Stupid things

[junglejames]

On some obscure satellite channel (or possibly channel 5) a couple of years back was a programme about top ten bridges in the world or something similar, and I was shocked beyond humour when the (not first placed) Forth Bridge was apparently "...providing a vital link between Edinburgh and Glasgow".

Words really fail me. I was nearly offended enough to complain to the producers!

Id have complained that it wasnt 1st.
Dont worry, somebody on their online 'blog' diary, once described flying over the Forth Bridge, and described it as being a replacement to the ill fated original Tay Bridge!! You couldnt make that up if you tried! He did say he would change it once id corrected him, but the gaff is still sitting there for all to read to this day!
He also called it the 'Forth Railway Bridge'. Oh that is a pet hate of mine! The word railway does not appear in the name of the bridge!!

 

[Minilad]

Standing by the cab door of a voyager in full uniform at Manchester Piccadilly

Woman. Is this the train to Birmingham New Street ?
Me. Yes this is the one
Woman. Are you sure ?
Me. Yes I am sure, I am driving it
Woman. But how do you know its definitely the right one ?
I thought at this point it was best to just say it is and get in the cab before I said something I would regret !

 

[Deerfold]

Passenger looks at the train at a terminus station.

"Which way does the train go?"

O L Leigh

I can't believe how often I get asked that at Kings X (no, we're going to go towards that huge chunk of concrete and/or tarmac you've just walked along).

Neither do I understand why it's always me they ask (I'm just a poor passenger too).

 

[David Dunning]

I can't believe how often I get asked that at Kings X (no, we're going to go towards that huge chunk of concrete and/or tarmac you've just walked along).

Neither do I understand why it's always me they ask (I'm just a poor passenger too).

I think it has something to do with the way their cars work .
They back out of the garage in one direction , (usually via the door not the huge chunk of concrete in front ie the wall )
Then they set off in a forward direction. Maybe they wonder if the train will back out of Kings cross in a similar way lol

 

[ReverendFozz]

Not so much stupid, but...

Coming back from Berwick one evening to go back to Durham, as it pulled into Newcastle we were informed the train was terminating there, everybody was quite surprised when no word of a lie the Angry Train manager came on the PA with the following, something like

"because of an incident between Morpeth, this train will terminate at Newcastle" gets back on the PA a few minutes later to keep us informed and he said "the earlier incident was cause by some little b******s putting a rock through the window"

 

[scotsman]

Number of kids in my class when their HST to London used the High Level Bridge to correct the reverse formation: "When are we going to turn around?"

In the end I had to get a copy of livewire and draw a diagram, I bet not many 14 year olds could explain that! (It was a few years ago)

 

[Captain Chaos]

One when I was working on the barriers at Oxford.

Passenger: Does this train go to Slough?
Me: Yes it does sir.
Passenger: Can you hold it while my friend gets his ticket?
Me: I doubt it. You will have to ask the driver if he will wait.
Passenger: Where's the driver?
Me: He would be at the front sir...... driving it.
Passenger: Great! Thanks!

 

[TheManWho]

That's cruel! If English isn't their first language, that could have totally confused the passenger!

English was definately the first language of the gentleman, I was on my commute sitting next to the door at the time so can definately say.

 

[Deerfold]

I think it has something to do with the way their cars work .
They back out of the garage in one direction , (usually via the door not the huge chunk of concrete in front ie the wall )
Then they set off in a forward direction. Maybe they wonder if the train will back out of Kings cross in a similar way lol

Well, I suppose the Keighley and Bradford services *do* reverse eventually (
out of Leeds). Actually that used to cause my mum fun - her most common journey was Halifax or Sowerby Bridge - Leeds and she gets travel sick travelling backwards - we always had musical chairs at Bradford Interchange.

 

[chuckles1066]

A British female MOD employee caught in the sting at Filton Abbey Wood a few weeks ago:

"well if I have to start paying every day, I'm going to look for another job"

:roll:

Also, I actually liked:

"hey, this train stops at Bristol Parkway, right?"........upon being told "no" by the guard......."what? That's crap, why doesn't it?"

 

[EM2]

Heard variations on most of these. But my favourite, was two ladies who I would think were in their early sixties.
'Excuse me, we have tickets to go to Derby on the 15:55 train, but on the board it says that the 15:55 goes to Sheffield.'
'Yes Madam, the train calls at Derby en route to Sheffield.'
'What do you mean 'calls at Derby' ?'
'It leaves here, stops at Leicester, then Derby, then Chesterfield and ends its journey at Sheffield.'
'So it stops at Leicester and Derby. And we can get off at Derby? And it will carry on to Chesterfield and Sheffield?'
'Yes Madam.'
'Well I never!'

And also the guy who arrived on the concourse very early one morning:
'Er, those trains are international, right?' *points at Eurostar*
'Yes Sir.'
'And those are domestic ones?' *points at HST*
'Er...yes Sir.'
'Do you have trains that go anywhere else?'
Dreading the answer I might get and where he wants to go, I ask 'Like where?'
'Chesterfield...'

 

[truckman060473]

After an announcement - "this train will terminate here" a passenger goes to look at the destination headboard and shrugs his shoulders as he says to his mate, "It don't say nothing about where it's going" It was the Taunton to Cardiff 67's + mk2's :roll:

 

[Hampshire Unit]

Passenger : Does this train stop at Portsmouth Harbour ??

Station Staff : I hope so madam or it will make one bloody big splash.

 

[LE Greys]

Id have complained that it wasnt 1st.
Dont worry, somebody on their online 'blog' diary, once described flying over the Forth Bridge, and described it as being a replacement to the ill fated original Tay Bridge!! You couldnt make that up if you tried! He did say he would change it once id corrected him, but the gaff is still sitting there for all to read to this day!
He also called it the 'Forth Railway Bridge'. Oh that is a pet hate of mine! The word railway does not appear in the name of the bridge!!

It's like "acoustic guitar", a retronym.

I still want to know what was first, though.

 

[Flamingo]

- Best question I was asked was on a South Wales platform a chap comes up to me and asks "When I get to Oxford, what number bus do I need to get to x?"
He seemed upset at my reply of "God knows, ask at Oxford station" (I should have said 7A).

- I've been asked "Is this the Bakerloo line?" on Platform 8 in Paddington, standing beside a HST.

- I also had someone come up to me and ask "Is this train going to Westbury?"
"No ma'am"
"Why not?"

- Funniest one I ever heard was platform staff being asked "Where can I leave my bag?"
"Sorry, for security reasons you have to keep your bags with you at all times"
"That's ridiculous, what about the elderly and disabled?"
"I'm sorry, we don't have anywhere you can leave them either"
(postscript - she wrote in, he got bollocked)

 

[Eng274]

It's like "acoustic guitar", a retronym.

I still want to know what was first, though.

It was Tower Bridge..clearly the countdown compiler was all about "ooh pretty" rather than "bet that was a barsteward to design and build, i take my hat off"

Even then they still got it wrong IMO, the Forth Bridge is still prettier

 

[Flamingo]

It's like "acoustic guitar", a retronym.

I still want to know what was first, though.

I once bought my mother-in-law an acoustic chair...


(think about it )

 

[quarella]

I can't believe how often I get asked that at Kings X (no, we're going to go towards that huge chunk of concrete and/or tarmac you've just walked along).

Neither do I understand why it's always me they ask (I'm just a poor passenger too).

I know. I may work for the railway but no uniform. (thank goodness) and can be stood on the platform waiting to travel home and someone will walk past 2 platform staff and any number of traincrew some in Hi vis to ask me or another passenger.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

I did hear about a driver who had called up Control to complain that his unit was low on power because it was running on just one engine. The Controller asked the driver which unit it was to which the driver replied "It's unit number 153..."

O L Leigh

There was also the story of the person who transferred between TOC controls going from diesel operation to electric and asked about the fuel range...

 

[StoneRoad]

This happened many years ago, back when I was a student and travelled frequently via BNS.

Lady of a certain age (blue rinse!) asks member of platform staff - quite senior, by the way, when the next train to London was, the reply was from platform three in about 10 minutes time (I really can't recall the exact details now!) she sort of sniffed, then buttonholed the young lad pushing a brush a few feet away, and repeated the question, and got the same reply.

She walked off to the stairs for platform three, and I looked across at the two staff, who waited a moment for her to really get out of earshot, before the older guy said, with a perfectly straight face "at least she got it in black and white" before breaking out laughing - he was of west african extraction and the youngster who was grinning broadly was saxon blond! I had to lean on the wall!!

before anyone accuses me - the guy concerned made the joke himself - and I saw him quite often and he had a very dry wit most of the time......

 

[DarloRich]

most stupid thing I have seen recently was when I had to get the, on a Saturday, replacement bus from Bedford to Bletchley because of the LM over time ban/work to rule.

I got on a Mercedes mini coach with a crazy driver. His idea of checking whether there was anyone to collect form each station was to stop slap bang in the middle of the level crossing and beep his horn (almost every station on that line has an LC) after 2 I asked him not to do that , what with it being very dangerous and everything and he told me it was ok because there were no trains.

When I pointed out that there were intermittent LM trains and perhaps engineers or freight services he told me I didn’t know what I was talking about! I sat by the door with my seat belt off! It would have been interesting if a 66 was coming the other way.

I got off at Bletchley and rang BTP!

 

[quarella]

His idea of checking whether there was anyone to collect form each station was to stop slap bang in the middle of the level crossing and beep his horn

How do you suggest he checks for passengers?

 

[DarloRich]

by stoping by the station entrance - i dont think getting people on and off the bus in the middle of the level crossing is a good idea somehow!

 

[quarella]

by stoping by the station entrance - i dont think getting people on and off the bus in the middle of the level crossing is a good idea somehow!

I quite agree. There is often the expectation that the bus/coach driver will leave their vehicle and go searching for passengers.

Anyway. Back on thread.

Booking office days.
Around 9pm

Intending passenger "When's the next train to Birmingham?"
Me "Sorry. The last service to get you Birimingham left at ten past eight. Next one is at 0510 tomorrow morning. Furthest you can get heading that way tonight is to Gloucester."
Passenger "What time is the train then from Gloucester to Birmingham?"
Me "The furthest you can get tonight is Gloucester."
Passenger departs complaining.

 

[Deerfold]

How do you suggest he checks for passengers?

There's usually a designated place for rail replacement buses to stop - it's rarely in the middle of a level crossing.

 

[quarella]

There's usually a designated place for rail replacement buses to stop - it's rarely in the middle of a level crossing.

There is. indeed a designated pick up point. It's just no-one seems to think to tell the bus driver where it is. Also passengers do not always read the posters to find where it is and may be found at the far end of the platform even.

 

[stut]

I'm willing to put this one down to mishearing rather than pedantry, but still...

I arrive at King's Cross in a bit of a rush (collared by boss when about to leave work) and get there just after 10 past 6. As normal (at the time) all the departure boards apart from the main one were switched off, and I entered the station via platform 9 as I was arriving by bike. East Coast were disrupted and the trains all over the place, but there was a near-full FCC train on platform 8 (no destination shown) so I ask the nearest uniformed person:

"Is this the 1814 for Peterborough?"

"This is the 1814, yes."

So I get on. No destination display, no announcements. It's only when we go flying through Finsbury Park that I realise this is the 1814 King's Lynn train. Fast to Cambridge. Gah!

(I got my season ticket inspected twice - once on the way to Cambridge and once on the way back to Hitchin. It was valid for neither, but accepted on both...)

 

[jon0844]

If you have a Gold Card it could say 'NOT VALID FOR TRAVEL ANYWHERE' and it would be accepted. I'm 99.99999% certain of that (only exception, one RPI who just likes to pick on me, and even he's given up now as it was just embarrassing for him when there's nothing wrong with my tickets).

They seem to look at the date only, and possibly the class of the ticket if you're in FC (when it's declassified). Even when I get the usual fun and games in FC on these occasions, they still don't actually read the ticket properly to see that I have split tickets and the Travelcard doesn't cover all the zones needed to London (which is on my Oyster Card).

With a normal orange ticket, they'll possibly look closer when they take it to stamp it or scribble on it.

 

[Flamingo]

I once was working a train to the West Country, calling at, amongst other places, Taunton, going down the B&H. As I prepped the train I had a number of passengers asking me "Is this the Taunton train?", to which I replied (correctly), "Yes".

I didn't realise that the platform had been swapped from it's usual one.

It was only when the irate passengers started coming up to me on our approach to Newbury that I realised that there was a train leaving five minutes BEFORE mine that was going to Taunton via Bristol Temple Meads, and which usually went off that platform. So all these people for Swindon, Chippenham, Bath and Bristol were now going there via Westbury!

The lesson being, ask for the station you are going to, NOT the final destination. (Also the reason why, now, when asked "Is this the X train?" I reply "Where are you going to?").

Also a reason not to board until the train has been announced!

 

[EM2]

The lesson being, ask for the station you are going to, NOT the final destination. (Also the reason why, now, when asked "Is this the X train?" I reply "Where are you going to?")

I've had that *so* many times, especially during the Thameslink blockade.
'When's the next Bedford train?'
'16:30, platform 2.'
A minute later they're back.
'You said the Bedford train was on platform 2!'
'It is, sir. Second stop is Bedford.'
'But it doesn't stop at St Albans!'
'Well, you didn't ask about St. Albans...'

 

[Clip]

Kings cros was always fun..

Passengers stood there waiting for the platform for their train to show and then when it did you would see them turn round, spot you then come over and ask which platform it was on..

and as before with the Derby one - they would want newcastle but could only ever see trains to Edinburgh or such like.

though we did have our own fun with some of the tourists from further afield...

'Hi there, we're going to EdinBURG is our ticket valid'
'Yes sir, that tickets valid.Did you bring your passport?'

Turns to partner
'You didnt say we needed passports'

Shouldnt have really but it could get boring when nothing was happening.