The most stupid question you have been asked

[EM2]

Like Jon, I've had the 'how long' confusion.

'How long is the next Brighton train?'
'Do you mean how long in time until it gets here, or how long in length it will be?'
'Well, what do you bloody think I mean?'
'I'm not sure, that's why I'm asking you to clarify.'
'Well, it's a simple enough question.'
'Without wishing to sound smart, Sir, it isn't. Because trains of different lengths stop in different spots on the platform, you might be asking me the best place to wait. Or, you may just want to know how long until it gets here'.
'JUST TELL ME HOW LONG I HAVE TO BLOODY WAIT!'.
'Four minutes.'
'WHAT! Is there nothing before that?'.

 

[work-traveller]

Years ago I was making arrangements for an upcoming Easter bank holiday blockade on the WCML in the Rugby Alliance section. As the description would suggest, there were going to be no trains running, other than engineering movements associated with the works.

I asked a colleague how he was travelling to site, to which he said he'd probably get a train. Unsuprisingly he ended up travelling by car once I'd pointed out a few things.

 

[jon0844]

Another good one over the summer was when a few of us TCs were stood together and a French teen came up to one of my colleagues and asked:

"Can I feel your breasts?"

No one knew what to say. He then said

"Can I try on your hat instead?"

Wow! I bet that was a bit of a shock.

Surely it's not that hygenic to let someone else wear a hat?

 

[Crossforth]

Wow! I bet that was a bit of a shock.

Surely it's not that hygenic to let someone else wear a hat?

We were all quite shocked at the hat... very unhygienic

 

[Wyvern]

She probably meant whilst we were stopped in the station (Par)!
There was about 20 minutes before departure.
Those 1st generation units used to rattle somewhat! If they turned them off sods law they had a flat battery!

Yes those Beclawat window lights used to rattle deafeningly as well. As someone who used to commute to Lincoln on them I can sympathise with her.

 

[Michael.Y]

Had two weird ones the other night:

Passenger : "How long until we get to Abergavenny?"
Me (that's quite clearly a time question right? look at timetable): "We get there for 2007 madam."
Passenger : "I know it's 2007 - how many stations is it?"*

and

Passenger at 1510: "Is this the train to Shrewsbury?"
Me working the 1530: "Yes. Leaves in about 20 minutes."
Passenger: "It takes more than 20 minutes to get there surely?"**


Alternative Smartarse Answers:
* Abergavenny is just one station on its own.
** Yes it takes about an hour and fifteen... and don't call me Shirley.

 

[AntoniC]

A couple of times @ Southport station, when I have been sitting on the first train out @ 5.38 am, I have been asked "Is this train to Liverpool ?".

Which is a stupid question as :

1) I dont dress like I work for Merseyrail
2) When you walk onto the platforms @ Southport there is a huge LCD matrix sign which tells you that trains to Liverpool are the ONLY departures at that time of the morning and
3) The first Manchester train is at 6.38 (I think) and its run by Northern Rail and its DMU stock (not Merseyrail 507/508 stock) and the colour scheme for both TOCS is completely different |
4) Liverpool trains depart from either platforms 1,2 or 3, Manchester trains from 4 or 5.

(As I am kind person I confirm that it is the Liverpool Train)

 

[Nym]

Another stupid non railway question I get a lot is relatives phoning me on my home landline, and asking if i am at home.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---


I wish i had £1 for everytime I have been approached in a supermarket wearing a shirt and tie asking where various items are. In all reality I've never seen a supermarket worker other than management wearing a shirt and tie

Was in Jessops with my usual grey flease jumper and black trousers on, high vis backpack with the name of my company on it, putting some photos through the self service and someone asks, "How do I put photos through?" after a look of distain and contempt he said with a bitter taste of realisation, "Don't you work here?"

 

[ATW Alex 101]

I wish i had £1 for everytime I have been approached in a supermarket wearing a shirt and tie asking where various items are. In all reality I've never seen a supermarket worker other than management wearing a shirt and tie

Every single time I go into sports direct wearing my red polo shirt I get asked things like "Can I get these in a size 7" or "How much is this" etc.
I'm just like "I don't work here i'm only 14" and they're like "Sorry fella!"

 

[mr williams]

Back in the days when Pontypool was still manned (early 80s) the one old guy who ran the ticket office apologised as he had to go and answer the phone. After a brief puzzling conversation it turned out that somebody had rung up and asked when the next train to Monmouth was (even at that time the line had already been closed for more than 25 years!).

The daftest question I've ever been asked was possibly in Santa Barbara, California when I was walking into the Amtrak station to be asked by somebody coming out for directions to the sea-front. I pointed him in the right direction, three blocks ahead, just a couple of minutes walk, only to be asked "how will I know when I'm there?" (er....Pacific Ocean?......rather large?....can't miss it?...)

Mind you, I was once at 37,000 off the coast of Newfoundland when the bloke next to me turned to me and asked "are you going to Chicago as well?"

 

[tsr]

I've just remembered this situation I came across at East Croydon once:

[Passenger walks up to a Mainline West service, due to depart shortly, which would emphatically not be serving Brighton, but would travel via Hove and onwards via Shoreham-by-Sea (etc.)]
Passenger: Does this train go to Brighton?
Guard: No.
Passenger: Does this train go to Hove?
Guard: It stops at Hove, yes.
Passenger: So then it goes to Brighton?
Guard: No, but it does call at Hove, if that's where you need to go.
Passenger: So then I can get on because it is going to Brighton?
Guard: This train won't be going to Brighton. Do you have a ticket to Brighton or Hove?
Passenger: It doesn't matter, I'll just go to Hove.
Guard: But do you want to go to Brighton or Hove?
Passenger: I want to go to Brighton.
[This continues a little longer in the same vein, until about three seconds before the guard closes his set of doors, at which point the passenger boards]



Whilst the ticketing arrangements may have allowed the passenger to go to either Brighton or Hove, and, moreover, the passenger's geographical destination may have been equally accessible from either Hove or Brighton stations, it is worth bearing in mind that staff do need to know which actual station you're thinking of travelling to if you ask such things, and that changing your mind or trying to claim that two stations are one and the same is not an entirely satisfactory course of action!

 

[Adam_Harrison]

When I was working on board with East Coast I had someone ask me (on a HST) why the doors can't open after they're locked:?... I simply answered with "because it's locked" and they said "oh" and walked off!

 

[causton]

Every single time I go into sports direct wearing my red polo shirt I get asked things like "Can I get these in a size 7" or "How much is this" etc.
I'm just like "I don't work here i'm only 14" and they're like "Sorry fella!"

All the time I'm in there seeing people that are obviously not staff getting asked questions, e.g.

• A man in a full suit
• Police officers in hi-viz (they were being asked for a shoe size!)
• A man in a plain Adidas tracksuit (who turned out to be the area manager, so I'll give them that one, they in no way looked like a staff member though)
• Me, whenever I'm evidently on break because I am wearing a coat and holding a bag of groceries/McDonalds/shopping I've done on break
• Security guards (some on-duty in the centre, some off-duty who have just come in to shop in uniform)

And they still ask "do you work here?" when you walk up to them wanting to help them! :roll:

The joys of retail

 

[Kneedown]

Oh, it absolutely is.

Logical.

I think you're taking things to the extreme here. There's a big difference between being awkward and preferring people to speak to you correctly.

 

[D2022]

I've just recalled an incident when I used to work on a heritage line. One day I decided to walk there from home, as it wasn't far and a lovely day. So off I trot through the various housing estates and back roads only to have a car pull up beside me. The voice boomed 'where is my effing post' I must point out I had on one of those old Railtrack jacket with the grey bits on, with Railtrack in 3 inch high letters on the back.
Plus the usual HV trousers, so basically I looked like an orange had mated with a monkey.
I just smiled and said I fed it to a dog. Their reaction was priceles, 'you effing see you next Tuesday, blah blah blah' then his wife pointed out it said Railtrack on my coat. Not Royal Mail. Never seen a car move so quick as he did.

 

[SETCommuter]

Most stupid question I, as a commuter, get is along these lines:

Me: Can I have a weekly PlusBus for Ashford please
Guard: How do I do that ?

 

[EM2]

I've had plenty of these:
'When's the next Bedford train?'
'13:00, platform 3'.
Off they go, and are back a minute later.
'That doesn't stop at St Albans!'

 

[LE Greys]

I've had plenty of these:
'When's the next Bedford train?'
'13:00, platform 3'.
Off they go, and are back a minute later.
'That doesn't stop at St Albans!'

Someone who normally travels by Thameslink, I'll bet. People get so used to a stopping pattern that they don't consider it might involve trains that don't follow it.

 

[hairyhandedfool]

When I worked for Thameslink there were always people doing that sort of thing, but most common I found was asking for a train to St Albans or Luton and then wanting to purchase a ticket to somewhere like Radlett or Elstree.

 

[A-driver]

I've had plenty of these:
'When's the next Bedford train?'
'13:00, platform 3'.
Off they go, and are back a minute later.
'That doesn't stop at St Albans!'

I had a woman rush up at kings criss and ask if this was the Cambridge train. I replied it was and she jumped on. She then came up to me at Cambridge (it was a cruiser) and have a go at me as I told her it was the Cambridge train but it didn't stop at Stevenage!

I also had someone ask me if the train stopped at harringay one morning at grange park. I replied no (it was fast from palmers green to the park) and he said are you sure? I told him I was and he said 'ok, well I think I'll chance it just incase' and he got on!

 

[Starmill]

Most stupid question I, as a commuter, get is along these lines:

Me: Can I have a weekly PlusBus for Ashford please
Guard: How do I do that ?

Bit rude. Just a bit.


Although I did once ask an RPI for a ticket he couldn't get on avantix, and I said something along the lines of:

"Try G076" and it worked. Ha.

 

[jon0844]

I also had someone ask me if the train stopped at harringay one morning at grange park. I replied no (it was fast from palmers green to the park) and he said are you sure? I told him I was and he said 'ok, well I think I'll chance it just incase' and he got on!

And you were driving that train I presume? Thus, you'd have a pretty good idea of where you were going and stopping? And even if you were wrong for some reason, the fact you were driving would still mean missing Harringay.

What an idiot some passengers are!!

As it happens, I will sometimes ask staff if a train is the '<destination> train?' rather than if it calls at my stop, but only because I already know what the stopping pattern is for that service - and just want to confirm it's the right train (such as the boards not working, the CIS being wrong or a late platform change etc). And if I was to get it wrong, I'd certainly not moan - I'd keep VERY quiet!

 

[TheWalrus]

I pulled up at a bus stop a few days ago, driving a 12 with 'Ratho' showing on the front and side screens. There was a guy standing at the stop who looked up at the front of the bus as I was pulling in, looked at the side screen once I'd stoppped and opened the doors, then got on and asked 'Does this bus go to Ratho?'.

I've done the old ' about 8 coaches ' when someone's asked me how long the train will be. Hehe

"Does this bus go into the Royal Infirmary?"
"I'm afraid not, it's a bit big to fit through the doors"

this happens every time a bus pulls up at Marlborough high street going to savernake hospital, Tidworth or Ludgershall. One guy looked at the front and side screen which clearly displays "Ludgershall 80" yet still gets on and asks if it's going to Swindon.

 

[43167]

In recent weeks, despite not wearing railway uniform, 2 people seemed to think I was railway staff at Leeds. 1 person looking for platform 3C and one woman with small child making a Kings Cross service with just about 2mins to spare.

 

[wintonian]

"is this the train to Southampton?" - which was directed at the dispatcher on platform 1 at Southampton Central and after a short confused pause was followed by "er, I mean is this the train from London?" which again was followed by a short confused pause.

On that I over hear now and again "does this train call at Waterloo?" which is normally preceded by something along the lines of "Is this the London train?"

One passenger to another on a 450 or 444 "is this an electric or diesel train?"

 

[ATW Alex 101]

I have told this story a few times on here. About 3 years ago now, me and my dad were at Liverpool Street and a woman pointed to a NXEA 90 set and asked if it was the central line and she wanted somewhere (I can't entirely remember but I think she wanted Newbury Park) so me and my dad showed her down to the entrance for the Underground then she produced an Oyster and she said she had just purchased it and she wanted to know how you used it then she looked at the reader then said it's ok, tried to ram it down the thing to read paper tickets and snapped it. Me and my dad were trying not to pee ourselves laughing so we saw that the RIFD wire and chip were ok so we gave her a spare Yellow Ikea holder I happened to have in the bottom of my bag. So funny though she thought that the 90 set could be a tube train.

About 2 weeks ago when I went to Chester the Merseyrail train was approaching Bach and it did it's usual this train is for Liverpool Central announcement, then this old woman just said to me "Is this the train going to Liverpool" I felt like saying "No it's for Manchester Picc via Altincham" but that would be a bit sly.

 

[LE Greys]

One passenger to another on a 450 or 444 "is this an electric or diesel train?"

Try asking that on an old Gatwick Express (or a current Amtrak out of New York) and it gets a bit confusing. Still, there was one occasion when just leaving Inverness on the way to London.

Passenger: Is this an electric train?
On-board staff member: Oh yes.

:?

Mind you, the same column in One-Two-Five reported my famous arc welder story.

 

[jnjkerbin]

At Orpington station:

Someone walks up to a member of staff on platform 5 (clearly marked)
"Is this platform 2?"
"No, under the subway sir."
"Are you sure!?"
Walks over to me, just a random person waiting for a train...
"Is he right? I need the fast train to Charing Cross, the boards said platform 5."
"This is platform 5 and the next train is the stopper to Sevenoaks"
"So I need Platform 2?"
"Yes"
He walks off to platform 2. A woman standing a few meters away from me walks over....
"Is this platform 2?"
Aaargh

 

[Cherry_Picker]

Were they standing by the 2 car stop marker board? Those things get mistaken for platform markers more often than you might think.

 

[cookiescrumble]

I was at Portsmouth Harbour yesterday and got asked which way the train left :roll: