Stupid questions/requests asked by hotel guests

[northwichcat]

Is Haggis an animal?
What time do the Northern Lights come on?
What time does Nessie come up for visitors?
Does the Angel of the North ever visit the South?
Where can I find Cameron's Northern Powerhouse?
What's the best time to cross Snake Pass to avoid the snake?
How do I get out of the front door?
What time does Big Ben go to sleep?
Can you ask the seagulls to be quiet?
Can you babysit my family of gnomes whilst I go out to dinner tonight?
Can you arrange for the moon to look into my room as I want to propose to my girlfriend under the moonlight?
Can you join a conference call and be my translator as I don't speak Mandarin?
Can you star in our company's corporate video as an employee?
Can you attend a meeting with me and pretend to be my PA?
Can I hold a brainstorm with your hotel team?
Can you reserve a whole train carriage for me as I have an important presentation and I need to rehearse on my journey from London to Edinburgh?
Can you go and pick up my boss from the airport as I need to finish off my report?
Can I please practice my pitch on you and your team?
Can you type a report on my iPhone if I dictate it you?
Can I have a room close to the runway as I don't want to miss my plane?
Can I borrow your suit as I have burnt my trousers?
Can you do my tax return?
Can you call me out of a meeting and say it's an emergency so that I can catch my train?

http://travel.aol.co.uk/2015/12/10/ridiculous-questions-hotel-guests-asked-travelodge/

I like the idea of someone looking for a physical Northern Powerhouse.

 

[trainophile]

Can you ask the seagulls to be quiet?

I was very tempted to ask that myself when we stayed in Inverness!

As for:

Can you reserve a whole train carriage for me as I have an important presentation and I need to rehearse on my journey from London to Edinburgh?

... you can try it mate!

 

[me123]

I like the idea of someone looking for a physical Northern Powerhouse.

I think we're all looking for evidence of the Northern Powerhouse.

 

[Tetchytyke]

Where can I find Cameron's Northern Powerhouse?

Weeeeeeellllll...

https://www.facebook.com/PowerhouseClub/

 

[adrock1976]

An interesting one that is missing from the list above:

"What time is the One o' Clock Gun fired"?

The above statement I believe is frequently asked to the staff (mainly by USA tourists) at Edinburgh Castle, regarding the famous cannon that is based there.

 

[RichmondCommu]

I appreciate that this is way off topic but...........

Many years a go when my wife and I were living in Sydney one Saturday morning we took the bus from Bondi Junction to Bondi for a day on the beach. Two hapless Americans get on the bus and ask the driver "does this bus go to Bondi beach" Driver; "yes mate it does". The American bloke; "how will we know when we get to the beach?" Driver; "do ya know what the bloody ocean looks like??!"

 

[rjholt]

When I was a publican someone once asked 'what is in your ham sandwich'

The reply was as obvious as it sounds....

 

[tsr]

When I was a publican someone once asked 'what is in your ham sandwich'

The reply was as obvious as it sounds....

"Sandwich"?

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

The landlady of my pub of choice went to Uni in Sterling and worked at a bar there to earn a little extra. One of the comments she was always asked by Americans was "Which toilet did William Walllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllace use?" *No, thats not a keyboard error, thats how they say the name*

Mind you, I have also heard "What beer do you grow in your beer garden?" and, to me, the ultimate on a pub Sunday dinner "Do you have vegetarian beef?"

 

[Butts]

Can I smoke in here ?
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

An interesting one that is missing from the list above:

"What time is the One o' Clock Gun fired"?

The above statement I believe is frequently asked to the staff (mainly by USA tourists) at Edinburgh Castle, regarding the famous cannon that is based there.

Are you sure it's not weegies on a "cultural enlightenment day out" in Auld Reekie

 

[trainophile]

"Do you have vegetarian beef?"

Not so daft - I'm expect Quorn do one. They do lots of vegetarian chicken anyway.

Can't eat the stuff myself, it makes me ill, but those who can say it's the nearest you can get to the real thing, taste and texture-wise.

 

[DaleCooper]

Not so daft - I'm expect Quorn do one. They do lots of vegetarian chicken anyway.

Can't eat the stuff myself, it makes me ill, but those who can say it's the nearest you can get to the real thing, taste and texture-wise.

If it's Quorn it ain't beef.

 

[trainophile]

If it's Quorn it ain't beef.

Well no of course not, but vegetarians speak a language of their own . (I'm married to one :roll: ).

 

[IanD]

When I was a publican someone once asked 'what is in your ham sandwich'

The reply was as obvious as it sounds....

Mustard? Salad? Either would ruin it for me.

 

[trainophile]

Mustard? Salad? Either would ruin it for me.

Good point! My friend won't eat tomato, and would hate to find it unexpectedly in a sandwich.

 

[Amberley54]

Once got asked at a Tesco if there were more calories in bottled sparkling water than still.

And on a point of fact the enquiry was from a female with dyed blond hair and an unfeasibly large handbag.

 

[12CSVT]

I'd guess the majority of hotel receptions have had moments like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_cDmwlbVkg

 

[AM9]

An interesting one that is missing from the list above:

"What time is the One o' Clock Gun fired"?

The above statement I believe is frequently asked to the staff (mainly by USA tourists) at Edinburgh Castle, regarding the famous cannon that is based there.

It's the same in the Excelsior Hotel in Hong Kong, where the British visitors ask when the 'midday gun' mentioned in the Noel Coward song 'Mad Dogs And Englishmen' is fired.

 

[backontrack]

If it's Quorn it ain't beef.

Well no of course not, but vegetarians speak a language of their own . (I'm married to one :roll: ).

Not all veggies eat the stuff, you know. I'm fed up with vegetarians being the butt of jokes about Quorn and meat substitutes; we do eat actual food! It's really frustrating.

 

[Zoidberg]

The landlady of my pub of choice went to Uni in Sterling and worked at a bar there to earn a little extra. ...

I trust that she was well rewarded for her stirling efforts!

 

[D365]

Not all veggies eat the stuff, you know. I'm fed up with vegetarians being the butt of jokes about Quorn and meat substitutes; we do eat actual food! It's really frustrating.

And there I was, thinking that your forum handle reads as 'bacontrack'...

 

[backontrack]

That's been covered before

 

[Zoidberg]

Are you sure it's not weegies on a "cultural enlightenment day out" in Auld Reekie

Hailing from 'Auld Reekie', I did smile ... a lot.

 

[Phil.]

I'm reminded of the day on a Wick bound train when an American tourist asked of someone, "Ï'm looking for Scottish heather, where can I see Scottish heather"?
The reply.
"Dýe see those white things out there"?
"Yes"
"They're sheep. Everything else you can see there is heather".

 

[backontrack]

I did read that, on the Tube at Piccadilly Circus, the following questions have been asked:

"How do we take the train to Piccadilly Circus?"
"Can I get a by-pass?"
"Do you sell Octopus Cards?"
"How do you get to Russell Crowe station?"

 

[northwichcat]

Similar to the original post so not worth making a new thread, feedback received by Thomas Cook from holidaymakers:

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

 

[Iskra]

Once got asked at a Tesco if there were more calories in bottled sparkling water than still.

And on a point of fact the enquiry was from a female with dyed blond hair and an unfeasibly large handbag.

I was once asked by a pair of Americans if we sold any coffee without calories in it. They didn't believe me when I told them that virtually everything has calories in it...