London Underground: 'I went to IKEA based off the new Tube map and it was an absolute farce'
MyLondon transport editor Callum Marius took on the urban assault course between one Tube station and the Swedish retail giant
Callum Marius
All smiles before the trek back to Neasden Tube station (Image: Callum Marius)
The newest version of the official London Underground map has been subject to plenty of negative and rightful criticism, it's too messy. The lines wiggle, the stations are cluttered and the important visual axis provided by the straightness of the Central line has been ruined by the arrival of the Elizabeth line. However, there was one other particular commercial design choice which drew my attention.
As part of
an £800,000 deal with international retail giant IKEA, TfL has placed its logo next to Tube stations 'nearest' to each of its London stores. While this seems relatively uncontroversial, there's one location I thought was problematic -
Neasden. Growing up in the area, I sensed a problem. Whilst Neasden station on the Jubilee line is by far the physically closest Tube station to the IKEA store at Brent Park just 400 metres away as the crow flies, the walk between the two is an unpleasant urban assault course which not even the promise of
meatballs with lingonberry jam could placate.
At the bottom of
the new Tube maps, IKEA invites prospective customers to 'Take the Tube to IKEA - visit our stores by public transport', so I decided to do exactly that and off I headed to Neasden. Perhaps the walking route between the two had been improved since the sponsorship deal or my local knowledge was out of date?
READ MORE:'I travelled the entire 78 mile, 41 station Elizabeth Line route to find out what Londoners really want from it'
Along the walking route, there are just two signs for IKEA and just one for the Tube station in the reverse direction and they aren't the easiest to spot (Image: Callum Marius)
Arriving at Neasden station, there's no direct signage which tells you how to get to the IKEA, however the way out sign in the ticket hall does indicate turning left for 'Brent Park Superstores'. I then relied on my local knowledge to find the quickest way as any signage to IKEA has either been spray painted over or removed.
I essentially followed a footpath along the side of
Neasden Tube depot, used a grim underpass under the North Circular Road, a bridge over the railway, cut through the bus terminus in the Tesco car park adjacent to the IKEA and then walked across the multi-storey car park to the front entrance.
Altogether this took around 15 minutes. The walk was full of broken glass, a number of abandoned trolleys from the Tesco, a used condom (!), plenty of graffiti, poor street lighting, a number of secluded areas out of public view and
very thick, poor-quality air undoubtedly thanks to the six lane North Circular Road which forms a barrier between IKEA and the station. It is hostile to pedestrians.
I'm happy to report that the IKEA itself was a delight, the staff couldn't have been nicer, I enjoyed the latest offerings of flatpack furniture and Scandinavian snacks. They've even seemingly
named one of their best-selling products in my honour. In the essence of sustainability, given I arrived by public transport, I picked up a sturdy six foot-long wooden shelf from the "Circular Hub" which caught my eye.
Lugging the large wooden item through the dark, gloomy underpass under the North Circular brought a new definition to the phrase 'walk the plank' (Image: Callum Marius)
And back I went, the shelf as long as the narrow pavements along the North Circular Road are wide. I very nearly took out a Boris bus whilst scuttling back through the bus terminus. The underpass along the North Circular Road was clearly not designed for the conveyance of furniture as I chicaned my way through the various filters and around the bends either side. More broken glass, same used condom and a handful of confused faces thinking 'what is that man doing?!' as I got closer to the station, clearly not many people are going to IKEA via Neasden Tube.
After 20 minutes carrying a huge wooden plank through industrial Brent on a Friday afternoon, I began to feel a little like Jesus if I'm totally honest. As I rose up the bridge to a Calvary-looking Neasden station, I felt I was paying the price for the sin of commercial sponsorship - I was facing the ultimate test of consumerism.
Getting into the station was awkward, but not impossible. Getting on the train was very awkward as the shelf couldn't be stood easily upright in the arched-roof Jubilee line carriages. The looks on fellow passengers' faces was tantamount to crucifixion. At least the train wasn't busy at the time of my return journey, I imagine doing this in time with the rush hour flow or school traffic.
Jubilee line trains do not have much provision for furniture even though they link IKEAs at Neasden and North Greenwich and are now advertised as doing so(Image: Callum Marius)
For the avoidance of doubt, there is no direct bus between Neasden Tube station and the IKEA, and there is no reasonable alternative walking route. There is however, a direct bus between the IKEA and Wembley Park Tube station (route 206) and two direct buses between the IKEA and Harlesden station (routes 206 and 224), which would probably offer an easier public transport journey solution than Neasden even if not the most 'natural' choice.
Tottenham Hale is shown with an IKEA logo even though a bus journey on route 192 is required to get to
the store. God knows how many people will attempt to take their furniture home via Tube
when the Oxford Street store opens soon.
Success after an arduous journey! (Image: Callum Marius)
While I accept my journey proves that it's theoretically possible to get to IKEA via Neasden Tube, it was an absolute farce, involving 35 minutes of walking, inadequate signage and a horrendous route unsuitable for what it is indirectly being advertised as. Indeed,
on IKEA's website, if you select 'get directions', you are sent to Google Maps which throws up this walking route.
The sponsorship deal might be a win for both TfL and IKEA but if it's not a win for prospective customers of both organisations then it is no good. I'd urge Tube map gods, retail magnates, and local authorities to look at this particular example again.
