Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[43096]

I would ban caravans.

1. They look unsightly on people's driveways. This is a truth universally acknowledged, as on many new housing developments residents are not allowed to keep them there.
2. They clog up the roads, trundling along at a snail's pace. And those extension wing mirrors just look silly.
3. When they are all parked up in a field they are a blot on the landscape. And being on a site surrounded by 30 other caravans is hardly 'getting away from it all'.

These folks should just stay in a B&B like everyone else.

Caravans should only ever be used for stunts involving Messrs Clarkson, Hammond and May.

 

[Westcountryman]

I'd ban ridiculous covenants trying to control what people can do with their own property, and nosy neighbours who try to enforce them. I suppose at least in the UK we don't have those extremely unjust "racial" covenants that are relatively commonplace in the US.

So you won't be living in Poundbury then.

 

[adrock1976]

Far more annoying is when they're just referred to as United and City.

Also, when presenters or commentators refer to Bradford City as Bradford, not realising that Bradford also has another football team called Bradford Park Avenue.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

People who rock up to the bus stop 30 seconds before the bus arrives, and simply ignore everyone who was already there and board first. Bonus points if they take a million years to get their money out, tentatively arrange their shopping in the luggage space, then sit down with one leg sticking across the aisle.

 

[Cowley]

People who rock up to the bus stop 30 seconds before the bus arrives, and simply ignore everyone who was already there and board first. Bonus points if they take a million years to get their money out, tentatively arrange their shopping in the luggage space, then sit down with one leg sticking across the aisle.

I can feel the rage rising inside me!

 

[61653 HTAFC]

I can feel the rage rising inside me!

I decided that posting here was a better option than silently stewing!

 

[Gloster]

People who rock up to the bus stop 30 seconds before the bus arrives, and simply ignore everyone who was already there and board first. Bonus points if they take a million years to get their money out, tentatively arrange their shopping in the luggage space, then sit down with one leg sticking across the aisle.

That is if they don’t get on the wrong bus, argue with the driver about where it is going and then demand that he takes them where they want to go. Finally they will shove their way off the bus through those waiting while loudly abusing everybody. (I have, more than once, seen a woman using a ‘bag for life’ to shove a guide dog out of her way so that she could jump the queue.)

 

[Cowley]

That is if they don’t get on the wrong bus, argue with the driver about where it is going and then demand that he takes them where they want to go. Finally they will shove their way off the bus through those waiting while loudly abusing everybody. (I have, more than once, seen a woman using a ‘bag for life’ to shove a guide dog out of her way so that she could jump the queue.)

I think we may have to ban a significant section of the human race at some point…

 

[dgl]

So you won't be living in Poundbury then.

I certinaly wouldn't, it looks so eerie at night, almost like some factory complex with all teh harsh white street lighting and the housing looks like a few builders were given the job but none of them were allowed to see what the others were building so it all looks a bit of a mish mash, plus don't get me started on the road system!
Also in Poundbury no aerials or dishes are allowed so all TV is from a communal system (noting that it's not cable in the Virgin Media sense, just a relay of satellite and terrestrial TV like a block of flats), it also means that if you have a business that requires a satellite dish for some reason then again you're not allowed.

Dorchester is a much nicer place and actually has some charm to it, Poundbury really is a blot on the landscape.

 

[duncanp]

People who rock up to the bus stop 30 seconds before the bus arrives, and simply ignore everyone who was already there and board first. Bonus points if they take a million years to get their money out, tentatively arrange their shopping in the luggage space, then sit down with one leg sticking across the aisle.

I would ban people from boarding the bus, having a long conversation with the driver about "..how do you get to X....", before then deciding that the bus is not the one that they want, and getting off.

And there is a special place in hell reserved for those tightwads who only hail the bus so that they can get on and get a free newspaper, before getting off at the same stop. (Perhaps this is just a Birmingham thing - does it happen where you are?)

 

[61653 HTAFC]

I would ban people from boarding the bus, having a long conversation with the driver about "..how do you get to X....", before then deciding that the bus is not the one that they want, and getting off.

And there is a special place in hell reserved for those tightwads who only hail the bus so that they can get on and get a free newspaper, before getting off at the same stop. (Perhaps this is just a Birmingham thing - does it happen where you are?)

As far as the first one is concerned, you should at least let everyone else board before you ask the driver for information.

The second one I've never seen before despite the Yorkshire stereotype, so maybe it is just a Birmingham thing... I'm not sure whether I'd find it annoying or be impressed by it!

 

[SteveM70]

Not sure if this has already been mentioned.

But…..people who don’t control their dogs in public places and then shrug and say “he wouldn’t harm a fly” when the dog starts jumping up at people

 

[Ianno87]

Someone down our road has a car which didn't move and sat on the road from the start of lockdown until January this year. I watched as it sat there and the front tyre became flat. This happened despite the fact that the owners have 2 cars and a drive long enough to take both.

Also, many people who have enough room to have 2 cars on a drive won't put both cars on the drive because it is inconvenient to move one car to get the second one out. Our household has 3 cars. I'm not saying we never leave a car on the road, but occasionally, when I need to leave early in the morning and our daughter is late home, I do leave the car out. This is mainly to avoid disturbing neighbours at 6.30.

There's streets near me that have cars parked both sides. I keep meaning to take a photo from the same spot every day for a week, and see how many actually move...

 

[xotGD]

Can I ban the singing of 'Happy Birthday to You'.

Awful, droning dirge.

 

[Ianno87]

People correcting Up/Down in railway parlance.

"I'm getting the train down to London"
"Actually, it's Up to London"

Yes, well done, aren't you clever.

 

[daveo]

Can I ban the singing of 'Happy Birthday to You'.

Awful, droning dirge.

No!!!!!

 

[SteveM70]

No!!!!!

At least can we ban singing it in restaurants?

 

[Calthrop]

People correcting Up/Down in railway parlance.

"I'm getting the train down to London"
"Actually, it's Up to London"

Yes, well done, aren't you clever.

Shades of the old Dr. Spooner tale -- "you have [done all kinds of iniquitous things], and must leave Oxford by the town drain". One imagines the delinquent student -- being expelled, and having nothing to lose -- riposting, "but I live in bleeding London, you daft old insposer of transitials".

 

[tavistock]

A couple of things have come to mind. Sports commentators referring to Man United and Man City. You don't hear them saying Sheff United or Sheff Wednesday. If you ask a Mancunian where they live they don't say Man. And whilst I'm at it, people calling Nottingham Forest 'Notts Forest'.

ITV always referring to a new series as 'all new'. Just 'new' is adequate. 'All new' Vera was on this week. Same cast, same police station interior but new exterior, same Land Rover.

Apparently Man Utd are the only club in England allowed to use “United” in their name. And Man “city” likewise. It’s the law.

 

[yorksrob]

Apparently Man Utd are the only club in England allowed to use “United” in their name. And Man “city” likewise. It’s the law.

Lancaster City is, and always will be Lancaster City FC.

Don't know what law this is.

 

[Busaholic]

Lancaster City is, and always will be Lancaster City FC.

Don't know what law this is.

Bristol Rovers might object if Bristol City became plain Bristol, too.

 

[Gloster]

Bristol Rovers might object if Bristol City became plain Bristol, too.

It is always best to have a pair of Bristols.

 

[ScotRail158725]

It is always best to have a pair of Bristols.

Absolutely. No other way about it

 

[Ianno87]

Lancaster City is, and always will be Lancaster City FC.

Don't know what law this is.

Talking about the teams that can be referred to as simply "United" or "City" (without place name) and folks know what you're talking about?

 

[trainophile]

Similarly, sports reporters talking about teams or players or results without saying what sport they are on about. Happens all the time on the radio (where there are obviously no visual clues).

 

[Mcr Warrior]

Similarly, sports reporters talking about teams or players or results without saying what sport they are on about. Happens all the time on the radio (where there are obviously no visual clues).

Or such as "Leicester beat Newcastle last night." Are we talking Premier League football? Premiership Rugby Union? Speedway? Basketball? What?

Another thing that mildly annoys me on sports radio is when the presenter announces "All of last night's results can be found on the website".

Thanks! That's as may be for more minor match results, but I'd expect all the top flight football results to rate a mention on the radio broadcast. If not, then why listen into the morning's sports summary anyway?

 

[Ianno87]

People chucking little bits of rubbish on the floor of swimming pool changing rooms (that then get all wet and yucky as a result)

 

[MotCO]

Live cricket matches on tv showing a wicket being taken, without advising that it is a repeat of a previous match/previous innings etc. In years gone by, there would be an 'R' shown on the screen, but nowadays there's nothing.

 

[75A]

Live cricket matches on tv showing a wicket being taken, without advising that it is a repeat of a previous match/previous innings etc. In years gone by, there would be an 'R' shown on the screen, but nowadays there's nothing.

Absolutely, it's really annoying, as the man says just a R on the top right would make all the difference.

 

[Busaholic]

Absolutely, it's really annoying, as the man says just a R on the top right would make all the difference.

So simple. so logical = no chance of ever happening now, if there's no bonus in it for someone.