he'd probably not slip over the winning line.
