Strangest thing you've seen/heard on a bus.

[Qwerty133]

Based off the simular thread for rail.
1. 2 chavs discussing their experiences in prison and how long they'd been there and what for.
2. a man asking strangers how to sell on eBay, when advised you need a photo to get many bids he asked of you got them from Google and when told that you needed to photo the item you were selling he went on to explain how he didn't have the item but wanted money.
He couldn't see any problems with this and thought the other passengers were idiots when they said that you can't sell things you haven't got.

 

[MidnightFlyer]

Once had two blokes start talking to each other on the bus, one asked: 'Do you know [person]?' Other bloke replied 'Aye, just come out of prison for beating him up.' Cue lengthy conversation about their previous convictions, who they hated and who they would gladly do in next. Coincidentally that was also the only day in two years a double decker subbed for a single decker on that journey, had it been a single decker I wonder if they would ever have discussed it all so openly.

 

[Busaholic]

Once had two blokes start talking to each other on the bus, one asked: 'Do you know [person]?' Other bloke replied 'Aye, just come out of prison for beating him up.' Cue lengthy conversation about their previous convictions, who they hated and who they would gladly do in next. Coincidentally that was also the only day in two years a double decker subbed for a single decker on that journey, had it been a single decker I wonder if they would ever have discussed it all so openly.

Being a natural coward, I think I'd have slunk downstairs.

 

[ert47]

Been on the top deck of the newly (at the time) introduced NBfL in Angel when we get caught in traffic.
An announcement comes over the tannoy; "This bus is currently stuck in traffic, we are sorry for the delay".
Two secondary school kids were sitting on the opposite side of the bus when one said to the other, "Wow, I didn't know buses could do that"
The other one replied gleefully "Its because its a hybrid!"

 

[scottishchris]

Overheard on the lovely fife no.19 a couple of years ago from an obviously upstanding member of the community, I think she was just talking to a friend but given I was at the front of the bus and she was at the back as was her friend, I can only assume she was so excited she wanted the whole world to know-"Aye, that's me got full unsupervised access to the bairn back again!"

Can't remember what bus the next one was on but this was between 2, shall we say more senior, female members of our community-"Did I tell you my son got his car stolen the other week? It wasn't worth much but he had personalised plates worth a couple of thousand on it. He got the car back and even got the plates back too!"
Oh dear.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Earlier this year I was on Yorkshire Tiger service 435 when a call at an isolated stop near the Bretton roundabout to let a walker off also allowed a wild rabbit to board and run under the seats! A fair few minutes of shoo-ing and tutting ensued, before the creature decided to stay put.

 

[swj99]

Got offered a blow job on a bus on the way back from college in 1987. Those were the days.

 

[Busaholic]

Got offered a blow job on a bus on the way back from college in 1987. Those were the days.

Surely the driver shouldn't have left his or her cab?!

 

[bussnapperwm]

A passenger route training the driver...

 

[quarella]

A passenger route training the driver...

That was the norm in my short driving career some years ago. Shown the route in the morning to drive the opposite way several hours later after other work. A verbal description. At worst told "Go down the hill. Turn right. Drive to first house on the right and Alice will tell you the rest." Alice was ill that day. I found a call box, rang the office who got me back on the right road and the few passengers who hadn't given up hope.

 

[Busaholic]

That was the norm in my short driving career some years ago. Shown the route in the morning to drive the opposite way several hours later after other work. A verbal description. At worst told "Go down the hill. Turn right. Drive to first house on the right and Alice will tell you the rest." Alice was ill that day. I found a call box, rang the office who got me back on the right road and the few passengers who hadn't given up hope.

Later made into a film 'A Town Called Alice'

 

[LewFinnis]

Back in the 60s, on the Ramsgate to Dover route we would often pick up a package at Cliffsend for transport to Dover. Curious passengers were a bit surprised to be told it was a package of lugworms! They had been dug from the sands at Pegwell Bay and were collected at Dover by someone from a fishing tackle shop.

 

[Trainfan344]

Other than the Elderly Women discussing their ailments in front of me.

A elderly couple eating a picnic

Weirdest was a conversation at a bus station, about someone who had been caught speeding, but their boss made the person who was in front of me take the blame, so he got a fine, but he was then going to court to try and sue the employers for making him take the blame.

 

[Polarbear]

I've come across a few weird & wonderful things over the years, including;

• A farmer using the bus to move bales of hay down the road (they were placed in the luggage area & made a mess)
• Being stopped by turkeys crossing the road!
• Assisting drivers on "route-learning" (and on rail replacements too).

I think the best one I can think of was back in the day when Chester City Transport existed. They had the contract for a rail replacement service on the Wirral one Sunday & knowing the driver, I was offered a lift on one of the empty moves from Chester depot.

Whilst batting along the M53 at about 80 mph (according to the speedo), the driver decides to ask if there's a maximum speed limit for buses on motorways..!!:grin:

 

[Deerfold]

A passenger route training the driver...

I've done that. The 560 Halifax - Commons used to have some runs done by First Manchester drivers in between runs on the 562 Oldham - Halifax. I was the last passenger about to get off in Ripponden and the driver asked if I knew where he was supposed to go after Rishworth. I told him I could show him the way if he liked and he gladly agreed. Good job I went as he wasn't really sure we were going the right way for the last mile or so of the route - and didn't know the bus had to do a three point turn at the terminus. No other passengers boarded on the way up though a few did as he returned and dropped me opposite where I'd originally planned to get off. Not sure what would have happened if an inspector had boarded as unusually I'd bought a single ticket rather than having a pass

 

[Busaholic]

I've done that. The 560 Halifax - Commons used to have some runs done by First Manchester drivers in between runs on the 562 Oldham - Halifax. I was the last passenger about to get off in Ripponden and the driver asked if I knew where he was supposed to go after Rishworth. I told him I could show him the way if he liked and he gladly agreed. Good job I went as he wasn't really sure we were going the right way for the last mile or so of the route - and didn't know the bus had to do a three point turn at the terminus. No other passengers boarded on the way up though a few did as he returned and dropped me opposite where I'd originally planned to get off. Not sure what would have happened if an inspector had boarded as unusually I'd bought a single ticket rather than having a pass

A similar situation when I was working for London Transport in Bus Schedules. I noticed that, in a schedule change, a new garage had come onto a route on Saturdays only. As this new garage, Clapton, was in N.E. London and the route being operated, the 47, was primarily in S.E. London right out to Farnborough, almost to the Kent boundary, and their crews had never operated in this part of the world before, I wondered how good the route training would have been for a one-day-a-week allocation. The main part of the allocation was, as ever, from Catford Garage and,in fact, on perusing the schedule, there was only one Clapton journey out to Farnborough, being the last one of the day to that destination. I was living in Bromley, which was their limit on the other journeys, and caught that last bus in Lewisham and got chatting to the young conductor, asking him how they were finding it in these foreign parts. He said OK so far, but the driver was a bit apprehensive about proceeding beyond Bromley Garage to Farnborough as that section hadn't been covered in route learning. I then said that, if they liked, when they got to Bromley South Station, near my home, I'd nip round to the cab and have a word with the driver. This I did, and he said he'd been told by a Catford driver to 'just keep on going along the A21 and you'll come to it' which I realised would have landed him in Sevenoaks if he wasn't careful, there being a right turn to Farnborough which, in those days, was poorly signposted and difficult to see in the dark. I then suggested staying on to make sure he found the turning and the conductor would give three bells about 100 yards before the turning.All was accomplished, turnround was speedy and back in Bromley in less than ten minutes, my good deed for the day done.

 

[quarella]

Aged about 7 back in 1980 we had been on a happy family day out by open top from Weston-super-Mare to Burnham on Sea. Evidently there had been a failure during the day as the 70 seat double decker sans roof we had travelled down on (612 UKM I suspect) had been replaced by a Bristol LH 43 seated, 8 standing. Capacity was reached with one person left. The driver decided I was an item of luggage and I travelled back to Weston in the luggage rack.

 

[Rhydgaled]

Not as strange as what others have mentioned, but I have twice seen passengers on a bus which wasn't going where they wanted to get (Aberporth). On the first occasion, they realised as we sped past the junction to Aberporth and got the driver to stop and let them out. On the other, the driver told them to alight at Aberaeron and wait for a service that did go to Aberporth (probably an hour later). Some time prior to these, I encountered passengers waiting at Aberaeron for a service to Aberporth, probably with over two hours to wait, despite the fact that they had let one go only a few minutes before, not realising it was an Aberporth service.

The reason, I suppose, for these ocourances was that the destination display on the bus would have read X50 on all these occasions. The X50 sometimes goes via Aberporth and sometimes it doesn't. At the time when those unfortunate souls let the Aberporth service go, it was only one or two oddball journeys on the X50 that went via Aberporth, all other services via Aberporth were known as the 550 and that was what the passengers were looking for. The other events both happened since December 2013, when the 550 ceased to be and all journeys, via Aberporth or otherwise, became known as the X50. A very bad move if you ask me.

This use of the same number on what are really different routes is a matter I have discussed on my blog and perhaps warrants a topic of its own?

 

[TheGrandWazoo]

My favourite was over 25 years ago, and from a driver!

A rather tired fully auto Leyland National got a fair load (c.30 passengers incl me) on a Saturday afternoon in 1987. It was on a cross country route that at one point has to climb a particularly steep gradient that goes on for about a mile (with the central section at more than a 1 in 6). The driver pulled into the layby at the bottom, got crawler gear and put it in hold, and off we went up the hill.

About a third of the way up, we got to the steepest bit, and the National couldn't do it, 510 engine revving but no guts. All passengers asked to disembark while he tried again without the load (was he expecting us to walk up behind??) but to no avail. At which point, the driver said.... "I didn't think it would get up here. It struggled with some smaller hills on the way down!"

He could've swapped it on the way down (he passed the depot) but didn't. We waited for 45 mins as a replacement vehicle was sent.

 

[GatwickDepress]

Got offered a blow job on a bus on the way back from college in 1987. Those were the days.

In the same vein, I was offered a tenner for polishing a chap's purple python on a bus in Eastbourne. I jokingly said something along the lines of "twenty quid or nothing". I wasn't expecting him to actually offer £20...

 

[starrymarkb]

Guy with a Nut (as in 'and bolt') on his finger having an hilarious (to him) conversation with himself.

Me slipping off a seat on a sharp bend while wearing latex on a night bus after Torture Garden

 

[Wyvern]

When I were a lad there was a bus service out of Belper up Bridge Hill run by a company called North's

THe bus was known affectionately to everyone as "Shottle Emma" an it was accepted that she would fail from time to time at some point on the way up and everyone would get out and walk.

 

[Busaholic]

Heard a lot of hilarious things over the years, mostly on the top of London doubledeckers, but unlike Alan Bennett I never noted them down and so they get forgotten. There was a time when all ages and classes travelled upstairs because smoking was allowed there and women of a certain age were a rich source. One I can still remember though, and I can date it to 1969, on a bus from Biggin Hill to Bromley: a light aircraft had crashed into a field short of the runway at the airfield that afternoon but the pilot was okay 'because he used his ejaculator seat'. I was sitting immediately behind the two women concerned and I saw a smile play onto the lips of the woman being spoken to, but she didn't let on.

 

[6Gman]

Devon General 'decker, Exeter, early 1970s.

Bus stops on the outskirts of the city centre, driver alights and goes into nearby shop.

Reappears with a sink unit (!) which he stows under the stairs before returning to cab.

We drive off ......

 

[Busaholic]

Devon General 'decker, Exeter, early 1970s.

Bus stops on the outskirts of the city centre, driver alights and goes into nearby shop.

Reappears with a sink unit (!) which he stows under the stairs before returning to cab.

We drive off ......

Could swear Stan did that in an episode of 'On the Buses' around the same time.

 

[W-on-Sea]

There seems to be a common theme emerging...

On the N31 night bus in London, a couple get on, and go upstairs, which is nearly empty. They sit down, bloke says to girl "you can suck me now", she declines by pointing out there are CCTV cameras everywhere.

On the Stagecoach Oxfordshire 31 early evening bus from Wantage to Oxford, an Indian man who's just arrived in the UK asking me how safe public transport is to use in England, as he'd heard it was very dangerous, and was it likely that he'd get stabbed while on a bus from Wantage (crime rate: very low, violent crime exceptionally low) to Oxford (even the roughest parts of which are hardly the South Bronx)

 

[quarella]

The coach firm I drove for around 1990 had a couple of Avon County Council subsidised services. We rarely issued any tickets due to lack of passengers to the extent that some drivers wouldn't bother taking a setright ticket machine, and any passengers we did carry were usually travelling on the return half of a Badgerline ticket.
Driving the one mid afternoon service from Nailsea to Clevedon a passenger boarded who actually wanted a ticket. I checked the fare table and stated the fare £2.53. He said it was £2.30. Fares set by Avon were often different to commercial ones so I showed him the fare table. He said he only had £2.30 in change. I can't remember how the exchange continued but he ended up writing a cheque.
Back at the office the manager was first of all amazed that I had anything to pay in. He couldn't believe I had made the passenger write a cheque and after looking at it showed me that on the reverse of the fares table amongst other bits of information was a line stating the maximum fare was £2.30. Oops.

 

[A0]

The coach firm I drove for around 1990 had a couple of Avon County Council subsidised services. We rarely issued any tickets due to lack of passengers to the extent that some drivers wouldn't bother taking a setright ticket machine, and any passengers we did carry were usually travelling on the return half of a Badgerline ticket.
Driving the one mid afternoon service from Nailsea to Clevedon a passenger boarded who actually wanted a ticket. I checked the fare table and stated the fare £2.53. He said it was £2.30. Fares set by Avon were often different to commercial ones so I showed him the fare table. He said he only had £2.30 in change. I can't remember how the exchange continued but he ended up writing a cheque.
Back at the office the manager was first of all amazed that I had anything to pay in. He couldn't believe I had made the passenger write a cheque and after looking at it showed me that on the reverse of the fares table amongst other bits of information was a line stating the maximum fare was £2.30. Oops.

My late grandfather used to drive buses in the 70s and 80s - and recounted that he would, from time to time, accept postage stamps as payment if a passenger was found to be short of change.

When he cashed up, he'd swap the stamps for cash from his own pocket - his logic was he'd have had to buy the stamps in any case, the bus company got their money and the passenger got to travel - everyone was happy.

 

[Eng274]

My school bus home one day (LRT Lothian back then) rammed full of school kids, was stopped by a police car in Bilston, police officers remove a dodgy character with a carrier bag full of coffee jars. Reckoned the jars were filled with drugs, and the coffee to disguise the scent from the sniffer dogs! Quite clever, but still got caught ultimately.

Again on the way home from school, seeing one of the first Edinburgh charter school buses (Volvo ailsa IIRC, nice machines but utterly ruined in their last years) at the side of the road, minus a side window which had fallen out.

Also recall an elderly lady being less than impressed with the airlink branded trident that ended up on the 87 circa 1999/2000, when the usual fayre was A-C reg Olympians.

 

[Strathclyder]

I was on a First Glasgow Enviro 300 back in the summer. It was on the 2 (Faifley - Baillieston). We had just come off the Kilbowie Roundabout headed towards Clydebank when the panel on the back of the driver's cab fell off, on top of another passenger. She was uninjured. The bus was then taken out of service, with passengers being transferred onto a following service.