The most stupid question you have been asked

[Oswyntail]

"Which platform has unreserved trains "

This young woman asked me at Newcastle central station earlier this Month.

If she was after an East Coast train, not that stupid a question

 

[swcovas]

A number of times on a Swansea Shrewsbury HOWL train on leaving Llanelli I have been asked (usually with a touch of panic!) "Why are we going back to Swansea?" I suppose it is understandable if you're not familiar with the route.

 

[Trog]

Not a stupid question, but a stupid action. In the early days of AHBs (Automatic Half Barriers) the Milk Race (British cycle race) was approaching one of these new-fangled contraptions when the lights started flashing and the barriers came down. The Police motorcyclist leading the race parked his bike, walked onto the centre of the crossing, held up his arms as though at a road junction and waved the cyclists through.

Could be worse, he could have led a lorry carrying a 120 ton transformer on to the crossing without warning the signalman like the policemen at Hixon did.

 

[fsmr]

Hmm
As i am shoveling a few kilos of finest welsh steam coal into the Berkshires firebox "so what does this run on then?"

Note of course had this been the EAR loco (LH in red), it would have been pertinent has it runs on Kerosene

If i had a pound

 

[CC 72100]

Get a few RUK members playing Uno and it doesn't quiet for long! (then we saw the signs and were equally taken aback )
[

Yes, when I think of all of the services where I'd appreciate a quiet coach so I can get engrossed in my work, top of my list is the 15:17 Birmingham International - New Street stopper! Actually, whilst we're on about extra things that 323s don't need, a 1st class section would really suit the Cross-city line

 

[hairyhandedfool]

My office is one of those which has a sign on the outside with "Ticket Office" printed on it, have a guess what I get asked the most.....(You can have bonus points for guessing the second most popular question)

I also regularly get asked for "two single returns", often with no indication of where they are going, and when I enquire they often reply "I'm coming back here".

Occasionally I have a conversation which goes along the lines of...

Passenger: Have I missed the train?
Me: Which one?
Passenger: The [time] Manchester train
Me: Not yet
Passenger: Phew!
Me: It's about ten minutes late today
Passenger: So it'll be here in ten minutes?
Me: No, it'll be here in fifteen minutes
Passenger: Oh, so it's ten minutes late then
Me: That's right
Passenger: Have I got time to go to the shop?

It's at this point that I begin to wish I hadn't gotten out of bed.....

 

[starrymarkb]

Not a stupid question, but a stupid action. In the early days of AHBs (Automatic Half Barriers) the Milk Race (British cycle race) was approaching one of these new-fangled contraptions when the lights started flashing and the barriers came down. The Police motorcyclist leading the race parked his bike, walked onto the centre of the crossing, held up his arms as though at a road junction and waved the cyclists through.

There are rules for that. Most years in the Tour de France they hit a crossing with a TER unit or TGV. General Rule is that if a Breakaway Group gets caught at the crossing then the main field will be stopped for the equivalent time. If it's the main field that gets stopped after a breakaway has gone through then it's tough luck (recognising that the organisation in the main field means they'll claw the time back easily)

 

[6Gman]

It isn't always the passengers!

Back in the late 1970s we (my parents and I) spent a few splendid hours watching the Summer Saturday traffic at Liskeard (Westerns, Peaks, Brush 4s) before travelling on to Newquay.

A porter walked up to my mother on the platform, and the following conversation took place:

PORTER: Where ye be going Sir? [to my mother]
MOTHER: We're going to Newquay; there's a train just after two isn't there?
PORTER: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. There's no train now to Newquay till ... ooh ... till just after two.

 

[Crossover]

I suspect that a question I asked a guard a few weeks ago may have heeded a similar response to some of the above in his head (he answered with a "Yes" though.)

In this case I was at Hebden Bridge, and the service arrived heading to Manchester Victoria (Northern...it was in the week of the TPE diversions, hence I say this), but I asked if it was so.

The reason was that the boards couldn't decide which train was going to arrive first (it or the Blackpool North service) and they kept jumping back and forth (both were nicely(!) delayed). Helpfully, the front of the train said "Leeds" on the blind...helpful...I think not :P

 

[Lrd]

I remember a few years ago. I was at Southampton Central waiting for 1435 to Romsey, I was sat on the platform and then noticed the Southern service to Brighton was going via Eastleigh (the once a day service) that left a few minutes before the 1435 and ran non-stop, before I boarded I had conversation with the guard;

Me - Does this train go to Eastleigh?
Guard - Yes
Me - Do the doors open in Eastleigh?
Guard - Yes
Me - So I can definitely get off at Eastleigh?
Guard - Yes!

I only asked because I've never seen it run before then, looking back it makes me question what else I've asked.

 

[AlexS]

The amount of problems you get with people being sold tickets to East Midlands Parkway for East Midlands Airport is beyond belief. If they're lucky they *do* ask the question about it to someone nearby who is able to redirect them/change their ticket before they arrive there. Otherwise it's a case of paying through the nose for a local cab to come and get them.

I wish there was a warning in STAR or similar systems advising booking office staff of the travel difficulties in place.

 

[Smudger105e]

Buying some shower heads at B&Q for the depot, I was wearing my HV bodywarmer with EWS logos on front and rear, and a lady asked me, "where do you keep the bathroom tiles".

 

[O L Leigh]

Walking around Tesco in uniform shirt (white), jacket and trousers I got asked where the red onions were. Being helpful I pointed out the place. The lady then said that there weren't any out and could I have a look out the back for some more.

O L Leigh

 

[455driver]

A friend told me of a couple of passengers turning up at Plymouth off a terminating train from Paddington one afternoon asking the platform staff

Pax- " which platform the train to Paris left from?"
Staff- "there are no trains to Paris"
Pax "but we have got reservations" waving tickets at staff member.
Staff- "can I see those tickets and your itinerary please"
Pax- hands over paperwork with train times and tickets to Par in Cornwall.
Staff- "these tickets are to Par"
Pax- "but we thought it meant Paris, how do we get there as we have got a table booked in a restaurant tonight"
Staff- "well you need to go back to London, stay in a hotel and catch the underground to Waterloo for the Eurostar in the morning, unfortunately you dont have any tickets for the Eurostar and they wont be cheap plus you wont get there until dinnertime tomorrow"
Pax- "are you (meaning FGW) going to pay for it all because it isnt our fault"
Staff- "who sold you these tickets if you wanted to go to Paris"
Pax- "we got them out of the ticket machine at Paddington"
Staff- "sorry but how is that FGWs fault, there isnt much I can do but you can either stay in Plymouth, go down to Par for the evening or I can see the train manager to ask if he will allow you to use your tickets for tomorrow to get back to London"
Pax- "I suppose we had better go home if your not going to help us"
Staff- "So you dont want me to see the train manager for you?!
Pax- "of course we do"
Staff- "well surely that is helping you"
Pax- "okay, um thanks"
Staff- has a quiet word with guard, helps passengers back onto the same HST that they had caught down to Plymouth and then goes back and tells the TM the full story
TM- nearly falls over with laughter and struggles to keep a straight face every time he walked past the couple!

 

[Holly]

At paddington "which way does the train go" bear in mind there's a big concrete concourse at one end of the station

Obviously(?)
The desired answer was along the lines of "It goes West"

 

[ole man]

Got asked at Luton few years ago whilst ripping out the track and overhead line if there was still trtains running

 

[VT_Valenta]

When i was still working in Portsmouth I travelled on a horrendously busy three car unit working Pompey to Cardiff, i was changing at Westbury. We just arrived at Southampton and a lady with about six suitcases (much to the disgust of those who'd commandeered the vestibule as an extension of the seating area) darted for the door as the Dispatcher blew his whistle. When she was on the train, she comes up to me and asks "Is this the right ticket?" It was a ticket from Southampton to Portsmouth. So, i replied "No, this train is bound for Cardiff" ...and the look of confusion was so great she immediately asked the person next to me, as if i was intent on lying to her!

Sometimes the train using public have to endure stupid questions!

 

[adc82140]

one of my favourites I read somewhere a while ago (I'm probably paraphrasing here)..

"Does this train stop at Portsmouth Harbour?"

"Well there will be a huge splash if it doesn't"

 

[steamybrian]

Over the years whilst working on a heritage railway amongst the telephone calls I received from local residents who lived adjacent to the line-

1. I have just put my washing out on washing line to dry in my garden. Can you stop your steam trains until the washing dries...!

2. Can you stop your trains in the evening because my children have to go to bed early and do not want to disturb whilst asleep..!

 

[jon0844]

I've done the old ' about 8 coaches ' when someone's asked me how long the train will be. Hehe

I wish you'd answered my question the other day then!

I asked a member of staff at Paddington how long the (Heathrow Connect) train would be, and he said it would be a few minutes.

So, I said I meant how long IS the train - and he said it took about 30 minutes to Heathrow.

I then re-worded my question completely, saying I wanted to know the length of the train (in carriages ideally) of which he didn't know.. but we did have a brief chuckle at the confusion!

 

[Oswyntail]

Not railway related, and I asked the question - but it put me in my place.
At an archery have-A-go event a couple of weeks back, I ask the next "customer", a 12-year old girl, the standard question "Are you right or left handed?". Deadpan reply: "Yes"

 

[33011]

When i worked at Swaythling station I was once asked by a little lad if I was the Fat Controller?

 

[gazzak]

Many years ago when I used to fix photocopiers for a living, I was asked weekly if the person standing in front of me with a sheath of papers "could do just 1 copy?".

This would be with half the floor covered with various photocopier components and most of the insides hanging out.

 

[NLC1072]

I'd just sold a ticket to a man at my booking office;

Pax: *comes back running to the window* Is this an adult?!
Me: no sir, that's a ticket.

 

[Crossforth]

Whilst working as a Travel Champion in London Paddington over the summer someone came up to me and asked:

"Is this London Paddington?"

Clearly he hadn't noticed the signs or been listening to the announcements on the train.

Another good one over the summer was when a few of us TCs were stood together and a French teen came up to one of my colleagues and asked:

"Can I feel your breasts?"

No one knew what to say. He then said

"Can I try on your hat instead?"

 

[Roverman]

At a job interview in which both interviewers have read my CV and asked the question;

"Do you have experience of handling cash?"

I've worked with cash for almost 14 years

 

[AlexS]

Walking around Tesco in uniform shirt (white), jacket and trousers I got asked where the red onions were. Being helpful I pointed out the place. The lady then said that there weren't any out and could I have a look out the back for some more.

O L Leigh

I have the understandable issue of working for a Stagecoach TOC - therefore whenever I deign to pop into Tesco on the way home from work, in my blue shirt, I inevitably get bombarded with questions. I always wear a jacket now, even in summer.

 

[Gwenllian2001]

My favourite, many years ago at Cardiff Central.

Well oiled prospective passenger:

'When's the next train?'

Me:

'Where are you going sir?'

Wopp:

'Home'.

 

[richw]

Another stupid non railway question I get a lot is relatives phoning me on my home landline, and asking if i am at home.
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---

Walking around Tesco in uniform shirt (white), jacket and trousers I got asked where the red onions were. Being helpful I pointed out the place. The lady then said that there weren't any out and could I have a look out the back for some more.

O L Leigh

I wish i had £1 for everytime I have been approached in a supermarket wearing a shirt and tie asking where various items are. In all reality I've never seen a supermarket worker other than management wearing a shirt and tie

 

[Monty]

Not a stupid question persay, but equally questionable behaviour. I've been doing early turn today and the first part of my job involved a 8 car 450 on Windsors, I had to lock out one of the coaches because of multiple door defects. Now I literally plaster every door (including the gangway door) with 'do not use' and 'out of use' stickers yet people still persist in try to board that part of the coach of move through the gangway from other parts of the train!